So this passed weekend I was presented with another one of those days, you know the kind where the outside world is non existent to you, the kind of day that too many of us deal with. Waking up I found on this day a little afraid to open my eyes yet in my heart I knew it was a new day for me, a day to be grateful for having yet another chance to this life we live. After waking up doing my routine wake up things I do, I received a phone call. Looking at my phone I noticed it was my Mother in Law, we still are very close to my husband passed family, I smiled knowing who it was to answer it.
Our daughter holds a very special place in these peoples life, looking to her I do believe they see a lot of my husband passed in her, I know in some ways being around her helps comfort their pain in a lot of ways. Our daughter is definitely her fathers twin, which to me I take deep comfort in as well, looking to her is as if a piece of him is always with us. So after answering I was asked if Hailey and I would go celebrate the Father in Laws 87th Birthday with them all, that they wanted to see us, that it has been a while, that they missed us.
Now as I have spoke of in a post before those exact same feelings came around, of course I wanted to go, yet the darkness tried to take over, the darkness tried fooling my brightness for life yet again. I feared of many things, "what if being there would make me feel bad?", "what if I am there to start feeling bad?", to just feeling I wanted to not do anything today, I wanted to stay safe in my home to not deal with the outside world. This is where we all need to stop to understand our lives are worth so much more then being a prisoner in our own life, to finding ways to always justify it, this is where we learn our light is so much brighter then the darkness that tries to invade our light. To all I say this, fight the feelings away, use all of you to understand this is not anything but fear, it is within us all to over power those thoughts, take a step back, deep breath, tell yourself it is ok to feel like this yet at same time it will not take over you, understand in your heart the fears are never stronger then you, you have all of the power to push through to ignore it all.
Finding the one true motivation to your heart will take a hold of any fears that linger within you in an instant. For me it was looking to my daughter knowing I want to be the role model that she will be as she grows into a beautiful young lady. Keeping that close to my heart as well as in my mind is the motivator of all, that is the fuel to anything being accomplished in all I do. Her father was a man that would go to the end of the world for her, with her, so that I take with me along with being the role model I want to see her be to use to fight any fight that has been given to me.
This is where I understand that through anything you do in life that is a struggle lays a big part of accomplishment, dreams, bliss, that through your struggles you gain a piece of your dream. It has never let me down proving to me over and over again that it is there, that in your struggles is a lesson to your heart, mind as well as soul. Every time that we decide to beat the darkness the light we carry becomes stronger and stronger to us, to others, to the world. Yet through each struggle I forget this in the end it reminds my heart that it will always be.
We don't have struggles just for no reason, in these struggles are valuable pieces of the brighter light to our souls, we have struggles for our hearts to be enlightened, we have struggles to give lessons to our heart. It is how you deal with those struggles is how it reflects on your life, to conquer the struggles brings in the joy to set free the pain you bear.
We all need to understand that defeating your struggles brings a feeling like no other, we start to understand it is beating the struggles that leaves a bit of the pain with it, that soon enough through all of the struggles our heart mends to feel lighter of all the pain. As hard as it may all be the light you carry is much more stronger then the darkness that lurks behind.
So last week in my struggle I defeated I found my heart was mended in knowing it was accepting the Christmas season approaching. Last week was a week of absolute joy to my heart as it took notice that the pain was no longer strong, it also proved to my life what it was I would be doing, grief coaching, grief counselling, to opening my own Organization for all that grieve, to making people understand that those that grieve are not unapproachable, to writing a book "The Grieving Path To Joy".
This week as I forced all of me to get out to get ready, to get my daughter ready to go to the party it was in that moment of being there I took another gift to my heart with me as we left at the end of it all. It was in the moments of being there I noticed just how at peace I felt, it was a feeling I felt that is what made me understand that being there comforted my heart knowing through all of his family was his love, through them all was a piece of our life there.
I seen them all look to my daughter as her father once did, the proudness, full of bright love bigger then this world. It was through that I understood that my husband passed love never ever will leave us, that through everyone who touched his life was his love looking back at us at all times. I have never felt such peace as I did that whole night I was with them all. Feeling that feeling spoke to all of me knowing that I can still feel like that, that my husband passed was there to remind my heart that it never left me, that this is the way I am suppose to feel, to not be afraid, to not fear anything in this life that presents itself to me.
NOTE TO ALL : Take the time to breath, step back, then use all of you to move forward to push away the darkness. Know in your heart that you have exactly what you need in you to conquer the fears that lurk all around, that you as a person have a reason in this life, that reason is your dream waiting to be fulfilled. Our loved ones passed will always be there through the end of struggles to touch our hearts to remind us. Just know you have the strength, the fears, darkness, negative, never ever is there to defeat you, it is through that you see your pieces of life coming together, the struggle reveals to you your lessons, your dreams, your joy. Even if through it you notice it is taking time, that is ok just keep your mind set to push through it all. Most of all defeating those struggles releases a bit of your pain each as well as every time.
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