Old Life to New Life

So the life of grief suddenly creeps up to you in life yet once again, yet you see through it, you look it straight in the eyes to know that yet again I have come face to face with grief yet again in life, I'd like to say "hello old friend" yet that hello is yet again is painful to want to greet.  It is a heartache of old scars that have healed yet broken open saddened by the thoughts of the day you to were in that very place, holding on to all of what you known has gone.  The life you knew of  would no longer be the same life you built to on this very day as your heart shatters saying good bye, not knowing yet that through it you will find your new life to build over again in the most powerful, beautiful ways unthought of in the present of not ever wanting to let go of the life you have had and loved for so long.

This time of year particularly reminds all beautiful souls out there just of every memory, love, memory of those that no longer are here to share these special times with.  I say always "although not in the flesh they all are always with us, by our side to give us that push of love and signs to know that they may not be seen but are truly with you in these moments that feel could break you.  The loved ones we have lost will never ever be forgotten nor leave us in our lives because their soul, their love, will always be a part of us and our lives that with each life left behind that lives on each day without them here in the flesh. 

When we cry, when we hurt, when we feel we can't go on, it is their love that gives us the power to keep making those steps through it all.  The echoes of their memories linger around in every place that we go, in every loving words of others we see.  It's always a little tricky to understand yet once you been there you see it, their lives gone, fight for the love of the loved ones that live on after them.  Fighting for you to see just how beautiful the new life you are about to make becomes. 

They by your side you see want nothing but the best of the best you deserve, so little by little and day by day they guide you to building and building and slowly able to see that your old life remains but the new that you make is a creation so strong, dreams of the biggest are fulfilled as you smile, thinking how can such beauty come from something so painful, quite simple the greatest of love you lost is the creator by your side helping you to build so strongly that it is all of what you thought you could never do, they unseen with a love that never leave help you find the best of all they know you deserve as you take your steps to the new not without them just unseen.

I remembered this, something that I haven't forgotten but not thought of for a while as I heard in the most beautiful song "you took my life with you" yes as your love leaves this world they do take away all of your life with them that you thought you would have forever, yet rising each and everyday surrounded by love,  they our angels help us build to a new, unbreakable, most breath taking new life, it is the love never severed that rises above and beyond for you to capture the miracles of life in the new that you sew.  It's as though they know more than anyone in our hearts and minds just how hard it is to let go that they take everything you ever once wanted to place it in the journey you walk away from unknown and wanting to not ever leave yet that old life will always carry with you no matter what new life that you create.

To see a love so strong, so powerful brought tears to my eyes as a family stood in the moment I felt I was in 7 years ago, yet I smiled knowing all the beauty, miracles, most powerful love along with signs of above they will see to show them "yes my loves you can take the steps to keep moving forward" that in it will always lay the unseen love that will forever be imbedded in the concrete you pour for the new life you walk to and create.  You may think your alone and hate this new life yet soon you will start to see this life as a baby just born, looking to all in the purest form.  So I write this today from deepest of my heart that as I looked grief in the eyes yet again the lessons and strength I have learned again through it that have been unthought of for quite some time.

In hopes that everyone out there will understand that yes we lose our old life, we shatter to pieces yet the love of your life always is there to put it all together knowing on a level so high of what you deserve builds it together with the deepest of unconditional love along side you every day to find the most beautiful miracles, dreams to come true, all of what you ever thought was impossible coming before you to real life, your new life. 

You see the most powerful of love is a force that never leaves, is a force to never beat, it is force that shall forever stay as you make it through the ups and downs and some days of feeling you can't go on.  It's a love that brings in so much you breathe forever everyday that will never be taken away.  You will smile in knowing just where and why that has happened, trust me smile to tears but happy tears knowing "they did that, their love did that".

In the death of their life is a re birth to your life guided only by the purest of life, to see life again of all you missed before, it opens you to the core to see just what powerful of a life you have had and just begun to make.

I dedicate this to the Kocsis Family ~ Our Family ~

R.I.P Uncle Brian Kocsis ~ October 3, 1948 - December 15, 2018

The Song Ghost The Musical - With You - lyric

"You, took my life with you, took my world with you" as heart shattering this is it is true but what you feel is taken away shall be given to you in the most powerful of ways you will ever know in the love that never leaves and the love all around in every breath you take

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Empath Truth Pursuit

As years passed through out my life I look back to the signs, whispers, and most of all gut instinct feelings to realize then that I always ignored or shrugged off what ever it was that felt or seen or heard as I went on with my day.  Not taking time to understand those life callings that soon get loud that no longer you can shrug it off to nothing.  I do believe all my life I had this special gift, gifted to me to never notice just how powerful and special it be to this day.

As I walked passed someone I'd get that powerful feeling of that person whether it be sad, stressed what ever it may have been, a house for some reason that gave a feeling to my gut as I glanced in wondering of why, a certain moment in life that felt as though dejavu but knowing now it was pieces of my visions of a puzzle coming to life.  Most of all to me is the feelings I pick up from every aspect of life, that to me is a true gift, a gift to know as I look to someone if they need that "hello" as they feel sad or not seen.  To know if a person is wanting to speak their truth but feel no one will listen.  

To me the greatest gift to bare is to pick up on how people are feeling is a gift to know you are here to pick up on that and empower all that you feel are in need.  To let the light shine bright in the darkest of places.  The darkest of times people may feel they are in but never to get out of, to let them know they can, they will.  I been scared for so long to understand this gift, to bare the truth to others in thoughts others may judge, today though I stand strong that judgment of others does not define my gift given to me by the greater good.  To know we are all unique in a very special, loving way to embrace not disgrace.

I do believe that fighting the storms quite often has made me understand that in all that I find myself, strength and love every time I get knocked down but never stay down.  Losing my husband gifted me to see beyond what our eyes see, it opened me up to the core of my being to see life as a brand new baby in purest of form.  It has been too long to of not accepted truly who I am, as age comes upon me the wisdom of my life unfolds to show me that these gifts are to empower you and those you meet in life, strangers, friends, family all around far and wide.  To know it is not something to be embarrassed of yet to embrace, to learn, to share to others to empower their lives as well as special gifts.

Laying in meditation so many times I see just how easy it is to vision but vision with feeling to make that vision your reality.  To understand that the only person keeping you from your vision is you as well as the judgment you fear of others.  As I journey to soak up the knowledge to the gift I bare it excites me to know that there is so much more out there we have never could of believed if not for the calling of the universe touching our souls until we realize "hey this is it now stop ignoring it and be the powerful being you are meant to be".  

It's not about waiting for others to accept the gift you bare, nor waiting for judgment to stop, it is about being you 110% to know the rest don't matter.  Now is the times we need to bare our gifts and be proud, to use them to the fullest to show others it is ok and not to be ashamed.  Empowerment of others, building others up, finding their gifts to let them know to it is special to their being to use that to the fullest.  Do not wait nor hide feel that feel good vibe in your gut when thinking of a message to your mind to know that ain't just no coincident that is the universe telling you that thought is it, that feeling is there for a reason.

With this I leave you the link to my radio show to show to others that we are gifted and all our gifts are unique to be used not ashamed of, to enlighten, empower and lift others.  This is the beginning of our journey, lets do it together and shine bright for others to see, to open up and follow the light

Link to my show called Empath Truth Pursuit

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/empathtruthpursuit

Starting July 13th at 8pm EST look forward to you all being there

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Manifesting Reality with Good Intention

Have you ever just sat in silence for just a little moment in time to feel that feeling come on as if something really surprisingly has happened, that real good rush of a good feeling through out your whole body?  as you sit there your in awe as to why all of a sudden this spark has engaged through out your whole entire body, the feeling you get when something beautiful happens when not even expected.  As I sat on the couch that feeling like many times before just came upon me out of no where, to surprise to my whole being I stopped to think what it was that I was thinking and like many times before what exactly at that moment was I thinking of as well.

A huge smile came to my face knowing that, it was not anything in particular that it was everywhere around me aligning to the thought that right in each and every of those moments I was coming to a realization of just how beautiful life has become, that it is the unknown out of no where the most beautiful things just pop out at you.  That at any given time your beautiful, positive thoughts can manifest at any given second.

Its now the time of my life that has never been so clearer to me than before, it's moments of many that have been placed in my life.  It's in the knowing that my positive thoughts that I think to form to reality shall happen any moment at any time in  life, at any second of the day or night.  It's in the remembering of a beautiful soul that I have met that in that split second as the room was full of so many it was only you and I that I felt was there.  Holding onto that beautiful  moment I walk closer and closer to all manifestations of my thoughts coming to life all around me and that little trickle of sensation that comes through every now and then is the sign that your aligning your all with the universe's whisper that you never thought you would hear until now.

Your face from that moment on  has shown me just how happy the future will be, that no matter the circumstances you and I and this big world is vowing a future to us both, laughter that never ends, smiles that never turn into frowns, you literally can hurt from smiling too much this I've come to know that's a fact I have come to know for sure.  Your not my reality as of yet but your the piece of so much more that in these moments of great sensations I feel leaving me to smile verifies manifestation of reality at any moment will be.

Vividly I take time to vision all has already happened, nothing but all I can see become a reality I vision has happened already, all that I want to be for far too long I have visioned over and over again in my daily living that so much of my thoughts and actions of visioning already been there is coming back my way to take it's reality.  There are no words the feelings I have had for so long now are starring down the path to it's reality.  

Your smiles, your compassion, all of you as I stood in that room with from day one has taken action to bring the reality of all I knew would be.  However it's not just you, it is all I had feared to be but now knowing exactly what it is that has been given to me by the grace of God to use in my life, my purpose, I have finally listened and heard loud and clear.

You however are the icing on the top of it all, because since that very first day I knew in my future I'd get that vision I had visioned since the day I met you.  For right now you stay unknown without a name for many reasons in my heart at any time you will be known to the world and everyone and all that is around.  For so long I walked this earth wondering and wondering why is that special gift that so many speak of no where to be found in my life?, until the day I leaned into so many flashbacks of my life that it has so strongly been a presence all my life and not knowing.

To finally get it, to finally know is a feeling no words can ever describe, that my body is so full of excitement of all that is just aligning in life right now that tears of wondrous joy fall from my eyes in pure joy and happiness.  The moment all wait for, that moment you finally shine so bright all around need sunglasses to wear as they look at you.  Never ever in all my life I thought I'd ever get it, never ever I'd thought after losing my heart and soul I'd come to this point in my life where I put all pieces back together and built a platform so strong it will never be shaken.

Proud, proud to be the single mom that I am to of come so far, proud to be where I am in my career and all the beautiful souls that have come from that.  Losing you my love of my life I truly know your the force in our life that forever keeps solid and strong on the right path.  That you are forever our angel that now whispers to our soul in tune with the universe to all visions waiting to manifest to our reality of life.  I remember the whisper to my ear, it was your voice I heard clear as day as I looked at this man I knew in my gut would be more than just a man as I heard that whisper say to me"no matter the circumstances this is the one for you".  

These feelings though, these little sparks of wondrous sparks you feel so vividly through out all of you though, these feelings I know are only warning that all you have been visioning to become reality is warnings to you in a good way, warnings that your life is there, its alive, that all good you have ever wanted and visioned has happened already is starting to form and become your reality really soon.  For no reason those feelings come upon you out of no where is true indication that you truly have the best of things boiling up getting ready to become what you have always envisioned that you thought for far too long was way to far fetched to know that nothing is ever too big, too far fetched, that you reap what you sew.

Let the good sensations keep on coming, soon before you even can think of the reality becomes your life you thought of for so long now.  Now I leave you with a song that as soon as I heard it brought that feel good feeling through out my whole body"Love on the brain" no matter how bad I sound I sing this so loud no matter what with out a care in the world.  Love to receive love, Love for life, Love for visions that become reality, Love to finally know the purpose that has been instilled in your heart.

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The Cofee Shop Corner

I am bringing you all to church with me in this blog, hope you don't mind.  Have you ever just sat to wonder why we are taken to certain places in our lives?, why we get taken to a specific job, place where ever it may be?, I use to get so frustrated thinking oh my goodness how am I here and why am I struggling, why am I put in these circumstances, why do I feel so frustrated with every job that I do?.  However as I sat to think of my life and the direction I thought I have been going was possibly what I deserved, that I was not good enough, that I was doomed for a life of frustration, stress and difficulties.  

Once I really started to think of it all the light came on inside of all of me.  It was then I noticed through once stopping all that negative thoughts on all I been through and where my life brought me,  that I started to see that it was not so harsh as I felt it to be.  Not sure if anyone out there is feeling this right now in their life, however if you are you need to be able to reach and look past that negative that tries to bring you down, you need to look into the deep of it all.  The people brought in your life, the smiles you put on others faces, the ear you lent to someone you did not even know to see them smile and be forever grateful you just listened.  

That you by the tiny little gesture of listening have made their day so much brighter knowing someone does care.  My life has brought me through so many places that to me at the time felt as bad, dark and just places I was so frustrated for not seeming to be that dream job I always visioned for myself.  However once I started going through all I have done through all those jobs that it was the people that I have encountered that smiled, that appreciated knowing that they were heard, the help I gave, the advice I lent, just my time I gave to them, that is when I started to smile, you see it was not the jobs,  it was the people I do believe that at that moment of time needed me to be there.  

Still to this day that has not stopped, is the universe speaking loud to me?, deeply felt I do believe it has spoken many times.  That no matter how frustrated, stressed and low you may think your job makes you feel that you are in is not where you wanted or visioned yourself to be that all of  it to me is the people I am in contact with every single day, that it is the people that I help, that I get to smile, that I let vent with an ear and shoulder to lean on, that, that right there is my love.  That is my passion, to truly help those no matter who it may be, that I'm all in when they come to me to talk, to vent to even just stand with.  

This job where I am right now in my life gives me great satisfaction in knowing just how many encounters I have had to so many souls wandering,  coming to me even if they did not know me, that they felt it in their heart that they could approach me to bare their soul.  Each morning I take the time to get my coffee of course at a place near by my work, never in my life have I ever encountered so much from perfect strangers, from someone that actually perhaps felt it was ok to just have a conversation with me, to bare the hard truth and to be that person to listen truly and let them know they are being heard, to show compassion to how they are feeling, to give words of encouragement and compassion, then to see them smile is so enlightening to my very soul.  

You see I been looking way too far into the hardships of my day at work, the frustration and stress that the bigger factor of it all is being unseen.  That everywhere you go is not going to be all rainbows and butterflies, that life itself is not all about a streak of forever good days.  That you take all of your love, passion and purpose and use that towards life and every person that crosses your path, the lost souls that just want to be heard and feel validated. 

The one day going again to that one place as I am starting to feel is the corner where I truly am suppose to be.  It was a cold day, snow was everywhere, snow banks were almost as tall as I was, as I walked to my spot to grab my coffee as I do every single day, in the distance there seemed to be someone, a lady laying in a snow bank not moving, as I walked I seen cars driving by her not even stopping to see if she was OK, people rushing by as well not even giving a care that this lady lay with no movement in this snow bank.  

Running to the lady I see her hand clenched to her purse and coffee mug, immediately I start to ask her questions getting her to answer me,  to see if she knew what was going on and remember what had happened to her.  She answered me her name was Sarah, then also that she had diabetes, that she did not remember what happened, as I looked up there was a man standing outside his store and yelled to me he would call the ambulance for her, standing there not wanting her hand to be under her in the snow I moved it out onto her jacket,  taking her mug and purse out of hand, I crouched down to stay with her to keep her talking and to keep her coherent, she was in and out of it while I stayed and talked with her.  

Within seconds the sirens get loud, the ambulance come, the driver looked to me and said "thank you for taking action and staying,  that if not for me he was not sure what would of happened to her".  That was then I stood in total shock and just cried, thinking to myself what if that was me?, what if that was someone I loved?, my family, my friends.  

You see looking past all my bad days and hard times in this job it's not about that, life is not perfect it is about all the amazing people at work that have been brought into my life, the endless encounters I get on that coffee shop corner of so many people who just feel that their life is ending, that no one cares, that no one hears, yet here I am, I'm hearing, I'm there, I'm listening, I'm showing that their life is not at the end that hard times are the strength of what the best of what we deserve will come through it all.  

That all these people know they are heard that even just a smile from another that I have put on their face is my validation that God has truly brought me to where I am for a reason, to spread my love, to spread my compassion and the true desire to help so many that I can.  So it's not about my hardship where I work and all bad days it's the redemption in knowing no matter how hard times may seem that in the bright light it is about encounters of so many lonely souls wandering this world knowing that they are heard and cared for no matter what, that I am the reminder to them that their life is given to them for a reason.  

It's the happiness through those hard days that suck your soul you reach for that strength in knowing that you are doing good in this world for others, that your surrounded by so many that support you, that enjoy your presence and respect you.  That your hard work is all working in the best interest to the path that you tread.  To see that all of what you do no matter how hard or stressed you may feel through each day that life has been given to you with a purpose.  To see that you get that purpose to use it every day is your bright light shinning through validating the strength that you have to endure all that you do.

The coffee shop corner is my portal to the other part of my job in life, to smile to all the wandering lost souls knowing that they see you are there seeing them, smiling to them knowing they are important and here on this earth for a reason and to be that reminder to them always for every day that I stand at that corner sipping on my coffee, taking in all that is around me.  Just the other day a man sitting on a bench that others would look to as someone who may of been too scary to get close to, I listened to his story, his remorse and his tears he had shed for how sorry he was for what he had done in his past life, looking to him I smiled and told him " that your past does not beat your present, that he is walking and alive for a reason to change, that we all get our second chance", as scared as I was listening to the bad he had done in his life did not matter as I seen the tears roll down his face.

That corner truly to me is a God sent to me as afraid and sometimes so tired I feel, that not anyone will ever just past by me and be ignored if they reach out to me to want to talk, to know they are heard and alive.  My job has brought me to this all and truly in my heart know this is Gods way of speaking to me of the great purpose he put in my heart and that I am exactly where I am suppose to be.

It's also about that showing me it's ok to be 40 and have a crush, now that's a whole story of it's own for another day.  I am truly blessed and most definitely know now that it's not about what you may seem is not a dream job you feel you are not in,  that it is your dream that you make of it and use your gifts no matter where you may be, that no matter where you go stress, frustrations and bad days will always happen you just have to reach beyond that, breathe and gain your strength to see the bright through it all.  Funny how all my life I have always been the person everyone felt to come to with their hardships, not ever seeing it that so many felt so comfortable to just speak their hearts and truth.  That to this day now I truly understand the true meaning as to why that is.

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Heartache Cuts Deeper

So it has been a while since my last post, really Lot's of reasons for that but honestly some where along the lines I have lost the sheer confidence to start a topic near and dear to my heart in thoughts of perhaps those days have gone, the mood, the passion, it truly felt as though I lost that spark.  Not really understanding that it does not matter how lost your passion seems to be gone,  that no matter what it will never escape your heart,  mind and soul.  That no matter what you may think or how you may think others see you as a story teller, a writer, whatever it may be the truth of your dreams and passion should never be dulled by others as well as your doubts.  Nothing should ever be stronger than letting go of your future dreams, goals and love.

So here I am typing trying my toughest to not stop and delete to forget about it, feeling it would just go away but you see that one fire in your heart never ever goes out, it may dull but never ever gets put out.  Life recently has brought so much to our life that in ways I felt that those days of holding tight to my passions and dreams have made me believe that all of life's stress was over whelming to let anything else have my time. 

 In a way I guess as we all feel when life seems there is not enough time in the day to do all that you want.  A relationship of 3 years has been ended, a new job, wow how horribly the excuses that arise when you try to put up reasoning for letting go of you, letting go of your passions, dreams and love is no excuse big enough.  Tonight I sit here to be vulnerable for the reasons of so much right now, to unleash the heartache, stress, frustrations and mistakes made recently, to know right here as I type another that reads may be feeling the exact same way and relate.  To know that I as well am not alone.

One day I found myself standing watching across the room as if no one was around to my shock feeling that feeling I have never felt since my husband past, to smile in that rush you feel from your toes all the way to the top of your head.  Noticing day by day that feeling never left, no matter how hard I tried, in my heart I heard the words whisper to my soul "no matter the circumstances this is the person for you", that magically my time had come, that second chance was here, that you can have that again in life, it wasn't only destined to you once in a life time.  

Each day built and built of that feeling, of that smile, excitement in knowing that feeling was just not you conjuring up a one sided story.  Still to this day I smile with all those feelings however it as though there is a wall there stopping all to unfold.  Heartache set in quickly after circumstances of all kinds started happening.  Now here I am feeling a heartache and loss that has faded me to the core.  On the other hand it also sparked that flame inside me of all I tried letting go of, dreams, passion, love,  all of who I so hardly build to be each and every day after I lost the life I thought I'd have forever.

I buried myself, I buried a life time of strength in the hurt, the stress and hard times happening in life until one day the light comes on to trigger that spark inside to understand all of what you go through,  no matter how hard should never be enough to let go of yourself, all that you become all the beauty you have seen, the miracles that have touched your soul, that those hardships are not there to bury you but lift you, to rise you above to the strength to see that is all there to lead you to your dreams, the passion you been gifted, and great love of it and for it all.  To stop believing in who you are is giving up the big fight of life leading you to the bright side of all your miracles. 

How was it that I was so blind sided by a man, not just a man but a strong feeling it was meant for us to be, how did I let myself forget that it is you and only you that loves you first and foremost, that no one should ever keep you from your confidence, or bury you so low gasping for air.  You and only you can give that power to someone, to anyone.  That heartache is one that got me to feeling just how powerful heartache feels as never before.  To start realizing due to that feeling heartache so strongly is perhaps a reason to feeling so strongly now then before due to losing a life and being so broken open to feeling life so deep, more so then before.

Starting to think I have realized my heart broke so open after the loss I have endured that as the journey of life after death started everything had opened so fully in the most miraculously way to all you see in life, as though a rebirth to your heart, mind and soul, after seeing just how short life can be.  Heartache hits hard and unlike another the griever feels that heartache deeply as well as the loss of how you thought things would turn out to see it has not turned out at all the way you seen it.  So right now I declare to myself that heartache is deeper but never ever get lost in all hardship to ever lose who I am, to lose hope, faith, love in who I am and all I dream.  To never give permission to that hardship to take the passions I been gifted away, to feel my soul has been sucked right out of me.

So deep breaths, finding my patience's is where I will carry myself in this deep sorrow of heartache I feel, to understand the ending is not here, that it is also not how I imagined it to be however it is still going to turn out the way it should, to understand to keep strong to learn the values of the reasoning why I am on this path.   To keep myself balanced to never let go ever again, understanding that no matter what way this unfolds is a reason for it turning out the way it should.  That no matter what the path you thought you would take may turn out to be another way for very good reasons behind where ever you find yourself to be.

Heartache, disappointment all those strong deep piercing moments all have a way to show you in time a brighter side to all that you have endured in the brightest way you ever could see.  In the quiet I always hear the words "be patient" so to this most inpatient person patience is the teacher that guides the way to show me that anything in life is never controlled by you that patience brings the positive to the way you saw how it would be, that forcing or rushing never finds the bright light of the way you envisioned the out come you hold onto so passionately.  So my journey of knowing truly the value of patience's begins, no matter the outcome the lesson is vividly there and learned.  It's not all just about a man, this is all about how my heart, mind and soul spoke to me, that a journey has begun yet the start has not started, that letting fear in has made me lose perspective of it all.  That today I choose me, perhaps through this I have become rough around the edges but that is all new for me to accept and love all of who I am each and every day.

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