The Cofee Shop Corner

I am bringing you all to church with me in this blog, hope you don't mind.  Have you ever just sat to wonder why we are taken to certain places in our lives?, why we get taken to a specific job, place where ever it may be?, I use to get so frustrated thinking oh my goodness how am I here and why am I struggling, why am I put in these circumstances, why do I feel so frustrated with every job that I do?.  However as I sat to think of my life and the direction I thought I have been going was possibly what I deserved, that I was not good enough, that I was doomed for a life of frustration, stress and difficulties.  

Once I really started to think of it all the light came on inside of all of me.  It was then I noticed through once stopping all that negative thoughts on all I been through and where my life brought me,  that I started to see that it was not so harsh as I felt it to be.  Not sure if anyone out there is feeling this right now in their life, however if you are you need to be able to reach and look past that negative that tries to bring you down, you need to look into the deep of it all.  The people brought in your life, the smiles you put on others faces, the ear you lent to someone you did not even know to see them smile and be forever grateful you just listened.  

That you by the tiny little gesture of listening have made their day so much brighter knowing someone does care.  My life has brought me through so many places that to me at the time felt as bad, dark and just places I was so frustrated for not seeming to be that dream job I always visioned for myself.  However once I started going through all I have done through all those jobs that it was the people that I have encountered that smiled, that appreciated knowing that they were heard, the help I gave, the advice I lent, just my time I gave to them, that is when I started to smile, you see it was not the jobs,  it was the people I do believe that at that moment of time needed me to be there.  

Still to this day that has not stopped, is the universe speaking loud to me?, deeply felt I do believe it has spoken many times.  That no matter how frustrated, stressed and low you may think your job makes you feel that you are in is not where you wanted or visioned yourself to be that all of  it to me is the people I am in contact with every single day, that it is the people that I help, that I get to smile, that I let vent with an ear and shoulder to lean on, that, that right there is my love.  That is my passion, to truly help those no matter who it may be, that I'm all in when they come to me to talk, to vent to even just stand with.  

This job where I am right now in my life gives me great satisfaction in knowing just how many encounters I have had to so many souls wandering,  coming to me even if they did not know me, that they felt it in their heart that they could approach me to bare their soul.  Each morning I take the time to get my coffee of course at a place near by my work, never in my life have I ever encountered so much from perfect strangers, from someone that actually perhaps felt it was ok to just have a conversation with me, to bare the hard truth and to be that person to listen truly and let them know they are being heard, to show compassion to how they are feeling, to give words of encouragement and compassion, then to see them smile is so enlightening to my very soul.  

You see I been looking way too far into the hardships of my day at work, the frustration and stress that the bigger factor of it all is being unseen.  That everywhere you go is not going to be all rainbows and butterflies, that life itself is not all about a streak of forever good days.  That you take all of your love, passion and purpose and use that towards life and every person that crosses your path, the lost souls that just want to be heard and feel validated. 

The one day going again to that one place as I am starting to feel is the corner where I truly am suppose to be.  It was a cold day, snow was everywhere, snow banks were almost as tall as I was, as I walked to my spot to grab my coffee as I do every single day, in the distance there seemed to be someone, a lady laying in a snow bank not moving, as I walked I seen cars driving by her not even stopping to see if she was OK, people rushing by as well not even giving a care that this lady lay with no movement in this snow bank.  

Running to the lady I see her hand clenched to her purse and coffee mug, immediately I start to ask her questions getting her to answer me,  to see if she knew what was going on and remember what had happened to her.  She answered me her name was Sarah, then also that she had diabetes, that she did not remember what happened, as I looked up there was a man standing outside his store and yelled to me he would call the ambulance for her, standing there not wanting her hand to be under her in the snow I moved it out onto her jacket,  taking her mug and purse out of hand, I crouched down to stay with her to keep her talking and to keep her coherent, she was in and out of it while I stayed and talked with her.  

Within seconds the sirens get loud, the ambulance come, the driver looked to me and said "thank you for taking action and staying,  that if not for me he was not sure what would of happened to her".  That was then I stood in total shock and just cried, thinking to myself what if that was me?, what if that was someone I loved?, my family, my friends.  

You see looking past all my bad days and hard times in this job it's not about that, life is not perfect it is about all the amazing people at work that have been brought into my life, the endless encounters I get on that coffee shop corner of so many people who just feel that their life is ending, that no one cares, that no one hears, yet here I am, I'm hearing, I'm there, I'm listening, I'm showing that their life is not at the end that hard times are the strength of what the best of what we deserve will come through it all.  

That all these people know they are heard that even just a smile from another that I have put on their face is my validation that God has truly brought me to where I am for a reason, to spread my love, to spread my compassion and the true desire to help so many that I can.  So it's not about my hardship where I work and all bad days it's the redemption in knowing no matter how hard times may seem that in the bright light it is about encounters of so many lonely souls wandering this world knowing that they are heard and cared for no matter what, that I am the reminder to them that their life is given to them for a reason.  

It's the happiness through those hard days that suck your soul you reach for that strength in knowing that you are doing good in this world for others, that your surrounded by so many that support you, that enjoy your presence and respect you.  That your hard work is all working in the best interest to the path that you tread.  To see that all of what you do no matter how hard or stressed you may feel through each day that life has been given to you with a purpose.  To see that you get that purpose to use it every day is your bright light shinning through validating the strength that you have to endure all that you do.

The coffee shop corner is my portal to the other part of my job in life, to smile to all the wandering lost souls knowing that they see you are there seeing them, smiling to them knowing they are important and here on this earth for a reason and to be that reminder to them always for every day that I stand at that corner sipping on my coffee, taking in all that is around me.  Just the other day a man sitting on a bench that others would look to as someone who may of been too scary to get close to, I listened to his story, his remorse and his tears he had shed for how sorry he was for what he had done in his past life, looking to him I smiled and told him " that your past does not beat your present, that he is walking and alive for a reason to change, that we all get our second chance", as scared as I was listening to the bad he had done in his life did not matter as I seen the tears roll down his face.

That corner truly to me is a God sent to me as afraid and sometimes so tired I feel, that not anyone will ever just past by me and be ignored if they reach out to me to want to talk, to know they are heard and alive.  My job has brought me to this all and truly in my heart know this is Gods way of speaking to me of the great purpose he put in my heart and that I am exactly where I am suppose to be.

It's also about that showing me it's ok to be 40 and have a crush, now that's a whole story of it's own for another day.  I am truly blessed and most definitely know now that it's not about what you may seem is not a dream job you feel you are not in,  that it is your dream that you make of it and use your gifts no matter where you may be, that no matter where you go stress, frustrations and bad days will always happen you just have to reach beyond that, breathe and gain your strength to see the bright through it all.  Funny how all my life I have always been the person everyone felt to come to with their hardships, not ever seeing it that so many felt so comfortable to just speak their hearts and truth.  That to this day now I truly understand the true meaning as to why that is.

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Heartache Cuts Deeper

So it has been a while since my last post, really Lot's of reasons for that but honestly some where along the lines I have lost the sheer confidence to start a topic near and dear to my heart in thoughts of perhaps those days have gone, the mood, the passion, it truly felt as though I lost that spark.  Not really understanding that it does not matter how lost your passion seems to be gone,  that no matter what it will never escape your heart,  mind and soul.  That no matter what you may think or how you may think others see you as a story teller, a writer, whatever it may be the truth of your dreams and passion should never be dulled by others as well as your doubts.  Nothing should ever be stronger than letting go of your future dreams, goals and love.

So here I am typing trying my toughest to not stop and delete to forget about it, feeling it would just go away but you see that one fire in your heart never ever goes out, it may dull but never ever gets put out.  Life recently has brought so much to our life that in ways I felt that those days of holding tight to my passions and dreams have made me believe that all of life's stress was over whelming to let anything else have my time. 

 In a way I guess as we all feel when life seems there is not enough time in the day to do all that you want.  A relationship of 3 years has been ended, a new job, wow how horribly the excuses that arise when you try to put up reasoning for letting go of you, letting go of your passions, dreams and love is no excuse big enough.  Tonight I sit here to be vulnerable for the reasons of so much right now, to unleash the heartache, stress, frustrations and mistakes made recently, to know right here as I type another that reads may be feeling the exact same way and relate.  To know that I as well am not alone.

One day I found myself standing watching across the room as if no one was around to my shock feeling that feeling I have never felt since my husband past, to smile in that rush you feel from your toes all the way to the top of your head.  Noticing day by day that feeling never left, no matter how hard I tried, in my heart I heard the words whisper to my soul "no matter the circumstances this is the person for you", that magically my time had come, that second chance was here, that you can have that again in life, it wasn't only destined to you once in a life time.  

Each day built and built of that feeling, of that smile, excitement in knowing that feeling was just not you conjuring up a one sided story.  Still to this day I smile with all those feelings however it as though there is a wall there stopping all to unfold.  Heartache set in quickly after circumstances of all kinds started happening.  Now here I am feeling a heartache and loss that has faded me to the core.  On the other hand it also sparked that flame inside me of all I tried letting go of, dreams, passion, love,  all of who I so hardly build to be each and every day after I lost the life I thought I'd have forever.

I buried myself, I buried a life time of strength in the hurt, the stress and hard times happening in life until one day the light comes on to trigger that spark inside to understand all of what you go through,  no matter how hard should never be enough to let go of yourself, all that you become all the beauty you have seen, the miracles that have touched your soul, that those hardships are not there to bury you but lift you, to rise you above to the strength to see that is all there to lead you to your dreams, the passion you been gifted, and great love of it and for it all.  To stop believing in who you are is giving up the big fight of life leading you to the bright side of all your miracles. 

How was it that I was so blind sided by a man, not just a man but a strong feeling it was meant for us to be, how did I let myself forget that it is you and only you that loves you first and foremost, that no one should ever keep you from your confidence, or bury you so low gasping for air.  You and only you can give that power to someone, to anyone.  That heartache is one that got me to feeling just how powerful heartache feels as never before.  To start realizing due to that feeling heartache so strongly is perhaps a reason to feeling so strongly now then before due to losing a life and being so broken open to feeling life so deep, more so then before.

Starting to think I have realized my heart broke so open after the loss I have endured that as the journey of life after death started everything had opened so fully in the most miraculously way to all you see in life, as though a rebirth to your heart, mind and soul, after seeing just how short life can be.  Heartache hits hard and unlike another the griever feels that heartache deeply as well as the loss of how you thought things would turn out to see it has not turned out at all the way you seen it.  So right now I declare to myself that heartache is deeper but never ever get lost in all hardship to ever lose who I am, to lose hope, faith, love in who I am and all I dream.  To never give permission to that hardship to take the passions I been gifted away, to feel my soul has been sucked right out of me.

So deep breaths, finding my patience's is where I will carry myself in this deep sorrow of heartache I feel, to understand the ending is not here, that it is also not how I imagined it to be however it is still going to turn out the way it should, to understand to keep strong to learn the values of the reasoning why I am on this path.   To keep myself balanced to never let go ever again, understanding that no matter what way this unfolds is a reason for it turning out the way it should.  That no matter what the path you thought you would take may turn out to be another way for very good reasons behind where ever you find yourself to be.

Heartache, disappointment all those strong deep piercing moments all have a way to show you in time a brighter side to all that you have endured in the brightest way you ever could see.  In the quiet I always hear the words "be patient" so to this most inpatient person patience is the teacher that guides the way to show me that anything in life is never controlled by you that patience brings the positive to the way you saw how it would be, that forcing or rushing never finds the bright light of the way you envisioned the out come you hold onto so passionately.  So my journey of knowing truly the value of patience's begins, no matter the outcome the lesson is vividly there and learned.  It's not all just about a man, this is all about how my heart, mind and soul spoke to me, that a journey has begun yet the start has not started, that letting fear in has made me lose perspective of it all.  That today I choose me, perhaps through this I have become rough around the edges but that is all new for me to accept and love all of who I am each and every day.

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Thoughts of a Girl to Healing

In Memory of Jean Guy 1950-2011

So as I watched a video of Celine Dion paying tribute to the BeeGees a song I have heard many many times never really paying too close of attention to the lyrics and on this day as she stood tall to sing “Immortality” my heart opened fully to hear the true meaning of this song as she sang my eyes watered as tears started to fall as I realised the true meaning behind this song

I thought immediately of my husband passed and how on the 9th of this month it will be 6 years since he has passed away.  Celine Dion Quoted from the song that brought my heart to the fullest of attention to just exactly what it means to have that forever love even if gone.  “It’s a moving anthem about what endures in this life, and beyond”.  It’s a song that means more and more to me each day, as the chorus goes immortality I make my journey through eternity, I keep the memory of you and me”.

Also in this song my heart beated so vastly with love as I heard the words “We don’t say good bye, I make my journey through eternity, I keep the memory of you and me inside”.  This all right here had me to my knees in the knowing as always I have before that love is forever whether in flesh or beyond it never severs.

Because when you lose your heart you build it back up with memories of your love lost and also with the love you lost you become a part of them living life for them through all the hurt, pain and destruction their love in a magic way in your heart lights up your heart to find your way forever and always 

This Month will be 6 years and I tell you some days its as though it was just yesterday and still I am finding my way but will always remember the light of love in my heart given by Jean Guy will always light my path in the darkest of times. Because losing your world is never something you get over,  it is something you build again but never forgetting the world you lost.  

It is always a fight to building a new but light up your heart and show the new you build just how solid the old that was not broke but taken and forever will be a part of your heart, soul and love.

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Tonya's World View

I have branched off to so much more, helping grievers is my love but I feel in my heart that it is time to branch off to so much more a dream a love it is time to be the writer the journalist at heart I have always dreamed to be please come see me at my new location and always as always a safe place of news of the world, and love for all "In The City News" a place created from my heart to help, to reach out to so many more.  I love my audience and this is and always will be my heart but now it is time to make the reach bigger and find out that there is so much more to do for others, so much more to write of.  I appreciate all of you and always will be that "widowinthecity" but now is the time to know in my heart that there is so much more to do and more to reach out to so please come with me for this journey.

https://tonyasworldview.wordpress.com/

This above is the banner for new site that I would love for all my readers to enjoy and help me get this out to all because all of my readers are the most important and my heart and just know that all of you mean so much to me and have been with me since my very first post here full of tears but yet through it helping others has brought me strength to spread my wings and fly and all you all I want flying with me.

Yes now is the time so take this road with me and lets love so much and bring peace to all parts of this world that we can.

This here is my logo all similar to here my first home and all time love so please I ask all my readers to please come to my new home and enjoy thank you all so much.

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Change, Signs, Help, Love

Video I did on change and signs of life and loved ones passed, things and experiences a few shared that I have noticed on my journey throw grief and change.   This was hard for me to do as not use to being on camera but want to be able to push myself out of my comfort zone and talk and start doing as many live shows as I can.  Please stay tuned for more to come 

Subscribe please YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfU_aQI-eCwIlyrjEugYPOw

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Thanks all go easy on me (haha) first time startin out, please join me in this journey to spread love, awareness and all the help to others that is needed in hard times.

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The Diversity Of Grief

As the time goes on in my life that I live I am starting to notice grief is not just a matter of the loss, the death of a loved one in the life that I am living.   I am noticing the diversity of grief although the actual loss of a loved one is the ultimate heartache anyone could ever go through, I do now see that grief to me is so many things.  

The loss of a loved one, a pet, a job, losing your home, loss of friendship, change that occurs in your life,  shedding of the old grieving for the old as you grow to a new.  The loss of a relationship as I face now knowingly that the grieve of the loss of everything so important to you can cause pain and heartache and much surprise and shock.  However this does not dismiss that either or is more painful than the other.  

Looking back there is so much to see that have touched my life so deeply that I cannot say that grief is just not in the form of a death.  Losing something that causes heartache in your life is in a way a grief to you a mourning to pick up as hard as it is and move on because life around does not stop for the fact that you feel you want it to.  

If we could look to our life to see all the pain and loss that we have been through and see that here we still are the more we will know that day by day we found our way that through it all we still stand, even if through the darkest moments we use that as a leverage to lift us up in knowing that yes it hurts so much now, that the dark feels it will never fade as our heart aches we can understand that all the loss of the past we have had and got through that this as well will be a journey in a different way we will go through, that the hope is there to open our eyes that we have the strength to make it through the day.  

As I looked back to all that I grieved in my life I realised it was not just about the actual death of losing someone it was about the loss of the old no longer there in your present to having to let go and face the new that is no longer a routine of once you have had before.  That the pain brings so much heartache and tears as you grieve not wanting to let go nor say goodbye in the fear of not knowing what lays in the new.  Losing my home I remember, losing my animals, losing my husband it was not just the loss of my husband that I had to encounter it was the loss of everything I was so in love with in my life,  fading all around me that I had to let go to say goodbye to let it become just of a memory.  

As a loss of a loved one as you take on the loss of a non death yet the pain debilitates you I say just as before take your little steps, be easy on you, ask for the strength you need because that strength is always around you, don't be angered for not doing simple things as you so easily did before, take your breath to only have the goal to make it through this day.  We put so much stress on ourselves for things we did not do we do not see all of what we have done and been through, take the time to grieve for the loss but gain your strength in knowing that yet once again you have all you need to get through this yet again.  

It's the little things for me that I take to in my hurt, the butterfly that lurks around above me, the beauty of the red cardinal that sits in my tree, the robins that hop around looking for something to eat, the dragon flies that fly high above, in it all lays more healing to you than you could ever know and realise.  Today as i woke I noticed right away as my feet touched the ground yes my heart still hurts but OH GOD am I thankful for this new day, the blue skies and the little of hurt that has evaporated from my being as I started this new day.  

Last night as I spoke about in the end it is making room for the new and the over flowing of what I have forgotten came flooding back to me exciting my whole being, I lost what was important to me, in that moment I realised not one thing, one person is more important than being your true self nor losing the person who you are due to wanting to make it work.  Words cannot describe in this heartache that has been awakened in awe of the greatest of all I had let go of, all this brought tears to my eyes in a blessed joyful way.  

So I say to the grief that carries with us that a surprise to it all if we face that pain oh boy is there so much around wanting to come in if we let it, it is more beautiful than I could ever describe.  I smiled today in seeing all those little things that I have gone blind to by shutting it out due to hurt, pain and being someone I was not.  The things that happened all around me last night and today made me gasp for the biggest look up to the sky to give a thanks I have never been so overly full of excitement then before, it was like I opened and all that new came washing through to erase the old, to mourn is OK, yet to be blind to the good and love coming into you so fast is the proof that "yes this to shall pass"  there ain't nothing more than finding that smile again that thought would never be for a very long time.  

So yes I say without knowing in that moment we all take on so much loss that we never realise just as that loss after loss it becomes such a natural reaction to us we do not see how we take it on and through it our new comes to brighten our way, that we do not take the time to know in us is strength, dreams, hopes and miracles for us to take the steps to get through to the light again.  To actually use those loses that we got through to see in the now to use that as strength in knowing in time we will stand tall, with scars we will have but beauty of those scars to bare we will shine again.   

So I say to all losses we go through yes the heartache will lay deep, yet in the surprise we face as we go through the pain and feel it is something special to us personally, it is as though your life is speaking to you, blessing you telling you "your life matters, you are special this all your gifts for the hardship you bared but stood strong to see the light of day.  I say remember loss not only as the death of losing someone, but to see that loss is everywhere and constant and if open allowing the new you see just how higher you rise each and every time.

So today I do give so much thanks to my broken relationship, thank you God for blessing me to feel this pain but able to see the reason in it was more beautiful than the pain that lay in me, thank you for seeing the strength that I bare, that looking back to all of the endings I faced to see the over flowing powerful love, beauty and blessings that came through it all.  Feel it, bare it, understand it and take time to breath and know this is not a forever feeling, your break is shedding to open to your new, miracles, growth, dreams, beauty, love and more strength.

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To The Man That Broke My Heart:

As I sit here looking to the clouds on a gloomy day I cannot help but to feel exactly how the gloomy day resides with no sun, yet as I look up in wonder of why, I understand that for every end is making room for a new beginning for your life to evolve and bring in more growth, strength and light, things you thought of are making room to come into your life.  

As painful, hurtful and suffocating you feel now you have to feel that, get through it, take your heart that was broke into pieces yet again to know and trust as so many times before the pieces will soon enough come back together.  As a widow I truly understand what it is like to have your world taken completely from you, the future you saw becomes blank.  However this time it is a heartbreak of a difference, a heartbreak of a relationship you thought would be the one,  that brought a smile to your face and open heart that you thought could never be again.  

The pain is real, the tears and hopelessness fill your whole being in wanting to know why??  I opened my heart unexpectedly never thinking that again this could be, I loved fully yet here we are at an end, in my whole being I do not want to let go, I do not want this to be the outcome, am I holding on so tightly due to the pain I know takes over your whole world?  am I holding on to tight because I thought he was the one, the one who opened my heart fully after thinking I could never again?  

I walk around endlessly with thoughts, memories, laughter, tears thinking of how we were, how he so surprisingly entered my life.  As a widow I do believe letting another in is a big step in the life we lost and thought could never again, or is it just simply a human reaction of a heartache of a broken relationship?  I could not move, I could not see the light of the next day, I could not stop the pain, the tears, the darkness, I simply lay feeling I could not move, feeling paralysed  trying to understand why again do I have to be part of the pain that sucks all of everything you have out of you.  

I prayed that I'd get strength to make it through this, that I would understand why I gave my all and to see that in the end it was a dead end.  Than I started thinking to myself that what I have been through, I looked back to the pain I was so deeply berried in losing the love of my life to see who and what and where I am now, if that pain was so debilitating yet through it in my new beginning of starting over I have gained so much dreams, miracles, strength and love than perhaps once again this is the time to break to see that the end is just yet another new beginning.  

He was the light of my life that took my breath away in knowing I could love again, now it is just simply taking my breath away in full decapitating hurt, yet just as all hurt, discomfort and endings it is time to look up, trust in knowing the end is actually the beginning of new coming in, that as much in love I had felt he may of been the lesson to my heart showing I can love and that it is time to know that I can and know people sometimes are blessed upon us for the greatest lessons but sometime do not stay in your life, just there to prove to you that you can do all that you thought you could never. 

It is dark right now, the memories of us hurt and cut like a knife but I have to be strong in knowing the future is unknown and in this time its time to open my life to the new struggling to push in.  It's a part of life we sacrifice to love, to love and have it end, to love and hurt yet to look to positive to fill your heart.  Last night in the dark I lay in nothing but tears and pain but today I say thank you for this day, even though still heart broken thankful for the new day that is.  

This loss may be different but once loss of a life of your one true love has happened the loss all over again is as though it opens wounds that have been healing.  To the love of my life now my angel I pray to, also to God I pray in silence I let go of why to move to see what exactly will flourish in the new of the end.  This will not stop me to close my heart, love is love and love for ourselves and love of another is what we can never deny only if it is for a little.  Broken hearts have always a way to mend, that in time as just before you will look back to smile in all the beauty you have seen in the end that became a beginning for room for all new blessings to come in.  

I miss him, I love him , he was my first after losing the love of my life so all over again he is my first love of love after death.  I'll pray each and every day in time as soon as the darkness and tears fade I will see my new beginning, the blessings and light so bright it fills my all with warmth.  For a widow to love again is a rebirth yet nothing is ever promised forever, as a widow opening up to love again we have to understand we have the strength of our true love with us and forever hugging our soul, leading us to love and more love that they are not ever there to see nor want us be in hurt and darkness. 

It is different the guidance of their forever love for us sometimes may hurt us but through it we see their lessons, their direction, their reason.  Also as a mother I do believe for her I have to be the strength to show her that we never ever give up and will always have the strength to get up over and over again.  However as a widow we are still women,  we are still human and a heartache is a heartache as it would be to someone who has never lost their true love to death.  

I just think in it is a tad difference due to opening your heart again that thought could never do and yet to be heartbroken yet again in saying goodbye to the one you loved when you thought you never could of, but I say to that although it was ended in it you find "wow I can love again, differently but yes I can love again and feel happiness with another".  

To the man who broke my heart well I say thank you, thank you for opening my heart, for letting me feel love I thought I'd never again, to him I will forever have a piece of my heart where he lays.  For him I learned lessons of a lifetime, that to never ever give your all and believe a man is a reason to your happiness, that to never let someone have so much power over you that you feel you cannot live without them. 

Bitter yet sweet is what I feel, tears still fall, darkness is around yet as before I will stare that in the eye to know this is my breaking to new beginnings of my life for better to come in, to become more and more of the person I need to become.  I will not deny right now I am scared, scared to fail again, scared to be able to find another, yet at the same time I will look to the bright side to take time to love being by myself and love me and my own company.  

I'll take my time to show my little girl heartache may be pain but in heartache lays pure love and opening of growth and all new to be too excited to feel that pain, to be excited to know in all endings as sad as it may be on the other side it is a blessing of growth and knowledge to you to know that there is not anything you cannot get through with the belief you can and will.  To see in all change is discomfort but if forever run away from not wanting to feel it we will forever stay the same person trapped without growth, love, dreams and purpose.  In every heart wrenching break lays the new waiting to heal your heart.

So to the man I loved and loved again after losing the love of my life thank you for proving to me you could never be that pain I once felt when my life was taken away from me and ended as I said goodbye to my one and only true love.  Thank you for breaking me because in the break the shine will come through soon enough.  Thank you for showing me I do not ever need to feel as I need a man to have so much power over me to feel I cannot live with out them.  Thank you for showing me just how fierce, powerful and so full of love that I am, that I have so much love that not even you could break me in thinking I could never again.

Your Crap but in the best way possible,  lessons, tears and knowledge no matter how much it stinks.

You Loved me back to life to see that I could love again, you were my lesson not my life and that to all LOVE can break you to stay broke or you choose it to make you.

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