As I type this I am in a deep thought of how the holidays can be so stressful on us all, even more so for those that are grieving. I know for so many it is a time of great magic along with excitement, to all those that grieve it is a holiday we all wish we could just fast forward due to feelings of pain as well as sadness.
For me this time last year was as though I was watching someone on TV go through the motions, it was as though it was me but not really me, like an outer body experience, I barely spoke, smiled as much as I could which was not often, cried many times, yet held strong to make it a great Christmas for our daughter. That's just it as I type this I don't want many of you doing what I did, don't feel as though you have to put on a portrait of happiness for others, do not feel as though you are pressured to do things you know you don't want to.
Be true to you as well as your heart, feel what you feel to express it. Do not feel as though you need to smile, you need to feel joyful, you take the way you feel to be as exactly how you feel every second of that day good or bad.
Although I do know that being with people that truly loved me helped my heart truly mend a little that day. Being true to your feelings is the best gift to give to yourself on this day.
Yes we want all to be happy, we want our children to have the best day ever, yet also we want them to know that being happy is OK that because we are happy does not mean we don't miss our loved one passed. Take the time to Honor that loved one, in any way you see fit.
For us we visited my husband passed family, we took time remembering the great memories, we said a prayer, we visited cemetery, let go of balloons, wrote letters placed in Christmas tree, we let our self not ignore the fact of sadness yet embraced the sad, the happy, the love.
On this day I say to all to take many, many, many moments in quiet. Your loved ones passed will always be with you, acknowledge their love they will feel it, make them smile in knowing YES I am sad yet I can make it through with all the emotions that come to be.
As sad as it may be the pain can never over come your heart when you fill it with their love, their memories, their beauty. On this day do not ignore the fact that the pain is there, just use their love to be stronger then the pain that wants to creep in to take away the blessings to you on this day.
Sometimes we forget that love is always stronger than pain. On this day I say feel IT ALL, allow yourself to understand it is OK to feel what ever it is you feel, take the breaks you need along with breathing deep and letting go of pain as you exhale. On every special occasion it is a time to celebrate their love, use that love to vanish away the pain that lurks, it is that pain that takes away from the most important thing THEIR LOVE FOR YOU.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. – Kahlil Gibran
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge — myth is more potent than history — dreams are more powerful than facts — hope always triumphs over experience — laughter is the cure for grief — love is stronger than death. – Robert Fulghum
So in these days remember to love that love that you share with your loved one passed, celebrate their gift to you, yet be true to you to let all of what you feel be felt, no matter what it is, do not stress in the fact that you are feeling pain, that you shouldn't be feeling pain, don't make the mistake on trying to figure out why you are feeling the way you do to just feel it all and be OK with it all. Take the feelings to open your heart to understand it is OK that you are doing all that you need to the best way you can to make it through the day by not ignoring yet understanding it is OK.
The easiest way is to just be, if invited some where, if at home, do not feel the need to feel bad for others if you need to leave, if you need to leave the room, just do what ever you feel to do in your heart for you, others that love you will understand.
Last year I remember exactly how I felt, that this year what ever it may be how I feel I will acknowledge to express unlike last year when I tried so hard to put those feelings on the back burner, this year I will love, I will be me, I will do all that needs to be to be true to myself as well as my heart.
Remembering that our loved one passed love is always with us, that in the happiness that love is being honoured, their love shines a little brighter each time we smile, each time we understand just how significant they still are to our hearts, knowing that the happiness is still there brings out the love in us we need to feel, it brings out the hope that has been gone for too long, it lets our loved ones passed know we are not sad because of their great gift to us that caused us to smile 24/7 when they were with us. When our loved ones passed were with us it was not pain they made us feel, so keep that in your hearts in knowing when the pain starts that its not the pain you felt once upon a time with your loved ones passed it was nothing but true blissful joy as well as ABSOLUTE TRUE LOVE.
Take the time for you, smile when you feel it, cry when you need to, breath and feel their love right there with you in that room you celebrate in. Never let pressure get the best of you, never let the possibility of hurting others feelings get the best of you, if you are with people who truly love you no words will have to be explained.
NOTE TO ALL: Just be you, be true to you, your heart, understand that what you feel is OK and that you are not bringing others down for feeling the way you do. Know that the support you have is all that much more stronger than the guiltiness you may feel. Just be true to you, I say this a lot due to knowing that if you are then everything will fall in to the place it needs to. Smile, love, embrace your loved ones passed love to know that it was your love that you both shared that made you feel on top of the world floating on clouds. Take their legacy into the life you live to keep it alive, do what it was that was so special to you to keep it going, to keep their love going.
