Dreams Of Love

Dreams are where our loved ones let us know is a place we will always visit, that even though not here in the flesh in our dreams is where we can be with them.

It was the other night that had reminded me just as yesterday today our hearts feel your absence. It was on this night you reminded me the spot you once took up is no longer there. As a parent there is a time in life where all of you breaks knowing some things are out of our grip to fix, not one thing we could do to make things how they once were. On this night it was a reminder just how vulnerable you can be, not only as a person as a parent as well. It was a night that proved to my every being that our hearts never stop missing the love that we share.

Our children often bring to our eyes things never seen. In all their pureness they enlighten our hearts to open to the world how it should be seen. They allow lessons for us to be learned, even being so young, yet so wise to things in life that we neglect to see. It's in our children that so many of lessons could be taught to us even with all the knowledge we carry. My daughter is forever opening my heart to just how life should be seen. Each day she brings new visions on things that never would of thought of. It is in the purest form through her eyes every situation is seen. Children could teach the hardest of people to find their softer side in life.

Through the years of grieving it was all of everything I had in me to be the strength I needed to make sure our little girl would make it through this the best possible way. That's just it we so greatly want to protect our children we forget that sometimes things are out of our reach, that for their own journey it is for them to feel, to see, to grow. We often forget that even though they are so young their feelings are still as strong as we feel. It's in these feelings where we know we can't change. Their hearts are their own, the impact on their own hearts is not a place we can get to, we may have the words of comfort as well as love yet the feelings they feel are theirs.



Through the grieving journey I neglected to understand that my daughter just as I will always be reminded of the love that she has lost. That even though I'm there giving her all the strength, love, support, she needs her heart will always remind her of the great love that she had. As us adults feel, children feel just the same. My daughters father was a great impact to her life, her heart, so it never will just not be felt. In every song, place, memory, her heart will always remind her she is so greatly loved. Fathers and daughters are a bond in this world that is of great signifigence.

Children may be smaller yet that don't mean they feel any less than we do as adults. The other night was a night in rememberence that we as parents can not heal, fix, make go away, we can love them, speak words of strength as well as love to them, be there for them, yet some things just can't be mended as fast as we wished it to be. This night made me see that the loss that I feel, that what I go through is not only felt by me, it is felt by the both of us. It was a night that broke all of me, to look to her to see in her eyes she to will forever feel the impact on the greatest love that is no longer here. It took everything I had in me to speak, yet it was in that moment I knew sometimes no words are needed just love. A reminder to let her know that the love she misses is still with her, around her, in her heart.

The grieving journey comes in many shapes, forms, ages, it is not felt by just the older, it is there to be felt by all. Grief does not shy away from even those that are so young. In it all it is through love you will find the way to hug that heart that aches. The wrath of grief will always linger, in good times and bad it will always be. Our children will always experience those moments as we do. Through our love it will be comforted, through our light their's to will be put on. Through every moments in life there will always be the reminder of the greatest love we lost. It is our hearts that will always reflect the life we once had. Use the wisdom you hold to wrap around other's in their times of despair. The little things we use to help our times of heartache can be shed on to those in their moments of great sadness. Together the love that you share will always shine brighter than the darkness that lingers over. Through this all it was love that brought my daughter and I through the darkness to the light. Through me she to can turn on her own light, that in all the bad moments in her life she will always be the brighter light.



So the other night at 4:00am I was awakened by the cry of my little girl. Through her tears she looked to me in complete sadness to tell me she had a dream of her daddy, that when she woke up he was not there any more. Having that dream made her miss him, once she realised when she woke he was gone. I could feel all of her hurt, just as I have in many moments of grief. At first none of me could respond, that's when I found out that sometimes it's ok to let your children see your tears, that no words are to be needed. That in that moment it is through the tears as well as love is all our hearts needed to feel. Through the tears the love finds a way to mend the tears that fall. On this night was a lesson to my heart, that sometimes it's ok to let your children know you to feel how they feel, that you to miss who they are missing, that how they feel is ok, to know to take each moment as it comes, that as parents there are some things we can't control nor make go away. It's in the vulnerable you find the purest of love that always over powers the pain, the darkness, the tears.

So at 4:30 in the morning together we put on our own lights, we got up, bundled up as warm as can be, wrote a letter to her daddy, tied it to a balloon, went out into the cold night in the back yard to let go of all our love, our missing him, our hurt, we both together let go of the note attached to the balloon and watched it rise in to the clouds as long as we could until we could not see it no more. In that letter was a piece of our heart, our pain released into the sky to the heart of our true love where ever he may be. As I watched the balloon I looked to my daughter to see a smile, in that moment was a hug to her heart, it was a release of something materialistic yet also it was a release to her pain that night. It is through the simple gestures full of great love that truly work, that truly touch your heart to let it know "yes it will be ok" that "yes another moment of pain has been defeated".

For every moment that comes our way I know together with love we will conquer that darkness, that even though it may linger our lights will always make it disappear. Our hearts will forever have moments of great pain yet through that pain we will find what we need to let it go. Dreams are for us to spend time with those no longer here, in those dreams we get to be how it was before. It's in the waking up we need to find our way back to our light. To be able to take that pain and put it at ease. Through the path of grieving there are going to be many moments that surface, things that will flicker that loss you bare yet through it all you find the ways to understand it is just your heart reminding you of the sweet memories it holds, that the truest of love will remain. On this night my heart broke, yet through love each and every time it breaks the love will carefully put it back together, piece by piece. That no matter what it is ok to cry, to miss, yet to move forward in building the foundation of the life you are living. Through our children many of lessons are to be learned, through their eyes our heart opens. To not neglect the fact that just because their little doesn't mean they feel little. That with them by your side anything you face is possible to get past. With your love they to can over come it all.



My daughter is a huge reminder that with her there is not anything we can not do. That with our love everything will be brighter. Through my daughter I see the life we've always were meant to live. That the purest of love we were blessed with will always be with us. Each day we carry our loved one passed with us in the smiles we have, the love that we feel. It is in us we have part of our loved ones passed that keep them forever in our lives.

NOTE TO ALL: In dreams we use that time to visit those we miss, it is a gift to us to share with them. Through the pain there is always a way to release it in to the universe. The impact of the love you loss will forever remind you it is never gone. Our children will always feel, no matter how small or how big, they to feel just how we feel. Love will always be there to turn on your light, pain is never to be carried, to be felt but let go, in the littlest gestures lays a big hug to your pain. It's about gaining strength in one another, seeing things through an open heart. Finding a way to see life through our childs eyes.

Grief will always be yet the pain don't have to be. Through the gestures of love the pain can be released, pain is our plat form that we need to use to lift us higher. My daughter is my reminder that love is the purest of all that we all hold in us. Through love our light brightens, through love we seek our light, in our times of despair love will turn on our lights for us. As someone I know says "there is not anythig the Ouimet girls can not do, the Ouimet girls are a role model of great strength".



In the earliest of days the bond was already there, the purest of love had come in to our life that not even death could take that away from us.

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Poem for Jean Guy on Valentines

I never thought I would be here left alone with out you.  Each part of my body remembers you.

My eyes only saw you in a room full of people. The world seemed exist of only you and I.

My nose smells your scent every where I go.

My lips miss your sweet kisses you gave so generously each as well as every day.

My ears hear your soft voice, your " I love yous" that you so freely spoke of, every chance you had.

My heart holds onto our true love, it is a place to hold a memorial to you forever.

My hands wonder where the touch of love has gone, the electric feeling of your skin is no longer with in reach.

My arms that always felt the hugs of your love along with warm embrace you gave every second you had the chance.

My belly remembers the beautiful baby girl we made of pure true love, the baby boy that we thought of we never had.

My legs remember all the times being wrapped around your warm body lost in a world that felt exist of me with you.

My feet, that walked as one with yours leaving foot prints in the sand, with memories that true love walked that way.

My soul well this is where I can finally smile, my soul one day will lead to yours, to proclaim our true love that we started here on earth.

True love is like a umbilical cord, except it never gets severed, it will always tie me to you. True love does not ever die with death, it is something that lives on for an eternity.

NOTE TO SELF: I will always remember him, grieving never truly leaves me. I only learn to ease the pain. There will always be moments through my life that I will miss him, it is all due to the fact his life meant so much to me. Remembering him keeps his love alive forever. Missing him shows me that he will never be forgotten.

 

 





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