A little short story that come to mind that wanted to write about this is part 1 coming soon part 2
Jenna always walked to and from her work each day, no matter
the weather, rainy, cold, snow, hot it didn’t matter she always found the time
to take a detour past a cemetery where she would always find the headstone of
something that she knew meant something to her life, to her heart, as it read
“Never got to say good bye, always loved and in my heart”, the weird thing of
this head stone was where the date of who it was and when born and when died
was a mystery, it read “Jeremy Jacobs June 7, 1973 – the year of death was not
there. After standing for a little while
Jenna would move onto where she needed to be, sometimes Jenna would just walk
over there in her own time to see this headstone, she knew deep in her heart
there was meaning to it but never admitted to her heart or life what it was
that meant to her. Jenna was a lady so
full of spark, a dreamer that took life by a strong hold to make all of her
dreams come true, she was a lady so full of love, always bringing a smile to
whoever it was she walked by and to those she loved so much and friends that
were near and dear to her heart. Jenna
had many people in her life of great support and love.
Her life was at the peak of all her dreams coming true, she
was a writer for a high profiled newspaper in New York and proud to be where
she had made it to. Yet through it all
her friends and family could not understand where Jenna’s spark had gone, why
knowing all her dreams were coming true how she just wasn’t happy as she used
to be, her spark was no longer. It was
as though something had happened in the past two months that laid a mystery to
all that were close to her but never fully could grasp why. Always asking her, she would always answer
“just too busy, I haven’t changed it is just more busy of a life I lead
now”. Her friends knew of a man she
dated for quite some time that was no longer around that they just assumed they
had broken up and that had put Jenna in a rut.
Jenna was not the same girl and those that love her never knew what they
could do or say to help her if they never knew what exactly it was that was
wrong. Her mom’s come to the conclusion
that it was the mysterious unseen boyfriend no longer around; she was convinced
it was a breakup that had her acting like she was. Jenna’s mom asked several times “you know you
could talk to me about anything, if you broke up than it will take some time an
you will bounce back, each day gets easier you will see”, each time her mom
spoke those words Jenna’s eyes would fill with tears. That lead to Jenna’s mom knowing for sure
they had broken up but Jenna never wanted to speak of it.
Jenna looked to her mom after every time she was asked that
question that “I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t ever want to talk about
it”. No one ever really wanted to ask
anything knowing how she felt towards the questions, they knew not to pry that
hopefully in time she will be back to the Jenna they knew of before. Each room were of pictures of Jenna and her
boyfriend which also lead to her friends and loved ones wondering why would she
have the shrine of memories all around her if they had broken up? Never asking knowing something mysteriously
was there but knowing Jenna never took heart in wanting to discuss anything of the
sort or the situation, it was as though she was running from it to not want to
feel it. Jenna each and every day was
going through her life, not living it, just going through the motions and never
wanting to anything out of her normal life style of going to work and coming
home. Her friends forever asked her to
go out but Jenna never wanted anything to do with that, being at home and work
was all she did the bare necessity of what she had to do in her life and that
was it.
To know of Jenna before that again was not at all was what
she was like, her love for life, food, being with all the beautiful people in
her life was something very important, but lately that had slipped away. She wandered her home every night looking to
all the pictures of memories around her, no emotion, no facial expressions just
as though in an art gallery observing the art work on the wall not having any
special meaning but something to look at.
Jenna on nights she could not sleep would always wander to that grave
yard to see the headstone, standing starring Jenna never showed emotion, yet
all of her felt something in her that wanted to take her to her knees, as quick
as that feeling came on Jenna denied whatever it was to walk away knowing as
long as she was there that is all she needed, never letting why it was she was
there to be fully taken in, to let the why have enough time to make it into her
heart nor mind.
It was a rainy Saturday night, as usual Jenna was home wandering
her home as always starring to the pictures that surrounded her in each room
she walked in to. The bell rang at her
front door, not expecting anyone she was hoping it be who she missed so much,
answering the door it was her friends, but with them was a man, a man Jenna
knew but not that well. She glanced at
her friends with a look of not so inviting, they glanced at each other but
entered at their own risk. “Jenna this
is James, he came out with us for dinner and tagged along because we just
wanted to stop by to see how you were doing”, Jenna looked to all of them
thinking to herself “set up?” Why would
her friends even have enough gull in them to set her up, they know nothing of
her recent history, they don’t know of her situation and after all it has been
only two months since they’ve seen Jeremy was not around, how is that ever
enough time for anyone to move on?” She
thought to herself, actually she screamed in her mind, if she could she would scream
it now but did not want to even open the gates of what is wrong with you? Like
so many times all over again.
Jennifer asked “so what are you up to tonight Jenna”, as
always short answered and not caring Jenna answered “nothing”. Jennifer looked to Erika, Dienna, and James
with a look in her eye of great worry.
Jennifer felt that this is not the friend she knew of, where is the
friend she knew? What is going on with
her, ok if she has a heartache fine but Jenna has been through break ups before
and never was it to this extreme, she was always opened and still the same
person she was but this time around it was as though she had no desire, no life
in her, it was as though she wanted no one in her life, to be alone and not
bothered and that was never how she was ever.
“Well if you all don’t mind I’d like to go rest, it’s late”, Jenna had
said, the most words ever spoken, they all looked at the clock to see it was
7:30 and looked to one another not knowing and just wanting to understand what
was wrong with their friend they cared for so much. Erika answered “Ok we will head out, do you
want to come?” Jenna shook her head no
but said “thanks for asking you all have fun”.
As they left Jenna already knew the awkwardness felt by all would lead
to be told to her Mom, as always like before.
Jenna knew she changed but her heart didn’t care, she knew
she would never be the same but the denial consumed her all as to why she would
be. It didn’t matter what others thought
she knew she was changed and she would never be the same. That it didn’t matter why it was no one’s
business and besides how it could be anyone’s business if to her own self she
would not succumb to her own reality.
Her dreams were all of reality but not even that mattered to her. All that mattered is she made it through the
days with less people, conversations and being alone. The less conversations meant the less
questions she was so tired of hearing, because in those questions were answers
of nothing of what she wanted to feel or admit.
In her own time maybe but for now she totally wanted to feel, know or
talk of nothing.
Christmas was on its way and that was the season Jenna loved
most but these days nothing was felt, nothing was of importance, everything was
dark and cold where she was. She even
knew the people close to her would be guessing and pushing once they see that
she was not that happy crazy Christmas loving girl, she so many times wanted to
run away and just be alone where no one was around but sometimes being around
her love and support helped her no matter how much she was being
interrogated. Her mother was the most
important to her, yet where she was at in her life no one could help her if she
couldn’t bear to face reality herself.
Picking up a picture of the shrine that was all around her she laid down
to close her eyes wishing to sleep for a year.
She hugged the pillow and picture under the covers as she did every
night before falling asleep. Not one
tear would fall, totally emotionless she would shortly fall asleep.
When she woke, she woke yet again to the door bell, getting
up quick she dropped the picture and it shattered as it hit the ground, racing
to get to the door she cut her foot, as she opened the door her mother startled
could see the blood, “Oh my goodness what have you done?, do you not know your
bleeding? What is going on in here”? Jenna looked to her mom “I am ok it’s a
little cut I broke a picture frame, really why do you make things bigger that
what they are”? She snapped. Her mother
in disbelief never talked to her by that just looked at her. “I’ll be back I’m going clean up the glass
and bandage my foot”. Her mother really
did have no words in all the thirty-eight years Jenna has never spoken as she did
just right now. I mean they had their
daughter, mother arguments but the tone and feeling as though she was not
wanted was never of before. Jenna came
back out looking to her mom as her mom looked in shock, “Do you want
anything”? Drink? You want something to
eat? Her mother didn’t even answer. “Mom
really what did you expect me to do, you startled me as I was sleeping and I
snapped, sorry”. “It doesn’t matter I
just don’t get what is wrong with you and I am your mother and very worried by
this person in front of me, this person I do not even know anymore”. “Really mom, I am who I have always been, why
read into things more than you need to?
“Ok Jenna you win as always you get to keep all to yourself bottled up,
I am not going to care if that is the way you want to be. Your friends don’t even know who you are
anymore, and that is to show it’s not just me knowing the change in you”.
“Mom I don’t know what to say to you maybe I have changed
but I am so tired of always being questioned, please just leave it be”. Jenna went into the kitchen to take a drink
of water as if the conversation never existed.
Her mother stood behind her in disbelief that something terribly is
wrong and her daughter is not letting anyone in. “Ok Jenna, I’ m going to do some shopping,
would you like to come”? Jenna wanted in
her every being to say no but to cut from the questioning and to make some what
of the badgering and others knowing something was definitely off she agreed to
go with her mom. While getting ready,
Jenna’s mom walked around looking to all these pictures and shaking her head in
confusion as to why she would keep them out if the broke up happened two months
now, why would she want to be in constant memory to a relationship that did not
make it? She could not rap her mind
around it but she definitely knew her daughter was suffering that her life was
being sucked out of her. Jenna came out
grabbed her purse an her and her mom left to go shopping, inside Jenna all of
her being was being held back, she did not want to leave, she did not want to
shop, she did not want to be around people but to stop the so many questions
she went using all energy she had in her.
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