It's in the unknown you find your aha blessings

So many of amazing blessings have happened over this passed weekend that yet again I sit her in awe in absolute shock how so much can just happen in an instant leaving you breath taken.  So this weekend was another life transforming moment to me in many ways from the good to the bad.  Of course as I spoke of many times it started with huge hesitation, "go?, don't go?, go?, don't go"?.  The fight in my mind lasted for quite some time until the actual day for leaving to Toronto came upon my door step.  Susan Knight is the kind of best friend my life could of ever asked for, to this day I do believe from the higher above she was placed in my life to prove to my life to step out of ALL my comfort zones.  She was put into my life to make me understand that being afraid is OK yet not let it take you prisoner.  She was my travelling buddy to Toronto this weekend to see Mastin Kipp on Super Soul Sunday preview party at House of Moments.

This I say so much due to knowing in my heart that so many times that we are faced with fear is all the more of the reasons you must conquer those fears to understand that in that fear is a piece of a blessing to your life that soon one day leads to the  bigger huge picture that has always been the dream in your mind thought of coming to be your reality.  It is in the fighting, kicking, the uncomfortable,  that once lifted you find more and more of your blessings waiting for you to see.  It is your struggles that lead you to many more doors that open up to find the pieces of your puzzle to the life you live, to the life you have envisioned for so long. 

This whole experience layed many blessings of lessons to my life that was needed to be put into place, sitting there listening to Super Soul Sunday as well as Mastin speaking to us proved to my heart a lesson that needed to be heard, needed to be seen.  In this moment I had realised in this life it is not about the stress of not getting where you want to be so fast, it is not about feeling you are not getting where you need to be fast enough, it is about being in the now, it is about the baby steps you need to be taking to be getting to your dream, it is about being present in the moment to enjoy what is around you, it is about being able to be in the now to see the little pieces of your puzzle coming to you to lead you to that one huger then life moment you have always dreamt of.  It is the anticipation, the excitement, the happiness you feel in this moment building towards your life time dream. 

It is the struggles, the greatness, the blessings,  that you allow yourself to just be there to truly be all there, to take it all in that really is the dream of the dream happening, unfolding baby step by baby step.  The frustration an anger,  as well as feeling low due to not happening fast enough is what gets you off track losing sight of the bigger picture, it is within the low of your days that the lessons are there to teach you that patience is a need in the life you are building, that no dream happens over night, that it is all about taking the little pieces you need to build to the bigger picture is what is needed to be.  It is within the little the dream you dream is speaking to your heart to let you know it is OK, "I got you", but only in due time you will see the bigger picture.

The night before in our hotel room was another big AHA blessing to me, something that just had me awe struck the next day, it was something I always knew of yet never really could do.  I knew in my heart that through this grieving road I travel it was a must to my soul yet never understood how to feel it, how to get to it.  As we talked the girl talk and of course for too long we realised it was 2am that we were up way too long, that tomorrow we had to be up at 8am was when we said OK we need sleep.  The next day was the Super Soul Sunday Preview Party for Mastin Kipp.  Before going to sleep Susan had asked me about a "meditation CD", so of course I thought to myself if there is anything that can help me out to relax I wanted to try.  Laying in bed listening I could just feel all of me relax, it truly was a feeling that I haven't felt for so long, to know me you know how hard it is for me to be so far out of my comfort zone, to actually feel so relaxed put all of me in shock.  I could not believe that what I wanted to conquer for so long was actually happening to me proving it does exist, something I struggled with for so long was no longer.  As we woke up the next day I was in total shock to feel, to see, that this stayed with me, nothing but total at ease, to feel such relaxation through out my whole body was a feeling of a miracle to me.  To be able to feel such at peace is a feeling that nothing can describe and is a must for all those that grieve.

After taking pictures as well as many hugs to all OwnAmbassadors which was another huge blessing to the soul, we heard that due to being so grateful we all were invited to the SociaLight Conference the same day in Toronto.  I could not believe the gracious offer, although I was not too sure what to expect I knew it was where I was meant to go.  Looking to Susan we both agreed to just do it, to go and find out what it would be like.  It is in the unknown that we find the blessings that have been missing for too long.  It is the unknown that you realise a piece of the puzzle to your life.  So many things have presented itself to me that as I type this I feel just so amazed as well as grateful, it proves to my heart that it all is leading to my one big picture, my dream.

For me everything was always so fast, everything was always so fast paced, I was living in a rush to get away from the pain, to move fast in hopes to fast forward to the dream I have dreamt for so long.  It is in the now I understand that it is not about rushing, it is not about always wondering about the days a head that my life blessings lay, it is in THE NOW, THE HERE, THIS MOMENT, where I capture the beauty, the lessons, the gift of the pieces of my dream that are all around, it is in the baby steps you carry your strength to becoming stronger to your dream.  It is in this I find a great moment of advice I can take with me to use to help others that are grieving.  To be in the moment, to feel it, to take the time to just feel it, because in these moments is where you need to be, where you need to cherish, it is in the end moments of our loved ones passed we need to feel, we need to just be all there, the rushing to fast forward is where you lose those precious moments.  To be all there in every second to take in those last moments of memories. 

Now to talk about another life changing moment to me on this beautiful day, was the moment at the SociaLight Conference sitting next to Susan.  A lot of me wanted to not be there I fought with Susan to go but she was determined to get me to just give it all a chance and how my heart is so very grateful we did.  As I looked to Susan with those eyes of despair I felt myself just let go to hear the beautiful voice that was speaking to my soul, Agapi Stassinopoulos I looked to her quickly to see what bright, loving, beautiful soul she was, that not even hearing her your heart could feel it.  That is in the moment the fight had stopped, the fight to want to not be there, that is when I noticed she was talking to my dream, she was talking to my heart.  This is where a blessing to my dream had taken place, her words struck an ever lasting memory in me that will never be forgotten.  As she spoke I could feel her, I just knew that in this she would be confronting me.  Now in this moment was when I let go of the fear of my dream, the fear to speak of my dream, the fear of getting it out there, it was my fear I have held on to for so long due to being looked at as something that is not possible, although in my heart it is my purpose,  it is what I want in my life, it is my purpose I need to follow in this life, how could I keep my dream a secret?, it is meant to be done, it is meant to use in this world, to be of service to others that grieve, to be able to lift the pain in all that grieve so they can find their joy.

As Agapi spoke I just knew she was heading for me because I could see her making eye contact with me a lot through her speaking.  All of me was terrified thinking 

"what if she does approach me and I have to say it out loud"?.  

Sure enough as I was thinking of all this I could hear her say ``and this beautiful lady what is it you want"?, what is it that you dream?, that is when the most beautifulest of things happened that could of never been before.  

This is when all of me stopped hiding from my purpose to let it out in a room full of many people.  It was the moment I spoke my truth out loud.  That was when I took notice to the pain that was there for so long that was no longer how it was, in that moment I had realised I was no longer afraid that the pain no longer had a hold of me, that I could talk freely of my husband passed with out getting choked up with eyes full of tears.  

That was the moment this beautiful gift to our world had gotten me to say out loud what it is I knew in my heart was my purpose to this world.  To answer her question I told my story, I told everyone my dream, to be here to help those that grieve, to be a Grief Coach, to let the world know that grieving is not something to be so hush hush about.  

As I looked to Agapi she smiled looked to all the other people and asked "well who here in this room has lost someone close to them"?.  When I turned to see my whole body felt a rush in noticing that 95% of that room had their hands in the air.  That is when my heart just knew that what I am doing is exactly what I am suppose to be doing, in all those hands layed a piece of my dream coming together. 

In that room I got confirmation that there are so many that are in this pain of grief that no one really is brave enough to say it, that in fear they feel they are alone, that grieving is a topic that others don`t want to hear of, so those grieving keep to themselves and feel truly alone.  That is when I realised my gift to this world is what I was meant to do, my purpose to this world is to show unconditional love to all those that grieve, to those that are afraid of grief, it is within all of me that I had realised that this is my gift to the world. 

It is through this whole weekend that I have had many pieces to my dream present itself to me, the lessons, the blessings, if I had made the decision to just stay home this all would of never been.  It is in fear you have to step up to look it in the eyes to struggle the big struggle to win to receive all pieces as well of blessings you need to move forward closer to your dream baby steps at a time.

After being home I had another hurdle to accomplish, I had to let go of the fear of writing a book out there, I had to set it free and not worry of the fear that was keeping me a prisoner, I had to open my heart to release it to others not worrying of what would be.  "The Grieving Path To Joy" intro to how it become was sent out into the world, that to was a moment that proved to my heart it was meant to be.  The response that was given was a joy of delight to my dream.

NOTE TO ALL:  Mastin Kipp, Agapi, SociaLight I thank you so much for making this a life lesson to my dream, to my soul.  OwnAmbassadors thank you always for being the bright lights that you are.  Michael Lawrence thank you for always being there for me as well as believing in me.  For everyone out there it is your dream, it is your purpose to be afraid of it is wasting precious time in this world you live.   Be here in this moment, rushing through life is a loss to your life,  to your dream.  It is in the little baby steps that one day becomes the bigger picture, the dream that you have always seen yet in a bigger way that you could of never imagined.  BE HERE, BE NOW.