Even after you made it through the first significant moments ~ Widow in the City

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This is a place for all broken grieving hearts to come, its my safe haven and I share this with all of you to be your safe haven. I am hoping through my journey of grieving as well as my real life experiences through grieving I can help all through their darkest hours, to ease the pain a little less, to maybe just give an ear to listen because sometimes that's all we need.

I am willing to bare all to each and everyone who comes to this blog. I want no one to be shy of anything. I want anyone to ask question's, tell their stories with pride. No one will judge you, or think you are different. We are all here going through the same thing GRIEVING. This is my safe haven, your safe haven. The place to heal, to find your smile again. Through this all I am on a journey to writing a book as well "The Grieving Path To Joy".

Oct 18, 2012

Even after you made it through the first significant moments

So even after making it through the first year of all holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, it has come to my attention that going through it all again will be just as hard as the first time around, if not a little harder. Not to say this to scare all that grieves, yet to give a heads up so when your dealt with the strong emotions you will know that it is not you going crazy, it wont feel as though you are not doing all you need properly. As I sit back thinking of my husband passed Birthday approaching I feel emotions that are very strong, for a second I feel something is wrong, something is not right, I should not feel like this even after a year, well that is where all of us grieving go wrong, there is no right, there is no wrong, there is no limits to grieving as well as to your emotions. As I thought of things one thing came to mind, during the first year of all these significant days I realised that the timing is so soon, some may be in the state of shock, numbness, that making it through these days makes it easier for us, understanding the second time around that could very well be the reason why felt so hard, the numbness, denial, fog, has all lifted leaving us to completely feel it all.

So to all the next time around I say be easy with yourself, don't make it any harder to go through by worrying how bad the pain still feels, know in your heart that it is OK and that pain will lead to your grief releasing a little out of you in to the air, cherish the day, remember your good times, pay tribute to your love, understand in your heart that on this day there are no rules, no judging, it is a day to just feel, to celebrate, to love. If for some reason you find yourself comparing to last time around, change that thought to understand that back then you were not truly feeling it all, that in some ways you wore an Armour. Just know that no matter what you may feel that it is OK, that maybe next year it will be the same, yet it is ours to own, to accept, to come to peace with and just let it be.

Last year I was so proud of myself, I was happy how I payed tribute to my husband passed, celebrating his life, eating cake, balloons let go in to the sky, doing all of his favourite things, making it through the day was enough. Looking back I see that most of us will automatically feel "well since we made it through that year the next should be easier", do not put a limit on it, if it is it is, if not that is OK to. It is most likely it won't be easier that is what we have to understand, if it is not its OK, we all will make it through it, by the end of the day smile knowing you made it through another year, be easy on you along with your heart. The only thing that matters is you reflect on good thoughts, good times, feel that special love that you shared with your loved ones passed, celebrate that love, look up and smile to the clouds.

I want all to know that what ever it is you feel it is OK, that we all are different, that no matter what it is for you to feel it, if people around you say different it is not for them to say, it is your grief, it was your life, how you feel is not no one Else's business to judge. Sometimes those who do not go through losing someone close know not how it feels, that reaching out to us to try to make us feel better comes out in the wrong way. Listen to your heart to know you are going to be OK, that what you feel is your hearts way of telling you it misses the life that has changed so very much. It is your hearts way to remind you that the love is there, it still feels the love you shared so strongly with your loved ones passed. FEEL IT, EMBRACE IT, BE LOVING TO YOURSELF. On these days it is up to us to do all of what makes us Happy, it is up to us to choose celebrating, that even though many tears are shed there is celebration still happening, celebration of love, celebration of memories, celebration of your loved ones passed life.

This year as last year I know my heart will be celebrating, even through the pain I will celebrate my husband passed life, his love, I will celebrate how grateful I am for his TRUE LOVE that blessed our life. Balloons, cake, family, cemetery, all his favourite things will all be done. No matter how many tears that fall my heart will feel the pure joy of his love. So through this I say through the pain will come joy, smile, hope,love, you will feel it all. Just be easy on you, no judgement, no stress in thinking its not right to feel the way you do because it is, always will be. Baby steps are a must through every second, minute, hour, surround yourself with support as well as love, through it all the blessings of your love will be noticed making the tears turn in to a smile, hope, belief.

There is no easy way to make it through the pain yet through it we see we have made it through, we see that through it all here we still stand, seeing that makes us understand that the strength in us as well as our hearts was always there, we just have to take those little steps to get to the end to know YES WE CAN DO IT, our loved ones passed love bless our hearts in our time of need, it is their love that helps us make it past the pain, it is that love that helps us find our smile. Their love is to be honoured, after all it was their love that blessed our life to make us so very happy each day they were with us, so why let that pain take that away. Feel it yet smile through the tears knowing their love is the greatest gift to your life. That through it all they are with us pushing as much as needed to get us through it, to get us through obstacles we face. CELEBRATE YOUR LOVE, CELEBRATE THEIR LOVE TO YOU.

The days are tough, maybe some days tougher yet in us all is a strength to find to help us keep moving forward, there is something with in us waiting for us to grab a hold of, our tears are ours to shed, yet in time your heart feels lighter, your heart opens to embrace the good memories, after the rain the sun always shines, so like the sun shine bright to show the world today is the day you celebrate the love of your life that has gifted your heart.

Our loved ones passed will touch our hearts always, tears will always be, so will pain yet it is in that all we find the beauty, blessings, gifts to our lives, to our hearts. Moving forward little by little we leave little pieces of the pain behind us. So remember on all significant days the pain will be, the tears will be but most importantly your hope, belief, love, smile, will always shine brighter then the pain along with tears, your loved ones passed love is a gift, not pain nor tears have a part in that love.

NOTE TO ALL: Don't lose track of the one most important thing their love is a gift, the pain along with tears take no part in that, so on the days of significance CELEBRATE, LOVE, SMILE, BE PROUD, know in your hearts it is not every person who shared the love we all have had in our life. Our loved ones passed gifted our hearts, our life it is up to us to keep that gift alive, it is their legacy we need to carry with us out in to the world to share with others, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Be easy on you, baby steps, through the little steps the day will soon enough be over, that is when you need to smile and be proud of what it was you made it through.

P.S ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR HAPPY THOUGHT, HAPPY MOMENT.