The Power Of My Love

I'm not built like others nor each one of us is alike,  we all have our own unique characteristics as well as special gifts.  I really do not know where to start or begin.  Life has always got its funny way of telling you a story in learning lessons.  Often hearing there is a lesson for all that comes in to your life as well of all the hardships that come your way.  It often leaves a feeling of either utter shock or surprise, when other times it is as though that came totally out of left field.  Either way good or bad it is a piece of your puzzle of life leading to the one big picture you often found yourself imagining how it would look like and turn out to be like.  The heartache to tears to the moments you never thought you'd get through,  one day you find yourself looking back to those many moments with great surprise full of more strength along with wisdom filling your whole being every second.  

I've loved so fearlessly myself along with another so fiercely that to this day it holds the strongest grip of pain wrapped with butterflies in my stomach kind of feeling, while in complete shock of feeling that I thought would never be again in life after my husband had passed.  It's something that has been around for a long time, yet we have never to this day truly been together, got together, spent time together, however in my heart along with thoughts we have always been, in the longest of nights you were my meditation, you were my manifesting.  

Trapped in the middle of becoming reality for so long now I genuinely know that it is meant to be of my future, just knowing when is unknown.  Meeting you for the first time and being in your presence,  remembering that vivid strong soul connecting spark that still burns from I to you this day is what keeps me to in the knowing this is a real life making in progress.  Sounds totally out there as I sit to wonder some days, yet imagining how all the trees change colors every year after coming to life being bare in the cold winter, wondering how or if they will bloom back again next spring and turn in total beauty in fall it just happens.  

Its like that,  the love is there,  its sparked and its beautiful,  its season to blossom as well as grow has just not happened yet.  Constant stressing or trying to figure out when only fades that connection, that growth.  As painful it is to bare a love that has yet come reality, the happiness of the power of that love brings great comfort to my whole being.  The love of a life time has yet to begin, yet not one day doubts will ever take over the real I truly know it will be and is.  

Your quiet, your distant, yet your not as far as you may seem to think you are.  As my thoughts come of you, the closer you are that you thought you'd ever be.  I turn that dial of frequency to where it needs to be, to the place where we both make our reality.  You have been the man that I've always known would be the one.   My husband passed is the constant guidance in my life, guided by his love as he told me every day of our life when here in the flesh "I Just want you to be happy".  No matter how long is not nothing compared to the know of what is, time is not nothing but a number, when in the heart nothing has never changed.  

Your face, laugh and time together we had never fades nor it never will.  To be with another would be nothing but an illusion, it be nothing that would ever be because that is not who will be my future.  Your singing like no one is around still echoes loudly like the day of, the laughter and connection is still as the day of, days turned into weeks yet the connection has never dulled.  My heart holds you, it holds us, creating the one day it turns to our reality.  

Sounds odd, maybe, yet like anything good that blooms this is how it to is.  You can't make something beautiful in seconds on command, it feels like at times I'm in the dark yet knowing in the dark is where the beautifulness of things in life bloom one day,  like a cocoon to a butterfly, a seed to a rose, all classic of darkness to beauty, the most beautiful of all comes from darkness to light.  

There will never be a time I regret how or why, or will ever look for answers because they shall never be found or known.  You came into my life and never left my heart, never will.  Trying some days to understand I turn to the strong feeling that is powerful beyond along with just knowing the comfort kicks in and takes over in just knowing you are my reason.  For many unknown spoken things that cannot be denied the love of you as well is confirmed in silence yet knowing not today, tomorrow or the day after it shall be but knowing no matter what with no time on anything it one day will be you and I as I have felt knowing you felt that very first day our world felt shaken to the core.  

As I have said I am far from being like other people, I know what I feel to be true, I know that dreams come true, I know that love when felt is never nothing to ignore, never something to doubt.  As hard as it may be there will never be anything stronger than a soul connection to be severed.  

I loved you from the day I seen your smile, heard your laugh and love you to this day and know the battle is bigger but it is never bigger than a love that is in the making to become reality.  The songs that occur the vibration of the highest touches the energy that we create in the universe, the universe creates what energy that is put out and the energies of two that tie together in the spark of each others energy that intertwines together.  

There are so many ways to explain, yet the only way for me to know is the pure gut wrenching feeling that never leaves my being and never fades in knowing from the moment of our beginning that nothing is too hard or unreachable when you are the kind of person that has been in the darkest of place cracked open to see the greatest of light in life, that your the powerful magnet attracting the love on the highest level you know you are worthy of.  

The love of my life has gone but he to is the forever guiding light that proves that love can come back around if you truly know that it can be.  All to hard to say but not so hard to know along with feel, no matter what the darkest days hold I have loved you for so long yet know that love one day will blossom even if now it is denied for unforeseen circumstances that will fade as reality become to life, dreams of the biggest come true, miracles happen,  fate never misses.  

Again I say I've loved you for quite some time, since the day our life's have come together and never with regret I will doubt why.  Like an open book you know of this love, as hard as it may seem the fight of how life you feel should stay will fade one day.  

Dedicated to the man that made me laugh from the start of a shift we worked to the end and even after the shift was done, the man that woke up my heart in just seconds of being in his presence, you know who you are.

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Early Afternoon Thoughts....

I’d like to think I’m a strong woman for all that I’ve gone through and learned, in fact I know I am a strong person however being a stress monster as well as an emotional person has taken its toll. However these traits are mine,  part of who I am, yes you got those people in your head telling you “find a way to relax” but really no one has the answer on how to do just that.

It’s not that I intentionally want to stress or get emotional way more than others, it’s part of who I am,  I take things to heart,  worry about my future, worry about what tomorrow brings because that is just me.   Yes I know all the great quotes around that stress is like trying to control the future truly,  really all I want to control is a future of love, happiness and health, I want to see my beautiful daughter shine bright as she does now, of course you also imagine that happy ever after with someone as well.

However that is all things out of my control yet it’s still something you think of often,  most times it’s at night keeping you wide awake when you have to wake at 6am. I stress, I get emotional more than others but really I look back to everything that could of literally broke me but it didn’t, I got up as always to start putting one foot in front of another.

I know somewhere Jean Guy is watching proud of where we are today.  I stress about bills, food, rent, but why?   things for some reason as always work out.  Than I look back wondering why in the world did I make myself sick stressing when knowing it always works out?. 

When your a single mom in these days it’s scary, you want your child to have a safe roof over their head and full bellies so you strive to be perfect when perfect doesn’t exist. Than one day you find out you aren’t invincible, the back lash of so much stress and emotion catches up to you scaring you as you lay sick wondering what the hell is wrong with you? to see that it’s all due to many years of stress and emotions.

That's when you truly understand all of it has not done you any good, that sometimes a lot of times you got to stop to say “hey I can’t control this",  I can’t worry about if I’m liked, if those bills will get paid or if I’m preforming at my best” to let go and let be and just believe and carry on the best you can.

In fact I’ll never worry or stress about such stupidity again because now it’s time to be healthy your health is the most important over all the worries and emotions you could ever feel or think about.   In fact I knew there would be consequences somewhere down the line but ignored it figuring it’s me I’ll be OK, I don’t care about stories of others who say “my mother was strong like bull” because to me that is in the eyes of the beholder who never did see that person behind closed doors maybe not so strong while others can’t see. 

Anyway it’s not about strength, it’s about life,  rising above what comes your way, getting through it as you always have, getting knocked down forever getting back up. So you see it may be just minor problems I have gotten yet to me you see it’s more than just that for me,  it’s a huge change to realize I let this happen when I should of actually laughed at the stupid shit of others I worried about that liked me or not, if I was doing things right.

Wanting to be a perfectionist because here I am now trying to find a way to eat and not suffer after something that didn’t agree with me or balancing life and practising healthy eating, not over thinking but it doesn’t matter I know as always I will get through. I am a pro getting through the hard times,  in fact I love that the hard times never get me down and challenge it with open arms

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My Lesson, My Next Chapter, The man

It was the beginning of a new chapter, a life of a life time opportunity, there was no containing the excitement felt from the toes to the top of your head kind of moment.  It was that moment that I found out that I could be that person that provided for her family, to be strong and independent.  A thought that haunted me every day, that I felt could not be possible.  It was a career that excited me to the core, soon to be a place that showed me so much more to life than I could of ever imagined. 

 This was my next chapter, I walked with confidence into the knowing that there was not anything I could not do.  It was the moment I realized to the core that I on my own could be the bread winner, the mother, the all to my daughter as well to myself and our lives.  My husband passed taught me the strength I carried was the strength to do all you need to do and dream of.  

Yet here I was venturing out into a job, a place where I knew no one.  I thought so many thoughts "what if I can't do it?, what if the workers do not like me?, what if I just don't belong there?, to just plain old, maybe I just can't do the job to the fullest"?.  Most of all it was the nervousness of not knowing the lives of those that I would be working with for what I thought be for an eternity.  "Will I be able to let them all see the loving person that I was?, will they see that I am a genuine person"?. 

Most the night went by within a blink of an eye of no sleep as these questions kept running through me, finding that gut wrenching anxiety that ties a knot so tight in the gut as you give it all your strength to get up, get out and take that jump, burying the fears and showing the world just how capable you are to do anything you set your all you got to it.  

It was getting close to going to the new place that I have never been to, new faces, new job, I remember it was a bright sunny, blue sky kind of day, I remember looking to the sky smiling "I got this", no matter how big the mountain I had to climb, that I'd conquer it all.  The sun made me feel unstoppable, the memory of my husband passed belief he had in me, it was that great belly tingle of the greatest feeling you have ever had.  Little did I know that this place would be so much more than just a job, there would be lessons of a life time, there would be people who would touch my heart for a lifetime.  

It was just a half hour before I will walk into that building of all that was unknown.  I looked around to the cars going by, the people passing by, the noise of the birds on a bright warm day, I smiled looking to the sky thinking "thank you, please be by my side as I take these steps forward".  I walked baby steps, calm, collective with nothing but positive thoughts and strength before I met those doors to what would be a life time of lessons in my life and memories that would last an eternity beyond.  Those doors to inside never looked so big to me as I took a deep breath to open the doors to my new beginning and independence.

I opened that door with strength, confidence, the thought of "there is nothing I could not do".  Then there it was my first day of my new life, new career, new faces that soon become people that all taught me deep lessons in my life.  I was not prepared for what would happen to me, I believed that it only happened once in a life time, to my surprise it was more than just once in a life time, it was real and it was powerful, it shook my life to the core as well as I deeply know it did for the other individual as well.  I started my rookie hour, sat down took my breath and looked to all the new faces around me trying to remember the names of everyone.  I smiled knowing right away that feeling I felt, as if though I belonged there, that in a split second that was exactly where I was meant to be.

The people around me were quiet, unsure of just how long I'd take this position, would I stay?, would I get along?, yet as I sat at the desk looking around it is as though it all just clicked, it was as though I knew these people already, shocked to my inner being I smiled, took a breath and again thought " I will do this", "I got this no matter what comes my way".  As the phones started to ring I panicked thinking oh my goodness what do I say?, I can't do this, looking down to a paper that was beyond a mouthful, I started to panic even more.  Looking around there was a special person who to this day I could talk to forever, she smiled and laughed and confirmed "no you are not crazy that is a lot to say for a greeting to those that called".  

Then it started, nerves kicked in as I greeted those on the phone I felt my heart beat out of my chest as I kept choking on a word pronouncing it wrong every time, laughing thank goodness laughing as each time I screwed up on that word I felt not laughed at but with as everyone just knew it was quite the greet and my nerves choking me up as that one word would just not come out as though it should.  For heaven sakes even the customers agreed "wow what a mouthful", to some not even waiting until you were done that greet before interrupting you and just stating what it was they were calling for.  Looking around I could feel everyone just observing my presence already laughing with me on the word that just would not pronounce properly, still to this day does not.  

A man walked by, he broke the ice for me that day, he was the one that showed me that this place was not any ordinary place, that this would be a place of great memories and layed back individuals, that work does not have to be so serious, that you need that laughter to get you through those hard days.  As I sat watching this man, seeing the look on his face as that one word choked me up every time stated to me "why don't you just answer to those calling "what the F@#k do you want", as I watched him in disbelief that I just heard that,  it was then I knew this was a place where you were able to be your crazy self, laughing so hard to recognize that this was not at all a place to feel uncomfortable in, this was a place of true, genuine funny to the core people.   People that knew how to create an atmosphere that you felt you belonged and that not all had to be so serious, that as long as you got your work done you did not have to be so blue collared.  It was the place that built me up so high that I'd achieve so much in my next phase of life.

Now lets get back to this man, the man that made my jaw drop to the floor as he told me how to answer the phone.  As he sat down in the chair behind the desk next to me, I looked to him scoping out his all, trying to vibe off of how he was, who he was, feeling my gut instinct on,  if I felt good about his being or not.  Right away it felt as though I had an outer body experience as I looked to him laughing, it was a feeling of total disbelief that I thought would never happen the rest of my life, knowing that feeling was the feeling I had when I looked to my husband passed the first time, than feeling complete panic, gut wrenching feelings of "no way this is happening, it can't, this is only suppose to be a once in a life time feeling".  Yes it was the tingles, the butterflies, yet why?, I do not know this man, it shook me to my core in fear.  It was the feeling I felt and knew with my husband passed and we spent 13 years together, before he had passed, it was that feeling of love at first sight.  Very scared that I was feeling this feeling I had to step back in awe, almost falling out of my chair, which is a true story that happened one time during a shift but that is a story for later.  

This man was a stranger and I knew nothing of him, why am I feeling this feeling?, the question unanswered, to this day still is, I bare that feeling still to this day, yet not knowing it be a roller coaster and the biggest lesson to my life not knowing than but knowing now.  As days went by I felt myself happier and happier, happy to go to work, happy to spend time with this man and all I work with, it was a job yet felt not at all like work no matter how stressed of a day it was.  He was not no ordinary man, he sang like no one was around, he laughed at his own jokes, he made you laugh the whole time in your presence and simply sometimes just by looking at him.  I felt a connection right away to him, I felt the spark, the connection that connected you to the core of your soul.  

Days went on, weeks and months as memories were made that would last me my life time.  This man knew too soon how to push my buttons, as he sat next to me I remember that in the schedule that patients had cancelled that he could leave but forgot to tell him as I was busy and looked at him to let him know after being there way over the time he should of it appeared he had gotten quite mad as I told him, I looked to him in disbelief as "really your going to get mad about this", yet he was not mad he wanted to get a rise out of me, as he continued to talk, I felt myself getting real mad, to my shock I have thrown an object at him hitting him, in disbelief I could not believe I had did that thinking "I could get fired for this", not much was said, yet not once did that story make it to head office.

The lady I worked with had watched this day in and day out, the laughter, the good times, the way we just meshed together, the playful flirting, the falling out of my chair and still kept that conversation going with a patient on the phone as I layed on my back feet up in the air, laughing to the core the whole time.  She was my other great lesson that you could trust another girl, the feeling as we knew each other for a life time and to this day are the best of friends and could talk beyond 5 hours on a daily basis.  People come into your life for a reason this I know to the deepest of my heart now and forever.  The countless moments that are now one of my most funniest of memories will never fade from my soul, I smile to this day as I remember the moments of that work place that brought out the biggest of confidence in me, that gave me the strength of ten fold.   

How was it I got so close to this man, how did it happen so fast?, how did I feel as I did when I first met my husband was the hardest to digest of it all.  We got close but he pulled back, to this day I still believe that he as well was shook to the core and felt it to.  Too many good memories and moments between us.  One night coming home, it was a Friday I heard to myself "no matter the circumstances this is the man you will be with, P.S love Jean Guy".  Than later that night a conversation struck up between him and I, it was everything I wanted to hear that it was just not me, however all along I knew in my heart it was not just one sided and to this day I know it still is not.  I was in the clouds and not coming down.  The smile on my face could not be erased.  

Its been quite some time since we have seen each other, since I been at that job but I know the connection is there and for uncontrollable reasons for now we are not together liked I have thought we would be, however I know in my heart one day so it shall be.  I sometime think the worse as though as you hear all around you "if hes not reaching out than maybe you should take the hint he is just not into you".  Well there are unforeseen things that have happened that prove other wise.  I remember the day of getting together with him after a long period of time and feeling the same ole feeling knowing that it never did go away or the spark never fazed out at all, his hug told me a million things, the feeling was intense and it was felt by us both.  

It's hard to feel the way I have, the way I do because that feeling I felt was only what I felt with my husband passed yet I know in good reason in a different way it did happen again, for all good reasons.  Now this man is a constant lesson to my life, the biggest part is patience, one thing I have to work on daily due to not having any, this man is a lesson in patience, that you do not control the future, that all things happen as they should when they do.  That's not to say that you can't help all you want in life to come true yet in the time it is suppose to is key to know,  not in the time you want it to be.  The biggest part that makes me smile is THE UNIVERSE works with you to bring in all of what you feel and want in life, that the strongest part in life is being that magnet of all and continuing to bring in the best that you know true to your heart that will be.  My husband passed is my angel of life, to know he wants me to be happy is the greatest gift of all.

This man was never just a man, he was a lesson, a gift and a love that still remains to bloom yet like all great things in life it never happens over night, it grows more and more everyday until it is fully bloomed to enjoy it all.  Every day I fight the inner of my negativity, I also fight the strength of my inner belief that happy endings are yours to have if you see it, believe it and verify it.

So I noticed while at this job and after the feelings I felt for this man that I heard this song out of no where and all the time every where and most of all every time I woke up in the morning.  Coincidence? I really don't believe in coincidences.  

P.S some days I want to scream in frustration just to how much this song follows me ha ha ha.

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Old Life to New Life

So the life of grief suddenly creeps up to you in life yet once again, yet you see through it, you look it straight in the eyes to know that yet again I have come face to face with grief yet again in life, I'd like to say "hello old friend" yet that hello is yet again is painful to want to greet.  It is a heartache of old scars that have healed yet broken open saddened by the thoughts of the day you to were in that very place, holding on to all of what you known has gone.  The life you knew of  would no longer be the same life you built to on this very day as your heart shatters saying good bye, not knowing yet that through it you will find your new life to build over again in the most powerful, beautiful ways unthought of in the present of not ever wanting to let go of the life you have had and loved for so long.

This time of year particularly reminds all beautiful souls out there just of every memory, love, memory of those that no longer are here to share these special times with.  I say always "although not in the flesh they all are always with us, by our side to give us that push of love and signs to know that they may not be seen but are truly with you in these moments that feel could break you.  The loved ones we have lost will never ever be forgotten nor leave us in our lives because their soul, their love, will always be a part of us and our lives that with each life left behind that lives on each day without them here in the flesh. 

When we cry, when we hurt, when we feel we can't go on, it is their love that gives us the power to keep making those steps through it all.  The echoes of their memories linger around in every place that we go, in every loving words of others we see.  It's always a little tricky to understand yet once you been there you see it, their lives gone, fight for the love of the loved ones that live on after them.  Fighting for you to see just how beautiful the new life you are about to make becomes. 

They by your side you see want nothing but the best of the best you deserve, so little by little and day by day they guide you to building and building and slowly able to see that your old life remains but the new that you make is a creation so strong, dreams of the biggest are fulfilled as you smile, thinking how can such beauty come from something so painful, quite simple the greatest of love you lost is the creator by your side helping you to build so strongly that it is all of what you thought you could never do, they unseen with a love that never leave help you find the best of all they know you deserve as you take your steps to the new not without them just unseen.

I remembered this, something that I haven't forgotten but not thought of for a while as I heard in the most beautiful song "you took my life with you" yes as your love leaves this world they do take away all of your life with them that you thought you would have forever, yet rising each and everyday surrounded by love,  they our angels help us build to a new, unbreakable, most breath taking new life, it is the love never severed that rises above and beyond for you to capture the miracles of life in the new that you sew.  It's as though they know more than anyone in our hearts and minds just how hard it is to let go that they take everything you ever once wanted to place it in the journey you walk away from unknown and wanting to not ever leave yet that old life will always carry with you no matter what new life that you create.

To see a love so strong, so powerful brought tears to my eyes as a family stood in the moment I felt I was in 7 years ago, yet I smiled knowing all the beauty, miracles, most powerful love along with signs of above they will see to show them "yes my loves you can take the steps to keep moving forward" that in it will always lay the unseen love that will forever be imbedded in the concrete you pour for the new life you walk to and create.  You may think your alone and hate this new life yet soon you will start to see this life as a baby just born, looking to all in the purest form.  So I write this today from deepest of my heart that as I looked grief in the eyes yet again the lessons and strength I have learned again through it that have been unthought of for quite some time.

In hopes that everyone out there will understand that yes we lose our old life, we shatter to pieces yet the love of your life always is there to put it all together knowing on a level so high of what you deserve builds it together with the deepest of unconditional love along side you every day to find the most beautiful miracles, dreams to come true, all of what you ever thought was impossible coming before you to real life, your new life. 

You see the most powerful of love is a force that never leaves, is a force to never beat, it is force that shall forever stay as you make it through the ups and downs and some days of feeling you can't go on.  It's a love that brings in so much you breathe forever everyday that will never be taken away.  You will smile in knowing just where and why that has happened, trust me smile to tears but happy tears knowing "they did that, their love did that".

In the death of their life is a re birth to your life guided only by the purest of life, to see life again of all you missed before, it opens you to the core to see just what powerful of a life you have had and just begun to make.

I dedicate this to the Kocsis Family ~ Our Family ~

R.I.P Uncle Brian Kocsis ~ October 3, 1948 - December 15, 2018

The Song Ghost The Musical - With You - lyric

"You, took my life with you, took my world with you" as heart shattering this is it is true but what you feel is taken away shall be given to you in the most powerful of ways you will ever know in the love that never leaves and the love all around in every breath you take

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Empath Truth Pursuit

As years passed through out my life I look back to the signs, whispers, and most of all gut instinct feelings to realize then that I always ignored or shrugged off what ever it was that felt or seen or heard as I went on with my day.  Not taking time to understand those life callings that soon get loud that no longer you can shrug it off to nothing.  I do believe all my life I had this special gift, gifted to me to never notice just how powerful and special it be to this day.

As I walked passed someone I'd get that powerful feeling of that person whether it be sad, stressed what ever it may have been, a house for some reason that gave a feeling to my gut as I glanced in wondering of why, a certain moment in life that felt as though dejavu but knowing now it was pieces of my visions of a puzzle coming to life.  Most of all to me is the feelings I pick up from every aspect of life, that to me is a true gift, a gift to know as I look to someone if they need that "hello" as they feel sad or not seen.  To know if a person is wanting to speak their truth but feel no one will listen.  

To me the greatest gift to bare is to pick up on how people are feeling is a gift to know you are here to pick up on that and empower all that you feel are in need.  To let the light shine bright in the darkest of places.  The darkest of times people may feel they are in but never to get out of, to let them know they can, they will.  I been scared for so long to understand this gift, to bare the truth to others in thoughts others may judge, today though I stand strong that judgment of others does not define my gift given to me by the greater good.  To know we are all unique in a very special, loving way to embrace not disgrace.

I do believe that fighting the storms quite often has made me understand that in all that I find myself, strength and love every time I get knocked down but never stay down.  Losing my husband gifted me to see beyond what our eyes see, it opened me up to the core of my being to see life as a brand new baby in purest of form.  It has been too long to of not accepted truly who I am, as age comes upon me the wisdom of my life unfolds to show me that these gifts are to empower you and those you meet in life, strangers, friends, family all around far and wide.  To know it is not something to be embarrassed of yet to embrace, to learn, to share to others to empower their lives as well as special gifts.

Laying in meditation so many times I see just how easy it is to vision but vision with feeling to make that vision your reality.  To understand that the only person keeping you from your vision is you as well as the judgment you fear of others.  As I journey to soak up the knowledge to the gift I bare it excites me to know that there is so much more out there we have never could of believed if not for the calling of the universe touching our souls until we realize "hey this is it now stop ignoring it and be the powerful being you are meant to be".  

It's not about waiting for others to accept the gift you bare, nor waiting for judgment to stop, it is about being you 110% to know the rest don't matter.  Now is the times we need to bare our gifts and be proud, to use them to the fullest to show others it is ok and not to be ashamed.  Empowerment of others, building others up, finding their gifts to let them know to it is special to their being to use that to the fullest.  Do not wait nor hide feel that feel good vibe in your gut when thinking of a message to your mind to know that ain't just no coincident that is the universe telling you that thought is it, that feeling is there for a reason.

With this I leave you the link to my radio show to show to others that we are gifted and all our gifts are unique to be used not ashamed of, to enlighten, empower and lift others.  This is the beginning of our journey, lets do it together and shine bright for others to see, to open up and follow the light

Link to my show called Empath Truth Pursuit

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/empathtruthpursuit

Starting July 13th at 8pm EST look forward to you all being there

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Manifesting Reality with Good Intention

Have you ever just sat in silence for just a little moment in time to feel that feeling come on as if something really surprisingly has happened, that real good rush of a good feeling through out your whole body?  as you sit there your in awe as to why all of a sudden this spark has engaged through out your whole entire body, the feeling you get when something beautiful happens when not even expected.  As I sat on the couch that feeling like many times before just came upon me out of no where, to surprise to my whole being I stopped to think what it was that I was thinking and like many times before what exactly at that moment was I thinking of as well.

A huge smile came to my face knowing that, it was not anything in particular that it was everywhere around me aligning to the thought that right in each and every of those moments I was coming to a realization of just how beautiful life has become, that it is the unknown out of no where the most beautiful things just pop out at you.  That at any given time your beautiful, positive thoughts can manifest at any given second.

Its now the time of my life that has never been so clearer to me than before, it's moments of many that have been placed in my life.  It's in the knowing that my positive thoughts that I think to form to reality shall happen any moment at any time in  life, at any second of the day or night.  It's in the remembering of a beautiful soul that I have met that in that split second as the room was full of so many it was only you and I that I felt was there.  Holding onto that beautiful  moment I walk closer and closer to all manifestations of my thoughts coming to life all around me and that little trickle of sensation that comes through every now and then is the sign that your aligning your all with the universe's whisper that you never thought you would hear until now.

Your face from that moment on  has shown me just how happy the future will be, that no matter the circumstances you and I and this big world is vowing a future to us both, laughter that never ends, smiles that never turn into frowns, you literally can hurt from smiling too much this I've come to know that's a fact I have come to know for sure.  Your not my reality as of yet but your the piece of so much more that in these moments of great sensations I feel leaving me to smile verifies manifestation of reality at any moment will be.

Vividly I take time to vision all has already happened, nothing but all I can see become a reality I vision has happened already, all that I want to be for far too long I have visioned over and over again in my daily living that so much of my thoughts and actions of visioning already been there is coming back my way to take it's reality.  There are no words the feelings I have had for so long now are starring down the path to it's reality.  

Your smiles, your compassion, all of you as I stood in that room with from day one has taken action to bring the reality of all I knew would be.  However it's not just you, it is all I had feared to be but now knowing exactly what it is that has been given to me by the grace of God to use in my life, my purpose, I have finally listened and heard loud and clear.

You however are the icing on the top of it all, because since that very first day I knew in my future I'd get that vision I had visioned since the day I met you.  For right now you stay unknown without a name for many reasons in my heart at any time you will be known to the world and everyone and all that is around.  For so long I walked this earth wondering and wondering why is that special gift that so many speak of no where to be found in my life?, until the day I leaned into so many flashbacks of my life that it has so strongly been a presence all my life and not knowing.

To finally get it, to finally know is a feeling no words can ever describe, that my body is so full of excitement of all that is just aligning in life right now that tears of wondrous joy fall from my eyes in pure joy and happiness.  The moment all wait for, that moment you finally shine so bright all around need sunglasses to wear as they look at you.  Never ever in all my life I thought I'd ever get it, never ever I'd thought after losing my heart and soul I'd come to this point in my life where I put all pieces back together and built a platform so strong it will never be shaken.

Proud, proud to be the single mom that I am to of come so far, proud to be where I am in my career and all the beautiful souls that have come from that.  Losing you my love of my life I truly know your the force in our life that forever keeps solid and strong on the right path.  That you are forever our angel that now whispers to our soul in tune with the universe to all visions waiting to manifest to our reality of life.  I remember the whisper to my ear, it was your voice I heard clear as day as I looked at this man I knew in my gut would be more than just a man as I heard that whisper say to me"no matter the circumstances this is the one for you".  

These feelings though, these little sparks of wondrous sparks you feel so vividly through out all of you though, these feelings I know are only warning that all you have been visioning to become reality is warnings to you in a good way, warnings that your life is there, its alive, that all good you have ever wanted and visioned has happened already is starting to form and become your reality really soon.  For no reason those feelings come upon you out of no where is true indication that you truly have the best of things boiling up getting ready to become what you have always envisioned that you thought for far too long was way to far fetched to know that nothing is ever too big, too far fetched, that you reap what you sew.

Let the good sensations keep on coming, soon before you even can think of the reality becomes your life you thought of for so long now.  Now I leave you with a song that as soon as I heard it brought that feel good feeling through out my whole body"Love on the brain" no matter how bad I sound I sing this so loud no matter what with out a care in the world.  Love to receive love, Love for life, Love for visions that become reality, Love to finally know the purpose that has been instilled in your heart.

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The Cofee Shop Corner

I am bringing you all to church with me in this blog, hope you don't mind.  Have you ever just sat to wonder why we are taken to certain places in our lives?, why we get taken to a specific job, place where ever it may be?, I use to get so frustrated thinking oh my goodness how am I here and why am I struggling, why am I put in these circumstances, why do I feel so frustrated with every job that I do?.  However as I sat to think of my life and the direction I thought I have been going was possibly what I deserved, that I was not good enough, that I was doomed for a life of frustration, stress and difficulties.  

Once I really started to think of it all the light came on inside of all of me.  It was then I noticed through once stopping all that negative thoughts on all I been through and where my life brought me,  that I started to see that it was not so harsh as I felt it to be.  Not sure if anyone out there is feeling this right now in their life, however if you are you need to be able to reach and look past that negative that tries to bring you down, you need to look into the deep of it all.  The people brought in your life, the smiles you put on others faces, the ear you lent to someone you did not even know to see them smile and be forever grateful you just listened.  

That you by the tiny little gesture of listening have made their day so much brighter knowing someone does care.  My life has brought me through so many places that to me at the time felt as bad, dark and just places I was so frustrated for not seeming to be that dream job I always visioned for myself.  However once I started going through all I have done through all those jobs that it was the people that I have encountered that smiled, that appreciated knowing that they were heard, the help I gave, the advice I lent, just my time I gave to them, that is when I started to smile, you see it was not the jobs,  it was the people I do believe that at that moment of time needed me to be there.  

Still to this day that has not stopped, is the universe speaking loud to me?, deeply felt I do believe it has spoken many times.  That no matter how frustrated, stressed and low you may think your job makes you feel that you are in is not where you wanted or visioned yourself to be that all of  it to me is the people I am in contact with every single day, that it is the people that I help, that I get to smile, that I let vent with an ear and shoulder to lean on, that, that right there is my love.  That is my passion, to truly help those no matter who it may be, that I'm all in when they come to me to talk, to vent to even just stand with.  

This job where I am right now in my life gives me great satisfaction in knowing just how many encounters I have had to so many souls wandering,  coming to me even if they did not know me, that they felt it in their heart that they could approach me to bare their soul.  Each morning I take the time to get my coffee of course at a place near by my work, never in my life have I ever encountered so much from perfect strangers, from someone that actually perhaps felt it was ok to just have a conversation with me, to bare the hard truth and to be that person to listen truly and let them know they are being heard, to show compassion to how they are feeling, to give words of encouragement and compassion, then to see them smile is so enlightening to my very soul.  

You see I been looking way too far into the hardships of my day at work, the frustration and stress that the bigger factor of it all is being unseen.  That everywhere you go is not going to be all rainbows and butterflies, that life itself is not all about a streak of forever good days.  That you take all of your love, passion and purpose and use that towards life and every person that crosses your path, the lost souls that just want to be heard and feel validated. 

The one day going again to that one place as I am starting to feel is the corner where I truly am suppose to be.  It was a cold day, snow was everywhere, snow banks were almost as tall as I was, as I walked to my spot to grab my coffee as I do every single day, in the distance there seemed to be someone, a lady laying in a snow bank not moving, as I walked I seen cars driving by her not even stopping to see if she was OK, people rushing by as well not even giving a care that this lady lay with no movement in this snow bank.  

Running to the lady I see her hand clenched to her purse and coffee mug, immediately I start to ask her questions getting her to answer me,  to see if she knew what was going on and remember what had happened to her.  She answered me her name was Sarah, then also that she had diabetes, that she did not remember what happened, as I looked up there was a man standing outside his store and yelled to me he would call the ambulance for her, standing there not wanting her hand to be under her in the snow I moved it out onto her jacket,  taking her mug and purse out of hand, I crouched down to stay with her to keep her talking and to keep her coherent, she was in and out of it while I stayed and talked with her.  

Within seconds the sirens get loud, the ambulance come, the driver looked to me and said "thank you for taking action and staying,  that if not for me he was not sure what would of happened to her".  That was then I stood in total shock and just cried, thinking to myself what if that was me?, what if that was someone I loved?, my family, my friends.  

You see looking past all my bad days and hard times in this job it's not about that, life is not perfect it is about all the amazing people at work that have been brought into my life, the endless encounters I get on that coffee shop corner of so many people who just feel that their life is ending, that no one cares, that no one hears, yet here I am, I'm hearing, I'm there, I'm listening, I'm showing that their life is not at the end that hard times are the strength of what the best of what we deserve will come through it all.  

That all these people know they are heard that even just a smile from another that I have put on their face is my validation that God has truly brought me to where I am for a reason, to spread my love, to spread my compassion and the true desire to help so many that I can.  So it's not about my hardship where I work and all bad days it's the redemption in knowing no matter how hard times may seem that in the bright light it is about encounters of so many lonely souls wandering this world knowing that they are heard and cared for no matter what, that I am the reminder to them that their life is given to them for a reason.  

It's the happiness through those hard days that suck your soul you reach for that strength in knowing that you are doing good in this world for others, that your surrounded by so many that support you, that enjoy your presence and respect you.  That your hard work is all working in the best interest to the path that you tread.  To see that all of what you do no matter how hard or stressed you may feel through each day that life has been given to you with a purpose.  To see that you get that purpose to use it every day is your bright light shinning through validating the strength that you have to endure all that you do.

The coffee shop corner is my portal to the other part of my job in life, to smile to all the wandering lost souls knowing that they see you are there seeing them, smiling to them knowing they are important and here on this earth for a reason and to be that reminder to them always for every day that I stand at that corner sipping on my coffee, taking in all that is around me.  Just the other day a man sitting on a bench that others would look to as someone who may of been too scary to get close to, I listened to his story, his remorse and his tears he had shed for how sorry he was for what he had done in his past life, looking to him I smiled and told him " that your past does not beat your present, that he is walking and alive for a reason to change, that we all get our second chance", as scared as I was listening to the bad he had done in his life did not matter as I seen the tears roll down his face.

That corner truly to me is a God sent to me as afraid and sometimes so tired I feel, that not anyone will ever just past by me and be ignored if they reach out to me to want to talk, to know they are heard and alive.  My job has brought me to this all and truly in my heart know this is Gods way of speaking to me of the great purpose he put in my heart and that I am exactly where I am suppose to be.

It's also about that showing me it's ok to be 40 and have a crush, now that's a whole story of it's own for another day.  I am truly blessed and most definitely know now that it's not about what you may seem is not a dream job you feel you are not in,  that it is your dream that you make of it and use your gifts no matter where you may be, that no matter where you go stress, frustrations and bad days will always happen you just have to reach beyond that, breathe and gain your strength to see the bright through it all.  Funny how all my life I have always been the person everyone felt to come to with their hardships, not ever seeing it that so many felt so comfortable to just speak their hearts and truth.  That to this day now I truly understand the true meaning as to why that is.

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