Scars Are Beauty Marks

There once was a woman who hid of all who she thought would alienate her, talk bad of her, that cared who did not like her, that hid what she thought was her dark side in fear of being taunted, looked to as weak, different, not worth the time, then a light glowed so bright as she looked to her dark side to see it was a purpose, it was a light to cast onto others in their times of need in hopes others to would start to see the light, to see their dark side their beauty mark to advocate that it is not to be ashamed of, it is not to forever put yourself in silence.  Your work blessed upon you is to cast that light to as many people and lift them out of their silence to see themselves worthy and whole.

Lets not walk so lightly around things that people would never want a single person to know, why be in the quiet when you can be in the light shedding off a light to others to see they to should let their scars of beauty glow onto all others around the world to see it is not so embarrassing, it is not so hard, that the tongues of harsh words of others is worth so much more to help people who need to see that hiding and keeping quiet is no way to live your life.  Are you ashamed to be you?   are you ashamed to smile?, laugh?, live life to your best?   Than why be ashamed of scars that are nothing but your own personal beauty marks to help others see that theirs to are exactly the same nothing but beauty marks that glow with the love of a love beyond this world. 

  What is your story?  everyone has one, everyone has that one thing they keep on hidden inside, they hide behind their smiles in front of others to keep that one thing locked up like it is something to be ashamed of, in the mean time that one person your smiling at carries to a hidden pain so ashamed to let out that it just becomes a vicious circle of everyone putting on happy faces to blind side the one thing they never feel anyone should ever know.  I never thought I'd come to a point in my life I actually felt as though i'd be embarrassed of anything about me, because when I look to myself I see love, I see flaws, but no matter what,  I see someone living a life to the strongest of honesty and fullest that can be. 

 I think of the darkest moments where I should of been out of my mind but shockingly I had to go to a place of laughter, because laughter is the best medicine for any pain, struggles, frustration, negativity that tries to pull us in.  Now that I think back of the moment it actually is a treasure of a memory I will always carry with me, no matter how dark of a funny moment it was.  Will you look at me differently if told you I suffer from anxiety?  that I am in treatment for anxiety?  will you look at me differently if I just come to realization that I may be fighting Post Traumatic Stress?  that something that came through three years late losing my husband, something that has always been there, yet I felt the need again to keep it in and fight the battle on my own, to again come to reality to understand it is NOT a weakness in my character, who I am or life that I live. 

 It's not about seeing it as a flaw, it is about getting what you deserve to make it through the scars of your life to become through it, not around it, it's about owing it to yourself to open your heart and take that embarrassment out to replace it with light to help anyone you can that see's and knows "well if she can do it, than so can I", to that person showing others they to as well, until it becomes contagious and no one hides in suffering no longer, to the point where to the people that think without knowing that it truly is a debilitating state, that because of your smug ideas and antics many have been lost over something that could of well just been an enlightenment of weight off of so many shoulders. 

 However it does not matter what others may say or feel, it is you and only you is all that matters, cast away the voices of others and build to the life you dream you want, just because you go through what you go through it does not ever cripple you to holding onto and making your life, your dreams,  your reality to be.  In thirty-seven years never ever have I had this happen to me, you never think it could happen to you, that when it does you feel your weaker than others, that it is a hush hush deep secret you want no one to know about.  Many have been lost carrying that with them but to the people that are going through it are the light to make it come to an end and light up your lights with love for others to know they are not different, it is not a weakness and is not meant to be a secret.  

I think for me I look to someone so close to me to realize it was how open she was with her illness an got help with not a care in the world, with out a care of what others would do or say, seeing her do it with such class an being proud knowing it did not ever lesson the person she was an what she was going to be.  As surprised so many were she stood tall and never once felt any less of who she was or the person she was, your you, having to suffer from anything does not make you a marked outcast person, it does not change nothing of the person you have always been.  A whole new world entered my life the day I lost a part of me, at first I fought to play myself off as nothing was wrong, hiding from what would be, what others would say, feel, than understanding I am changing, but this does not rip ever who I am to a lower level of anyone else.

Has it changed my life since?  not in the least, I smile in knowing that I am still me, that I continue my life no different surrounded with love an great support, taking the time to take care of what I need yet living life as it has never changed, embarrassed?  no, hiding from?  no, feeling free, breathing in the beauty of all that is around, taking charge to all I want to be?  YES.  Proud Mother of a beautiful little girl I ever could have ever seen.  Crippled in the dark?  no, shining bright casting the light to anyone that can see, to see its all about shining not hiding. 

I remember a moment in time where I truly believe is a place everyone needs to find, where you come to a point while fighting hiding your problem so much to keep your sanity, to find the funny in the darkness no matter how in disbelief you feel you can't believe your laughing at such a thing.  As I sat outside trying to fight the battle going on inside of me, feeling at the end of my sanity, I thought it is either time to break or find my funny in this and find my light because of the embarrassment of others knowing was not going to bring me down, so to my funny I went.   I remembered the time shortly after losing my husband hiding the deep dark secret I was to afraid to admit, going to open the fridge, Mother watching and with a blink of an eye I broke down.

 Crying harder than I ever could, then turning a complete 360 started to laugh like I had just heard the funniest joke I ever heard, then seeing the expression on my mothers face of whether she should be horrified or laugh, looking at her just made me laugh more.  That was when I truly understood that sometimes the pain is so bad that you have to laugh, because as we all know "laughter is the best medicine", I still do not understand why that moment had happened but realize today just how vile it can be if you do not let out what you are so afraid to ask for "help".  That was the beginning of freeing what I so strongly was keeping a secret to myself and everyone else I thought would judge me for the problem that lingered for far too long in me.

Don't look to any problem you may have that becomes so hurtful to you that you need to ask for help as it is a weakness, or the opinions of others may be, do you, be proud, your still you it's just an obstacle to go through to find all your silver linings and blessings because in that ask "I need help" is the dance of dancing out beyond your fears and out beyond your fears is your rainbows of blessings an answers in shock of how something so painful becomes your bright light and empowerment to the world.  

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Needing Help is Brave an Strong

When your fighting your biggest of battles in life you feel you go to another side where you see no one, hear no one, and no one sees you or hears you.

There is a nothing but complete and utter black once you have lost who you are, once you no longer can see the light in and out of you, sometimes it takes so long to tell yourself over and over again that tomorrow is another day, that this way I am feeling is not permanent, that if I cannot make it on my own I need to stand strong for myself and get and admit I need help.  So many around by appearance you would never tell are suffering inside so badly that the world seems it has turned to total darkness, as if walking blind through your days and nights.  

This is also why so many feel the need to keep it in, try to put on a smile, showing others they are ok, due to wanting to get through on their own.  When you look to another as you pass them by do you see what they are on the inside?, can you see the pain?, saying hello with a smile just might save someone's life.  This I learned not so long ago.

That is just it so many in pain are passed by so quickly, to think that in their time they will be better, that they can do it, that the pain and suffering will make them stronger, help them grow, I see it as that, however when a person is so far gone under water touching rock bottom that light to knowing you can make it is not there, your mind is in complete dark that no thoughts reach you.  

Many believe that Depression/Anxiety/Panic Attacks/, are all something a person can on their own over come, that it is looked at as a weakness by some, the one suffering feels so consumed of embarrassing thoughts of what others believe that they continue to try to fight on their own not wanting to admit what they battle in fear of what society has made so many believe.

I see this because being at rock bottom I have seen the judgement of so many, telling you "you can do this, this is all in your head, you are strong", however how true it may be there are situations that are truly like a disease and like a disease it needs to be treated.  No one can understand it fully if they themselves have not felt it, lived it, been through it.  Being truly clinically depressed like any other disease it is a disease itself, not something to over look, judge or criticize.  It is because of so many nay Sayers people suffering stay in the dark, turn their back on life and take their life in their own hands.

If it is a rising problem today then it is not something to be looked to as a person's problem to deal with on their own, or to be over looked and back turned on.  Yes some can build back up to their light, to the light, yes you can tell yourself positive things, believe in positive things to lighten the pain, to make it back to the light of who you are. 

There will be falling down, going in circles, but feeling you need to reach out for help is not to ever feel you are weak, nor embarrassed.  I am glad to see so many addressing depression, yet still their is so much as we as a person and world need to do to strengthen the matter of depression and to shine a light to those who are in the dark to know they are loved, they are not weak, they are not trapped, they are not less than a person, their life is meaningful, that they are not different by what they are suffering.

I remember the day I needed to admit to myself I cannot do it on my own no more, I know I am not the me I use to be, it was so hard to admit that it took a year to finally feel strong enough to reach out and understand it was ok to ask for help and get help that I needed, that asking for help was the bravest, strongest thing you could ever do in life, not the weakest, embarrassing thing others may have seen it to be, it does not matter what others see all that matters is what your own eyes and heart see and know.  

That's the problem so many look for others consent and how they feel that they get caught up in knowing others do not make who they are as a person, it is you that makes you and what others see, say is none of your business.  Others do not define who you are, it is you and you alone through your eyes is all that matters, it is your life and how you see it and do it is all you will ever need to know.  I am truly saddened today to see such a precious gem in this world that made so many laugh, that shined so bright, that was very well known no longer here, to look at the laughter and smiles of this man like all we pass by you can never know truly what battle is happening to so many on the inside.  

When you have tried and tried to find you again but seem to not be able to get your smile back, to get out of darkness and feel in your heart something is not right, then it is your time to know that you are strong and you are brave to take the step forward to the light and say loud "I need help" and say it proud, no one is perfect, life is not perfect, we are not what others feel or say who we are, we are human and all have obstacles to deal with whether from easy to the hardest, this is our life and lets be the best person we can be no matter what lays in our way, there is always a way out of dark just say the words and reach for the light of another hand to pull you up in your most trying time of need.  Your dream of who you want to be, to become, to do, is not ever dulled by the pain and suffering you can not shake on your own.

Depression and Suicide

Depression is involved in more than two-thirds of the 30,000 suicides that occur in the United States every year. For every two homicides, there are three suicides. "Elderly men may feel especially hopeless when their bodies break down with illness because it can destroy their sense of masculinity," says Lieberman. That may be why the highest suicide rate among Americans is in white men who are 85 or older, many of whom may have a depressive illness.

So what do all these depression statistics tell us about Americans with depression? Perhaps the key take-away is that depression is a powerful condition affecting many. If you have symptoms of depression, you are not alone and help is available. The earlier you start treatment, the more likely you are to get a handle on the condition. The best defense against depression may very well be knowledge and awareness.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-report/major-depression/depression-statistics.aspx

Be the light for everyone you know, see, walk past, just let them know they are seen and they matter, for being put here and living another day is the answer to all you need to know, you matter, you are special, you have a gift and purpose to be here today, what ever it may be means nothing of what others may see or feel about you and your purpose, you are the one to live your life and become who you truly believe to be.  In hopes that all hearts in pain and suffering find the light and no longer suffer and feel alone no more, all life is precious and should be treated as a precious gift shinning bright no matter how you may feel on the inside.  I want everyone to know the gem that they are and use that to reach out to anyone that they can.

I pray for the peace of mind of everyone who feel they cannot ask for help to be blessed with love to know they CAN ask for help and feel proud and strong that they do.  Mask the negativity of those that may fear others to get help and turn their hearts into light and shut off the negativity of others they give off.

P.S I today suffer from anxiety but know that it does not define me and my purpose and dreams in life, that the day I reached for a hand was the day I shined even brighter for myself and for others to see that they to can do the same with out feeling any less than what they are, or as though their life is any less important by others who do not suffer with what you do.  That you are strong, that you have gotten back up, that all your dreams, purpose and love never dulls or is defined by what so many look to as a weakness in character, you are not what others believe you are, and most definitely not your business what others say or do about you.  That one quote is a quote I always tell myself "what others say or do about you is none of your business ~Deepak Chopra ~

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Powerless? or Power? To Change and be the whole you

Have you ever walked through the toughest of situations of grief knowing walking through it is the only way to take each step back to gaining your new life back in every step you walk through every hard and painful feelings, emotions, tears and situation, knowing through it is the only way to get yourself back on the ground and not upside down.  

Here is the funny thing just as you thought you are making the steps of walking through the storm and feeling oh so grateful you are making it through,  that one day you start to feel the changes of more coming up to the surface, you look around, you stand still in shock eyes full of tears in knowing just how long you have been walking and all you have accomplished in total utter shock to your world to see that it is not over, that it feels once again it could just consume all of you once again like it did in the beginning.  

You feel defeated, you feel discouraged, as though once again there is no way out again.  I've walked three years head held high, smiling to the greatest of my accomplishments wanting to see the end of my walking through the grief, smiling in all the beauty I have discovered through my hardest of pain, looking for that ending line of victory, shinning bright in the accomplishments, strength and wisdom I have gained to one day stunned and stopped right in my tracks as I looked to the more change that has come my way. 

I cried, I fought it, I felt to give up, yet as soon as I took time to catch my breath, I looked back to see all the changes I already had been through, yet this time it was as though I was so tired, so afraid, so full of defeat, I just could not believe that after all this time there was still more that had reached its way to the surface, something I knew was there but through it would go and be fixed on its own, I guess it was my own way of ignoring and thinking it go away on its own, afraid to scratch the surface of it more.  

That is just it change is something so in our face that soon enough it feels like nothing to just walk through it, this time it was debilitating to me, after all I walked,  here I was again face to face with more change to walk through or around it the easy way.  You see I know it forever feels we are walking through grief yet that is just it there will always be things that come up to our surface looking us in the eyes waiting to be dealt with, keep our eyes on the all the change we been through already and accomplished will make us know deep in our heart it is only right to do the right thing and charge on no matter what through that change that forever haunts us in the back of our mind.  

Grief will always present a change, a challenge, we have to gain our strength no matter how much we feel we want to just stop and give up, we have to be the one to challenge the change and make the change to find more of our beauty in this life, if you take that change you see out of the old bad habits that leave with the change and choice you made to take it on.  

You know for the best of your health and the greatest of your life to live the strongest, beautiful of new life you spent so long building to that change will always rear its dreary head, that not unlike any other changes you know in your whole being that changes has become nothing but a best friend to you, with out a flinch of an eye you conquered the worse of it.   

However after a long period of time of feeling you had a grip on your new life it can be a shock to your world to see the more of it facing you, shocking your whole self, trying to understand where exactly did it come from?, how it resurfaced?, why you have to keep facing it?, all that are answers that need to be cast aside and take a deep breath and jump in and conquer again just as you have time and time again.  

Change knocked on my door and I won't lie, I fell down inside, I fell down physically, I screamed in my mind "why do I have to keep fighting change", I felt the grips I had so tightly on my life loosen and want to let go.  That is when you have to breathe in life, find your peace, think logically and not in fear, embrace the beauty of all you set free in change that constantly challenged you so many times before to see the beauty again that will come through it yet again.

  Change in every way and every time shakes out all the bad you tried to find to appear the blessings you wanted to see for so long but never could have by ignoring that it was there, showing change that you can shakes out the old bad habits to find just exactly the beautiful you wanted to see all along. just never could because you never felt you could take on anymore change again after all you been through.  

I see the peace, I stumble still through it, but I see the amazing grace of all you ever wanted through it as I make that change powerless and not in control of me.  There will always be issues in our lives that rear its ugly head that you know needs to be fought, so don't be discouraged and take it on to know through it your building the greater you, the greater of a life you deserve.  

I smiled after my hardest of challenges in this change to see that by walking through it you get the way you always dreamed it to be.  Post traumatic stress, anxiety, working on a new schedule in life, letting go of the past that had its chains around me for so long in every step of change I make by seeing it and doing what I have to do is the chains untangling one by one that once wrapped so tight around me through every powerful decision I make to be the change I need to be, to make the decision it is you in control, it is you that walks the strong steps towards it, through it and no longer scared around it.  

No more late nights because I brought my painful past with me in my future, shaking off the old of what I knew needed to be let go long ago, all of what you feel is something to be ashamed of is all scars of beauty to shine to prove to others YOU CAN make it, you have to be the one to know you can walk through it, battle it and make the change of the beauty that falls out of it all every battle you battle.  Breath taking time to see the old dark that falls through every change you battle to see a light of a dream you always wished and dreamed you would see in it, you see the life you wanted it to be in vivid, joyful, tearful eyes.  

Don't let your guard down, change and issues in what you go through day by day will surface, take the time you need,  acknowledge it, don't be scared and ignore and breathe through it all an know you are the one in charge of how you want your life to be, not change, fear, being afraid, that is just a mirage challenging you to not see the real future behind it.  

I guess this could be for anyone that knows why they keep going around and around in circles that has to re evaluate and come to terms with the walking strong through the change they need to change in them, not to just those that grieve, it is just a little more heart wrenching in grief because you feel you are forever fighting the new that comes along in life that you thought you already have had enough of, that to your shockingly realization that there is more and that you knew was there all along but falling each time in knowing the hard work is not over yet.  

No words can ever describe the feeling once you take the stand and take on the demons of the past that have been hidden for far too long to see them fade into beauty marks.  Right now I know it is not about time, or counting the years,  it is about living life truly, taking on each change bravely to remind yourself every time it is a life you dreamed of how you wanted it to be for so long, to see through it is becoming your reality.  If something in you feels broke, it is not broken you just have to take the challenge to bring it back to life and take responsibility for your own bad habits that feared you long enough.  

The harsh reality of being whole can slap you hard in knowing there will always be obstacles, hurdles and fears to be faced to be the whole you dreamed to be, the dream of a life you want for your child and yourself.  It will never be your reality if you let the change fester around you forever, it does not happen on it's own, we all have the challenge of change in our lives to take on to be where we want to be.  Death is just a reminder that forever be aware of the after lash that may surface no matter how many times you faced change to step forward to the new life you built so strong.  The little cracks in the foundation you built is your repair and only a repair you can fix on your own.

Ashamed?, never let the negative emotions build your fire, build the fire in you with love, to know you will see more clearly, the negative of emotions only fog your sight and love leading you to keep making the put off of what you know needs to be challenged now and defeated.  Why be ashamed of things you have to change for the better when in reality it is everyone's challenge, that not one person is perfect in this life.

Do not be discouraged of the slip ups in change, you learn from the fall and get back up stronger, brighter and more full of wisdom, don't let that make you feel you can't do it, that it is more powerful than what you have in you, those feelings are your own darkness lurking over you to make you feel inferior to the greatest achievements that you can do, to see your clear skies once again.  Time, years, it is all not of importance to the now, what matters is you focus on the pieces that don't fit anymore and rid of it no matter how hard the struggle is, because with all the belief in you it will be defeated.

Always know and carry your vision of heart with you in battle to changes to visualize it and battle the battles to make that your reality, keep your heart open in the signs of all the changes that come your way to know to not let it fester but to take it on as soon as you feel it.  It truly is the greatest, highest of feeling of walking in the clouds as you look back on the things you thought you would never do.  To look back on the battle that forever was put off in your own fears, to realize just as before change is your best friend, fear is just an illusion.

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The backwards The New Forward

The whole time you were living it was living but what we did not know is that we were in a cocoon preparing to become a butterfly waiting for the biggest change in our lives to happen that we thought would never of been.  To our eyes life was as suppose to be, unconditional of love, happy, content, yet in front of us we could of never believe that beyond all that was more to be had, more to step forward to, a life altering change for even greater of things we imagined.   

Although at first that shedding of the cocoon could take a process of the greatest to shed, we still never had no choice to face the new of what we would become, once the wings are noticed there will be never any regrets in mind to be back in the cocoon we shed.  Until your whole being is ready to come through it, there is no way for you to see it, feel it, live it.  Sometimes I say to myself "I am going backwards, when I should be going forward", yet dancing back in the past has never been greater than I could of ever thought, going back to the fears of what was before to relive that fear and DO IT.   

So for me going back to the past is a conquering experience in a smile knowing of all the old that once was a fear is actually a goal to the new I am today conquering those fears of the old me that once was.  Just don't trip up and stay there too long, do your dance, face those fears and charge right back to the who you are of now. 

So when I say "I am going backwards", it is not of negative words I speak it is accomplishing the biggest obstacles that once kept me down in fear.  Once you been through the toughest of life's challenges the challenges of once before become so small yet to go back to show it you are not scared anymore is a dance in the outer limits of all fears that never are a fear again.  

To face the new fears that dance around you is nothing but a piece of cake compared to biggest of fear your whole life has faced, losing your love, your life, having to keep moving forward, finding your way through it all, accepting you are no longer who you once were but only accepting the new greater you in every way you turn.  

Change is not so much a scary place to be, change becomes a whole new experience to our hearts, change becomes natural, change makes fears disappear and seem so small.  Piece by piece fears are broken life is opened up, things once thought of as impossible are never impossible, they take on possible, always possible.  It creates a belief in you stronger than the chains of pain that once happened in the beginning of the break of the old you.  

Your safety of it all is your heart, the place where your love of the greatest resides, the ability to hold tight to it and walk on to all the new you create now.  It is not forgetting, it is not loving any less, it's making it in your world you live today, your new world, your new life, it's a special place where life becomes truly open, when all of you truly becomes all open, to see that you are what you create in the new.  

It's not what others say who you are, or who you can't be, those are just words that silently linger past you as you do the things you never thought you could or would.  Dancing in the past to the fears that once were but no longer exist.  You find a way to live life knowing just how short it can be, the real you that has been there all along comes forward and nothing is ever impossible to your mind, body, soul.  I actually smile when I do things I have always wanted but happy in knowing through me is the proud of my husband passed living it with me,  through me.  

It's no longer don't, I can't, I won't, it is I can, I will, I am going to.  Don't stand in front of me to tell me I can't because your words are nothing but of an echo, reflecting back to you on all of your own I can'ts.  The darkness has become a friend no longer fear, nothing is ever as scary as what your heart has been through, besides darkness never stays around after knowing none of it sheds darkness on you through the light of your inner self. 

Once losing the life you thought be forever, you start to look back to see how much hurt, pain, tears you endeared that all that in its way has made you the fearless person you are and become in the now.  No one can make that break, no one can make that disappear, no one can ever make you feel that again, so fears become a hobby, they become something no longer looked to as fear just something to accomplish and move through to the next.

  Failures, disappointments, rejections, falling down are nothing but ways to find your way through to what you want, falling down is the greatest of time to enjoy the view above you, yet getting back up full of more than what you had before you fell.  Crying, is no more a frightening feeling it will never stop, only knowing through the tears they fall down to the steps as you step higher.  

Negativity sets in but soon it knows that hold of chains no longer has a hold around you, taking a turn away from all that is around you.  Once you realize that nothing is ever forever, in the flesh, you know that very limited time you have to make the new of what you are the greatest you can ever have.  Love, love however, that stays beyond the flesh of who was beside you in the flesh now only tied to you through the invisible, that not seen always felt, always guiding, the energy of that love resides in every thing you touch, you breathe, you touch.

  

Hurt becomes lightly felt in the knowing of the hurt you took on for so long, it becomes as though a way of yes you hurt but you know in all of you the bounce back becomes quicker, that what you endured was much more than any hurt that could ever happen to you again.  Hurt takes a step back beyond the strongest of love you have in you to see it as a little, minor of moment not a permanent place.

We learn to always take those pieces and put them back together, leaving behind the pieces that do not fit anymore, to look above us to know that even hurt is a friend to our life, it is that hurt that perhaps is keeping us safe to a path we need not go down, keeping us safe from where we need not to be, shielding us from perhaps something our life has no room for.  Life is here, new you perhaps, yet in the new you find your wings, you find the truest of ways to see the beauty of it all.

Your heart space has many rooms to carry many with you as you build your new, as you take on the everything that comes your way.  The temple of your heart is for you to decide where who resides, you choose the rooms and carry it with you through all you do.  Going backwards sometimes could be your new forward and greatest of memories of conquering all that once was such a big fear, to see now fears are nothing but a hobby to walk through and greatest glisten of light ever after in you.

Love resides, love pushes you, love guides you, change challenges you, change proves to you that not anything could be harder than what you have already been through.  Love is a force field, your safe haven, your guidance, your leader, intuition is your gift.

~ Don't fret the little things when you have bigger, beautiful things in front of you waiting for you to see ~

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Sitting on a Cloud

When I sit to be alone to breathe in the backyard,  it is not as though just a backyard, I sit comfortably on a cloud to visit you in my thoughts, to see the little things that are more bigger than thought of in the moment.  I look all around to see the love of everything to know around it all is a piece of you.  

The trees moving, dancing with the wind, the beautiful Robins that come flocking all beside me, comes a break of a smile to my face to know that in it all is you.  That in the little of signs are the biggest, truest of signs from a love that forever lives.  I get lost in time as I sit on my fluffy cloud to embrace my breath, your breath, your love, our love.   Butterflies that gracefully fly and gently land with colors so vivid your heart feels nothing but the greatest of warmth.  

The touch of the wings of a butterfly flickering the heart in beat still with yours.  I look up to see the sky, the clouds to see more there than just blue skies and clouds. I look to them as a gentle whisper that where ever I look our love lives on in all the beauty that makes me smile, that makes me feel joy, that brings me back to the moment of butterflies I felt for you when we first met.  Feeling the oneness of the beauty of nature that blooms so passionately just as love does, just as our love forever will. 

No one can take away the true peace that touches my quietness as I remember and take all of you in.  No one can never say the signs that come to you through simply being all out indulged in the nature all around can not just be any kind of coincidence, in it all I know your there, in the feelings I feel as though you are right beside me as you once were, the smiles that come from out of no where are never for no reason.  

Today as I sat in a car at a stop sign the most vivid of butterfly gently landed on the hood of the car as I looked I heard the words in my mind "you are going to be ok, I always make sure of that", smiling again it was as though you were right there in the flesh speaking to my heart.  Moments of this are little pieces of heaven here on earth brought from you to me, to remind that in it all our love lays stronger than before.  

An eagle soars high above me in the sky, making me know just like that eagle with our love just as that eagle I can soar high above and beyond the cloud and the stars to reach all hearts around the world.  Signs to the heart never go unseen.  Trying so hard to look for bigger, greater of signs are the moments that go unseen, it is in the every little pieces you see all around you, that in it all it creates your biggest of greatest love to warm your heart, to ease your worries, you never have to look to far to feel that love line.  

When the breeze crosses through my hair in every breath that I breathe I feel you there gently moving the hair out of my face, As I take my breath I inhale all of what we have of love and exhale the thoughts that it is impossible your not truly around.  When I look to see the pink sky glistening off the calmest water I have ever seen I see you there in it all, my heart feels our love all over again in the glistening of the reflection,  reflecting the color of the sunset off the stillness of the water.  

It's not about being able to touch you, kiss you, hug you, hold your hand, it's about being in total of silence to feel it all, to sit in silence to look around to it all to truly take in all of our love that is all that I see around me,  from in front of me to miles and miles in between my view.  It's in the night when I feel restless to all of a sudden feel the greatest of peace in a split of a second.  When I walk from room to room and smell your scent, I can't see you but my heart knows you are never far from me. 

It's when a song plays to stop me dead in my tracks to touch my heart to the fullest to understand in that song lays a message to my heart to know you are always, forever giving me the signs of  heart to know you are not gone and fully here through love, It's in others that make me laugh to feel free finally of the hurt, that from your love to mine letting me know it's ok to be free and be happy.  

When I smile and do the things I never thought I would I feel you smiling for me, I feel the proud of you through me making me feel the most excited feeling I've ever felt rush through all of me.  Its in our love that I grow and understand you are there pushing me to be the person I'm growing to be.  When I laugh I remember your beautiful smile looking to me smiling with those big brown eyes.  

The more I jump into all the things you loved doing, the more I feel you all around, to find myself truly, fully knowing you more than I have ever have.  The beauty of my oasis of the love of outside in every breath I take is of no coincidence it is in those moments I take the time to truly take in you, to fully take in all of you and our love that never left to be anywhere else but forever beside me.  

When I fully let go to just feel the total freedom of loving life and living this life my heart smiles cause it is truly when it glistens feeling your happiness of love seeing me live life freely, soaring above as the eagle seen above me so many times.  I truly, fully understand that in it all you are there, from music, to special of signs known between just you and I, to the loving natural beauty of life in nature that forever goes on each and every day for us all.  

In the silence of my special moments to truly be alone honors the love to know it is felt, it is seen, it forever will be, it is not seeing your face but its closing my eyes to feel truly you are everywhere.  When I sit on a chair to close my eyes to imagine as though I am sitting on a beautiful cloud taking time to honor our love, to spend time with you through every inch of every beauty of nature in creation that never stops each and every day to find the peace of heart and love that is far beyond the reaches of the skies above, to miles and miles in between where I sit to the ends of the earth.  

Every breath, releases a sigh of our love that remains alive through the beauty of who you showed me I am, through the beauty of love and creation of all natures beautiful signs to the heart.  The chimes that dance and sing a song let me know that tomorrow will be of another miracle of life lived to come.  You see on earth in human body you may not be, but to sit with you of the openness of beauty that is forever ending is where I will always find you, where I will forever find your messages that bring a smile to my face, it is always where I will know that our love is there, tying us together through an invisible line to where ever you may be in all of your energy.

Even in the storms I know it may be scary yet in it after all the chaos lays our rainbow, as a reminder that in my storms you will forever bring my rainbows, to stand strong through the storm because soon it fades to become the beauty of every color of our love in set of a rainbow.  Honoring our love in breath, and silence always finds a piece of me being closer to you than I could of ever been if you were here in your human form.  I see us every where, in the beauty of creation of nature that changes but forever brings to our hearts a show of love, that grows, strengthens and never stops giving.

Nature keeps on giving to us, as the same as our love it grows stronger in the beauty of nature and all of it's signs to touch our heart to feel as though you are there, in moments of knowing that my heart remembers the feeling you gave in the presence of just as you were here. It still knows in the invisible you are.  When I live freely out of fear I know truly you smile in knowing you knew I could always be that free soaring eagle that lingers above me so many times as I sit to visit with you in my silence of love for you.

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