The backwards The New Forward

The whole time you were living it was living but what we did not know is that we were in a cocoon preparing to become a butterfly waiting for the biggest change in our lives to happen that we thought would never of been.  To our eyes life was as suppose to be, unconditional of love, happy, content, yet in front of us we could of never believe that beyond all that was more to be had, more to step forward to, a life altering change for even greater of things we imagined.   

Although at first that shedding of the cocoon could take a process of the greatest to shed, we still never had no choice to face the new of what we would become, once the wings are noticed there will be never any regrets in mind to be back in the cocoon we shed.  Until your whole being is ready to come through it, there is no way for you to see it, feel it, live it.  Sometimes I say to myself "I am going backwards, when I should be going forward", yet dancing back in the past has never been greater than I could of ever thought, going back to the fears of what was before to relive that fear and DO IT.   

So for me going back to the past is a conquering experience in a smile knowing of all the old that once was a fear is actually a goal to the new I am today conquering those fears of the old me that once was.  Just don't trip up and stay there too long, do your dance, face those fears and charge right back to the who you are of now. 

So when I say "I am going backwards", it is not of negative words I speak it is accomplishing the biggest obstacles that once kept me down in fear.  Once you been through the toughest of life's challenges the challenges of once before become so small yet to go back to show it you are not scared anymore is a dance in the outer limits of all fears that never are a fear again.  

To face the new fears that dance around you is nothing but a piece of cake compared to biggest of fear your whole life has faced, losing your love, your life, having to keep moving forward, finding your way through it all, accepting you are no longer who you once were but only accepting the new greater you in every way you turn.  

Change is not so much a scary place to be, change becomes a whole new experience to our hearts, change becomes natural, change makes fears disappear and seem so small.  Piece by piece fears are broken life is opened up, things once thought of as impossible are never impossible, they take on possible, always possible.  It creates a belief in you stronger than the chains of pain that once happened in the beginning of the break of the old you.  

Your safety of it all is your heart, the place where your love of the greatest resides, the ability to hold tight to it and walk on to all the new you create now.  It is not forgetting, it is not loving any less, it's making it in your world you live today, your new world, your new life, it's a special place where life becomes truly open, when all of you truly becomes all open, to see that you are what you create in the new.  

It's not what others say who you are, or who you can't be, those are just words that silently linger past you as you do the things you never thought you could or would.  Dancing in the past to the fears that once were but no longer exist.  You find a way to live life knowing just how short it can be, the real you that has been there all along comes forward and nothing is ever impossible to your mind, body, soul.  I actually smile when I do things I have always wanted but happy in knowing through me is the proud of my husband passed living it with me,  through me.  

It's no longer don't, I can't, I won't, it is I can, I will, I am going to.  Don't stand in front of me to tell me I can't because your words are nothing but of an echo, reflecting back to you on all of your own I can'ts.  The darkness has become a friend no longer fear, nothing is ever as scary as what your heart has been through, besides darkness never stays around after knowing none of it sheds darkness on you through the light of your inner self. 

Once losing the life you thought be forever, you start to look back to see how much hurt, pain, tears you endeared that all that in its way has made you the fearless person you are and become in the now.  No one can make that break, no one can make that disappear, no one can ever make you feel that again, so fears become a hobby, they become something no longer looked to as fear just something to accomplish and move through to the next.

  Failures, disappointments, rejections, falling down are nothing but ways to find your way through to what you want, falling down is the greatest of time to enjoy the view above you, yet getting back up full of more than what you had before you fell.  Crying, is no more a frightening feeling it will never stop, only knowing through the tears they fall down to the steps as you step higher.  

Negativity sets in but soon it knows that hold of chains no longer has a hold around you, taking a turn away from all that is around you.  Once you realize that nothing is ever forever, in the flesh, you know that very limited time you have to make the new of what you are the greatest you can ever have.  Love, love however, that stays beyond the flesh of who was beside you in the flesh now only tied to you through the invisible, that not seen always felt, always guiding, the energy of that love resides in every thing you touch, you breathe, you touch.

  

Hurt becomes lightly felt in the knowing of the hurt you took on for so long, it becomes as though a way of yes you hurt but you know in all of you the bounce back becomes quicker, that what you endured was much more than any hurt that could ever happen to you again.  Hurt takes a step back beyond the strongest of love you have in you to see it as a little, minor of moment not a permanent place.

We learn to always take those pieces and put them back together, leaving behind the pieces that do not fit anymore, to look above us to know that even hurt is a friend to our life, it is that hurt that perhaps is keeping us safe to a path we need not go down, keeping us safe from where we need not to be, shielding us from perhaps something our life has no room for.  Life is here, new you perhaps, yet in the new you find your wings, you find the truest of ways to see the beauty of it all.

Your heart space has many rooms to carry many with you as you build your new, as you take on the everything that comes your way.  The temple of your heart is for you to decide where who resides, you choose the rooms and carry it with you through all you do.  Going backwards sometimes could be your new forward and greatest of memories of conquering all that once was such a big fear, to see now fears are nothing but a hobby to walk through and greatest glisten of light ever after in you.

Love resides, love pushes you, love guides you, change challenges you, change proves to you that not anything could be harder than what you have already been through.  Love is a force field, your safe haven, your guidance, your leader, intuition is your gift.

~ Don't fret the little things when you have bigger, beautiful things in front of you waiting for you to see ~

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Sitting on a Cloud

When I sit to be alone to breathe in the backyard,  it is not as though just a backyard, I sit comfortably on a cloud to visit you in my thoughts, to see the little things that are more bigger than thought of in the moment.  I look all around to see the love of everything to know around it all is a piece of you.  

The trees moving, dancing with the wind, the beautiful Robins that come flocking all beside me, comes a break of a smile to my face to know that in it all is you.  That in the little of signs are the biggest, truest of signs from a love that forever lives.  I get lost in time as I sit on my fluffy cloud to embrace my breath, your breath, your love, our love.   Butterflies that gracefully fly and gently land with colors so vivid your heart feels nothing but the greatest of warmth.  

The touch of the wings of a butterfly flickering the heart in beat still with yours.  I look up to see the sky, the clouds to see more there than just blue skies and clouds. I look to them as a gentle whisper that where ever I look our love lives on in all the beauty that makes me smile, that makes me feel joy, that brings me back to the moment of butterflies I felt for you when we first met.  Feeling the oneness of the beauty of nature that blooms so passionately just as love does, just as our love forever will. 

No one can take away the true peace that touches my quietness as I remember and take all of you in.  No one can never say the signs that come to you through simply being all out indulged in the nature all around can not just be any kind of coincidence, in it all I know your there, in the feelings I feel as though you are right beside me as you once were, the smiles that come from out of no where are never for no reason.  

Today as I sat in a car at a stop sign the most vivid of butterfly gently landed on the hood of the car as I looked I heard the words in my mind "you are going to be ok, I always make sure of that", smiling again it was as though you were right there in the flesh speaking to my heart.  Moments of this are little pieces of heaven here on earth brought from you to me, to remind that in it all our love lays stronger than before.  

An eagle soars high above me in the sky, making me know just like that eagle with our love just as that eagle I can soar high above and beyond the cloud and the stars to reach all hearts around the world.  Signs to the heart never go unseen.  Trying so hard to look for bigger, greater of signs are the moments that go unseen, it is in the every little pieces you see all around you, that in it all it creates your biggest of greatest love to warm your heart, to ease your worries, you never have to look to far to feel that love line.  

When the breeze crosses through my hair in every breath that I breathe I feel you there gently moving the hair out of my face, As I take my breath I inhale all of what we have of love and exhale the thoughts that it is impossible your not truly around.  When I look to see the pink sky glistening off the calmest water I have ever seen I see you there in it all, my heart feels our love all over again in the glistening of the reflection,  reflecting the color of the sunset off the stillness of the water.  

It's not about being able to touch you, kiss you, hug you, hold your hand, it's about being in total of silence to feel it all, to sit in silence to look around to it all to truly take in all of our love that is all that I see around me,  from in front of me to miles and miles in between my view.  It's in the night when I feel restless to all of a sudden feel the greatest of peace in a split of a second.  When I walk from room to room and smell your scent, I can't see you but my heart knows you are never far from me. 

It's when a song plays to stop me dead in my tracks to touch my heart to the fullest to understand in that song lays a message to my heart to know you are always, forever giving me the signs of  heart to know you are not gone and fully here through love, It's in others that make me laugh to feel free finally of the hurt, that from your love to mine letting me know it's ok to be free and be happy.  

When I smile and do the things I never thought I would I feel you smiling for me, I feel the proud of you through me making me feel the most excited feeling I've ever felt rush through all of me.  Its in our love that I grow and understand you are there pushing me to be the person I'm growing to be.  When I laugh I remember your beautiful smile looking to me smiling with those big brown eyes.  

The more I jump into all the things you loved doing, the more I feel you all around, to find myself truly, fully knowing you more than I have ever have.  The beauty of my oasis of the love of outside in every breath I take is of no coincidence it is in those moments I take the time to truly take in you, to fully take in all of you and our love that never left to be anywhere else but forever beside me.  

When I fully let go to just feel the total freedom of loving life and living this life my heart smiles cause it is truly when it glistens feeling your happiness of love seeing me live life freely, soaring above as the eagle seen above me so many times.  I truly, fully understand that in it all you are there, from music, to special of signs known between just you and I, to the loving natural beauty of life in nature that forever goes on each and every day for us all.  

In the silence of my special moments to truly be alone honors the love to know it is felt, it is seen, it forever will be, it is not seeing your face but its closing my eyes to feel truly you are everywhere.  When I sit on a chair to close my eyes to imagine as though I am sitting on a beautiful cloud taking time to honor our love, to spend time with you through every inch of every beauty of nature in creation that never stops each and every day to find the peace of heart and love that is far beyond the reaches of the skies above, to miles and miles in between where I sit to the ends of the earth.  

Every breath, releases a sigh of our love that remains alive through the beauty of who you showed me I am, through the beauty of love and creation of all natures beautiful signs to the heart.  The chimes that dance and sing a song let me know that tomorrow will be of another miracle of life lived to come.  You see on earth in human body you may not be, but to sit with you of the openness of beauty that is forever ending is where I will always find you, where I will forever find your messages that bring a smile to my face, it is always where I will know that our love is there, tying us together through an invisible line to where ever you may be in all of your energy.

Even in the storms I know it may be scary yet in it after all the chaos lays our rainbow, as a reminder that in my storms you will forever bring my rainbows, to stand strong through the storm because soon it fades to become the beauty of every color of our love in set of a rainbow.  Honoring our love in breath, and silence always finds a piece of me being closer to you than I could of ever been if you were here in your human form.  I see us every where, in the beauty of creation of nature that changes but forever brings to our hearts a show of love, that grows, strengthens and never stops giving.

Nature keeps on giving to us, as the same as our love it grows stronger in the beauty of nature and all of it's signs to touch our heart to feel as though you are there, in moments of knowing that my heart remembers the feeling you gave in the presence of just as you were here. It still knows in the invisible you are.  When I live freely out of fear I know truly you smile in knowing you knew I could always be that free soaring eagle that lingers above me so many times as I sit to visit with you in my silence of love for you.

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