This is a place for all broken grieving hearts to come, its my safe haven and I share this with all of you to be your safe haven. I am hoping through my journey of grieving as well as my real life experiences through grieving I can help all through their darkest hours, to ease the pain a little less, to maybe just give an ear to listen because sometimes that's all we need.


I am willing to bare all to each and everyone who comes to this blog. I want no one to be shy of anything. I want anyone to ask question's, tell their stories with pride. No one will judge you, or think you are different. We are all here going through the same thing GRIEVING. This is my safe haven, your safe haven. The place to heal, to find your smile again. Through this all I am on a journey to writing a book as well "The Grieving Path To Joy".

Jul 30, 2012

Widows of India



After seeing the segment on OWNTV when Oprah went to India visiting the widows of India as a widow this gave many AHA MOMENTS that were never ending as I sat there to watch.  As a widow thinking to myself that it is bad enough that you are struck with such over powering pain that on top of it you are shunned upon, this is no way for any widow to be bared on top of what already is happening.  The pain of losing your loved one is enough to carry yet alone being cast aside to be looked upon as a curse or no good.  Every widow deserves nothing but extra love as well as support through their most trying of times,  that no one should ever have to bare.  Seeing all of what is left to these women after losing their loved ones passed took a hold of my heart to make me feel such huge heartache for these women. 

It was as though all of me just wanted to touch each of these ladies hearts and let them know that they are not any different from anyone else, if anything they were sacred to of been touched with the love of true love.  No one person who bares grieving should be led down a path to more grief, what we carry on our shoulders is enough to carry, adding to that makes something so painful feel as though there is no more hope, to that it is not ever the truth.  Widows build to anew and building to that opens all of us to more beauty that we could of ever imagined, yet being so consumed in to darkness along with such hatred can only make one think that what ever hope was there is gone.  Each of these ladies should know in their heart that they are a gift, that soon enough they will spread their wings to fly even higher then before.  Being a widow is not a choice, if it was not one lady would choose it, so why act as though we are damaged goods?.  If anything we find a power in us that no other could of noticed due to the huge strength we have to find within us to move forward in such horrific pain.  Do not even talk "Victim" either that has no room around the word widow. 

While watching such intense emotions went through all of me, it made me realise that here where I was in such pain was not at all even remotely as close as what these widows go through every day.  I thought to myself that this pain I bare no matter how hard it was would never be as bad as what I was seeing in front of me.  On this day I do believe a lot of my pain had left me due to the fact of the saying "no matter how bad you got it someone else out there has it worse".  On this day a little of my grief, a little of my pain had left to stay in the past, that all of a sudden I felt appreciation, I felt gratefulness. 

These widows of India are not anything but HEROES, to me they are strong, powerful, ever lasting true love.  If I can see all of this then why is it so hard for everyone around them where they are see it?.  With my love as well as all of my heart I know that one day this horrific darkness shed upon them will lift.  If I as one person can shed light to help, to want to change things in this world then others to will join my light to make it a light brighter than anything to be shed upon these ladies to one day be looked to as the HEROES they are, that they always were.  Compassion. love, is what their hearts deserve, it is what all that grieve deserve, nothing less.  To be a widow I say from my heart is a gift, we all rise back up above the pain each and every day proving that not anything can keep a person touched with the power of love down.  Widows bare a pain yet at the same time we bare true love that in return reaches out in to the world to love with no limits to all that cross our paths, that there is a gift, that there is something in us to make our world a little stronger, a little brighter, so do not look to these ladies as any less then being LOVE, love that can change the world.

I had many privileges to speak with Mohini Giri in email (thanks to Oprah and Maya),  after watching my heart felt strongly to want to be able to reach out  to them all, to just embrace their hearts, to let them know that I CARED.  This lady is a lady that the world could use more of, she was gracious, genuine, loving, she is a heart of pure love.  Through here I seen that this little amazing lady has changed so many,  that if she could then maybe just maybe one day I could change what it was I felt so compassionate for in my heart.  Through her I see endless possibilities if you always put nothing but love forward in to what ever it is you want to change.  Mohini Giri is a lady of nothing but absolute love, a lady with power in her to change the world, to changing the lives of so many.

Being a widow no matter where you live is not ever a curse, it will always be a gift, to others who think different then one day they will have no choice but to see that what they feel is not the truth by being blinded by our bright light that shines into this world.  I want all women know in their hearts that it is not any kind of bad luck due to being where you are,  that in time you find the power to realise you are nothing less than a beautiful soul to gift this world.  I do know in my heart that all widows in India will be able to walk the walk in their life freely, that people will see them as I do, great bright lights that bare a gift of love for this world.

MOHINI GIRI



Dr. V. Mohini Giri, Social Activist, Writer, Scholar and a leader in the women's movement, is the voice for women, peace and justice in India and South Asia.
Specialising in human rights and gender justice. She is renowned both nationally and internationally for her four decades of committed work in empowering women politically, socially, legally and economically. Has worked relentlessly for the cause of National Integration. Has done pioneering work for the war affected families since the past four decades. Apart from rehabilitating war widows she spearheaded rehabilitation program of 1984 riot victims where 12000 Sikh families were housed. In Godhra, the marginalized riot affected women have been rehabilitated. In Jammu & Kashmir Dr. Giri is running a production cum training centre and a home for the militancy affected widows of Kashmir. In the tsunami affected areas of Nagapattinam she has been running vocational training and skill development centres for the tsunami affected. In Vrindavan she has been running a home for the elderly widows of Vrindavan since the past one decade and now she has completed construction of a home called “Ma-Dham” to rehabilitate 500 more elderly widows.
Has travelled extensively in conflict zones for peace as special envoy for women and improved internal and external peace prospects in India and the South Asia Region. She is the Founder of Women’s Initiative for Peace in South Asia (WIPSA). Dr. Giri is the Chairperson of the Guild of Service, an NGO in Consultative Status with the Economic and Social Council of the United Nations Member organisation representing interests and doing initiatives for India's widows - a unique constituency and a leader of the Internal Peace Movement that is playing key role among sometimes aggravated and anxious communal factions within the country. She is a fine person, a heroic leader and a courageous advocate for that in which she believes.
She is also well known and respected from many constituencies, although not a politician, she is a visionary and an advocate for the vulnerable in her own and global society. Her voice should be heard, her views shared and her directions should benefit from the broader global community who wants to build on just, peaceful and inclusive foundation in India and elsewhere.

Born at Lucknow in 1938 belonging to an illustrious family of scholar Dr. V. S Ram and a family of civil servants, musicians and armed forces. Mohini Giri is also the daughter-in-law of Late Shri V.V. Giri, former President of India. Proficient in nine languages.

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NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS



Ostracized by society, thousands of India's widows flock to the holy city of Vrindavan waiting to die. They are found on side streets, hunched over with walking canes, their heads shaved and their pain etched by hundreds of deep wrinkles in their faces.

These Hindu widows, the poorest of the poor, are shunned from society when their husbands die, not for religious reasons, but because of tradition -- and because they're seen as a financial drain on their families.
They cannot remarry. They must not wear jewelry. They are forced to shave their heads and typically wear white. Even their shadows are considered bad luck.

THEY ARE NOTHING BUT GRACE AND BRIGHT LIGHT :)


All these ladies are nothing but courageous, beautiful, bright lights they inspire me to want to be the best at all that I do, that in time this little ole me could change anything I put my mind to.  They show me that in us no matter how hard of times we have that there is always room to keep loving as well as pushing forward.  I just know in my heart that soon there will no longer be such cruelty towards them, that in time they will be looked to but nothing less than TRUE HEROES.


 





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Posted by widowinthecity at Monday, July 30, 2012 1 comments

Jul 27, 2012

In Trying Times

This loving man to this family has passed away today the love of these peoples life, please keep them in your heart as well as prayers the journey in grieving is hard but with unconditional love they will all find their strength to make it through each and every day from this day forward.


PRAYERS FOR WAYNE STITH AND FAMILY

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Prayers-for-Wayne-Stith/261671300533152




For all of you that grieve let your heart hear all of this song.


Stumbling across this page over on face book I had noticed through news feed of another friend on face book, not knowing what it was yet seen prayers were needed so something in me decided that in this world all that is needed is support as well as love to those in need even if a stranger.  So as I clicked on the link to come to realise that it was a family struggling by the side of a loved one who was sick with cancer.  As I went through the post, seen the pictures everything of how I once felt came back to me, I was here in the future yet feeling how it was to be in that moment from the past.  All of me could not move nor think for a little as I seen this family going through exactly what I have along with my family.  My emotions as well as heart grabbed a hold of me to remind me just how painful those moments in time were and just how sometime from time to time still do.


This beautiful family with love so powerful for the father, friend, husband, brother, son,  all roles this man plays in each of their life was standing by to watch him fight the biggest fight of his life, to see someone get sick in front of your eyes each day, each second,  is a feeling that can never be explained.  I am very sure this man feels the love that radiates out so bright as soon as you see the pictures, you can see it in their eyes, you can see it in their embrace, you can just feel it that it is there.  I seen comments that once were a thought that I carried, that all of every ounce that you have waited for miracle, a miracle to save the life of the loved one that you could never imagine your life with out.  I don't know what it will take for me to not ever feel the impact that I do as I see this happening in other families, or even jus hearing the word "Cancer", not to sure if that will ever fade, I believe it is there to stay due to the fact that it is all of me that has a passion as well as love to just reach out to any person that struggles with this.


Seeing this sight has made me understand that in this world it is just not me or my family that faced the dreaded days as well as nights of endless sky rocketing emotions dealt in dealing with a sickness.  All of me just wanted to right away let everyone know to just reach out to them, even if a stranger,  I do know that just knowing someone out there has acknowledged you and cares lifts your heart a little, some days more.  People often feel as though they do not know what to say or what to do,  yet it is as simple as saying nothing at all to just let them know you are there.  Often times through the sickness I felt so much alone, I did not reach out like I should of as they all are doing, I do believe as well as know that support is key to mending a persons grieving heart, so that is why all of me reached out as much as I could, to let them know that I cared, that I would pray.  Terminal illness is something that I will never understand why, nor will ever find an answer, why as well as answers do not exist because there is none. 


This family looks to be a solid, loving family, so in my heart I know that they have already all they need to make it through, they have a gift in all their heart from him to move forward, TRUE LOVE.  Seeing this story is probably going to stay with me for a while, yet I think it was meant to be stumbled upon to allow myself to see another family out there is struggling, the same as mine did a year ago, to remind me that it was just not my life that had been touched by such pain, it happens everywhere, to let my heart know that what I do in this blog is more of what our world needs.  I will be feeling the emotions from the past for a little while now after seeing this family, it is the reminder of how it once was for me, yet here I stand through it all, it was by far easy but I still fight the fight this journey of grief I am on, yet it has not kept me down nor will it ever, even the emotions that come roaring back in me I know in time will subside.


This family right now may not feel they will make it through, yet with the miracle of all their love combined they will see it is love that gives them strength along with carries them through the days they are not strong enough.  My heart truly understand the battles that lay ahead for them yet smiles knowing they all will take with them a blessing as well as a gift, they will move forward blessed with the TRUE LOVE that will shine through them brighter than the sun.  Their life will be forever blessed with a personal angel that will always walk with them through the life they live.


I do not know why it was I felt the need to check this out, yet now in my heart I feel why it is that I did.  No matter what we face in this life it will always be love that helps us get through it, it will always be the one thing that reminds us how grateful we are.  This family will bare a pain, yet in time will understand in their hearts through starting anew that there were things that were there that they never seen before.  I hope with all of me that they embrace their pain, that in the darkness they light their own light, that they know grief does not ever leave but find the way to live with it in their life, that grief is something we learn to find room for.  Tonight I truly feel the wrath of my past, my heart aches, my memories flash before my eyes, yet I know that through it all here I still stand.


Always remember that no matter what you feel, or how uncomfortable you feel that embracing a grieving person very well lifts their strength, turning a cheek is what makes us feel as though we are truly alone.  No words need to be said, knowing your there is all that is needed.  I hope in my heart that the wife knows in her heart that she has the LOVE of a life time that will never leave, that in time it is what will be her anchor in the most trying of times, that even though her husband can not be seen he will be there.  I hope she will always know that in his children he will be there, that he will forever remain.  Most of all I hope she comes to understand that to any questions, doubts, that no answers will ever be good enough, that there is no answers to any of it, the one thing to know is that he knew so strongly her love was bigger than the world for him and even though gone it will forever remain as well as known.  It is all of our stories as widows that help along with comfort those who are new to it all, it is through us they see the strength to move forward, seeing us where we are and still standing gives them hope that they to will do the same.

GOD BLESS THE STITH FAMILY


NOTE TO ALL:  Not a very long message tonight to you all, I just want everyone to know how short life can be, and how fast it can be taken away, to embrace as well as love with all that you got.  Don't let anger ruin what time you have left with all near as well as dear in your life.  If you love someone tell them every second of every day.  Give up the grudges, give up negativity, drop it all and just truly love.


 







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Posted by widowinthecity at Friday, July 27, 2012 0 comments

Jul 21, 2012

The Bad @$$ in me


I don't know what it is that the grieving process has brought out in me, lately I've noticed things in me that were never before.  I honestly believe in all of me that once you have suffered the worse pain in your life it opens all of you to everything you were once afraid of is no longer.  That through the most horrific tragedy your body, mind as well as soul truly sees just what it can handle to smile back at you.  In the most trying times you look back to understand that "well if I made it through all that, thinking I could never but have then what is it that I can not do in this life?".  From starting anew there are so many challenges that I have faced, from being this once low confident lady, to becoming a lady filled with confidence like no other, to feeling complete, utter power from within.  I see that lady that once was smiling back at me each as well as every day.  I don't give thanks to just myself for this, I give strength to my heart so full of true love, I give thanks to my beautiful family that carried me through the days I was at my weakest, I thank my daughter for inspiring me to always be the best I can for us, I thank my husband for touching my soul with his power of true unconditional love as well as belief.  I thank Oprah for her greater than life Inspiration as well as her network OWNTV, I thank Deepak Chopra for opening my eyes to healing spiritually as well as taking notice in all other most beautiful cultures in this world, I thank OwnAmbassadors for their strength as well as constant belief along with larger than life love.  I thank James Van Praagh for his gift to us all that grieve, his genuine, compassionate, true, heart he bares.



I see a girl that once was that took a complete 360 in life, the girl that once was still lays within yet she has blossomed to be a beautiful butterfly that flies every single day she awakes.  Once you have felt the pain of a lifetime your heart truly opens to the possibilities in this life that we can have.  The tremendous, horrific pain seems to turn in the most splendid of belief, power along with strength that was never before.  Looking back I look upon all the suffering I have bared to see now that going through it all is exactly what needed be to be here where I am to this day.  Going out into the world I embrace it all, I walk with such pride as well as confidence, I smile to everyone I see in hopes to lift their hearts a little, I approach everything knowing in mind that I can do what ever it is that is brought to my direction.  If I feel in my heart that there is something I want I chase it until it is my reality.  Looking back to all the times I have been in complete fear to know now that it did not even make me flinch an eye makes me understand that there is not anything that my fears can take a control of, in all of my fears I've conquered it all.



In the life of pain is when we come to see that it is our hearts, our minds, our soul that will lift us up past it all.  Thinking to myself that if I have been through it all then there is not one thing that I can be fearful of, today I see in myself an attitude of nothing but true, honest, compassion, along with love.  Not like before I find myself telling it like it is from my heart, to not be afraid to speak of the truth, to express to others forwardly just how it is I feel.  Yet doing so you must always keep in mind to tell it from the heart with love.  Not at all like how I was before, always being afraid to step on toes due to hurting feelings or getting a person angry for the truth that I speak, now to this day that has changed, I talk with love yet in a fearless way.  I express what it is I feel from the heart with no fear of what others may feel nor think.  My emotions from day to day differ yet I hold on to the fact that there is no struggle my heart can not bare.  If you hurt me, if you judge me, if you snub me unlike before it does not shatter me as well as you will know from me what it is you have done.  Getting rid of all negativity within seconds allows your self to rise above it all, it is as though the weight that once held you down is no longer.  Due to the constant living in fears, to being in complete darkness along with pain to finding that in it you made it through proves to all of you that there is not anything you can not do, to feel this, to see this is a feeling as though you are walking on cloud 9 every step in life that you take, in every walk that you walk in this life you feel complete confidence, you feel proud and most of all you feel such huge gratefulness.



The prisoner I once was is now the warden that sets all rules and takes no prisoners in the negative thoughts that lurk nor the fears that creep from behind.  Grieving has been my stepping stones to rising to being the beautiful, strong person that I am that I continue to be.  In grief it is at the bottom that I have built my foundation to a future that can not, will not be broken.  The foundation I built from rock bottom up is a foundation built from anew made of nothing but love, strength, truthfulness, as well as power within to strive for it all even in fears.  I find it often times as I approach things in life that in my heart I know that nothing can ever be as painful as it was along with how it still is.  Once you see yourself on a level of nothing but complete confidence there is nothing else that is needed to be seen.  Now through it all I always choose to be the love that I have been given, to set out in this new life to touch others with nothing but love, to help others realise that they to can feel everything that they have ever wanted, that in them the butterfly is there to bloom.  The confidence I feel, the power I feel is used to the best intentions not the negative, hurtful kind.  However in my moments of life sometimes the negative will get told exactly what it is that I feel.  Negative is what lurks around you to bring you down, negativity is attracted to positive in hopes to prevail over to win the battle of jealousy in life sometimes.  Walking forward with love is what erases that all, trying to touch that negativity with love is what makes it evaporate in to thin air.



When I walk I notice it is with attitude, it is with pride, it is with the thought that today I am going to achieve everything that comes my way, that in the future the goals I dream of will be achieved, that there is no hurry to get there too fast, enjoy the now. Enjoy the little things, take the time to just love it all now big or small.  If you walk with the attitude of not letting the negativity in the negativity runs away from you not in your direction.  This is a gift that most of us in grief will bare, this is a gift that in time will be of notice as well as embraced.  It is right here and right now I want all grieving hearts to know that in due time you will start to see as well as feel it, once you take notice to all of what you have been through yet here you stand the gift of wings will grow, bringing you to the clouds each day you awake.  Once you start to look back to understand that the things that you have battled to win are things that most could not bare, you will see just how thankful your heart will feel.  That is when you start walking to the future with the loss of negativity, the darkness disappears, the pain turns to love.  This life is all about spreading our wings to fly, so why spend it with out.  Taking off the ground rising above is in us all.  Each day that I wake up I want the most negative people to be afraid, to be very afraid, I want the negativity to realise that one day it will no longer be, that it will be positive, nothing but positive.  Negative needs to understand that it is the prisoner that in time it will be put away to sulk in wishing it was positive.  I hear this quote lots and love it because this is what we should feel towards all negativity,
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!".

 

Each morning I want negativity all around to know that once my feet hit the ground it will never take a hold of me nor my belief.  I say this has come from my journey to grieving due to the fact that the tremendous pain has taught me so much.  My husband passed in the 12 years together was molding me in to this day by day, although he is not here to see the end results he looks at me with a huge smile knowing that is the woman he knew was there all along.  It's funny because now as soon as I am approached with negativity my stomach feels it right away, my mind knows it is there, not even knowing who it is, my intuition sets off to let me know right within an instant.  In those moments I stop to look it direct in the eyes to let it know that either you can change or simply walk the other way, this lady takes no prisoners.  Also understanding it could come from within, I say to myself,  "today has no room for negative thoughts because that was something I said good bye to forever long ago".  Our mind can do the most amazing of things if we allow our self to let it.  Once you have let it go you find that from that day on there is no room for it to be, that nothing comes your way but the positive that you have built to for so long.  All of me just wants to scream at the top of a mountain all the things that I have been through, I want the world to know that the biggest of transformations can happen if you allow it to.  I want my story to be told to touch hearts all around the world, I want every breaking grieving heart to be touched with my love, I want all grieving heartaches to know that the ache turns out to feel a love like never felt before.  All grieving need to know that even though it hurts like a mad man right now in this moment that in the end it turns out to be a process to you all growing your wings to fly, to bloom into the beauty as well as love that you have always been.

Coming from the deepest of tragedy you understand that through it you have survived that nothing in this life will scare you, will make you back down, that each day things that were hard become the easiest, that what is it that we can not face after all that we have already?.  It is though you walk through life not afraid to speak of how you feel, to do things with out fear knowing if you fall you will rise above again, that in your failure is when you learn to try, try again, that failing is not even a word it is a lesson to you to understand.  Once you look back to see that you are a survivor the gratefulness over flows through you to open nothing but complete happiness, positivity, love as well as a whole lot of being proud.  It is within all those traits that starts you to build to a life of nothing but love for everything around you, it starts to make you understand that in this life we all deserve to fly, we all deserve to achieve the greatest of things.  Hold your loved ones passed in a special place and take them for a ride into your bright future so they can be verified that you have been the person they knew you had in you always.  There love will shine bright within you, there love will carry over to all the new things you build in this new life.  So on this day I will always embrace my bad @$$ attitude I get from time to time because I know it is used for the greater power, to conquer all negativity that lurks around, to beat all fear that steps forward my way.  

NOTE TO ALL:  Within us all that are dealt with grief it is in us to understand that once you have dealt with such horrific of battles that in this life everything is doable, it did not break us it made us.  We are different yet the old still will always remain within us in our hearts.  Building to anew brings out love, it brings out bravery, it brings out the bad @$$ in us all.  Negativity gets zapped to never come back again, yet if it does it is scared to even approach us.  Grieving proves to our hearts that we have bared a special gift, it proves to us that building from rock bottom up builds power, a power that will never be shattered.  Our loved ones passed get validations to their love that we have been the bright light all along we just needed to be shown.  In us we all bare the traits to rise above it all, we are survivors, we are love.  Don't let the worse of the worse get to you, it is just an illusion trying to fog your sight from seeing all the glory in love as well as positive.

 


 



 
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Posted by widowinthecity at Saturday, July 21, 2012 0 comments

Jul 17, 2012

Widow does not mean victim




Just the other day I was told something that really struck a nerve in me, something that I honestly felt disgusted by, before getting to that I want to talk a little about my Birthday yesterday.  As I celebrated my thirty-fifth Birthday, I looked back to so many moments in my life.  I realised in all of who I am that this year was different, that this year was a year like no other.  This year I celebrated turning one year older in complete and utter peacefulness.  It was truly a celebration for my heart, soul, my life.  This was a Birthday that all of me truly peacefully embraced.  This was the first time in all of my life I was proud, I was comfortable to be where I was, being comfortable in my own skin, feeling that from here on it only gets better, that nothing else could keep me down, that my time was now along with every day ahead of me.  It felt as even though I was turning thirty-five it was as if now was when I was really starting to live, it was as though life has just begun now.  It was my second year I celebrated with out my husband passed,  yet this one was a special one, a special feeling, a special day.  In all of my Birthdays I have never felt such content, I eased into another year older like it was so very natural, something in me just felt at ease as well as confident.  I look back to realise now is the time that I truly begin to see just what it is my life has been all along, that in this life I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am capable of making my dreams unfold, that my husband passed is the light that shed upon all of this. 


As I went through the day there was nothing more then a smile on my face from cheek to cheek that never left.  In the memories I understood that it was my life, it was all needed to be to get to where I am right now, right here, right now in this moment.  I was dealt with a horrific, tremendous pain, yet in that pain so much beauty was hidden behind it in hopes to be found by me.  In this life it is not always in the good we find blessings, it is in the tremendous pain, hurt as well as darkness the strongest of lessons lay.  Growing from the person I was, to seeing the person I am today makes my heart feel full, it makes me walk to the future with pride.  This isn't just for certain people, dreams are not for just limited of people, this is for all, this is for everyone to be, to find.  We all are here to live out our dreams, to live a life the best way our hearts, mind as well as souls see it.  As you see others swimming in a life of all dreams coming true, know in all of you that its not just for selected people to live that dream, it is there for everyone walking this life that we live.  My husband passed life lesson to me was to shed a bright light in all of my darkness to make me understand that in this life there is not anything that is not possible.  His love was sent to my soul, to open my eyes to the love of this life, to the love of this world we live in. 

I looked to other people as I sat outside to realise that each of us has our very own dreams that even though it may be different does not mean that it should not be.  We are all here in this life for different reasons, it is up to us to reach all of those reasons, to find out what it is that makes our souls smile.  Negative thoughts are just that, something that is to be left behind us to stay in the past forever.  I remember that through all that I have done, that what ever it was that I wanted in this life that my loved one passed supported it no matter what it may of been, so moving forward I will always keep that support with me, in my heart, in my mind, that even though he left this world that support still will always remain with me.  If negative comes a knocking let it know that your not interested in anything it is selling.


While looking to the clouds I seen a cloud in a shape of a T, right in that moment I thought of the word "TRUST", that word was a word I often was told by my husband passed, he always would tell me to trust in the people that I love, trust in myself, trust in all of me that things will be how they need to be.  My heart felt such complete peace in that one moment.  The signs in life are all around you, to just allow it to be seen is what is needed to be, to open your heart to understand that times can be horrifically bad, yet the bad never sticks around for long, like a storm that comes on strong it to will pass.  Our lives are not to be full of bright sunshine, we would not be truly living if that was the case, it is in the storms we find our strength, a strength to make us understand that there is not anything that can hold us back from what we want, for what we dream of, to live a life the way we have always dreamed of.  Don't be in a rush to get there, its in the littlest of happiness that all together makes the biggest of happiness we could ever imagine.  Life is not to be happy 24/7, its the bad days we truly find out who we really are, it allows us to appreciate our happiness all that much more.  Pain is the teacher to our life, pain is what mentors our soul to find the brightest of light we always imagined of.

I missed my husband passed on this day, yet the pain was not unbearable, something told my heart that this life that I am living needs to be lived in the best way that I could, that my husband passed wanted me to step up to the game to give it everything that I had, that in his heart he knew the things that I was capable of, that my life shined brightly, that I was meant to move on to great things.  He seen in me that there was a fire there, there was a passion bigger than the world to be achieved.  Feeling sad to celebrate with out him was turned into celebrating my life that I deserved, that now is the time to trust in myself to set out to beat as well as conquer all of what I told him I dreamed of, that now is the time to move forward to reach for it all.

I like the Ghost Whisperer I see myself as the Spouse Whisperer as cheesy as it sounds, it is something I believe in my heart.  Often times I always feel my intuitions speaking to me, its hard to explain but its as though I can hear the whispers of things my husband passed would always speak of, in a way it is as though it is what we are often told to listen to what the whispers of our life is trying to tell us, Oprah moment right there, thank you Oprah for the lessons you bring to our hearts.  It is little things I am noticing to this day that was not there before, that was not here for quite some time, I see myself eating better, sleeping is getting better, I feel like myself, not like it is someone else living my life that I am watching.  I see little things that are resurfacing that I forgot were gone.  It is as though little by little I am gaining all of myself back.  I know with all of who I am that the bad days will always linger, yet it does not make me fearful like before.  Bring on the bad because in the bad is when I'm at my best.  I often talk about being terrified of being a single mother, having to date again,  yet when you finally understand that there is not anything to be terrified of is when you truly understand that as terrifying as it may be it is usually the best of things that happen.  Being Terrified is your fears, understanding that your fears are just fears that your fears have no hold on you once you no longer feel it, once you face it,  it no longer is a fear it's a blessing to you as well as your life.

Getting back to hearing what it was that completely disgusted me.  Yesterday during a conversation I had asked "what is it with people who come in to our lives that are not at all in any way privileged enough to be there"?, to be putting it politely.  In response to my question the person had said "some people out there feel to push themselves on people in grief due to the fact they feel we are weak since going through such pain".  That right there made all of me want to reach through the computer to prove to the other person we were speaking of that this lady was no where near being weak.  That speaking for all of us grieving are far from ever being weak nor a victim.  I do not as well as will not ever accept that the grieving are weak, if anything people in grief hold a power in them bigger than anything in this life due to the fact that each day they make it past yet another day grieving.  To all those who think this know in your little minds that grief is a pain that is only carried by those who have tremendous strength in them to carry it each and every day, also know that to those who grief have bared a special gift that not all get, complete, pure, true love.  The weak lies in those who accept it, to those who feel there is no other way, the weak lay in those who believe in such ignorance.  Never ever let anyone make you feel as though your not strong enough as well as feeling you are a victim in this trying time that you live.  It is through the making it through that proves that all of it is wrong. 

Grieving hearts bare a special gift, it is the grieving that the power of strength is stronger than anything in this life.  Grief is not ever a weakness, it is proving to your life that you hold such a great power in you that not all can bare.  Victim?? that is not even a word to associate with anything, a victim is only to be allowed if you allow yourself to be.  We are not ever a victim in our life, our life is our story and in our life we are the heroes.  The grieving hearts are special souls, we find it in us to hold on, to build a new life, to be able to start anew, we find it in us to walk proudly into a future of the unknown, a future that was not ever planned.  Take the weak word along with victim and Barry it because those words lay no where near the grieving.  To those who may say it to you or others, only say it in ignorance, they speak of it not knowing really what we carry with us every day.  In them lays a bit of both words. 

NOTE TO ALL:  When your roaming around in your day to day activities allow your heart to be open, allow your eyes to see everything around you.  Take the time to breath, take time to feel yourself as well as how it is you are feeling.  Victim, weakness those are just words that take no meaning in our lives.  It is in your feelings of being terrified you see that there really is nothing to be terrified about.  Listen to what it is your intuition wants you to know.  Find it in yourself to realise if your feeling yourself coming back to life, take notice in the littlest of things because those little things add up to be a huge thing.  Know deep down our loved ones passed are speaking to us in times of need, that even though not in this world they forever will support us, that it is their support that will forever be with us each day we walk through.  Dreams are not meant for just certain people, dreams are meant for us all to find as well as achieve.  Our loved ones passed even though gone are still waiting for us to make it to all our goals we shared with them.  They still wait to see us achieve it all. 

Take the strength in you to move forward to the life you thought of before, take your dreams back to achieve them.  It is in this life that we live that we understand that there is not nothing that can't be done.  Walk in your life living in the moment, not in worries of the future.  Worries are just in disguise of negativity, worries hold no power over you or your dreams as well as your life. 

Understand that right now may be a bad day that tomorrow won't be the same.  It is in the bad days you must not allow yourself to be hard on yourself, to not let go of your happiness, bad days never stick around it is just a day you need to be a little bit more powerful.  Bad days do not define what your future holds.  Our loved ones passed will always be there to remind us that our future is bright as well as full of so much love.  Even if you feel there is no hope it is there it will be back to remind you some day very soon.  Hold on to your hope once it lets you know it's back, hold on to keep moving forward to all the new days life brings to you.
 
 


 












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Posted by widowinthecity at Tuesday, July 17, 2012 0 comments

Jul 9, 2012

Ready not ready ready not ready

So recently thinking to myself I decided since it has been over a year I thought that maybe dating would be something I would be ready for.  Now as someone grieving you must know that sometimes decisions that are made can change within seconds.  The emotions we feel are always so up and down that choices we feel change along with the emotions we feel.  This wasn't a decision made lightly, this was something I truly thought it was time for.  This choice was something I truly, deeply thought out a lot.  In all of me I felt it would be good for me, that it was time to quit hiding as well as being afraid of.  As we go through our grieving journey emotions are strong, they can be devastating as well as very painful, now when you encounter disappointment it is not just disappointment, it is disappointment times a million.  When you encounter anything negative it hits the grieving a million times worse.  Not saying we are victims in any way, just that our emotions are so powerful that we feel everything a million times more than the usual. 

I was with my husband passed for twelve years, we made a life together, true love was around every single day, we made a family together the way life was meant to be for me.  Being with someone you intend to spend the rest of your days with is what made you content, thinking about being single was the furthest thing from your mind.  Never questioning what it be, how it was to be single.  I never thought of life as ever having to be single again.  When you go from being so all in love to being single your heart often asks "what am I suppose to do from here on"?.  In writing for this blog it has been a huge passion to me to be able to hand out words of wisdom to all that read.  It has been a while since being here due to the fact that all I had in me seemed to of vanished, all hopes, dreams, words of advice, positive outlooks, it was all very fogged for some time now.  I felt my passion was not around me no longer, feeling to myself that if I honestly did not know myself,  what it was I was going through, how could I be here to help others?, well it is through the difficulties, the tremendous pain, heartache, that it is the reason to be here, to type away what it is I feel, to get it out there, to let it go, to send to all of you so perhaps someone who reads will understand to realise they to feel the same, in that moment it helps them to see they are not alone.  It is through my worse of pain to my hopes that all of me truly hopes that others understand they are not different nor abnormal for emotions they feel through grieving, this to me is as though it is a diary of my experiences being shared to who reads, that through these experiences even in the darkest of them someone will see just a tiny bit of light. 

No one can ever express to us the exact way we are suppose to feel, grieving is the one pain that takes on many emotions.  For two weeks I felt myself going through a very hard time, all of you feels it, your body knows it, right at the exact moment you get hit by the emotions you know it.  You feel your hopes go, things that were of importance are no longer, you feel alone, your smile fades.  I tell everyone it is not a pretty place to go yet in those moments we always remind our self it is not where we will stay.  It"s as though it is a learning experience for our soul to go through these trying times due to the fact that every time I have been there I have learned more and more of myself as well as my life.  Yes we get scared, it is a place we feel we will never come back from, yet when it breaks you appreciate everything all that much more.  For 34 years of my life I have never once experienced anxiety but in these last 2 weeks I know it all quite well.  For those in anxiety I say to you to not let it scare you, take a deep breath, think of that one great moment in life, let it go, do not let it control your thoughts, anxiety is something that likes to creep up on you very quickly but as quick as it does you can zap it just as fast.  Deep breaths, change your thoughts are all that is needed, take the time to understand it is not you going crazy,  it is just you letting the best get to you.  It is not easy I understand very well, it is doable.  Anxiety is all just negative thoughts, be easy on yourself, allow yourself to know that you are not a weak person, that in time it will subside.  Your mind is a powerful place.  To all bad thoughts it is in our hearts that we can chase them away.  DEEP BREATHING+GOOD THOUGHTS=ANXIETY FREE.

Know this list in anxiety that is all it is that brings on so many of things in you, recognise it is just that to understand YOU ARE OK that in good thoughts as well as love it will diminish.

 

 

Chest (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the chest area):


 

Fears (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with fear):



Head (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the head):




 

Hearing/Ear(s) (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with hearing):




 

 

 

Mind (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the mind and thinking):



 




 

Mood / Emotions (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with mood, emotions, and feelings):



  • Always feeling angry and lack of patience
  • Depression
  • Dramatic mood swings (emotional flipping)
  • Emotional "flipping" (dramatic mood swings)
  • Emotions feel wrong
  • Everything is scary, frightening
  • Feeling down in the dumps
  • Feeling like things are unreal or dreamlike
  • Frequently being on edge or 'grouchy'
  • Feel like crying for no apparent reason
  • Have no feelings about things you used to
  • Not feeling like yourself, detached from loved ones, emotionally numb
  • Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
  • You feel like you are under pressure all the time

 

 

Mouth/Stomach (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the mouth and stomach):



Skin (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with the skin):



 

 

Sleep (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with sleep):



  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Frequent bad, bizarre, or crazy dreams
  • Hearing sounds in your head that jolt you awake
  • Insomnia, or waking up ill in the middle of the night
  • Jolting awake
  • Waking up in a panic attack
  • You feel worse in the mornings


 

 

Sight (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with sight):



 

Touch (anxiety symptoms commonly associated with touch):




Other anxiety symptoms are described as:






 Being like a hypochondriac, muscle twinges, worry all the time, tingles, gagging, tightness in the chest, tongue twitches, shaky, breath lump, heart beat problems, head tingles, itchy tingling in arms and legs, and so many more.


In addition to these anxiety symptoms, you may also find yourself worrying compulsively about:
• Having a heart attack
• Having a serious undetected illness
• Dying prematurely
• Going insane or losing your mind
• Suddenly snapping
• Losing it
• Uncontrollably harming yourself or someone you love
• Losing control of your thoughts and actions
• Being embarrassed or making a fool out of yourself
• Losing control
• Fainting in public
• Not breathing properly
• Losing control of reality
• Choking or suffocating
• Being alone








Many, many symptoms to know of, yet it is something that takes on so many.  Through it you have all the power to make it disappear.  Know in your whole self that it is not you, that in it you are not weaker then it.  Fears in your stomach is what is the worse of it, take those fears to understand that in your fears is where all your dreams lay waiting for you to take a hold of.  Know in your whole being that fears are only fears due to them being the unknown.  Taking the negative to turn it into positive is what awaits in your darkest hours.  Allow yourself to know that it is not in control of you, you are in control of you, your life, your mind.  Stress as well as worries is what allows our self to go in over load, let the stress as well as worries to not visit you, understand that those stress and worries are not even things that need be worried about, that in due time things will unfold for a brighter, beautiful new beginning for you.  Worries are negative thoughts that try to allude your thoughts, to try to attempt to bring your positive down, to erase what it is you dream of.  Tell your worries and fears to come another day, that in this moment you let it go to know in your heart things will be just fine.  Remember that true love is on your side, it is your gift to your soul.  It is all very hard, I truly understand it is, in those moments in your life that you feel in the dark, finding things you never knew before is what makes it all that more brighter.  Be easy on yourself, the bright light always prevails through the dark, if it does not come to you fast enough create your own bright light.

Through my learning of getting back in to the dating world I come to understand that the man I thought I could move forward with was sent in to my life to prove to myself as well as heart that right now is not the time for me, that even though I felt I was ready my heart needed more time to fix things that still needed time.  That through him I have seen that things may seem to be the right moment can fool you to realise that it is not.  Through him I have learned that in time things will fall right where they need to, that we can not rush anything if the time is not right, if things are not meant to be in that moment.  Grieving is something we all must deal with so gently, grieving asks that you always must be gentle to yourself, give yourself room to just feel it, that it is not meant to be ignored nor rushed.  Trying to rush things due to the fact of frustrations is not something your body as well as heart will allow.  Afraid of dating I ask myself, very much so, yet it is not something that will keep me from wanting to love, knowing in my heart that it will happen when ready to be.  Constant worry with frustration gets you to no where any faster, letting it go to understand in due time it will just be is the best way to let it be to yourself as well as heart.  I know in my heart that waiting for the someone who is the best suited to me is always worth the wait,  "good things come to those who wait", that is the absolute truth, in time he will be sent to my heart picked by the one man that knows me the best.  I have had the best I say to myself, this time around he will be the best in his own ways.

NOTE TO ALL:  Grieving is not something that will ever be gone, it is through patience, love, understanding we come to understand that it is something we will forever deal with.  Things in life may not always go the way we picture them to be, that is not something to be frustrated for, it may not be the way you imagined yet it happens in the way it was meant to be in its own way.  Worries along with stress are things in our life that are always something that is there to try to distract us from our visions, our goals.  Be gentle to your grieving heart, don't allow yourself to be angered at yourself for feeling the way you do, embrace yourself to allow yourself to grow with the scar that you bare, it is a scar of true love.  Scars are our signatures to the new life that shines bright into our hearts, into others around us.  Allow yourself to understand that time is not ticking against us, it is ticking to the very beat of our hearts, our life.  Rushing for anything gets you back to the very same place you started.  Understand you are the power to your whole self, anxiety is not no more than bad thoughts, take those bad thoughts to turn them in to the bright light that shines for you.  Fears are not scary, they are simply things that are unknown, it is in the unknown you find the greatest of things that await for you to find.  Don`t judge yourself for the steps back you take, it is only the going forward that counts.  Trust in your loved ones passed gift to you, true love.  Trust in your hearts that sometimes you may roam to the unknown but always find the way to the place you need to be.

 


 





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Posted by widowinthecity at Monday, July 09, 2012 0 comments
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