Grand Opening for WidowintheCity Grief Coaching

Last night a piece of my dream came into reality the site for my Grief Coaching was born. I wanted to do a post here about it although as you may see the tab to my site is in here, how ever I am so very excited for this next chapter I wanted to make this announcement. Thanks to Jodi Shaw and her brilliant magic she has taken my heart to share with all on my site, it was exactly what I visioned my site to be and so much more. This has been a dream of mine for so very long now, it is just now I felt the confidence to step out my comfort zone to do what it is that is so near to my heart. It is now I believe that what I have been through can help so many others out there.

Since my husband passed has passed away I felt the strongest movement in me to step forward to help as many as I can that grieve, like others sometimes we are scared and taken back for a little being afraid of our dreams but now no longer I am afraid because in your fears lays your dreams waiting for you. So today I announce a piece of my heart to all that read this, WICGRIEFCOACHING, so very grateful to be able to do this. I know the journey ahead will not be easy but with compassion and love it is doable, with love ALL is DOABLE. I am 110% confident in what my heart has been whispering to me for so long now, to help all that grieve that I can.

Below is a section from WICGRIEFCOACHING.

Grief and Loss

Losing Someone Hurts...

The pain and loss of losing a loved one at some point has crossed all our paths. We all experience grief and great loss differently. Whether it is a family friend, a loved one, a spouse, a pet, or even a child. Each loss is greatly important and understanding that grief is a healthy and very natural reaction is just as important.

What is Grief?

Grief is best explained like an onion. There are layers upons layers of experiences, emotions, disbelief, anger, frustration, depression, numbness, guilt and lonliness. As you begin to peel away the layers of grief, you experience each of these emotions, some stronger than others. Some can even be debilating, causing you to feel as if the entire world has stopped.

Losing someone we love hurts. It hurts badly. It can be devastating, not to just to us but those around us loving us as we grieve. Our lives come to a halt. And that is where GRIEF COACHING comes in.

Will Grief Coaching Make the Pain Stop?

Grief Coaching is an important part of the process of dealing with those we have loved and lost. It will never bring our loved ones back to us, but it can help on your road to recovery and healing.

The process of grief is sacred and must be honored individually...

Here at Widow in the City - Grief Coaching, I strive to make things easier on you as you grieve and share your emotions. Sometimes it is much easier to share your pain with someone who has experienced what you have gone through, rather than a clinical person who is simply following text-book guidelines.

Grief Coaching Helps to...

~Help you take it one day at a time
~Get through the rough times
~ Share your emotions so you don't keep them bottled up inside
~ Help you understand the steps of grief and how it can affect you
~ Help you understand how your grief affects others
~ Provides skills to help you not just cope but actually heal.

If you are need of assistance or need someone to talk to. I offer free consultations. Please contact me today and together we will rebuild that bridge to happiness ... one moment at a time.

At the top where the tab that says Grief Coachng will take you right to my site, please share and all are welcome thank you so much and hope to hear from you soon. Below is the link address.

http://WICGRIEFCOACHING.blogspot.ca

See what Jodi Shaw can help you with she is a magic maker. Her link below. Thank you Jodi for taking what my heart could see and bringing it to life.

http://rantsnrascals.com

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A Widow Redefined

This week I decided to do a guest blog post. Kim Cano just wrote a book and out now called "A Widow Defined", as a widow I decided what better place to post the good news around others with the exact same experience, all those that grieve. Her book coming out is proof many blessings can come from our deepest of pain. Seeing great achievements of others in grief lighten my soul along with my heart. A huge congrats Kim Cano for conquring your dreams and showing us all that grieve that your dreams never leave you. Below is all information and description of her lovely book that you need. Kim was so gracious to gift me a copy and I promise you it is something that you would love as well.

A WIDOW REDIFINED BOOK DESCRIPTION

On a cold Valentines's Day in Chicago, Amy White, a young widow who lost her husband to cancer, visits the cemetery and makes an unsettling discovery: a bouquet of fresh daffodils lying in front of her husband's grave.

Curiosity grows into obsession as Amy searches for the stranger who left the flowers, while keeping her activities a secret from her live-in mother and seven-year old son. The search leads to an unusual friendship that transforms her world and redefines her life.

PRAISE FOR A WIDOW REDEFINED:

"Not since Lisa See's Snow Flower and the Secret Fan have I read such a complex portrayal of friendship. A Widow Redefined will resonate with anyone who has ever lost a loved one and learned how to live again". ~ Author Deborah Brown

"Inspiring! Destined to become a book club favorite". ~ Alicia Robinson/reader review

To order and check out Kim Cano's book here is the link for you all, also want you all to know it is available in paper back and kindle as well.  http://www.amazon.com/A-Widow-Redefined-ebook/dp/B00C8BV10W/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1365473401&sr=1-1&keywords=a+widow+redefined

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Until Death Parts Us

I use to think that after a person was gone that it was the end, that everything that was shared was no longer, not ever thinking that one day i'd be where I am right now. That's just it so often people think what they think never understanding that in the quickest of ways life gives you a strong lesson to the thoughts you once believed. It is those moments your taken away with no breath, with no words to be spoken. Often enough I found myself so strongly caught up in how it was I thought things were I forgot to understand that what we seem to think is very little to what life has to teach you. From the bad, to the pain, to the good, it is precious to us all to feel those lessons, to understand that sometimes how we see things are in fact not what it is. For me it is a treasure when life creeps up to you to teach you the lessons you sometimes ignore, to find that piece of the puzzle that wasn't fitting due to your perception on how you felt it should be. I strongly know now just because you don't see something there doesn't mean that there isn't. I feel now that in all around us lays the love of those we lost, every where we see, every where we look, everything we touch. That even though not here in the flesh the love made lingers in all the space in between, that the love created carries through you, stays in your heart, walks with you through all the walks of life you go through. That in that pain you find in the oddest of ways the most beautiful of experiences awaiting for you to see. That in pain you become the person you should of been all along. Through that pain it is as though we are reborn, everything becomes new to our touch, smell, sight, our hearts open just as the day we were born.

On the day I took my wedding vows I knew that i'd be a widow at the same time I was vowing to love forever, yet in those moments is when I started to have flash backs, it was when the lights turned on even brighter. In those moments was when I understood love lives far beyond the flesh, that it wasn't about the outside of someone, love was feeling it, love was looking to someone but seeing through them to the very core of their heart, knowing that love would forever be felt, that even though not here in person the love never goes anywhere. I remembered the first days of finding my husband passed, how we felt that love, not for what we looked like yet by how we felt inside. I never fell in love with my husband for his looks, I fell in love with the heart that connected to mine. That was the day I understood oh how proud i'd still be to be his wife even after he was gone. I understood that even if our future as husband and wife would be short that our love would be for eternity. Our daughter is a reminder to my heart that every day he smiles to us both through her, that in her lays a big part of both of our love. Through her I see a blessing of our life we created together. Loves not about flesh, it,s about lasting a life time in us, it's about the feeling it gives to us inside. It's knowing in all the empty that lays between us that it is there.

This month lays many special occasions for my husband passed and I, our wedding anniversary, our anniversary of meeting each other, our daughters birthday, this is why I choose to post about what it is I feel, how I still feel even after all this time of being a widow. Looking back to our life I remember how it was I felt even when my husband passed was not with me, even though not with me I still could feel him , I still felt our love, to me that is how true love lasts forever, it is in the feeling that lays in us even after out of sight. The feeling still remains, the memories are still there, it is the love that remains after everything that proves even though not seen they still remain with us. In the empty around your love fills that area, their love fills every empty space around you. Even after almost two years of losing my husband I still feel our love as the day we met. I still have tears, I still have bad days, yet through it it's our love that lifts me through it. It is that strong feeling of love that carries me when I feel I want to give up. No matter how long is not what it is about, it is our heart that carries that love, so each day we will feel that loss although in that love we will be able to see through it all. So as true love is forever so is grief.



Moving forward with your life is not about letting go, it's not about forgetting them, it is about living up to that love to be who they always wanted you to be, it is about honoring their life through living yours. It's about building to your new life yet bringing in the old, it's about carrying the love with you as you go through the life your building now. Finding the little things they loved bringing it into your days. Everytime you feel that feeling of love close your eyes to understand they are not seen but there. The love that you created never ever goes anywhere, that love lives on in the feelings you feel, it lives through you. Although on days you miss their face, your heart will comfort you in the feelings you felt when they were here.

To this day when I start feeling the pain, the tears, I remember how when my husband passed was here how he disliked seeing me like that. I remember how every day he always told me "I just want you to be happy", that the love we shared was what brought the smile back to my face. So through it all I feel the feeling of our love to understand that is what rises me above all the bad that tries to invade my heart. Sure we can't stop the bad days yet we also don't have to give in to it. This year is no different then last year or the year before, it will be taken one second at a time, it's not about getting easier, it is about making it through the best way that you can. It is about honoring your love to understand in pain there is no room for honor. Being grateful for the love you were blessed with, cherishing that love and carrying it out in the life you live. Take the days to do nothing but feel, let the feeling guide you through the days of importance to see that love will always over power the tears. Finding it in your heart to know that is exactly where it started, your heart.

"So long as we live they to shall live and love for they are a part of us, as we remeber them" ~ Gates of Prayer. So through us they live, it is not through the pain they can be happy, yet only when we understand to be happy to honor them in brightness not gloom is truly when they are living on in us. Finding room in your heart to over come that pain is truly where you will find they will be with us.



Not to long ago I could feel myself being consumed in the memories of my husband passed days he was here, I felt the pain coming back trying to invade my light, I could feel myself giving in, tears were shed, many days of hurt were spent, I felt my hope, belief, happiness was far from me, I than realised the feeling I felt of our love was gone, I focused my all on that feeling to understand that in that pain is where our loved ones passed are truly gone, that in that pain is where they can not be, so the longer we keep feeling that pain is to shut out the love we share. Yes some days is a battle yet knowing it is the love you want to be with you to feel, to know in that is where they are is all the knowing you need to fight that battle. So this year through it all I choose our love, I choose to feel that love, I choose to honor our love just as though it was the same when he was here. Getting side tracked through it is no mistake it is a lesson and learning we understand is dealt to us so we soon enough turn on our own lights to understand what exactly it is we need to do, to know the difference of where our love lives on, in happiness not pain. Sounds cliche but if you go through the darkest to the brightest of moments you soon enough see that is exactly how it is.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for which has been your delight". ~ Kahlil Gibran. This quote is my favorite, this is the one I keep reading to myself over and over again on days I feel the horrific pain coming back. This reminds me that the pain has no place near what it was that brought the best gift to my life, that my husband passed was not about bringing pain to my heart yet nothing but absolute unconditional love. So where that love lays pain has no reason to be there. The best way to cherish their love is to keep fighting that pain away, our hearts have no room to share with the pain that tries to take up room. I remember saying "In grief is where i've found unconditional love", in my grief is where I hold our true love, our uncondiditonal love, so the pain has no reason, no room to be there in that love.

Remembering our greatest of memories is what I constantly do, grabbing a hold of all of them tightly to fight the fight on days of great despair. As hard as it may be some days, I always find myself through it looking back smiling in knowing our love is never going anywhere. Sometimes as I stare pain in the eyes I see that maybe today it will win, to wake up and realise that not ever will it succeed because in that pain is where I gather more strength. In that pain is where the toughest of lessons will be. Pain can be a blessing if we allow it to not take over yet fight it to learn our lessons along with wait for the next round. Through it all we soon discover that it never really did have a hold of us, we just allowed it to stay. Feel it, fight it, conquer it, in the conquring is a piece of your strength every time. Never be afraid to feel it, it is there for a reason, it is not there to stay. My husband passed has blessed my life in knowing that through it all our love will always be the strength behind me in every thing I fight. I remember our love, I remember our life, I remember his smile, through good to bad is all what made me who I am today. I look back to the person I was before smiling to where I have made it today.



NOTE TO ALL: This year through all of our anniversaries I will embrace our love, feel that love yet this time I am not going to be afraid of the pain, I won't be afraid of the tears, I will know no matter what through it I will make it, that through it with my heart open I will embrace the lessons, the wisdom, the knowledge that will allow me to grow until the next anniversaries that will be. Understanding that in it all is where I will find me, where I will find pieces of my life building to a stronger, fuller, whole me. I honor our love to live these days out by loving what it was he loved doing. That even though missed his love is still around me. In the empty space all around me I will feel our love, I will see pieces of our life is all around. I remember our incidents of skunks and raccoons smiling now to this day I see them all the time. It is through the littlest of things that are signs that our love never goes anywhere. Most of all I remember his smile, it was that smile that started the love he gifted to my life, our life. True love lasts forever, that is just not a fairytale line it is words spoken to believe in.

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Fairytales Are Real Part 2

After finding out that in my life story I was a princess that found her prince, that same day we decided to go browse some stores. While we were out browsing stores there was a store I had to just check out, as a girl jewelry was never something to pass by. Looking at all the sparkle in the store in the corner of one of the show cases I spotted that special diamond that stood out amongst the rest. As I was starring with huge eyes trying it on for fun, it was in that moment we got engaged. Next thing I knew the ring was back on my finger, it was mine, we were engaged. With in the year of being together we had moved into our own apartment, owned our own home, now to being engaged. True love never waits a single moment.

I remember thinking "is this for real?, is it all happening too fast?, my heart was more than willing to put those thoughts to rest.

Five years passed, on the normal every day I noticed a huge change in me. I was smelling food out feeling nauseated, that right there sounded the alarms. That was not normal for me, getting a pregnency test could not of been bought fast enough. In great eagerness it was that same night we found out we were expecting. All of me was full of joy yet totally scared out of my mind. Looking in his eyes I told him "we're having a baby", not even a flinch from him, I could see in all of him the over flowing of love already for this baby, far from even being here yet. The glow from him was my confirmation that his love for this child is larger than life.



In the hospital after being awake for 48 hours was a moment I carry with me to this day, he took our little girl to rock while I could rest, not just for seconds, he rocked her for four hours straight. As I awoke the sun was just rising as I looked outside to see the pink sky, as I glanced from outside to inside watching our new addition to our family along with her daddy, I thought to myself "that this is all a dream come true, that all that is in this tiny room is all I ever wanted. Our little girl grew so fast never having to worry if she was loved. In her fathers eyes she knew the love he held was greater than life it self. The bond between these two always took my breath away. No words can ever explain how it was when he looked to his little girl.

As time went on through the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth birthday, it was our daughters sixth Christmas, that morning was full of excitement, this year Santa was bringing her a doll house of her dreams. As we watched her unwrap, we glowed in how bright eyed she was. It was this year that our lives would change. During this winter he had gotten pneumonia, after recovering from that we celebrated New Years together, happy for being a family still, for the love that we share. On a morning following the holidays he told me he wanted to get an X -ray, that his back was hurting him. We both thought it was a bruised or cracked rib from all the coughing from the pneumonia, not ever thinking of anything else. That day he went to get checked, never ever thinking of what we were about to find out. It was the next day he come to me, in his eyes I could see something was wrong, I could see the pain as he walked closer to me, right than and there I wanted to run away. As he got closer in disbelief he spoke of the words he had heard earlier "I got lumps on my lungs, one on one side, two on the other side" as these words came out of his mouth I felt as though I was stuck in a bad dream, I felt my heart shatter right than and there.

Trying to keep myself calm, I listened to him say "tomorrow I go for a CAT scan" in all of these words all I could keep thinking is "it's ok, we will be ok, this can not be happening, miracles happen, it can happen for us". I never hugged someone so tight as I did in that moment. No words, no tears, just our love. Through the next few days I could see our life crashing quickly. As if the lungs was not enough to hear, the CAT scanned showed kidney cancer. This is where all the life was sucked out of me, this is where I started to pray for a miracle.



Never ever speaking to each other of what ifs we went on loving, we went on being a family. Loving our daughter, loving one another the best as well as most that we could. Through this all it was our daughter we wanted to be ok, we did not want her life to feel upside down like how we did on the inside. In all of these moments no words will ever describe how broken I was nor the endless tears I shed. We both knew he was terminal, it was within all my heart I wanted to take care of him in our home. These moments would be precious to us all, not wanting to waste any of it out of our home. Right away I became his caregiver, both our decisions were made, that was how he wanted it to be. To take care of him came as natural as it was to be a mother.

Being together for twelve years always wanting to get married yet never having enough money, we finally chose to do it now. Even though our future would not be long our true love would be forever. April sixteenth we were married in our home with close friends along with family. I remember that day as sick as he was he refused to let me put my own rings on my finger, he grabbed my hand to do it for himself.

Having to have the talk I did with our little girl no parent should ever have to do. Saying " I know you know daddy is sick, we are trying to make him feel better but if he don't he may have to go to be with baby Jesus one day". That conversation broke me all over again into a billion pieces. Knowing the truest of love of all would no longer be. Through this all it was our love that rose us above the pain, it was through the truest of love we made it to where we are today.



Towards the end I remember two very signifigent moments, eight days before passing we spent in the hospital. Our daughter was taken care of by my mom. It was a bright sunny day I stood in front of him, I looked to him to see a smile on his face, a smile I could remember just the same as the first day we met. In that moment he grabbed my hand pulled it to his lips and kissed it. I knew with out words what he felt. Our love was a love of the truest in this world. On the eighth day I knew waking up that today would be the day we would say good bye to our life, to my one true love, to my heart. The hardest yet breath taking moment on this day was having to call our little girl, so daddy could hear her voice one last time. As she spoke it was a miracle to see him smile as soon as he heard her little voice brighter than the sun. It was her voice he waited for, less than 3 hours later he left our lives.

Through this love of my life along with the great pain i've suffered it was due to him I found myself, how I became whole. Through his unconditional love I knew there was not anything I could not do. Through his love I learned to open my heart to embrace life in the beautiful, glorified way it needed to be. After feeling such horrific pain was what allowed me to open up to see the blessings through it all. Through this journey of all is where I found my purpose. As I walked through the pain turning on my light so many doors opened to me as well as my heart.

NOTE TO ALL: No matter what on the hardest of days I always go back to a question I was asked "if you could go back, would you change anything?, would you change being with him?, my answer in seconds came to say "no, i'd do it all again". Remembering this helps me to understand that true love is not something to give up, that once faced in the eyes of unconditional love there are no options but to take it all in, that unconditional love is a gift, it is that love that sheds so many of blessings to your life. Even after the person carrying that love is not to be seen, it still will always remain. Pain in the loss yes, pain in that love never wins, understanding the love will always be the wings to rise you above the pain that you feel.



The hardest thing we should always do through the pain is remind ourselves that it is not the pain our loved ones passed brought to our lives, it was love, so pain has no room in our hearts that is consumed full of their love. Yes we can no longer see our loved ones passed yet the love we share is always still there.

In the midst of the nights I find myself restless, restless in knowing his spot is empty, restless in knowing he is no longer there in reach, through the restless I close my eyes in knowing his love still resides, that in that empty space our love will always be. I go back to remembering how it was I felt, that at night when we were together it was in the silence of one another that love felt the strongest. I remember looking into his eyes knowing tomorrow our love will be there, that our love would always be there.

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