Bullying - Something that can take a child confidence within seconds

Being born with red hair, from an instant was already a gift yet caused a truly hurtful pain as well as sucking all confidence in me that was instilled in me.  I know as a child everyone really encounters some kind of bullying in their life, whether it be being bullied or being the bully.  It is the one memory that never really gets forgotten, it is the one thing you carry with you into your adult years.  Back in my child years is really when I discovered such horrific of things that still is happening to this day.  It is something that holds such power over the person that it is tormenting.  To this day it is still of notice, back in my childhood it may of not been as horrific as it is to this day.  People all around truly shun upon the idea that bullying is of any significance to pay attention to, that if it is people just shrug it off.  People truly turn cheek to what it is that can truly have life altering changes to a child.  Bullying is not something that is just going to go away, if it is your child that is doing the bullying know that it is not going to just go away until something of horrific tragedy happens that then will turn your life upside down.  Children born into this life are here for a reason, they are our blessings as well as blessings, they are our gifts.  It is not to be taken lightly if you are here in this world giving life to such beautiful blessings for our future. 

As a child being in grade school it was not an easy place to be being the only redhead around.  Although growing up being full of much more experience I see what a gift it is to be a redhead, that it is not very often the world is blessed with redheads.  I see now it is a gift, a special trait to be blessed with.  Yet looking back it did not at all seem that way, being made fun of every single day due to the fact of being different was a curse to me back then.  The endless tormenting, laughs as well as fights that took place linger with me in my heart to this day.  I asked myself "where was that little girl that was full of such huge confidence, the little girl that knew she was so loved, that there was not anything she could not do, where did she go"?, it was the constant being laughed at, the making fun of, the tremendous tears shed that took every little bit of last confidence in me away.  It left me feeling unworthy, it kept the ties on me for many years ahead.  Once was a girl full of life left with not one ounce of happiness nor hope.  Growing older these things carried with me, it was the start to a little lady that lacked so much self worth, it haunted my whole being each day.  Going in to highschool the confidence was gone, making it all that much more worse to see the beautiful woman I am.  To walk this life barried under such self destructive lack of self esteem is no joke to the person it haunts.  It is then your life is not truly lived, everything becomes a fear, great things that are at your finger tips will never be noticed due to the fact of not believing in yourself, not believing that it is anything in life you could be if you believe in it.

The hauntings of the past always linger in your thoughts, in your mind.  No one truly understands the effects of bullying it truly has on a child.  It breaks my heart that this is what our children have to face, this is something that we have to worry about, that in this life people can have such a huge grip on others, they can scar a person with just words, that children of such great beauty have to face the life of others that lack self worth, it is our children that have to pick up the slack of Parents that really could not love their children like they should of leaving their children to lash out because of it.  If your child is a bully, then why not ask yourself what it is your going to do about it instead of turn your cheek to dismiss it?.  As a Parent who has a child being bullied ask yourself instead of being embaressed that your child is being bullied why it is your not showing them more love?, why is it your not making sure your kids know very well that they are hugely significant to this life they were given?, why is it not being taken care of?, why is it they feel so strongly in their hearts that taking their life is better than living the life they were blessed with for very good reasons?. 

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it. Is it really a small percentage to ignore?, not one child should ever have to face the thought of their life not being of importance nor even think of suicide as a possibility.  How much should this percentage rise before people take a stand, to put this to zero percent, this world should not ever touch our children in such a horrific way, they are here to be loved, they are here to live a life they were blessed with, they are the future we need. Parenting needs to be number one to each and every parent, if in this life that is the one thing that should always be first on your list, our children did not ask to be put in this world, it is up to us to be there protection, to instill in their hearts nothing but absolute LOVE.  This is not going no where so turning your cheek won't erase it, being a person who fought so hard for her self worth, to get back my hopes as well as confidence I see the pain it causes, the affects it has on a life.  I am 34 years old, through my 34 years it is just now I am gaining all my confidence, self worth, self esteem back.  It is in all of us in this world together that can end the bullying, it is in all of our belief that in this world bullying will no longer be a part of. 

According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying.  How much statistics will you continue to ignore before it is your child that decides to take their life?.  I think the question to instill in your mind to erase bullying is what if it is your child?, what if it is your child that drives another to take their life?, what if it is your child that takes their life due to being bullied?.  So why is it your not paying attention to bullying?.  Life will never ever be so busy that we need to ignore the importance of our children, no ones life is too busy to turn their backs on the horrific, terrifying, life thretening things that lay ahead for our children.  Our children deserve to be free of such pain, if it is up to us to free them of things in their path we are never too busy to not see it nor do it. 

As a parent of a little girl this terrifies me, yet it drives me to place in my daughters heart that she is her own person, that in this life there is nothing she can not do nor face.  It is up to us as parents to be the role model in our childrens eyes, to lead our life exactly how we want our children to be.  My daughter knows that there is nothing that we can not get through, that we can not do together in this life.  From an early age she has been blessed with a love stronger than anything that will try to knock her down, that if she is knocked down she will always be able to get back up.  In her is instilled a confidence that is tied to unconditional love.  I see such life in her eyes, the sparkle that glares back at me in her eyes is what lets me know that in her whole being she knows what it is she is here for, that her life is of great power, that she is here for a reason bigger than this world.  I say that bullying can take away a childs confidence in an instance, yet I believe if we stand with our children it is not going to go very far, it may hide for a second yet with our love as well as openess it will find its way back.  My daughter knows that no matter what she can speak openly of her feelings, to never let that barrier between you is what must be taken notice of, it is leaving that open free of barriers is what will always be what holds the bond between you.  As a mother it is a love like no other that I hold highly, it is a pride full of gratefulness that will always allow myself as a parent to build a solid foundation under my daughters feet that can never be ripped from under her.  Your child needs to feel as though they are number one on your list, that nothing else comes before, it is through that they will always want to succeed, it is through that they will forever rise to whatever it is they are challenged with.

Statistics never hit me that hard as the red flags that linger around in your life do, it is the red flags that you should take notice to, it is even just one that you need to stop, think along with question no matter how difficult it is to do.  Red flags are little clues to our life that something is definitely there to take notice of, to stop to question.  So right now I will leave you with some redflags to take notice of, if you see even just one it is still worth it to your child to take notice and question.

According to Dr. Joel Haber, bullying expert and author of Bullyproof Your Child for Life, your child could be a victim of bullying if he/she:

• Is reluctant or refuses to go to school


• Clams up when you try to discuss school


• Demands some sort of change in a long-standing routine, like riding the bus to school or going to the park on Saturdays


• Does not want to participate in after-school activities or play with old friends


• Seems hungrier than usual after school - it might be a sign that someone is stealing his lunch money or that he is unwilling to brave the cafeteria at lunchtime


• Shows signs of physical distress such as headaches, stomach-aches, or nausea


• Goes to the nurse in order to avoid going to class


• Performance in school (grades, homework, attendance) suddenly declines


• Acts sullen, angry, and frequently wants to be left alone


• Uncharacteristically uses bad language


• Shows marked behavior change after computer time or a phone call


• Starts asking for more lunch or transportation money without a clear explanation of why it is needed


• Has unexplained bruises or injuries

Remember the red flags linger in your life for a reason, it is in that reason it is up to you to find out, it is as a Parents job to see the redflags, to keep your child building strongly to the future they deserve.

Dr. Haber says that your child could be a bully if he/she:

• Is exclusive - refuses to include certain kids in play or study


• Persists in certain inappropriate or unpleasant behavior even after you have told him/her to stop


• Is very concerned with being and staying popular


• Seems intolerant of and/or shows contempt for children who are "different" or "weird"


• Frequently teases or taunts other children


• Constantly plays extremely aggressive videogames


• Hurts animals


• Observes you excluding, gossiping about, or otherwise hurting others: As parents we have a tremendous influence on our children. As human beings, we all occasionally exhibit some bullying behaviors. It's only natural and it doesn't mean we're bad people. But think honestly about your own behavior and then ask -- do your kids also show these traits?

Bullying seems scary, but as Dr. Haber reminds us, "It's always been going on. And it's probably been going on at the same level as it always has, but it's gotten much more media attention as of late." So don't let it overwhelm you or distract from your main goal: raising your child to be a kind, understanding, well-adjusted person.

Nothing is never too embaressing that it is more important then the safety of your children.  It is our duty to make sure the future they hold is a loving, confident, safe future to be as well live in.  Whether it is the bully or the person being bullied it is something that us as parents need to take a hold of to leave it in the past, to leave it as only just a memory.  It is us as parents all over the world  that have it in us to put bullying to an end.  In our hearts as well as minds we teach our children that there is not nothing we can not do in this life, so who is to say that we can not put a stop to bullying?, no one, it is no one that can say we can't so why is it still here?.

NOTE TO ALL:  I do believe as opening this blog I did it due to wanting to reach all grieving, some times in bullying it can leave a parent to lose their child left to grieve.  It is through us that no one will ever have to lose their child again due to bullying.   Through this blog I always want to type from the heart that through this blog I want to touch as many hearts as I can, so through this I deeply hope that I have.  We always say dreams are ours for the taking so lets make this dream a reality and put an end to Bullying.  Lets do what it is in our hearts to just show complete unlimited love to everyone that crosses our path. Nothing is impossible, why does the word impossible have possible in it if its impossible???.

 

 



 



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Kids are true blessings and miracles to us and the world

From the moment I found out that I was expecting my husband already had created a bond before even welcoming her beautiful soul to the world.  My daughter as well already knew his love was powerful as well as greater than the world we live in.  Each night before he would return from work she would start to stir a half hour before in my belly with excitement to hear his voice along with feel his warmth.  A bond that was created within instance was what was created between them, I knew in my heart, with all of my being he would share a love with her that was of the purest, truest kind no one could ever imagine.  This little girl was his pride, she was a part of him, in her was a piece of him.  When true love creates a life it creates the purest, most extraordinary, special of a life.  My daughter like her father had already had in mind to take on his stubbornness, from the very start I could see his qualities in her.  From not being able to be told what sex she was to the very end of not wanting to enter the world, to having to do everything when she was ready, not sooner nor later.  She was already proving to my heart that within her layed so much of her father.  Just before she was born her father had told me he could picture in his mind exactly what she would look like, that she was feeling she wanted to be out of there, in this world to make her grand entrance, mind you she was a tad stubborn doing so, a c-section was done due to her not wanting to make her grand entrance into this world lol. 

My husband already was gleaming of such great honor, his love was shinning bright for this little life that I carried.  Through this post I honestly don't believe I will truly be able to set a picture in your mind of just how special his love was for her.  When I think back to her I notice now that the bond was set from the moment I knew I was carrying her, the love had formed instantly.  I knew already that our bond was there, our special tie was set, motherhood was already flowing through me.  On Monday April 18th 2005 at 11:24 am our beautiful little girl had finally made it to the world.  Her father with no words to be said already knowing by feeling was the proudest of anyone, his love was felt, in his eyes you could see their future, that not ever for a second she would doubt his UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, that in this life time she would never doubt his powerful love he carried for her even before being born.  Seeing these two just being in a room together took my breath away, that in this room all to be seen as well as felt was LOVE LIKE NO OTHER.  My daughter was her father, her every look as well as features were a replica of her father.  Now at times I'd joke of how upsetting it was that she had none of my features yet her attitude was all me lol.

Our children all share a huge part in them of our loved ones passed, through them lays a very big piece of them.  Their love is our loved ones passed love, the love that was created due to the love you shared is part of the special love in them.  When I look to my daughter I see my husband passed, I see his love right there in the life we created together.  Our loved ones passed leave a huge part of them with us through our children, as well as with there family.  I always stop to remember on bad days to just embrace my daughter, embrace his family, to love them is to love our loved ones passed.  Deep within our children our loved ones passed are there.  My daughter in every way reminds me that my husband passed walks with us every day that we walk in this life.  In times of such horrific pain, look to them, see in their eyes is where your love lives on.  Embrace your children, hugging them is hugging your loved one passed, loving them bigger than this life is loving your loved ones passed.  It is because of our loved ones passed TRUE LOVE you created such a miraculous of life. 

The sparkle of huge life in my daughters eyes shows me just how loved she is, that in her she was blessed to of been loved with no limits by her father as well as myself.  When I look to her I know that in her heart she feels her father every day, she feels his love touching her heart.  In my heart I know it is the reason why she is pushing through this all so well.  I always make her understand that her father is always with her, that she is a part of him, that he knows of all great things she does, that she will do in this life.  I always make sure in her heart she knows that not for a second that it can be replaced, nor she will ever be able to forgot, she knows that her father will always be remembered, there is no possible way she could forget.  Through her is my way of knowing that his true love remains, that his gift to us was to prove we could love with out limits, that in this life it is the truest of love that conquers it all.  Take notice in the pain to embrace your children, talk to them, walk with them it is in every step you take with your children your loved ones passed walk with you through them, it is the love of life you created they carry on with you.  Our children give us the strength to fight for what we feel in our hearts to be the best possible life that we deserve, that our loved ones passed had blessed us with.

I carry with me every single moment in this life that in times of pain our daughter is the one truest of life that loves me back to the fullest, that loving her back with no limits is what gift I was given from my husband passed.  Her smile, her laugh, her all is what makes me strive for it all, to want it all, that in dreams they become reality.  It is for her father we have created a bond full of bright light that shines brighter than anything in this world.  My husband passed had a bond with our little girl like no other, it was as though there was not anything they could not do, that he was so proud of his little girl he wanted the world to see just what it was he helped to create.  My daughter was taken to all parts of the world lol, I know now why my husband passed wanted to take our daughter every where, it was due to the fact that he was just so proud that he wanted the world to know of the love that he helped create, a love like no other he helped bring into this world.  My daughter looked to her father with such a love, that in her eyes as well as heart she was so blessed, that he was blessed as well.  My husband passed smiled bigger then the sky when he looked to our little girl, he gleamed of such over powering joy.  A true bond of the purest true love that had blessed this world.

I want to add to this even our furry babies in this world have such an affect on us in our times of pain.  I say furry babies meaning animals, that is my nick name for my animal, animals may be animals but to so many they are so much more they to are a part of our family.  In them we find the peace as well as tranquillity our hearts need in great times of despair.  We had bought a cat from Humane Society when he was a baby, his name is Cino, my daughter wanted each as well as every cat in that Humane Society, it was Cino we all finally decided on.  I almost always instantly feel my bad day quickly disappear when my furry baby jumps up to be petted, it is as if they know when to approach you in such perfect timing.  Animals truly do fill your heart, they have a way to take away a bad day instantly, just as our children they encourage our hearts to just love, to let go of pain to just love.  It is through such unsought of, of things our hearts take a mend to.  From the littlest of gestures to the biggest of gestures there is always love waiting to be captured, waiting to be embraced, it is in our hearts we start to understand what it is that love can heal.  In the pain there is always a way to mend it, there is always something that we can do to allow ourselves to feel the pain less.  Our loved ones passed embrace us always through our children, their family even at a special place you both shared together, our loved ones love is everywhere, their love is every where around us.

At night I remember while all of us were in this queen sized bed that seemed so small yet when looking to my husband passed as well as our daughter sleeping I felt that in this little queen size bed I had everything I could of ever needed as well as wanted in this world.  It is in those moments I always remember what feeling it gave to me when feeling my pain coming on.  It is at night I look to our daughter knowing that feeling never ended, that it never went any where although not to be seen my husband passed was still with us, that in this life time I still had everything I could of ever wanted.  Our children will forever carry our loved ones passed true love with them, in their eyes we see the memories, we see our love, it is a bond that we share that no one can take away.  It is our children that give us the strength to want to move forward, to want the best of a life we deserve, it is through them we want our dreams to unfold, it is our loved ones passed that brought to our hearts a love that last forever, that really never goes any where. 

Our daughter is a gift just as her father is as well as was to our life, to our hearts.  Our daughter proves to me that my husband passed has given such a great love that truly will never leave us, our daughter is the one truest of things that always gets me to push through it all, she is the one that has shown that hope never leaves us, that dreams are really there for us to take, that in trying times of pain it is our love that will make it all gently evaporate into the air.  My husband passed lives on through her, it is in her eyes I see him with us.  Our children will be forever reminders to us that our loved ones passed really never did leave their love still remains, that in them is a piece of our loved ones passed. 

Our loved ones passed leave a part of them behind through their family, through the children we created together.  Don't lose sight in the fact that even though we can't see them it means they are gone, even though we can't see them they will, they always will be all around us.  Through love, through hope, through dreams coming true.  Our children are a huge gift, just as our loved ones passed were to our life, it is a love with no limits, it is that love that proves to our soul that we can love with no limits.  True love is love that is forever, our children is a love we understand that is unconditional, it is taking that love realising a piece of that is our loved ones passed.  In times of pain embrace your children, embrace your loved ones passed family, hug your furry babies to see that the pain instantly gets replaced with love like no other.

NOTE TO ALL :  Our children forever carry our loved ones passed with them, it is because of our truest of love they were created.  Our loved ones passed not only gifted us with true love, they gifted us with a life, a life that will forever hold their true love, a life that will forever hold a piece of them.  Our loved ones passed forever remain around us, when you feel you are missing them take notice in your children to understand they are right there with you.  My daughter is forever my bright light in all of my darkest hours, it is where we find the power to make it through.  Our loved ones passed still gift us with their love through it all.  Dreams are all around us, hope is what we know is where the dreams begin, our loved ones passed love is where we see our dreams come true.  Our children are our forever love to our hearts as well as life.

A MEMORY:  It is a time that I often remember that touches my heart strongly, it was a moment while staying in the hospital after my daughter was born.  My husband passed sat and rocked our beautiful little girl to able me to sleep after being up for two days, he held her with such love, he rocked with her for four hours.  It was getting up in the early morning finding them both fast asleep as I looked out to see the sunrise, I glanced back and forth from them to the sunset to realise the love that was right there in my life was as bright as the sunrise, that in the sunrise I will forever remember that moment in time.

 

 



 

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Eight Days

For most of my loved one passed sickness I cared for him at our home, to have him in our presence was a gift to our hearts.  After all when looking to a terminal illness time is of a huge value to everyone involved.  His sickness was of a great shock to our life, the fact it happened really quick is some what the reasons I still question so many of things, understanding there is no answers to everything I question. 

Going back in time I remember exactly how it was the day he approached me with news he had found out that we both believed would be he had broken a rib, instead we had to hear the "C" word, totally not what we thought we would ever have to face.  I still remember all of the emotions I felt on that day to this day.  In fact going through papers the other day, the paper for these results were something I came across, the emotions of that day slapped me hard in the face.  It was a horrific flow of emotions all at once.  In these emotions we never truly understand how it is we will make it, how we will ever not feel this way.  On that day I remember all I could think of was "not us, he is going to make it, it can not happen to us".  So in the beginning of it all our bodies are truly fighting to just stay above water, denial is what mends our broken hearts.  It is hard to picture how your life is now back in that one moment in time.  Our minds are cluttered with just being able to find a miracle, not ever thinking of the worse that will happen.  Looking back now I see so much of accomplishments I've done through it, not realising it then due to the fact that the pain had my every thoughts suffocated.

Finding of this Cancer my husband passed had in his lung as well as kidney, the roles of all were carried out by myself.  I was Mother, Caregiver, Father, I was the one that took on roles of many.  Now I talk of this because we truly never see just how much we have done, we forget to see just how much we accomplished, that durn this time we fully step into our fears to conquer things our minds would of never thought we could of done due to our fears.  Our heart as well as mind is so consumed with the thought of needing a miracle, we don't see that we are doing the things we thought we would never be able to do.  It is in the time that we are so fully determined to make all better we forget to see all that we have done, things that were goals to us in achieving, that later on we are struck with awe in knowing we achieved all of what we thought we could never do. 

My husband passed truly blessed our life, he was the man in our life that made sure we had it all.  So looking back I see all things that use to be so hard, things I did that thought I would of, could of never done.  From littlest of things to the biggest of things.  Starts by getting out in to the world on my own, this was something I struggled with, being out in the world on my own, yet there I was not even noticing then I was out there alone doing tasks that needed to be done, bills, groceries, banking, the list never ended yet there I was living out of my fears not even noticing.  Now to this day I truly enjoy my time alone, a total 360.  Taking on roles of so many, noticing now that through this horrific pain so much was achieved, it blows my mind thinking of how much I have changed for the best out of all this tremendous pain.  As much as I was tore apart to have to say good bye to my old life, the new one I was making in my old life changed myself for the best.  The person I was becoming was me finally growing my wings to fly like an eagle into the new life where I am now, my husband passed has given me my wings, in the darkest of hours a miracle of pure love took place.  While he was in the beginning of getting his wings of an angel, he was giving me mine to fly like the eagle I was meant to be all along.  In realising this I've discovered that this is what was suppose to of been all along.  In our life all along he was the one placed in my life to open my eyes, to open my eyes to motherhood, to becoming the best that I was, that I've always been not noticing before.  He will forever be an angel of life, he will forever be the angel in our life, making sure my daughter and I never lack the precious worth that we are.

Your loved ones passed may of left you, yet it is because of so many values that they may have left, not really gone just not to be seen nor heard.  In your deepest of heartache there is, will always be such significant of things that await for you, the beauty of it all is opening your heart to see it along with feel it.  Our loved ones passed do not leave this world to cause tremendous pain, it is in that pain we find the blessings, the answers to our life that has been there all along that we have never seen before.

So in the last eight days that I got to be with my husband passed, so much was happening around our life that in that time it was not of notice.  It was on the first of the eight days my husband passed asked in desperation to be put in the hospital, this to me had a huge impact on me, I felt as a caregiver that I have failed, yet realising now it is not up to us how it should be, that behind his decision was because of us he wanted to be in the hospital.  They are the ones that are sick, it is their body, not up to us to question.  It is now I see why it was his choice to be in the hospital, even while being so sick he still had my daughter and I in his mind as well as heart.  While knowing in my heart that coming out of the hospital would not be.  As a caregiver in some way we always feel that we have failed, not being able to fix everything is why we feel that way.  Remembering the days spent in the hospital are still vivid in my mind.  The comfort I took while there was in the little piece of the chapel that seemed as though it was separate of where I was, the endless hours of pacing the halls of the hospital yet it was those hall ways that always lead me back to the world I felt at peace, the chapel.  It was in that time where I felt the most at peace, the most protected, it is there where I prayed.  In your most darkest of times praying is what allows your heart to feel less of such pain, it is when all your worries seem to get lost.  Each day there in the hospital it was a need to be able to find myself drawn to being there in that chapel, it was my little place of peace.  Each day I kissed my husband passed, touched him, made sure he knew I was there.  Each day was a huge challenge, emotions were so high, as I approached each day I always made sure to take the time to get away for at least five minutes to breath, to see the outside, to remind myself time was not standing still for me as well as my pain, that it did not slow down even if my world was being taken away from me.  Some how,  some way,  through our times of horrific darkness we have to find ways to get our minds clear, to be able to try at least to see some light, even if it is just a little.

The hall ways of the hospital knew me well, no matter how hard it is you must always take time to be alone for you, when your world is falling apart it is a must to be able to collect yourself, to remind yourself you are strong, that no matter how difficult it is the strength is there, that no matter how dark it is you won't face anything alone, that within yourself you have the power to face anything.  You have to understand that no matter how painful it is you are not the only one that has been faced with this.  Understanding that the dark that surrounds you does not leave you, that in that moment you feel it will never leave you.  The worst part for me was the fact that my loved one passed wanted to be in the hospital, you truly have to let go of your pride to understand why it is they chose to be there.  You have to let go to understand it is not anything that you have done wrong.  During the eight days we were in the hospital each day I made sure to take the time to be on my own for just a little, I made sure no matter how bad it was that I found some thing or some things to be thankful for, knowing how hard this is, this was, I still found the littlest of things to hold on to.  I'm not going to lie there were many times I felt like I lost myself, that I lost my mind, all I can say is allow yourself to feel that, it won't be long before you find it in you to regain just that little bit more of strength, that within seconds those feelings go away yet always return.  Sounds impossible but TRUE. 

Just make sure you are happy to have that extra day with your loved one passed, that they are with you for another day.  To everyone I say do not do it alone, during the last days I was so grateful to have important people standing with me, don't do it alone having someone with you helps sooth your heart as well as mind.  In this moment of time no matter how bad we wish for a miracle in our hearts we know what will be.  It was in those moments I prayed, I prayed my husband passed that if had to leave this world would be able to leave peaceful, all I wanted for him was to be at peace, for him to be taken peaceful, to be safe.  Praying is powerful, to this day I can say praying is heard in return it is as though your heart is touched allowing some pain to diminish.

At first looking back you won't realise all that you have done, you won't see all the goals that you wanted to do were conquered, looking back will be a blur, it will be suffocated by the pain, in time you will see goals that you set for yourself a long time ago were accomplished, that in that horrific time of pain you did it, not even realising you did.  Once you notice all of that, it is then you see what it is you are capable of.  That is when you start to understand that in times of despair there really are blessings that occur, that you as a person have a power in you that you have never noticed before.  It is in the starting over you find things in you that you never knew were there.  Sometimes in life I can see now things happen to prove to our life what it was that has been missing for so long.  Your loved ones passed are giving you your wings, your wings of an eagle to fly, to fly in this life that needed to be done all along.  You won't have to think too hard for what it is that needed to be shown to your heart, you will feel it right away, you will see what it is that has been in you all of your life it just has been hidden under all the layers we cover it by not believing we can.  It is in the most painful of times we must reach within us to find the best of what we have, to find what it is that we are here for in this life.  yes we lost our world, yet we find the ways to keep walking, we find the way to move through it, it is in our hearts we know our loved ones passed are there to help us move forward.  I say this often due to the fact I know it is true, Our loved ones passed will always be the working force in our life to remind us to reach for the stars, that there is not anything we can not do, they are not to be seen yet still walk with us in our life. 

It is in the last days of life that so much love surrounds you, it is then the miracles happen just not the one you had hoped for.  It is as though the world knows what it is we are carrying, that the world surrounds us to make sure we keep pushing through.  It's as though we are hugged by angels, we don't know where we ever got the strength, we question how is was we made it through, it is because we were carried through it, our lives were touched by unseen love.  When presented with the worse we do have the power in us to see it through, that some how, some way, we find it in us to pick up to move forward.  We are not alone, specially in times of despair, we are never alone.  Eight days of huge pain, such horrific darkness, yet some how there was a little crack of light, there was the power to make it through.  Miracles do happen just sometimes they happen in a different way, not in the way we ask for.

NOTE TO ALL:  In our hearts we know we have it in us to see anything through.  Sometimes in this life we don't see the strength in us right away, once you start seeing what you have done it is then you start gaining your hope, you start taking a front seat in knowing how your dreams can be made real, that dreams are always possible.  We all have the wings to fly like an eagle, we just have to use them.  Being blessed with pure true love is a gift, it is a gift of such great power, it is not everyone that gets to be loved like we have.  See it in you that you are a very unique person in this life, that you always can be who you want to be.  A person that has been through a pain like no other truly starts to see just how powerful they are.  I'm saying this due to the fact that in times of tremendous pain is when we really open our eyes to see the miracles in this life.  It's as though we go to a different place, in that place we understand our life has always been of great value, that we do have a purpose, you find the passion in you that has always been there.  Finding you is a feeling like no other, it is because of our loved ones passed we made it there.  It was there in their hearts to share with us all along.

 

 



 

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Dealing with the waves of Emotions

EMOTIONS:  THEY COME ON STRONG LIKE A TYPHOON YET LEAVE AS FAST AS THEY CAME

The last couple of days I've noticed just how strong along with fast the emotions come on.  No matter what day, what time, where you are, the emotions take a strong hold on you, leaving you feeling paralysed with tears in your eyes no matter who is around.  Grief takes no thoughts on where or who is around.  I think it hits us harder due to the fact we feel it still should not feel this heart wrenching.  That is the problem we're so worried of how it should be that we worry it is not suppose to feel like this still.  Not true, these emotions will forever come into our hearts,  we need to understand that there not here to stay.  It is only our hearts reminding us that our loved ones passed will forever be missed.  Say good bye to what people say about how you should feel to understand grieving will always be a part of our heart.

 Don't suppress your feelings they are there for a reason, it is part of who we are, to stress about the emotions you still feel only makes it worse.  Often times it is triggered by something in remembrance of, for me when I look to my daughter the thoughts of her growing up with out her Daddy, that he left her too soon, that his love for her was a love that should be here, that she was robbed of such UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is what brings the emotions inside me leaving me feeling a pain that is indescribable along with paralysed.  I wear my emotions proud, never embarrassed, never trying to hide behind it, always straight forward to speak of it if approached or seen.  Let go of the feelings of guilt for still feeling the pain, it is our hearts way of reminding us that what we have been through was something that will never be forgotten.

 The emotions rage inside you so strongly not caring what you are doing nor where you are.  In reminder of a huge significant life that once was.  Feel the emotions, give yourself the time to feel it, leave the guilt of the pain out of it.  It is no one Else's body but your own.  Often times I noticed the quickest ones to judge are those who have never experienced the huge loss of losing someone of such great significance to their life.  If you keep allowing yourself to worry that the pain should still not be as well as it's been long enough, makes it much more worse on yourself as well as your mind.  Grieving will never not be a part of us, it is a way to let us know what we have been through was so powerful that our hearts will always feel the impact, that our loved ones passed were a huge impact in our life as well as our hearts, that the pain is a reminder of that.

Embrace your pain, give it time to impact your body, hold on strong, remember it is not there to stay just to stop by to make sure you have not forgotten that your old life you had to let go was of great momentous, that your heart is blessed with true love, true love always remains, that is why we feel the emotions of a typhoon rushing through us, true love wants you to remember it will always be with you no matter where you are in this world.  Statistics are just words, leave them behind you, understand that in grief we will always remember the beauty of the scar that shines bright out to the world showing we were gifted with the truest of love in our life.  People who put limits on grieving I believe do it due too the fact that it may give hope as well as positive feelings to those grieving to know that in time the pain will subside.  It is true the pain eases, yet sometimes the pain is as though how it was on the day you lost your loved ones passed, that is when you have to understand that it is not there to stay as well as it is normal.  The most important thing is to know as fast as it came it will leave, also to not judge yourself, to not feel guilty, to not feel you are different as well as feel you must be doing something wrong. It has been one year for me, no matter how bad of a day I have I understand it is OK, that it does not mean I'm not healing, that something is wrong, I just understand it is a part of who I am.

When emotions hit fast I take them one second at a time.

• Most times I go out into the world to see that life is still being lived, that in pain it does not stop.
• I turn to my paper to write what ever it is I am feeling.  Writing helps more than you know, it is as though you write the pain away letting it escape your body.
• I always reach out for support around me if needed, being with loved ones as well as friends helps the pain to ease up.
• Looking to my daughter, seeing that my loved one passed is a part of her, through her he is with us.  Your loved ones passed family holds a piece of them as well.
• Taking deep breaths, allowing myself to take the time I need to feel it through.
• Remembering that one great moment in time that I felt strongly in my stomach.  A burst of out of this world good feeling.
• Taking a hot bath, allowing myself to just be alone to relax for just a few.
• Writing letters to my loved one passed letting it go tied to a balloon.
• Visiting where my loved one passed was put to rest, to just be there to honor our love.  To be able to just sit and take in all that is around me.
• I surround myself with his family, through them lays a part of him, as well as doing all the things he loved doing.
• Getting out no matter how hard it is to help others, to make others smile, seeing you are helping strengthens your heart, it strengthens the heart to beat the pain to see others smile or that you have helped.
• Remind myself that the pain is not here to stay, that soon enough it will subside.

In the midst of it all we must allow ourselves to think clearly, not to let the pain fog our thoughts, to understand the pain will ease up, that in us we have the power to hold on as well as make it past the pain yet again.  We are so quick to judge our self that we forget just how powerful we are, we forget to see just how far we have come.  Take realisations in the fact that you have made it through the most horrific of things that could happen to anyone, that there is not anything that you can not get through.  Never feel as though you are a burden, your family along with friends will be there, if truly loved by them they will be there through it all.  Take advice from all lightly allowing it to go through one ear out the other.  Our loved ones passed will forever be with us, it is their true love that will always carry us through our horrific emotions.  Understanding while being in the pain it gets very dark, yet fighting back the darkness along with the pain turns the dark in to a bright light around you.  Remembering in our hearts that our loved ones passed will forever remain makes the pain disappear.

Through the emotions I often times find myself feeling as though I am failing, the strong emotions come on so quick as well as hard that often it leaves us breathless, it leaves us in shock not having the time to think.  Just take a step back, take the time you need to get back to your feet, then hold on tight to push forward telling yourself "this is not abnormal, like all the other times it will pass".  We all have it in us to make it past yet another whirl wind of emotions, that through out the pain the beauty awaits to hug you.  Your hopes restore, your smile takes form, your memory returns, your thoughts remind you that it has happened so many times yet here you still are, no matter how many times we get knocked down we rise back up in honor of the true love our lives were gifted.  It is because of our loved ones passed we will always rise above.  Our loved ones passed will never let us fall to stay down, our loved ones passed will forever carry us through our life.  Forever they will be sending blessings in our life, the doors to all of what we dream will open.  Believe in your heart that our loved ones passed will take care of us always even though not to be seen.

 NOTE TO ALL:  Our hearts will forever be feeling the typhoon of pain, understand that as fast as it appears it will leave.  How strong the pain is does not mean you are failing the process of grieving, it only means that your heart has loved the biggest.  Do not allow yourself to believe that time has control on grief, true love is forever, there is no hold nor time on true love.  In fact that is why we will always carry grief with us, true love is forever, so forever will our hearts feel it.  Your strength will be enough, even in times of doubt.  Our loved ones passed will forever remain.  The emotions of grief will forever leave footprints in our hearts.  Do not despair the pain you feel, it is, it will always be a part of life, it is normal, just know YOU ARE OK AND NOT FAILING.  Time is not a part of it, love is.  Starting this blog I was asked do you have a diploma?, certificate?, anything for psychology?, being through it is my degree, knowing the emotions as well as experiences I've been through is what comes from my heart, still going through it is more than anything that can be taught to me.  I take all of what I have been through to share it through words for everyone to take comfort in knowing they are not different nor abnormal, also in hopes you all that read take some kind of comfort in my experiences, that even just a little it may help you.  I always make sure each post I type comes from my heart out to all of yours.



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Top 5 Good Feel Videos

MY TOP 5 MUSIC VIDEO'S THAT GET ME OUT OF MY FUNK

It seems as though its too simple to believe but music can truly help heal how you are feeling.  Listening to music for me always changes my mood as well as mind.  They say music can heal, I truly see that now.  On my bad days of feeling blue I turn to music and every time I have it has truly changed my spirits.  So I say to all of you, when in a funk TURN ON YOUR JAMS, you will see just how fast you start moving as well as smiling.  These are my top 5.

Celine Dion I love her I feel her music when she sings

1-Soul Medley

Celine Dion again

2-I'm Alive

Celine Dion yet again shes my mood changer

3-Thats Just The Woman In Me

Will I Am love him

4-The Hardest Ever

5-Pitbull always gets me moving

Back In Time

 

 

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