It's a funny little thing in life that when you look to something so dark, so hurtful to all your being that once through it turning around as you shed the pain and the darkness fades you find the power of love through it all, you find the AMAZING GRACE in a total surprise to your every being how once something that hurt you so badly to the core was in all actuality a life time lesson of the greatest of moment to you, a gift behind the dark fogged that lifted as you took each and every hard step forward through it, scared, skeptical, afraid to fall and not get back up to find yourself rising when you felt as though the whole time you were sinking.
When you feel at your worse know that in that worse if you keep walking you will find the power invested in you to find the greater of good. It does not ever stop there once you walk through the tears, heartache and pain your so much greater than that great you find through it all there is so much more to find, to walk, to fall down, yet to your life it is of such great worth to know by the power of God he is handing you the more and more you are worth if only you allow yourself to face that pain, that dark, that fear, to acknowledge what is talking to your soul and to not turn cheek to the cries your heart whispers to you, to know in every fail it is not a fail it is a path leading you to you the path you are gently being pushed to.
I wandered life far too long in the shadows of fear to come to understand if you do not move your life does not move, to feel life is against you is a fear in you avoiding the hard you know you have to feel yet again, to accept that your forever challenges, fears and changes are not easy yet growth, miracles and blessings calling your name, that the easy is not ever the way, to understand and bring out to life the things you know that need to be fixed, to say out loud and clear what it is you know you need to be changed for the better and battle that fear to find your forever guiding light through it all is the motivation to never want to stop no matter what you have to face, no matter how many nos you have to hear, know in all the nos, the rejections that it is all a great miracle leading you to the place you are meant to be greater than how you feel it should of been in your mind.
Open your heart fully to address what it is in you that you feel needs to be, the needs of your dreams your purposes, your growth. I always felt it be lights, camera, action for me, I felt to make an impact I had to just be in the spotlight, far from the truth at hand, my purpose, my dream, had a different direction for me, to fight that leads you forever in a circle finding no way out. Acknowledging the problems you feel, saying them out loud and facing them is the greatest reward to your heart, mind, soul and life like you never could of imagined it ever be.
I found myself getting turned down interview after interview to stop and listen in my silence to find myself to know to lift up, let go and let God find me and show me my way, he placed me in a place that i'd never would of ever thought be, yet a place as soon as my foot touched ground a place my heart instantly over flowed with joy with an instant of a beat of my heart, I looked back to being a caregiver to my husband when he was sick how hurtful it was to do yet how powerful it was to be a person to love with all my heart and be there for the need of others, to gracefully see now that I was placed in a position of others that are so full of love and light that look to me for my care I seen the bigger picture of how something so painful can so quickly make your heart beam with such over powering love that your dream instantly takes a different vision than you thought how it should of been within a blink of an eye.
Being a caregiver to my husband passed was yet again his way showing me where my heart and soul was meant to be, to be in service to beautiful souls that need all the love and care that I can give. To be of service with nothing but heart is my purpose, that is my dream, to love to be where you were so gently placed is something I can never explain strongly in words yet only to feel it to the core of my whole to the tips of my toes is my dream I thought never be, a dream I never thought was there. Only by surprise and the grace of God to find through all the rejection the nos and forever feeling hopeless, I have found the hope, the love, the dream, the bigger picture. To care for others as I have been gifted as I have with my husband passed brings tears to my eyes of nothing but absolute love, joy and a forever feeling of walking in the clouds.
You see through the hardest of my times so strongly struggling to find my way I never stopped, even though dreams seemed to fade that dream was a dream that I never opened my heart fully to know, to see, it was a dream of purpose God had instilled in my life that through it with his love and guidance I had to accept and find, no matter how scared, how lost I felt through it all I found my way, God don't ever end your possibilities and things you can do in life or the growth you have in you, he expects and instills the biggest of the biggest in you, that just when you feel it ends after going through all you have already more is on the horizon.
Yet as scared and tired you may be, there is a force that never lets you fall, you may take a little bit of time to accept that more is there for you in fear and tiredness yet you know why stop now when you know before the great you've got to endure the worse is there first, you know in all of you through it the greater is at the end of it all, to be patient and willing to keep getting back up with grace and love each and every time, you know it is there for you, your goals, your growth, your light, your bliss, the forever over flowing of blessings pouring out into your lap is always there if you accept the dark and the fear and find your bigger, and bigger and endless joys and dreams of life. God don't look to you as little he looks to you and your life with big, big forever accomplishments and growth, there is no ending to what you can do, your limitless once you find the path your love is calling you to.
I found myself in a fear, thinking I have so much already that there possibly couldn't be anymore in me to change, yet to my surprise there was, there is and it was something, it is something that has been crying for me for so long now, afraid to bring it to the surface and mend it, I found myself yet again stuck, saying to myself "how could I let this happen when I have seen so much already, that I know what I need to do, so why am I denying the parts of me that need my love, my mending?", the fear of saying it out loud, the fear of what others may think of me if they found out, the fear of the hard work to get through it, I yet again found myself in the face of the dark in fear of what will be, instead of walking strong through it at that moment I hid and denied and fought, knowing all to well that is not what leads you to your growth, to the greater and greater and endless blessings to the life you have been given.
So I said it, I accepted it not as a weakness but as a challenge that through it is my growth, my light, a part of me that will grow to be stronger and lead me to yet again to the side of the surprises of the greatest of my blessings coming to life for the greater good. It was not a weakness to face the fear of knowing I needed to address a chemical imbalance that I denied for so long, it is a gift to becoming whole, to being a light for others afraid as well. To fight the fear to find a place for my little girl and I to finally start our new life together, without the safety net of home, to stand tall an begin my life independently to the fullest and start to drive, all fears yet now a burst of excitement in knowing in that fear and hard times to make it through the endless amazing dream of possibilities given to me to conquer not fear.
I have truly been touched to know that in fear, hurt, tears and pain it is Gods gift to gift you to understand your life is endless of dreams, love, purpose and great growth and achievements, his love for you is endless, his dreams for you are endless, therefor you have to be the one to walk that walk, to keep walking that walk, knowing no matter how long it may be it may feel, your life of great joy, bliss, dreams of reality are in it all through it at the end of the shadows that lay behind once it clears, to your delight, your eyes see bright, your heart lifts to the clouds, your smile becomes endless, the doors are all open sparkling with the bliss of the calling of your name, and it is the surprises of the way you thought it should be yet turns out totally different is truly where the sweetest of blessings will always be, no matter how you thought it should be you will never ever feel disappointment only the melody of your heart singing God Bless this moment. The unseen AHA'S are the greatest gifts to your life, no words can ever describe.
Bryan Chadwick my love, my rock, my forever reminder of love of unconditional, God chose you to work through you unto me and that alone is the biggest of blessings to my surprise, my heart, my soul. God working through people, that right there is gift we all need to bring out of us and shine bright, but to see it in action is a miracle of the greatest love ever.
Clipped wings can grow again. Broken wings can regain a strength and beauty unknown before. If you will, you can be released and free. I pray that I may be freed from things that hold me down. I pray that my spirit may soar in freedom.
~24/Hour Book~
