Lifes A Quote

This blog I decided to dedicate to all quotes that spoke to my heart going through this life of grieving, dreaming, finding you again. Sometimes it is in the very little you seek the strength

Through all that has been happening I found that through little messages like quotes that it is as though it's the whisper in you giving you it through words in case you can not hear that whisper. Quotes to me speak to you, they speak the truth, they show you things in ways never thought of before. In this blog are all quotes I adore and spoke out loud to me, yet short but sweet to the point. Each quote I share will have a description to it of the thoughts it carried with me, my thoughts to what it was I seen in the strong words. Remember its the littlest things that could very well be a sign to you and the life you are building to.



To find the strength in you to get through the things in your life you must find your strength, you must believe it is there that nothing is impossible if you know in you lays strength beyond what you are capable of ever knowing. Search in you deep to find that source, this life is full of pain yet in it is pieces of your strength each time you go through it.



In your time of grief it is most important to be with those that truly love you no matter how much you just want to be alone.



Angels are all around us surrounding us each day with love, our loved ones passed will forever be with us, through them we will find our way through all of our life, not seen they walk beside us every day each step we take. Angels are always around waiting to give us love, strength, guidance. Our hearts will forever be the love of the angels with us, they seek us in all the things we may do in life watching to make sure we stay on the path we were meant to be on.



just because we cant see them doesn't mean their not there ♥



LOOK UP ♥



Strength is always in you sometimes you just have to find it, no matter how far away it just be you, you always have it in you to go deep within and find the strength you need in the moments you face.



Truly look at life with your eyes wide open to all the blessings,



Cherish the memories through every hard day that comes your way through the treasured memories you find your smile leaving the pain no space to stay

Once your hearts been touched with true love it never leaves you

Forever in our hearts ♥



Find it in your heart to find comfort that suits your heart♥



So true its the greatest of strength you get from memories you share that lift u higher above all the pain from the small to the big find your greatest moments to turn back on your light when the darkness lurks over you



keep them in your heart like the burning flame of a candle their love will burn strong always in your heart



Believe and doors that once were closed will be forever opening



Never give up on you or your dreams



Through it all we are all here for different purposes we are all different people don't let no one change who you are be you and love every bit of it



Turn on your own light ♥



Love this something to make you all smile and giggle



Never deny the loss you feel no matter what people say we will always feel that loss because of the true love we have been blessed with always remember its not about time its about love that never goes anywhere except lives on in us ♥



Although not seen through our joy and happiness is when we know for sure they never did go anywhere just unseen



When the pain in your heart doesn't ease up pay attention to your heart and understand its telling you the love you carry will always be there but the strength of that love will always get you through the things you face from small to big True love is a gift in that love lays a power stronger and magical than seen



Expect miracles because true love has blessed your life



Once your hearts been touched with true love it never leaves you



Dreams are ours for the taking never give up on yours



Don't ever let any one tell you how long or its been long enough grieving, we all grieve in our own way its nothing to do with time grief is something that will forever stay in our hearts because of the love we forever will keep there. In our own time we find ways to ease our heartache yet will always carry their love, so from time to time we always will shed tears to the great love no longer to be seen but forever felt



YOU are the star of your life, your show, you say how everything is set out for you, no one can take the leading role from you unless you let them. Do not ever feel that you can not help those that grieve, or turn away simply due to not knowing what to say, it is in the silence that as well as being there the grieving know you care, your love along with being there lifts our hearts above the pain we feel trapped in. No matter how uncomfortable face that feeling to fight it, to be there for those you care. To those that grieve it is in us as well to reach out to people in need no matter how hard our pain is, it is through the loving that we feel the pain less, by helping others we feel nothing but love as well as joy. I say to all that grieve PRAY, it seems so simple yet it is powerful, it will lift your heart far and above all the pain. To all grieving hearts know in your heart in time you will see many come, many go, yet you will see the most important full of love that never left. Do not let your heart feel for the ones that left, yet only for the ones that have stayed. Know in your heart that every second gone by will lead to a day you have made it through your pain. Don't dwell on the negative when so much positive surrounds you in every tear that falls. In your heart is a gift, your love is the truest of gift that could ever be. Your loved ones passed love is what carries through your love, their lessons to us is what keeps them with us forever.



When its storming dance in the rain and embrace the strength you hold inside you and look up never forget to look up ♥ storms never last forever after the storm the sun always shines and rainbows appear



So much sympathy and compassion is needed to those that grieve not enough of it is around for the gentle hearts in their time of need I'm grateful to be able to touch as many hearts out there that grieve the world needs to wake up and have a bigger heart to those that grieve and understand there is no time limit on a heartache trying to heal



Remember their love remember how they made u feel do all things they loved doing to celebrate their life this holiday its all about their love for you and how amazing they made you and your life feel perhaps some tears may fall but don't let it control the power of your love and blessings they were to your life smile in knowing they may not be seen but through love will always be felt



From the hardest to greatest of things in your life it is because of it all your the best possible you right now and still building to be greater you than how you are now, those dealt the hardest of things become the strongest fullest of people, through it in the pain lays your blessings it defines the truest of all you are and can be. Regret and pain are a disguise gifted to you to make you become the whole person you need be



Never ever be afraid to ask for help or admit it no matter what you are never alone



Use the wisdom you carry to help others in their times of pain turn your pain into wisdom so that others can learn from you in times of despair find it in you to turn all your struggles into wisdom so others to can see they can do it just the same



Your time, your heart, your life, don't let others ever tell you when or how you should be feeling, grief is something you will always carry with you because your heart remembers the love you were blessed with



The love is what casts the pain away that creeps up on you vastly feel that love you shared and the pain runs away as fast as it came always remember what it was your loved ones passed made you feel and that alone diminishes the pain



Love never ever leaves you, unconditional love is a gift forever



Cherish the memories through every hard day that comes your way through the treasured memories you find your smile leaving the pain no space to stay


If you cant see that light make your own, turn on your own light through your love and the love of your loved ones passed that lay with your love in your heart



Use all of your pain as stepping stones lifting you higher every time build your life up and reach for the stars don't give in to the pain in that pain lays your strength building you higher through it each time you struggle so keep building towards the stars and help others around build up with you, struggles and pain are your lessons to become whole, to become all you can be



Be thankful for the little to biggest of things, be thankful for what you have now not what you want and the rest will follow



Second chances are for everyone if this day is a hard one know that its not every day you will feel like this,br>


Our hearts, our world, our soul, our home has a piece of heaven in it, in us



Sorrow can break you to the point where your heart fully opens to see life as pure as a child sees, in that moment you begin on a path that no words can ever describe


Your heart will always feel the loss and how ever long it feels it it is ok don't let others make you feel that its not normal losing someone will forever be felt in your heart of the love that is lost so "what others think of you is none of your business" ~Deepak Chopra



Your dreams never leave you no matter how long they are always there waiting for you to make them your reality



Your strength comes from the pain you feel, in the pain is where you find lessons to who you are and bits of your strength each time you fight the battle of pain to ignore that is to ignore who you are and what your life blessings are trying to whisper to you



Find your happy thought and use that every time you feel the darkness moving in



Look up and BELIEVE ♥



Always keep getting back up even if it takes a little longer as long as you get back up is what matters most



Dont let others determine the strength of who you are or wait for the approval of others to reach for your dreams its you and only you that conquers the dreams you hold within



Don't let fear convince you that its there to stay and keep you from your excellence that you are look it in the eyes to let it know your not convinced or letting it control take a deep breath and jump for your dreams in life



The length of time it takes to get back up don't matter as long as you eventually do each time, see the world from laying down and enjoy it



Always stay in the now its not about an hour from now a day a month its about now the moments that are happening all around you in this very moment



Find your purpose and what beats in rhythm with your heart and your pain slowly evaporates into thin air your smile love hope and dreams soon follow



Grief opens the windows to our heart to see the world in all its pureness just as we did as a child the way we all should see it rising above the pain is a breaking point to the pain because once you see life in all of its pureness the dreams you once had come back to your heart and you see they are doable that the love you radiate casts out to the world to touch others hearts that grieve and to reach others in their times of despair to help others in trying times is to let go of yours in your times of pain



Use the magic that is you out into the world to help others in their times of needs use the wisdom you carry right now in your pain to lift others through the same that you go through its in the helping our pain lifts to relieve our hearts more and more we seek others in pain to help while we are building to anew their are others that are to, look around and build together be the help that others may need Magic happens when your heart is full of love and put out into the universe

NOTE TO ALL: Quotes are words to our soul when we can not hear the whisper to our heart, life, our all, all these quotes have been used in my site on facebook please feel free to join, share, spread the word and browse around, link will be below.

https://www.facebook.com/widowinthecity

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Grand Opening for WidowintheCity Grief Coaching

Last night a piece of my dream came into reality the site for my Grief Coaching was born. I wanted to do a post here about it although as you may see the tab to my site is in here, how ever I am so very excited for this next chapter I wanted to make this announcement. Thanks to Jodi Shaw and her brilliant magic she has taken my heart to share with all on my site, it was exactly what I visioned my site to be and so much more. This has been a dream of mine for so very long now, it is just now I felt the confidence to step out my comfort zone to do what it is that is so near to my heart. It is now I believe that what I have been through can help so many others out there.

Since my husband passed has passed away I felt the strongest movement in me to step forward to help as many as I can that grieve, like others sometimes we are scared and taken back for a little being afraid of our dreams but now no longer I am afraid because in your fears lays your dreams waiting for you. So today I announce a piece of my heart to all that read this, WICGRIEFCOACHING, so very grateful to be able to do this. I know the journey ahead will not be easy but with compassion and love it is doable, with love ALL is DOABLE. I am 110% confident in what my heart has been whispering to me for so long now, to help all that grieve that I can.

Below is a section from WICGRIEFCOACHING.

Grief and Loss

Losing Someone Hurts...

The pain and loss of losing a loved one at some point has crossed all our paths. We all experience grief and great loss differently. Whether it is a family friend, a loved one, a spouse, a pet, or even a child. Each loss is greatly important and understanding that grief is a healthy and very natural reaction is just as important.

What is Grief?

Grief is best explained like an onion. There are layers upons layers of experiences, emotions, disbelief, anger, frustration, depression, numbness, guilt and lonliness. As you begin to peel away the layers of grief, you experience each of these emotions, some stronger than others. Some can even be debilating, causing you to feel as if the entire world has stopped.

Losing someone we love hurts. It hurts badly. It can be devastating, not to just to us but those around us loving us as we grieve. Our lives come to a halt. And that is where GRIEF COACHING comes in.

Will Grief Coaching Make the Pain Stop?

Grief Coaching is an important part of the process of dealing with those we have loved and lost. It will never bring our loved ones back to us, but it can help on your road to recovery and healing.

The process of grief is sacred and must be honored individually...

Here at Widow in the City - Grief Coaching, I strive to make things easier on you as you grieve and share your emotions. Sometimes it is much easier to share your pain with someone who has experienced what you have gone through, rather than a clinical person who is simply following text-book guidelines.

Grief Coaching Helps to...

~Help you take it one day at a time
~Get through the rough times
~ Share your emotions so you don't keep them bottled up inside
~ Help you understand the steps of grief and how it can affect you
~ Help you understand how your grief affects others
~ Provides skills to help you not just cope but actually heal.

If you are need of assistance or need someone to talk to. I offer free consultations. Please contact me today and together we will rebuild that bridge to happiness ... one moment at a time.

At the top where the tab that says Grief Coachng will take you right to my site, please share and all are welcome thank you so much and hope to hear from you soon. Below is the link address.

http://WICGRIEFCOACHING.blogspot.ca

See what Jodi Shaw can help you with she is a magic maker. Her link below. Thank you Jodi for taking what my heart could see and bringing it to life.

http://rantsnrascals.com

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A Widow Redefined

This week I decided to do a guest blog post. Kim Cano just wrote a book and out now called "A Widow Defined", as a widow I decided what better place to post the good news around others with the exact same experience, all those that grieve. Her book coming out is proof many blessings can come from our deepest of pain. Seeing great achievements of others in grief lighten my soul along with my heart. A huge congrats Kim Cano for conquring your dreams and showing us all that grieve that your dreams never leave you. Below is all information and description of her lovely book that you need. Kim was so gracious to gift me a copy and I promise you it is something that you would love as well.

A WIDOW REDIFINED BOOK DESCRIPTION

On a cold Valentines's Day in Chicago, Amy White, a young widow who lost her husband to cancer, visits the cemetery and makes an unsettling discovery: a bouquet of fresh daffodils lying in front of her husband's grave.

Curiosity grows into obsession as Amy searches for the stranger who left the flowers, while keeping her activities a secret from her live-in mother and seven-year old son. The search leads to an unusual friendship that transforms her world and redefines her life.

PRAISE FOR A WIDOW REDEFINED:

"Not since Lisa See's Snow Flower and the Secret Fan have I read such a complex portrayal of friendship. A Widow Redefined will resonate with anyone who has ever lost a loved one and learned how to live again". ~ Author Deborah Brown

"Inspiring! Destined to become a book club favorite". ~ Alicia Robinson/reader review

To order and check out Kim Cano's book here is the link for you all, also want you all to know it is available in paper back and kindle as well.  http://www.amazon.com/A-Widow-Redefined-ebook/dp/B00C8BV10W/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1365473401&sr=1-1&keywords=a+widow+redefined

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Until Death Parts Us

I use to think that after a person was gone that it was the end, that everything that was shared was no longer, not ever thinking that one day i'd be where I am right now. That's just it so often people think what they think never understanding that in the quickest of ways life gives you a strong lesson to the thoughts you once believed. It is those moments your taken away with no breath, with no words to be spoken. Often enough I found myself so strongly caught up in how it was I thought things were I forgot to understand that what we seem to think is very little to what life has to teach you. From the bad, to the pain, to the good, it is precious to us all to feel those lessons, to understand that sometimes how we see things are in fact not what it is. For me it is a treasure when life creeps up to you to teach you the lessons you sometimes ignore, to find that piece of the puzzle that wasn't fitting due to your perception on how you felt it should be. I strongly know now just because you don't see something there doesn't mean that there isn't. I feel now that in all around us lays the love of those we lost, every where we see, every where we look, everything we touch. That even though not here in the flesh the love made lingers in all the space in between, that the love created carries through you, stays in your heart, walks with you through all the walks of life you go through. That in that pain you find in the oddest of ways the most beautiful of experiences awaiting for you to see. That in pain you become the person you should of been all along. Through that pain it is as though we are reborn, everything becomes new to our touch, smell, sight, our hearts open just as the day we were born.

On the day I took my wedding vows I knew that i'd be a widow at the same time I was vowing to love forever, yet in those moments is when I started to have flash backs, it was when the lights turned on even brighter. In those moments was when I understood love lives far beyond the flesh, that it wasn't about the outside of someone, love was feeling it, love was looking to someone but seeing through them to the very core of their heart, knowing that love would forever be felt, that even though not here in person the love never goes anywhere. I remembered the first days of finding my husband passed, how we felt that love, not for what we looked like yet by how we felt inside. I never fell in love with my husband for his looks, I fell in love with the heart that connected to mine. That was the day I understood oh how proud i'd still be to be his wife even after he was gone. I understood that even if our future as husband and wife would be short that our love would be for eternity. Our daughter is a reminder to my heart that every day he smiles to us both through her, that in her lays a big part of both of our love. Through her I see a blessing of our life we created together. Loves not about flesh, it,s about lasting a life time in us, it's about the feeling it gives to us inside. It's knowing in all the empty that lays between us that it is there.

This month lays many special occasions for my husband passed and I, our wedding anniversary, our anniversary of meeting each other, our daughters birthday, this is why I choose to post about what it is I feel, how I still feel even after all this time of being a widow. Looking back to our life I remember how it was I felt even when my husband passed was not with me, even though not with me I still could feel him , I still felt our love, to me that is how true love lasts forever, it is in the feeling that lays in us even after out of sight. The feeling still remains, the memories are still there, it is the love that remains after everything that proves even though not seen they still remain with us. In the empty around your love fills that area, their love fills every empty space around you. Even after almost two years of losing my husband I still feel our love as the day we met. I still have tears, I still have bad days, yet through it it's our love that lifts me through it. It is that strong feeling of love that carries me when I feel I want to give up. No matter how long is not what it is about, it is our heart that carries that love, so each day we will feel that loss although in that love we will be able to see through it all. So as true love is forever so is grief.



Moving forward with your life is not about letting go, it's not about forgetting them, it is about living up to that love to be who they always wanted you to be, it is about honoring their life through living yours. It's about building to your new life yet bringing in the old, it's about carrying the love with you as you go through the life your building now. Finding the little things they loved bringing it into your days. Everytime you feel that feeling of love close your eyes to understand they are not seen but there. The love that you created never ever goes anywhere, that love lives on in the feelings you feel, it lives through you. Although on days you miss their face, your heart will comfort you in the feelings you felt when they were here.

To this day when I start feeling the pain, the tears, I remember how when my husband passed was here how he disliked seeing me like that. I remember how every day he always told me "I just want you to be happy", that the love we shared was what brought the smile back to my face. So through it all I feel the feeling of our love to understand that is what rises me above all the bad that tries to invade my heart. Sure we can't stop the bad days yet we also don't have to give in to it. This year is no different then last year or the year before, it will be taken one second at a time, it's not about getting easier, it is about making it through the best way that you can. It is about honoring your love to understand in pain there is no room for honor. Being grateful for the love you were blessed with, cherishing that love and carrying it out in the life you live. Take the days to do nothing but feel, let the feeling guide you through the days of importance to see that love will always over power the tears. Finding it in your heart to know that is exactly where it started, your heart.

"So long as we live they to shall live and love for they are a part of us, as we remeber them" ~ Gates of Prayer. So through us they live, it is not through the pain they can be happy, yet only when we understand to be happy to honor them in brightness not gloom is truly when they are living on in us. Finding room in your heart to over come that pain is truly where you will find they will be with us.



Not to long ago I could feel myself being consumed in the memories of my husband passed days he was here, I felt the pain coming back trying to invade my light, I could feel myself giving in, tears were shed, many days of hurt were spent, I felt my hope, belief, happiness was far from me, I than realised the feeling I felt of our love was gone, I focused my all on that feeling to understand that in that pain is where our loved ones passed are truly gone, that in that pain is where they can not be, so the longer we keep feeling that pain is to shut out the love we share. Yes some days is a battle yet knowing it is the love you want to be with you to feel, to know in that is where they are is all the knowing you need to fight that battle. So this year through it all I choose our love, I choose to feel that love, I choose to honor our love just as though it was the same when he was here. Getting side tracked through it is no mistake it is a lesson and learning we understand is dealt to us so we soon enough turn on our own lights to understand what exactly it is we need to do, to know the difference of where our love lives on, in happiness not pain. Sounds cliche but if you go through the darkest to the brightest of moments you soon enough see that is exactly how it is.

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for which has been your delight". ~ Kahlil Gibran. This quote is my favorite, this is the one I keep reading to myself over and over again on days I feel the horrific pain coming back. This reminds me that the pain has no place near what it was that brought the best gift to my life, that my husband passed was not about bringing pain to my heart yet nothing but absolute unconditional love. So where that love lays pain has no reason to be there. The best way to cherish their love is to keep fighting that pain away, our hearts have no room to share with the pain that tries to take up room. I remember saying "In grief is where i've found unconditional love", in my grief is where I hold our true love, our uncondiditonal love, so the pain has no reason, no room to be there in that love.

Remembering our greatest of memories is what I constantly do, grabbing a hold of all of them tightly to fight the fight on days of great despair. As hard as it may be some days, I always find myself through it looking back smiling in knowing our love is never going anywhere. Sometimes as I stare pain in the eyes I see that maybe today it will win, to wake up and realise that not ever will it succeed because in that pain is where I gather more strength. In that pain is where the toughest of lessons will be. Pain can be a blessing if we allow it to not take over yet fight it to learn our lessons along with wait for the next round. Through it all we soon discover that it never really did have a hold of us, we just allowed it to stay. Feel it, fight it, conquer it, in the conquring is a piece of your strength every time. Never be afraid to feel it, it is there for a reason, it is not there to stay. My husband passed has blessed my life in knowing that through it all our love will always be the strength behind me in every thing I fight. I remember our love, I remember our life, I remember his smile, through good to bad is all what made me who I am today. I look back to the person I was before smiling to where I have made it today.



NOTE TO ALL: This year through all of our anniversaries I will embrace our love, feel that love yet this time I am not going to be afraid of the pain, I won't be afraid of the tears, I will know no matter what through it I will make it, that through it with my heart open I will embrace the lessons, the wisdom, the knowledge that will allow me to grow until the next anniversaries that will be. Understanding that in it all is where I will find me, where I will find pieces of my life building to a stronger, fuller, whole me. I honor our love to live these days out by loving what it was he loved doing. That even though missed his love is still around me. In the empty space all around me I will feel our love, I will see pieces of our life is all around. I remember our incidents of skunks and raccoons smiling now to this day I see them all the time. It is through the littlest of things that are signs that our love never goes anywhere. Most of all I remember his smile, it was that smile that started the love he gifted to my life, our life. True love lasts forever, that is just not a fairytale line it is words spoken to believe in.

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Fairytales Are Real Part 2

After finding out that in my life story I was a princess that found her prince, that same day we decided to go browse some stores. While we were out browsing stores there was a store I had to just check out, as a girl jewelry was never something to pass by. Looking at all the sparkle in the store in the corner of one of the show cases I spotted that special diamond that stood out amongst the rest. As I was starring with huge eyes trying it on for fun, it was in that moment we got engaged. Next thing I knew the ring was back on my finger, it was mine, we were engaged. With in the year of being together we had moved into our own apartment, owned our own home, now to being engaged. True love never waits a single moment.

I remember thinking "is this for real?, is it all happening too fast?, my heart was more than willing to put those thoughts to rest.

Five years passed, on the normal every day I noticed a huge change in me. I was smelling food out feeling nauseated, that right there sounded the alarms. That was not normal for me, getting a pregnency test could not of been bought fast enough. In great eagerness it was that same night we found out we were expecting. All of me was full of joy yet totally scared out of my mind. Looking in his eyes I told him "we're having a baby", not even a flinch from him, I could see in all of him the over flowing of love already for this baby, far from even being here yet. The glow from him was my confirmation that his love for this child is larger than life.



In the hospital after being awake for 48 hours was a moment I carry with me to this day, he took our little girl to rock while I could rest, not just for seconds, he rocked her for four hours straight. As I awoke the sun was just rising as I looked outside to see the pink sky, as I glanced from outside to inside watching our new addition to our family along with her daddy, I thought to myself "that this is all a dream come true, that all that is in this tiny room is all I ever wanted. Our little girl grew so fast never having to worry if she was loved. In her fathers eyes she knew the love he held was greater than life it self. The bond between these two always took my breath away. No words can ever explain how it was when he looked to his little girl.

As time went on through the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth birthday, it was our daughters sixth Christmas, that morning was full of excitement, this year Santa was bringing her a doll house of her dreams. As we watched her unwrap, we glowed in how bright eyed she was. It was this year that our lives would change. During this winter he had gotten pneumonia, after recovering from that we celebrated New Years together, happy for being a family still, for the love that we share. On a morning following the holidays he told me he wanted to get an X -ray, that his back was hurting him. We both thought it was a bruised or cracked rib from all the coughing from the pneumonia, not ever thinking of anything else. That day he went to get checked, never ever thinking of what we were about to find out. It was the next day he come to me, in his eyes I could see something was wrong, I could see the pain as he walked closer to me, right than and there I wanted to run away. As he got closer in disbelief he spoke of the words he had heard earlier "I got lumps on my lungs, one on one side, two on the other side" as these words came out of his mouth I felt as though I was stuck in a bad dream, I felt my heart shatter right than and there.

Trying to keep myself calm, I listened to him say "tomorrow I go for a CAT scan" in all of these words all I could keep thinking is "it's ok, we will be ok, this can not be happening, miracles happen, it can happen for us". I never hugged someone so tight as I did in that moment. No words, no tears, just our love. Through the next few days I could see our life crashing quickly. As if the lungs was not enough to hear, the CAT scanned showed kidney cancer. This is where all the life was sucked out of me, this is where I started to pray for a miracle.



Never ever speaking to each other of what ifs we went on loving, we went on being a family. Loving our daughter, loving one another the best as well as most that we could. Through this all it was our daughter we wanted to be ok, we did not want her life to feel upside down like how we did on the inside. In all of these moments no words will ever describe how broken I was nor the endless tears I shed. We both knew he was terminal, it was within all my heart I wanted to take care of him in our home. These moments would be precious to us all, not wanting to waste any of it out of our home. Right away I became his caregiver, both our decisions were made, that was how he wanted it to be. To take care of him came as natural as it was to be a mother.

Being together for twelve years always wanting to get married yet never having enough money, we finally chose to do it now. Even though our future would not be long our true love would be forever. April sixteenth we were married in our home with close friends along with family. I remember that day as sick as he was he refused to let me put my own rings on my finger, he grabbed my hand to do it for himself.

Having to have the talk I did with our little girl no parent should ever have to do. Saying " I know you know daddy is sick, we are trying to make him feel better but if he don't he may have to go to be with baby Jesus one day". That conversation broke me all over again into a billion pieces. Knowing the truest of love of all would no longer be. Through this all it was our love that rose us above the pain, it was through the truest of love we made it to where we are today.



Towards the end I remember two very signifigent moments, eight days before passing we spent in the hospital. Our daughter was taken care of by my mom. It was a bright sunny day I stood in front of him, I looked to him to see a smile on his face, a smile I could remember just the same as the first day we met. In that moment he grabbed my hand pulled it to his lips and kissed it. I knew with out words what he felt. Our love was a love of the truest in this world. On the eighth day I knew waking up that today would be the day we would say good bye to our life, to my one true love, to my heart. The hardest yet breath taking moment on this day was having to call our little girl, so daddy could hear her voice one last time. As she spoke it was a miracle to see him smile as soon as he heard her little voice brighter than the sun. It was her voice he waited for, less than 3 hours later he left our lives.

Through this love of my life along with the great pain i've suffered it was due to him I found myself, how I became whole. Through his unconditional love I knew there was not anything I could not do. Through his love I learned to open my heart to embrace life in the beautiful, glorified way it needed to be. After feeling such horrific pain was what allowed me to open up to see the blessings through it all. Through this journey of all is where I found my purpose. As I walked through the pain turning on my light so many doors opened to me as well as my heart.

NOTE TO ALL: No matter what on the hardest of days I always go back to a question I was asked "if you could go back, would you change anything?, would you change being with him?, my answer in seconds came to say "no, i'd do it all again". Remembering this helps me to understand that true love is not something to give up, that once faced in the eyes of unconditional love there are no options but to take it all in, that unconditional love is a gift, it is that love that sheds so many of blessings to your life. Even after the person carrying that love is not to be seen, it still will always remain. Pain in the loss yes, pain in that love never wins, understanding the love will always be the wings to rise you above the pain that you feel.



The hardest thing we should always do through the pain is remind ourselves that it is not the pain our loved ones passed brought to our lives, it was love, so pain has no room in our hearts that is consumed full of their love. Yes we can no longer see our loved ones passed yet the love we share is always still there.

In the midst of the nights I find myself restless, restless in knowing his spot is empty, restless in knowing he is no longer there in reach, through the restless I close my eyes in knowing his love still resides, that in that empty space our love will always be. I go back to remembering how it was I felt, that at night when we were together it was in the silence of one another that love felt the strongest. I remember looking into his eyes knowing tomorrow our love will be there, that our love would always be there.

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