Spark of an Eye

It touches me to the deepest of my heart as I look to the eyes of another that has lost half their heart but to see that spark in their eye, it shows to my whole soul that they to are seeing just exactly what it was that happened to me in time after losing my husband passed.  It makes me smile the brightest of smiles knowing behind that bright spark in their eye that through their hardest of pain they to are getting the beauty, the blessings, their heart is seeing to the fullest like ever before.  

When I look to others it is so easy for my heart to detect that spark, or to see the darkness of gloom that is lingering over the person that lost their heart.  It makes me so proud and oh so grateful to see the ones that are starting to see life through their heart, to the ones that are quite not there the more that found their light can carry on to those that may not see what we see just yet, to lift them up and be all love that can be so they to can have that spark in their eye, bright light shinning, it has been a long journey through the darkness but through it you feel it, yet as you feel it you lift it, then that spark of life comes so bright shinning onto others  to show them that they can make it through.  

I'm so grateful that the more that see with their heart through the toughest of pain to know that in them they can teach unto others just what ways to come through the pain, to keep walking the toughest of walks, that heart wide open is where you will truly find the new that is beginning in the most beautiful of ways to your life.  Change is scary but scary is covered in joy once you cast the scary out of it.  My heart truly lifts to the clouds to see that other people are finding their way, that the pain is not taking them over, that they are finding the way to battle the toughest of battle, that the more that find this, the more that can catch onto what they see of others.  

Oprah said something that I've always knew in my heart, when we lose someone "we now have an angel we know by name" ~ Oprah Winfrey ~.  It is nothing but the truth I take deep comfort in knowing the personal angels of my heart that are always with me, always around me, that are forever in the spaces of the emptiness in between us.  It truly touches my heart so deeply to see a person in grief find their light, to find their heart truly fully open to the blessings laying all around them in the pain that they go through, so when I see another widow/widower with that spark in their eye it gives me great joy in knowing that it is catching on, that what I love to do so passionately with all my heart is nothing but of the truth, that it is not just me that knows of what lays in pain that soon if allowed by heart turns into a change in you like no words could ever explain.

Remembering a dream not long go, the dream where it seems so real you could touch an feel that touch, my husband passed and I sitting on a ledge as the water in front of us was glistening in the midnight moonlight he said to me "everywhere you are, everywhere that you look I am there, I am with you".  This dream was a dream that was a gift to us all if only we break that pain to open our hearts to see the beauty of our loved ones messages trying to reach us so often.  This is what makes my heart glisten when I see others catching on to that special of blessing gifted to us all.  Open heart, open love, open to the beauty of the life as it should be known and seen.  There comes long so many teachings and whispers to our heart in the times of the pain turning into the love that takes over if you let it be.

As often as we find our self in sorrow often times enough through it comes the light to show us just what can be if we allow ourselves to open to it, to understand the blessings in it, that in the struggle it is always how we choose to see it and go through it, that we all in this world that have struggles, it is in those struggles we can be defeated or use them as the teachings of the heart.  So when I see others catching on it makes my heart sing, and makes me all that more encouraged to do what I do, that it does touch hearts around the world, that to know in my heart it is making changes for the better.  Seeing a person rise from the pain in their life to open to the glory of the life of the greatest love of all makes me feel so grateful to know that they to understand.

The more sparks in the eyes of those that have suffered a great loss the more teachers to teach upon those in darkness, even just a glance to those in darkness can be a life altering change to the person in darkest of pain, your light is enough to show them the life that they to can be and see.  We often enough tend to lean into the pain, yes we need to feel it but it does not have to take residents in our lives forever.  Spark on all you beautiful widows/widowers because in you is a teaching to those that have not yet found their own spark.

As you shed your old skin of a life yes you are sad that it is leaving but to see of the new beginning the light is so bright it excites every being in you, to start to see everything as you should of from the start of your life is the biggest of blessings of a miracle that ever could ask for. When you truly find the spark of your soul, to feel your spirit of love, to know finally you have great purposes to fill and do, that what you thought was just a dream is not just a dream, that you have it in you to be that dream.  To understand you are here not to just live but to live with a love to be a change for the better and touch hearts in this world is a greatest heart awakening you could ever have.

Remembering as I walk this life I am not walking alone, that every step is the spark of love walking with me lighting up the path for others to see.  So when approached by someone that my heart radar feels has caught on makes my soul shine, that finally their is so much of the biggest sign that finally the pain in grief is starting to catch on to the realness of what it can be, that the whispers of the heart are waiting for you, to turn on the spark, to not be afraid to let it be, this is the gift to you in your pain as you hand it up to God in trade of beauty.

Darkness turns into light, light shines onto others, impressions of good catch on like fire blazing in the woods.  Don't let that darkness cripple your life, in the dark you always can find your way around, so find your way around, until the sparks fly and ignited is a light of your very own.  From old to new yes that is change but from old to spark is a blissful moment that sings to your heart, mind, soul and life.  You don't feel the sadness in change you feel the uplifting lightness to the life shedded in tears you may say good bye but more than ever you will be in joyous to the new that has been waiting for you for so long.

As I slept the other night, I felt the touch of something on the end of my foot, my heart smiled in knowing in the where you do not see is the forever love that never ends that will forever be, that will forever watch you, that will forever be there to keep your spark alive, down in the basement I found keys out of no where, a key chain full of keys of my husband passed, I picked up these keys to break down in tears, dropping the keys as they fell to the floor with my tears, for a second that spark in me dimmed, yet as I looked around to all of the boxes I knew that in the greatest of love is the greatest of pain but packed in those boxes was a life that changed my heart forever for the best that soon enough those tears turned to joy to just what that love has done to my life and still does.  

It is the littlest of things that will always trigger and flicker our spark of life but to find that great love is not gone no where will always keep that light bright.  Spark on, bright on, teach on, love on, those tears we shed still are only reminders of the life we miss but fall in disappearance knowing we are the change for the ones that need to find their way through it, that the love we have never left but only shedded its earthly body.  You see once touched so deeply by pain shattering altering of life, you become so sensitive to pick up on the issue at hand in your heart, listen to it, feel it, know it and smile every time you see another that to has caught on to it all.

Do not be ashamed of what you been through, be the spark to spark another's life, teach the teaching to others who have not found their ways, listen to the stories of heart, lift up those that your heart tells you is down, do not be afraid to approach those that you feel need your hand, it is the difference in you that soon will make a difference to all that see's you taking the lead.  We are brought in this world to be in service to the lord by the special of purposes instilled in our hearts, no matter how odd it may seem to another it is your blessing and it is your heart and duty to act on the calling you been handed to.

You don't think it terrifies me to know that once people find out what it is my heart loves to do could clear a room in the ignorance of the topic alone?  It saddens me to see so many still that will walk away as fast as you speak of the word grief, yet all the sparks I see in others makes that scared, fearful, sadness clear knowing that I am here, that no matter how hard the topic that I can make the difference that onto others they to can make the world of difference and show others to keep on keeping on.

We all were blessed with the purpose of divine to show so many that what our greatest beings truly are, to show others that reflection of light to keep it going through others and never stopping.  The spark of the eye is the spark of love making my heart beam, knowing yes they to have found their light and now will see it only grows stronger and brighter.  My husband passed has changed my life to the fullest, in that alone is a story I could never truly explain to the fullest of greatness that it is, from seeing the person I was to who I am now, that alone makes me glow of his unconditional love blessed to me and that keeps on keeping on in the life I am in now.

Beauty of you shedding your old to gain the beauty of the wings of a graceful butterfly

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Stress dressed in Evil

Sitting here in silence yet through my mind millions of thoughts, worries, stress, and heart wrenching incidents flash one after another in my mind never letting up.  I sit in quiet trying to shut the thoughts off, breathing and telling myself these are all things that can not be in my control, so why do I pay attention to things that are out of my hands?.  Time goes by so fast that the next thing you realize is now you feel torn down, you feel sick, then you really start to see the worries of stress taking a toll on your body, you start feeling it, then next thing you know without realization that through all the stress, worries, pain that it most definitely wears you down to a point you start to notice things happening to your health, it may not be serious but when you see all the little things it does to you bringing yourself to have to go to the doctors and get checked, that is when you know you have let it take control for too long.  

I am not perfect I do have to admit but the whole reason for being here is to share so others are aware and know that through what they go through the many things that can come with our grief.  However it is not just in grief comes stress, stress can be with any person at any time.  I start to think back to the many times I have told so many "why worry of things that are out of your control, that you can't fix, that trusting in God and leaving your stress, worries and fears up to his hands, walking in his love and faith is the best of blessings that you could do for your life and for yourself.  So many things have gotten away from me, yet I understand that we are not perfect and we all slip up some time in our life.   

This time I actually was brought to tears for letting it get this far, to the point where my body was telling me "hey you what you are doing?,  this is interfering with me now", as I brought myself to get checked because of problem I knew was not just anything, not serious yet enough to make me realize just how harsh we can be to ourselves letting that stress in instead of leaning into God in our times of need, leaning into prayer, just knowing that God's got you and all of your beautiful life planned out for you, that to never be left in the darkness.  I found myself in the trap that I so often tell others to make sure they stay free from.  Practice what you preach came to mind a lot.  Then the tears came flooding away as I sat thinking how easy it was to let go, to get off path, that I let myself down, yet knowing and realizing is half the battle it is so easy to say, don't stress, don't let it get to you, like words so easy to say it is harder to actually do.  In the midst of it all I found myself letting go of what I had a hold of very strongly, letting me see that even the strongest sometimes fall down.  

I cried in knowing that I let stress take over my self esteem, my love, my worthiness, I let someone take that from me, yet I acknowledge it and in the acknowledging is now awareness and ability to get back on path and learn to lean in to all your love.  I was hard on myself for just a while for seeing that I let this happen, which is a natural state of mind to do when you know you know better of the situations you fall to sometimes.  No one is perfect and we all fall off path for just a little sometimes in our life, yet worrying of such things is only deteriorating your own being, acknowledge, change and get back up an be the person you were before you took the fall, least this time you can smile in knowing you knew the changes that happen to you quickly than you could of before, and that alone is strength, wisdom that come from all you have been through, that alone is a blessing to your soul.

  So after the tears have fell I smile in knowing that whisper was there telling me "your not yourself, stop and feel it and acknowledge,  it has been for too long now, your health is telling you a story now, listen and get back up and breathe and go back to the path you strayed from".  Finding myself of feeling sorry for too many things was a shock for myself to see that I let myself happen, feeling sorry for my life of where I am, that the endless job interviews, hard times of a great scare with my little girl but is healthy and all is well, worrying of a man that should of never been a waste of my worry at all, just thinking of all that was bringing on so much inside of me I sighed with tears knowing that the person I become through the toughest battle was not present, that I let that go, that through it I never stopped to feel that change, yet in a mysterious heart whispering way today I was told BOLDLY, and LOUDLY.  

Your body has a very strong way of letting you know when something is off, when something is just not right and today was my wake up call.  Today was my day of more wisdom gained, to let go, letting go is not easy but to make it easy you ask yourself "let go?, or forever be a prisoner to the worries of life and let your life flash before your eyes allowing something more serious happen to your health, I'd rather let go then to let anything break down who I am and my health.  Being here is a blessing not a stressing, we are a miracle, each and everyone of us is blessed for this life we bare.  This today was a day that a true lesson was taught upon me to do so easily, LET GO.  Sometimes we feel we have let go but not fully, so be aware of that, to truly let go means no more worries of the thoughts you have had for far too long, truly letting go is forgetting it all together as if it was never there. 

In my heart I will forever know that grief never leaves, yet I also know that making room for it is what you do but very carefully you allow only that grief  certain amount of room, you don't ever see it cross where it is not suppose to, you do not let it take over your heart where your love lays and you most definitely do not let it take control of your thoughts, remember let go to let be and stay the strong, blessed, beautiful person you have come to be through it all, to give in now is no such thing.  Your loved ones passed would not ever let you give up now anyway, today I do know that my wake up call was from that love.  I felt it from my heart, straight to the words into my ears.  To stress of a man to all single ladies out there is not anything worth risking your life, your love for yourself but to only stop, recognize and love yourself all the more.  

The stress of a parent as well, yes our child/children are our life but to be in constant stress of situations that arise is not doing yourself good or your child/children yet to walk through it and know in your heart to take it as it comes.  Allowing yourself to forgive you is important, do not beat up on yourself for falling, take the pieces of wisdom get up and stand tall back on the path where you shine brightly as you were before.  Grieving alone takes a lot on your  whole being, to add to it more is not going to allow yourself to see your beautiful life as it is already, to see of how far you come into the strong person you made yourself be.  

To stress of things you feel you should have, that you have a hard time getting in your life is to keep yourself from allowing it all to come when it is suppose to, it only hurts you to dwell on what you do not have, that you feel you should be further into all the things you know you need is just prolonging all the beauty of the moments of now to be grateful for.  I had a huge wake up call today, I hope to every person out there that you let that wake up call happen and not ignore it, to take yourself gently back on the path you were before you fell.  Cut out the negative an let your love take control.  Our loved ones passed never want to see us stray far from what they know we are working so hard to be.  Pray, pray always when you feel yourself astray from the path you walk on, look in your heart fully to know this is not the path you were on that it is ok, that to get back on is easy if you acknowledge and pay attention to the signs in you.  

Job, money, home, someone to love, being a single mom/parent, all can be a stressful trap if you let it be, it's ok to feel bad sometimes, to stress maybe sometimes, but to never let it go so far that it affects the true person you are is far beyond out of control, no stress of anything is more of importance than your health and the life you are living.  If you hold onto the greatest love for yourself and all around you those stresses soon become so little, focus on love, your love, the love in you that can bless others in their times of need, to you it may seem your not being seen at all, yet little do you know you are being seen more than you know.  Helping others is always the greatest reward to our heart, mind and soul, that all that on its own makes the stress of what you do not have seem so little.

Self pity never gets us anywhere except bringing us into the dark and letting go of our light.  The fact that you are here means more than you will ever know, that it does not matter of what you don't have, what matters is you look to what you are going to be and who you already are.  Validation of importance of another? not important validation of who you are from your own self and God is all you need to worry of.  In his eyes your a beautiful creation of his love that your life will be, that all of what you feel should be of now will be in his time not yours, so to stress of what you do not have is letting go of what you will have.  Believe in you and believe in the love of yourself and your angels of love lost up above all around you, they will never leave us a stray.

Listen very closely to your heart, to your life because there are signs there when you are struggling to let you know that what you are doing is only putting yourself in harms way.  Breathe, pray, love, laugh, focus on you, don't look to another, keep your love and energy on your life helping others see theirs.  As I sat in tears today I found out truly that nothing is worth the stress of your body and health, that it was not the person who I was.  We are gifted with that in us all to hear, to see, to know that we are not the person we were that somewhere some how we have strayed from our path of brightness, that nothing is more important than getting back to that.  I say that we all have been through so much already that it breaks us open so wide that we become so accustomed and very sensitive to pick up on so many of things and blessings if only we learn to the big challenge each and every day LET IT GO.  If it does not serve you well LET IT GO. 

Don't fret the small stuff because whats ahead is bigger than all the worries you never had to ever worry of ever.  Let life be lived, let stress roll off of you like rain drops on a rainy day.  Look to where and who you are today to know that right now who you are is enough, stress is a darkness trying to pull you from the bright light you are becoming, stress is evil disguised in stress, creeping its way to your life trying to break the bright light you are and the more you are becoming, it is pulling you from the good it does not want you to be in this world.  Evil never prevails love if you call it out an see it for what it is.  Sometimes that stress can take form of a human brought into your life to try an take away all of the bright light, love, and good you have built to for so long.  Eyes and heart wide open, because you will never be caught in the trap for too long if you listen to the heart, and seeing that what is truly there is not what you need.

LET IT GO, you won't have to ask if you have let it go, you will know the moment you do because it will be no longer in you, on your mind, creeping from behind, it will just be as if never there before, as if it never existed at all.

~ LET IT GO ~

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The Lows

Just the other day I found myself thinking of just how lost I can be at times when needed that extra strength and support of my husband passed in my hardest of days I face today.  I know that through our pains, hard times and struggles they are never very far from us, yet still you feel that absent of once was there.  The pain tends to take over while in your lowest of days and with all that you have you stay in that low for just a little while.  Even though in your heart, mind, soul, you know to rise is to fight and be the positive person you have been for so long.  Sometime just sometimes however there is a grace period for us all that grieve,  time for us to stay in our lows because in that low is where we truly find that it is just our heart missing the love of our life no longer here, in a way it is paying honor to the feelings knowing "yes I do still miss you" and I will acknowledge that miss for just a little while.  We are not perfect, times of lows lurk through us all, the positive takes a back step to the low allowing us to feel what is needed to be felt.  

You see I've come to understand that it is not to be hard on yourself for the lows that you feel, because in the low you are feeling, acknowledging the love that was lost.  Now staying in the low for longer than should could be the trick played on you, not realizing just how long it has been, as you look around you see that it has been longer than what you thought, that now you need to fight with that love to rise above to the strong person you become, to use the tools you gained to help you back out to where you were.   I am typing of this because I noticed the many days I have been feeling the lows of the absent shoulder I use to have that is no longer there, not in physical form but in love and spirit I know it will always be yet it is still not of the same, you could turn to your love to hear words of comfort, lean on and get the strength of another to help you through the tough situations you face. This to this day still upsets me knowing, that through the hard battles, the scares, the highs and lows my rock, my even ground is no longer to be.  

The scares of life that take place that happens with our little girl is when I find my lows happening strong, in sadness that the other love that kept comforted me is no longer to be seen.  It is a time that the lonely kicks in, you look around eyes full of tears pleading for the strength of your loved one passed to touch your heart and give strength to what it is you are going through.  Then I start wonder will I ever have that somebody again?, even if there is it will never be of the same, it is not the biological parent of my little girl, you see so much of thoughts run through our heads that it could be endless if we let it be, then that is when we start to spiral into a sadness that is even harder to get out of yet again.  No one is perfect and these lows that happen come on quick, before we know it all we see is grey, yet it is not to beat up on ourselves because we find our self taking a step back because it is not at all a step back, it is a step into the reality of grief that the littlest to biggest of things could flicker the grief to come on strong.  

I myself personally don't get scared anymore nor beat myself up in thinking I should not be like this still because I know for one that as many times I've struggled in the loss I found my way back in time and for the reason that you have to feel it, that person you thought would always be with is no longer in sight, you are here to face things on your own, make decisions on your own, believe in what you do on your own.  It is always noticing the rock you once could lean to is no longer visible, that person you always turned to knowing you would be comforted is missing.  Taking the easy steps through it and feeling all of what I need to do, I know that feelings of the loss in a way are importance to your heart to let it know the great love will never be forgotten and always missed.  So next time you feel your lows coming on don't see it as being something negative, take that low to honor what you miss and what your heart is trying to let you feel, that your heart is missing and is trying to tell you.

My personal cheerleader that believed I could do anything and supported me to do all that I felt in my heart I could do is no longer to be seen, his words of wisdom, his extra push of confidence no longer is heard, yet through our love it can still be felt.  There are so many times lately I've felt to give up on all that I believed in, yet soon after feeling that feeling I felt a bolt of warmth in all of me to understand there are still ways for our loved ones passed to be there, to be our rock, to be our cheerleaders, to push us the extra push we need unseen but in mysterious of ways always felt, or through signs.  Sometimes in my lows I still even feel anger, but know it is just because I miss so much my husband passed here in the flesh that there is nothing I could do to change that.

When my little girl comes to me after seeing a family happy together and tells me "she misses having a family" that is when I have to be easy on the comment, to be easy on how I address her sadness, that snapping and being angry won't help no one, that realizing the love for your child and the loved one passed resides in you as well you come to understand that there is no other way but to just approach it with all the love that you have in you, no words can be said to make it better, just being all of love in me is all that is needed, to hug, to kiss, to say you understand, but also remind that you are still there, that the both of us together are a family, that we are still a family the love of her father has gone no where, we just can't see him.  I then understand just the same as myself my little girl has her lows and understand it is ok, that just the same as me she has to go through the feeling and take the time to feel what her heart is missing, to honor her fathers life no longer here.

It is hard sometimes to keep the belief,  the faith,  the dreams all in your heart to know that one day it will be.  Those are the moments I really stop to take in the moments of the now that I am thankful for, that right now I have what I need, that even though suffered a great loss, that loss is still with me every day no matter where I roam.  Financial loss, hard times, second parent loss, it all can be quite frustrating to our being in times of our lows, that's when you take the time to feel but also pray, hold onto knowing things given are never given if can not be handled.  

I do not deny to anyone my low days, if approached I feel no uncomfortable in being honest and letting out what all I feel.  Releasing those lows is also important keep to walking through it being able to get out of it.  Once released out then your heart knows that you also are not embarrassed of the great love lost, that even still now you miss them, that your not perfect you are unhappy with the situation you are in, the burden of so many things can crumble a person if left inside.  I understand right now life is not how it should be in my eyes, but also know that nothing is permanent.  

So many job interview, so many let downs, it is all enough to break you, yet some how that extra strength carries you through, knowing in your heart it was not on your own you made it through.  We always have to remind ourselves that what is of now is never permanent, that not anything of situation we are in is permanent.  Everything that you feel you should be or do will be in its time, to stress, be frustrated, angry is to lose faith, trust and belief although to see the bright light is harder when we are in our lows we always manage to find it.  We all have made our own tools to use through grief an those tools were built from our strength, they never leave us, we always know how to gain our positive back no matter what.   Although just as falling down it is good in our lows to stay and look up at the stars and take the break we need while we gain that extra strength needed back.

It's funny the more you go through your lows the more knowledge you gain, the less you beat yourself up, the more you learn to accept it, the more you understand that those that have not gone through what you have will never know truly what happens on a day to day basis, that what once bothered you of the ignorance of others no longer even flinches you.  I use to get so frustrated in the silence of others and looks on others faces when they hear of what it is that I do, helping people grieve, as soon as that word is brought into the atmosphere you hear nothing but a silence, yet as time goes by you know that it is not of what others think that means you won't be the dream you see yourself being.  

I know it is hard to get out there and get this blog lifted higher to where I dream it to be but I do know that it is reaching so many hearts and to not give up is where it lays in faith, believe and love.  I see so many being supported in what they do, to feel lonely in knowing not really that support is with me because of the fact that the word grief scares so many because that is when you realize that one day it will be your own fate.  I use to let this get to me but know now that we alone can make anything happen if we believe in our self, keep our faith and keep visioning where we want to be.  Of course I'd love to be the expert of fashion, makeup, hairstyles, celebrities, yet instead the purposes of heart that have been blessed upon me are what I have experienced hand on grieving, and being a single mom so I take the great lead in reaching out to all hearts that I can that are of in the same situation.

It is how you believe in what you do and where you are now you understand that you may not be seeing your dream fully yet you still are making a difference in this world for the better, helping and loving others and knowing your service to God is being listened to.  If you keep on strongly true to your purposes and service to God the dream of being what you feel may come but may come in a different way you could of never seen, sometimes our dreams we see come in a different form that we miss it, to stay open and work hard you will never miss it.  Even in your lows you do not have to worry about losing touch, because those lows are a story to your heart, knowledge gained to what you need to keep growing an learning.

I proudly embrace the lows with the good in knowing that grief will always be, in reminder of the great love you no longer have in your life in the flesh, that the lows is where we get to just be, breathe,  learn, rest and come back when our heart tells us to.  The rejections of jobs, interviews and failures of what it was you really had your heart set on is all not of the right for you right now, to be frustrated an down is prolonging you to what is right for you that will be soon, in patience it will come at the time it is suppose to.  I know it is hard being the single financial provider but as long as you are making it by,  then for now that is all you need, that holding on to love and happiness is worth more than any money in the world.

For me it has been a long time that I imagined by now I'd be on my own but don't dwell on what I don't have so I leave open for the things to come in when they should.  Seeing so many living it up only reminds me more that materialistic things is not where our happiness and true love resides, that others lives are not your own.  That we are all suffering our own struggles, even those that seem happy they to go through their own, life's not always happy and rainbows and we have to accept that or while we are in stress and frustrations the beauty of ours passes us by.

It is not what you have on the outside that matters it is what you carry in you that is of the most important.  It is not where you think you should be by now that matters because the future is unknown and the now is all that matters, it may not seem to be the way you thought it be but it is your life and still needed to be lived fully no matter where you think you should be by now.  So take your lows with love and take the time to honor your heart in what it is trying to tell you, that your heart misses that loved one passed, that it is taking its moment to remember and acknowledge it is no longer there, the love is there but the person of its human body is no longer, the face you come so accustomed to see so long, that you thought would be there still.  So be easy on you and take the time through the lows to just be and rest, your heart will let you know when it will lift, you will feel the positive slowly move in, the warmth fill your body and your smile will return.

No more being hard on you feel the feelings of your heart and take all the time you need for your heart to honor the love lost.

Strong words "This is not good bye, I still feel you with me"

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