This is a place for all broken grieving hearts to come, its my safe haven and I share this with all of you to be your safe haven. I am hoping through my journey of grieving as well as my real life experiences through grieving I can help all through their darkest hours, to ease the pain a little less, to maybe just give an ear to listen because sometimes that's all we need.
I am willing to bare all to each and everyone who comes to this blog. I want no one to be shy of anything. I want anyone to ask question's, tell their stories with pride. No one will judge you, or think you are different. We are all here going through the same thing GRIEVING. This is my safe haven, your safe haven. The place to heal, to find your smile again. Through this all I am on a journey to writing a book as well "The Grieving Path To Joy".
As you go through your life, there are times that go by so fast to never look back to all that you go through on a daily basis. We tend to get caught up in our day to day life that we forgot often too much to stay in the moment for some time. I know I often find myself catching myself doing the same, as it is so easy to get caught up in our daily schedule, worrying if you would be not on time within that schedule.
What is that schedule? How did we get to a point where time truly, deeply defines us and our daily life? Stopping to understand as much as I can that life ain't about constant rushing for no reason, that it's about living, breathing, being in the moment along with enjoying the journey. It is hard, not going to pretend that it is very easy to get caught up in that, as quick as it is to type this sentence, yet to get to the point where you catch that coming on is a great gift to yourself and your life.
Lately life has been a huge reflection for me, to be quite honest it has been a true blessing to have this time to see what I have been missing for a long time now. Through the quiet I have learned so much, with time as nothing but time and not a schedule, I have been able to sit in peace to take courses, to learn more, as well as learn more about myself, to hear the whispers of my hearts passion, the universes love and blessings that reside in me around me, as well as what is to come. Smiling in the wonder how the greatest of gems come from the darkest of times, smiling upon all that have been to the darkest places have become the brightest of lights to so many around them.
Losing half of my heart, life, being, soul, then has had me putting the pieces back together and giving up pieces that no longer serve me, in those losing of pieces I have found new pieces, I have never noticed before to put back together to the new me being created. In the together of the new, you will find your littlest to biggest miracles along the way, it takes practice to be able to take the time to find those pieces along the way, as you pave your new road.
In this world there are open minded people, some not so opened minded along with totally close minded, that is OK, we are all unique and different. However the portion we feel are so close minded are the ones that we are afraid to open up to admit who we really are in fears of judgment. However we do know later on in life that it don't matter what others opinions are, it is our own that only matters.
If not for the dark that I've been through, than the light of who I am would of never appeared to my life. It's that darkness of times I tell you that are truly are our blessings in disguise. If not for the darkest of times I have recently been through I would of never discovered the great gifts in me, that forever would be hidden. The great gifts of passion, purpose that has been there for far too long in darkness. A tad of my being knew deep down but always too afraid back then to say it out loud to knowing of judgment would be had, in the earlier days where I thought others opinions mattered.
Now to this day I know better, still to understand not everyone will accept my gifts and that is OK to. So proud to know of all that guides me to where I should of been all along, Intuitive Empath, to Healing, to Energy Healing, to Counselling, to Grief Coaching, most of all accepting my Intuitive Empath side and no longer being embarrassed to say that out loud and be proud. The gifts that drive me to help, to be proud, to be grateful, to learn more of has never been so enlightening that no words can describe just how much it is.
To be your true authentic self, finding all that in the darkness of times is the greatest of all to me, to know that all your rock bottom moments are the times where a miracle of your life shall appear. In these hardest of times I have used my head space to create space to learn, to add to the gifts I bare, to take courses and earn diplomas, smiling in the darkness while the whole time I was turning on my own light in the dark. It's absolutely breath taking to think the whole time I was thinking my life was being shattered that silently I was taking a leap to embrace what I really wanted to do for far too long now.
Looking up always smiling to give thanks at how surprisingly things feel they are breaking but breaking to reveal the new highest of you. The miracles of once day dreamed coming to life. That learning in those hard, painful times you feel you are falling apart in the end the reveal is that you are falling together to what you always wanted to be. Though never the end of it, that is the break to the best of more to come.
So breathe when you feel it's falling apart because soon you will see the dark fade and your big picture unveiling right in front of your eyes in a quick breath of the biggest of your miracle looking back at you. Smiling the biggest knowing the great has come from that most painful of darkness to understand it has to be part of life to get through to the bigger picture of your miracles shinning bright straight through that pain.
This is all not to say that the struggle is gone, just knowing in that struggle always comes strength and the shattering of not ending but huge beginnings. No words will ever be able to explain what life has been these last six months, yet I would do it all over again, through the pain, darkness and hard times to find what I have found through it as the darkness faded.
I found what was in me, gifted to me, that has been waiting for so long now. To shout out from the highest mountain with gratitude what it is I AM, what I am gifted, what my purposes have been given, to never hide from nor have to hide from ever again. To understand that unknowingly silent in the dark I smiled, that in it all I was taking the leap of faith knowing deep down it shatter to nothing but all pieces that I have ever wanted as well as needed when putting it all back together.
My heart truly is open, it is thankful to my husband passed because behind all this I know he forever has my back, not seen but forever felt.
Fourteen years ago I was blessed by an earth angel my husband passed now still an angel but one I know by name no longer in physical being with wings.
When your body gives you little hints that something is not right listen. It's amazing to me that your body knows you better than you think it would. I felt the little signs but as many went on full speed ahead believing that in life there is no time to stop now. I kept on plucking hard core, getting into more and more of my routine of working, working, sleeping, taking no time to realize my body was sending at the moment little hints that "hey you need to stop and breathe".
My life I was living felt like a constant battle, to me it was as though I was working hard, for the love of my daughter and being able to support us. However not realizing that my body and spirit was constantly feeling it was in that fight mode, battling to be the best I can, as my confidence quickly diminished to mistakes had, not then noticing all this chaos around me so completely intertwined in, just making it, making a living, working hard, never once listening to the bigger picture.
I understand that when mistakes are made on job that it is needed to be acknowledged but to constantly see that can really chop your confidence down to a point where you forgot that confident person you use to be was gone. It's easy perhaps for some but for me I take all in 110 percent more, my feelings are at its peak due to having that Intuitive Empath in me. It definitely was a shock I had not noticed the signs earlier than I had, than suffered a huge price when it was later that the sign from body was loud and fierce, to make me definitely get its signs it was signaling for a long time.
I sat at my seat one day feeling all of my senses just so heightened, thinking to myself "What is this that I am feeling and why am I stretching myself so far to the point where my health is second place to work". I was in complete shock sitting there stunned as I noticed just how sick my body was feeling, freaking out saying in my mind "nothing is more important than your health ever".
Than thought of my daughter had already lost her father, that I needed to take care of me to be able to be there for her. That is when I truly took to heart all this time of being in the do, do, do, mode that I never once stopped to feel those signals my body was so kindly trying to tell me. Than I realized nothing is more important than my health and mental state.
That is when I let out a huge exhale and kindly let go of what did not serve me or my body at that very moment. Feeling the intense heightened of my anxiety, my pains, feeling sick shook me to my core with fear to lead me to my Doctor. I was literally in a mode of thinking "how did it get this far"? Am I going to be OK"? I was literally in a moment where I felt all the life had been sucked out of me and that's putting it lightly. How did I let go of myself, the girl so full of life, confidence, happiness, laughter and love?.
That is truly when I started to panic thinking "will that person I was come back"? I sat impatiently and restless in The Doctor's office waiting her arrival. Nothing but in thought of pure panic wondering where am I going to go from here? It was a war going on in life and inside me, at that moment tears started to form, just as the tears started to form and sheer blank was in my eyes the Doctor entered looked at me and kid you not read me right away, stating "you look very stressed and you're going to cry" as she handed me a box of Kleenex.
I was in pure shock how bang, she knew it and she felt it. It was that moment the shock of my life would be said to me by the Doctor, "I am taking you off work because at this point I do not see this going in a good direction for you and your health". That is when I truly broke down realizing just how bad it was, how bad I let it get. Looking to the Doctor she smiled giving me a glimpse of light that although how bad it may be, it will be the best thing for myself and health. That no matter how tight money would be, that money as well is never more important than your health, mind, body and spirit. That day seemed to be my biggest fear but looking back was my blessing and beyond.
It was near Christmas not really the best of time however it is something I now look back on to see it was definitely what saved me, it brought back the me I was to me again, plus so much more to add to the me that was. I found my groundings, found out that I was not a failure, never will be. It brought me into the knowledge of the gifts gifted to me that never thought could ever be. It brought those gifts out front and forward, to come out, let it out and not be ashamed of the purpose in my life given to me. The three months by far were not easy, yet through it the light come through in those darkest of moments.
Truly now know that there is never anything that will keep me down, that I can not go through and still find that bright light waiting for me always. Never again will I ever let another take away the who of what I am. Never will I allow someone else define who I am no matter what it is at hand.
It is me that controls and defines who I am and others do not matter. These three months will never, ever be forgotten so much greatness has come from it out of the darkest places through it. The endless love support that surrounds me will never be forgotten, to know that will never be broken and forever lift you up when you can no longer walk on your own.
To be gifted with that huge support of love system is on it's own by far the best gift in life you could ever ask for. So yes I was taken off work by my Doctor, which startled me at first but it was her greatest blessing to me. These three months have been the biggest roller coaster, however it has strengthened me, it's defined where I know my limits are and never again will go beyond that.
Looking back I have to smile knowing that these three months were nothing I've endured before, losing my husband, hitting rock bottom, this time around I smiled knowing that it is all a learning and growth period, that I had the strength just as before to walk through it.
Don't get me wrong it has been painful, there were many days of gloom, tears and heartache, yet the good out weighed the dark. So now I definitely look to my future to whatever does not serve me in a positive way will never be more important than my well being. That as hard as it is to fear what it be like to leave what don't serve me, that the letting go is part of letting the better, new to come in.
Nothing will ever make me believe "I have to do this" "I have no choice but to be here, stay here" that if it is bringing my being down than it's time to change, drop it, move on and let that new to come in my life.
My Mantra now "Nothing is ever permanent, only Temporary if it does not serve you positively".
I'm not built like others nor each one of us is alike, we all have our own unique characteristics as well as special gifts. I really do not know where to start or begin. Life has always got its funny way of telling you a story in learning lessons. Often hearing there is a lesson for all that comes in to your life as well of all the hardships that come your way. It often leaves a feeling of either utter shock or surprise, when other times it is as though that came totally out of left field. Either way good or bad it is a piece of your puzzle of life leading to the one big picture you often found yourself imagining how it would look like and turn out to be like. The heartache to tears to the moments you never thought you'd get through, one day you find yourself looking back to those many moments with great surprise full of more strength along with wisdom filling your whole being every second.
I've loved so fearlessly myself along with another so fiercely that to this day it holds the strongest grip of pain wrapped with butterflies in my stomach kind of feeling, while in complete shock of feeling that I thought would never be again in life after my husband had passed. It's something that has been around for a long time, yet we have never to this day truly been together, got together, spent time together, however in my heart along with thoughts we have always been, in the longest of nights you were my meditation, you were my manifesting.
Trapped in the middle of becoming reality for so long now I genuinely know that it is meant to be of my future, just knowing when is unknown. Meeting you for the first time and being in your presence, remembering that vivid strong soul connecting spark that still burns from I to you this day is what keeps me to in the knowing this is a real life making in progress. Sounds totally out there as I sit to wonder some days, yet imagining how all the trees change colors every year after coming to life being bare in the cold winter, wondering how or if they will bloom back again next spring and turn in total beauty in fall it just happens.
Its like that, the love is there, its sparked and its beautiful, its season to blossom as well as grow has just not happened yet. Constant stressing or trying to figure out when only fades that connection, that growth. As painful it is to bare a love that has yet come reality, the happiness of the power of that love brings great comfort to my whole being. The love of a life time has yet to begin, yet not one day doubts will ever take over the real I truly know it will be and is.
Your quiet, your distant, yet your not as far as you may seem to think you are. As my thoughts come of you, the closer you are that you thought you'd ever be. I turn that dial of frequency to where it needs to be, to the place where we both make our reality. You have been the man that I've always known would be the one. My husband passed is the constant guidance in my life, guided by his love as he told me every day of our life when here in the flesh "I Just want you to be happy". No matter how long is not nothing compared to the know of what is, time is not nothing but a number, when in the heart nothing has never changed.
Your face, laugh and time together we had never fades nor it never will. To be with another would be nothing but an illusion, it be nothing that would ever be because that is not who will be my future. Your singing like no one is around still echoes loudly like the day of, the laughter and connection is still as the day of, days turned into weeks yet the connection has never dulled. My heart holds you, it holds us, creating the one day it turns to our reality.
Sounds odd, maybe, yet like anything good that blooms this is how it to is. You can't make something beautiful in seconds on command, it feels like at times I'm in the dark yet knowing in the dark is where the beautifulness of things in life bloom one day, like a cocoon to a butterfly, a seed to a rose, all classic of darkness to beauty, the most beautiful of all comes from darkness to light.
There will never be a time I regret how or why, or will ever look for answers because they shall never be found or known. You came into my life and never left my heart, never will. Trying some days to understand I turn to the strong feeling that is powerful beyond along with just knowing the comfort kicks in and takes over in just knowing you are my reason. For many unknown spoken things that cannot be denied the love of you as well is confirmed in silence yet knowing not today, tomorrow or the day after it shall be but knowing no matter what with no time on anything it one day will be you and I as I have felt knowing you felt that very first day our world felt shaken to the core.
As I have said I am far from being like other people, I know what I feel to be true, I know that dreams come true, I know that love when felt is never nothing to ignore, never something to doubt. As hard as it may be there will never be anything stronger than a soul connection to be severed.
I loved you from the day I seen your smile, heard your laugh and love you to this day and know the battle is bigger but it is never bigger than a love that is in the making to become reality. The songs that occur the vibration of the highest touches the energy that we create in the universe, the universe creates what energy that is put out and the energies of two that tie together in the spark of each others energy that intertwines together.
There are so many ways to explain, yet the only way for me to know is the pure gut wrenching feeling that never leaves my being and never fades in knowing from the moment of our beginning that nothing is too hard or unreachable when you are the kind of person that has been in the darkest of place cracked open to see the greatest of light in life, that your the powerful magnet attracting the love on the highest level you know you are worthy of.
The love of my life has gone but he to is the forever guiding light that proves that love can come back around if you truly know that it can be. All to hard to say but not so hard to know along with feel, no matter what the darkest days hold I have loved you for so long yet know that love one day will blossom even if now it is denied for unforeseen circumstances that will fade as reality become to life, dreams of the biggest come true, miracles happen, fate never misses.
Again I say I've loved you for quite some time, since the day our life's have come together and never with regret I will doubt why. Like an open book you know of this love, as hard as it may seem the fight of how life you feel should stay will fade one day. Dedicated to the man that made me laugh from the start of a shift we worked to the end and even after the shift was done, the man that woke up my heart in just seconds of being in his presence, you know who you are.
I’d like to think I’m a strong woman for all that I’ve gone through and learned, in fact I know I am a strong person however being a stress monster as well as an emotional person has taken its toll. However these traits are mine, part of who I am, yes you got those people in your head telling you “find a way to relax” but really no one has the answer on how to do just that.
It’s not that I intentionally want to stress or get emotional way more than others, it’s part of who I am, I take things to heart, worry about my future, worry about what tomorrow brings because that is just me. Yes I know all the great quotes around that stress is like trying to control the future truly, really all I want to control is a future of love, happiness and health, I want to see my beautiful daughter shine bright as she does now, of course you also imagine that happy ever after with someone as well.
However that is all things out of my control yet it’s still something you think of often, most times it’s at night keeping you wide awake when you have to wake at 6am. I stress, I get emotional more than others but really I look back to everything that could of literally broke me but it didn’t, I got up as always to start putting one foot in front of another.
I know somewhere Jean Guy is watching proud of where we are today. I stress about bills, food, rent, but why? things for some reason as always work out. Than I look back wondering why in the world did I make myself sick stressing when knowing it always works out?.
When your a single mom in these days it’s scary, you want your child to have a safe roof over their head and full bellies so you strive to be perfect when perfect doesn’t exist. Than one day you find out you aren’t invincible, the back lash of so much stress and emotion catches up to you scaring you as you lay sick wondering what the hell is wrong with you? to see that it’s all due to many years of stress and emotions. That's when you truly understand all of it has not done you any good, that sometimes a lot of times you got to stop to say “hey I can’t control this", I can’t worry about if I’m liked, if those bills will get paid or if I’m preforming at my best” to let go and let be and just believe and carry on the best you can. In fact I’ll never worry or stress about such stupidity again because now it’s time to be healthy your health is the most important over all the worries and emotions you could ever feel or think about. In fact I knew there would be consequences somewhere down the line but ignored it figuring it’s me I’ll be OK, I don’t care about stories of others who say “my mother was strong like bull” because to me that is in the eyes of the beholder who never did see that person behind closed doors maybe not so strong while others can’t see.
Anyway it’s not about strength, it’s about life, rising above what comes your way, getting through it as you always have, getting knocked down forever getting back up. So you see it may be just minor problems I have gotten yet to me you see it’s more than just that for me, it’s a huge change to realize I let this happen when I should of actually laughed at the stupid shit of others I worried about that liked me or not, if I was doing things right. Wanting to be a perfectionist because here I am now trying to find a way to eat and not suffer after something that didn’t agree with me or balancing life and practising healthy eating, not over thinking but it doesn’t matter I know as always I will get through. I am a pro getting through the hard times, in fact I love that the hard times never get me down and challenge it with open arms
It was the beginning of a new chapter, a life of a life time opportunity, there was no containing the excitement felt from the toes to the top of your head kind of moment. It was that moment that I found out that I could be that person that provided for her family, to be strong and independent. A thought that haunted me every day, that I felt could not be possible. It was a career that excited me to the core, soon to be a place that showed me so much more to life than I could of ever imagined.
This was my next chapter, I walked with confidence into the knowing that there was not anything I could not do. It was the moment I realized to the core that I on my own could be the bread winner, the mother, the all to my daughter as well to myself and our lives. My husband passed taught me the strength I carried was the strength to do all you need to do and dream of.
Yet here I was venturing out into a job, a place where I knew no one. I thought so many thoughts "what if I can't do it?, what if the workers do not like me?, what if I just don't belong there?, to just plain old, maybe I just can't do the job to the fullest"?. Most of all it was the nervousness of not knowing the lives of those that I would be working with for what I thought be for an eternity. "Will I be able to let them all see the loving person that I was?, will they see that I am a genuine person"?.
Most the night went by within a blink of an eye of no sleep as these questions kept running through me, finding that gut wrenching anxiety that ties a knot so tight in the gut as you give it all your strength to get up, get out and take that jump, burying the fears and showing the world just how capable you are to do anything you set your all you got to it.
It was getting close to going to the new place that I have never been to, new faces, new job, I remember it was a bright sunny, blue sky kind of day, I remember looking to the sky smiling "I got this", no matter how big the mountain I had to climb, that I'd conquer it all. The sun made me feel unstoppable, the memory of my husband passed belief he had in me, it was that great belly tingle of the greatest feeling you have ever had. Little did I know that this place would be so much more than just a job, there would be lessons of a life time, there would be people who would touch my heart for a lifetime.
It was just a half hour before I will walk into that building of all that was unknown. I looked around to the cars going by, the people passing by, the noise of the birds on a bright warm day, I smiled looking to the sky thinking "thank you, please be by my side as I take these steps forward". I walked baby steps, calm, collective with nothing but positive thoughts and strength before I met those doors to what would be a life time of lessons in my life and memories that would last an eternity beyond. Those doors to inside never looked so big to me as I took a deep breath to open the doors to my new beginning and independence.
I opened that door with strength, confidence, the thought of "there is nothing I could not do". Then there it was my first day of my new life, new career, new faces that soon become people that all taught me deep lessons in my life. I was not prepared for what would happen to me, I believed that it only happened once in a life time, to my surprise it was more than just once in a life time, it was real and it was powerful, it shook my life to the core as well as I deeply know it did for the other individual as well. I started my rookie hour, sat down took my breath and looked to all the new faces around me trying to remember the names of everyone. I smiled knowing right away that feeling I felt, as if though I belonged there, that in a split second that was exactly where I was meant to be.
The people around me were quiet, unsure of just how long I'd take this position, would I stay?, would I get along?, yet as I sat at the desk looking around it is as though it all just clicked, it was as though I knew these people already, shocked to my inner being I smiled, took a breath and again thought " I will do this", "I got this no matter what comes my way". As the phones started to ring I panicked thinking oh my goodness what do I say?, I can't do this, looking down to a paper that was beyond a mouthful, I started to panic even more. Looking around there was a special person who to this day I could talk to forever, she smiled and laughed and confirmed "no you are not crazy that is a lot to say for a greeting to those that called".
Then it started, nerves kicked in as I greeted those on the phone I felt my heart beat out of my chest as I kept choking on a word pronouncing it wrong every time, laughing thank goodness laughing as each time I screwed up on that word I felt not laughed at but with as everyone just knew it was quite the greet and my nerves choking me up as that one word would just not come out as though it should. For heaven sakes even the customers agreed "wow what a mouthful", to some not even waiting until you were done that greet before interrupting you and just stating what it was they were calling for. Looking around I could feel everyone just observing my presence already laughing with me on the word that just would not pronounce properly, still to this day does not.
A man walked by, he broke the ice for me that day, he was the one that showed me that this place was not any ordinary place, that this would be a place of great memories and layed back individuals, that work does not have to be so serious, that you need that laughter to get you through those hard days. As I sat watching this man, seeing the look on his face as that one word choked me up every time stated to me "why don't you just answer to those calling "what the F@#k do you want", as I watched him in disbelief that I just heard that, it was then I knew this was a place where you were able to be your crazy self, laughing so hard to recognize that this was not at all a place to feel uncomfortable in, this was a place of true, genuine funny to the core people. People that knew how to create an atmosphere that you felt you belonged and that not all had to be so serious, that as long as you got your work done you did not have to be so blue collared. It was the place that built me up so high that I'd achieve so much in my next phase of life.
Now lets get back to this man, the man that made my jaw drop to the floor as he told me how to answer the phone. As he sat down in the chair behind the desk next to me, I looked to him scoping out his all, trying to vibe off of how he was, who he was, feeling my gut instinct on, if I felt good about his being or not. Right away it felt as though I had an outer body experience as I looked to him laughing, it was a feeling of total disbelief that I thought would never happen the rest of my life, knowing that feeling was the feeling I had when I looked to my husband passed the first time, than feeling complete panic, gut wrenching feelings of "no way this is happening, it can't, this is only suppose to be a once in a life time feeling". Yes it was the tingles, the butterflies, yet why?, I do not know this man, it shook me to my core in fear. It was the feeling I felt and knew with my husband passed and we spent 13 years together, before he had passed, it was that feeling of love at first sight. Very scared that I was feeling this feeling I had to step back in awe, almost falling out of my chair, which is a true story that happened one time during a shift but that is a story for later.
This man was a stranger and I knew nothing of him, why am I feeling this feeling?, the question unanswered, to this day still is, I bare that feeling still to this day, yet not knowing it be a roller coaster and the biggest lesson to my life not knowing than but knowing now. As days went by I felt myself happier and happier, happy to go to work, happy to spend time with this man and all I work with, it was a job yet felt not at all like work no matter how stressed of a day it was. He was not no ordinary man, he sang like no one was around, he laughed at his own jokes, he made you laugh the whole time in your presence and simply sometimes just by looking at him. I felt a connection right away to him, I felt the spark, the connection that connected you to the core of your soul.
Days went on, weeks and months as memories were made that would last me my life time. This man knew too soon how to push my buttons, as he sat next to me I remember that in the schedule that patients had cancelled that he could leave but forgot to tell him as I was busy and looked at him to let him know after being there way over the time he should of it appeared he had gotten quite mad as I told him, I looked to him in disbelief as "really your going to get mad about this", yet he was not mad he wanted to get a rise out of me, as he continued to talk, I felt myself getting real mad, to my shock I have thrown an object at him hitting him, in disbelief I could not believe I had did that thinking "I could get fired for this", not much was said, yet not once did that story make it to head office.
The lady I worked with had watched this day in and day out, the laughter, the good times, the way we just meshed together, the playful flirting, the falling out of my chair and still kept that conversation going with a patient on the phone as I layed on my back feet up in the air, laughing to the core the whole time. She was my other great lesson that you could trust another girl, the feeling as we knew each other for a life time and to this day are the best of friends and could talk beyond 5 hours on a daily basis. People come into your life for a reason this I know to the deepest of my heart now and forever. The countless moments that are now one of my most funniest of memories will never fade from my soul, I smile to this day as I remember the moments of that work place that brought out the biggest of confidence in me, that gave me the strength of ten fold.
How was it I got so close to this man, how did it happen so fast?, how did I feel as I did when I first met my husband was the hardest to digest of it all. We got close but he pulled back, to this day I still believe that he as well was shook to the core and felt it to. Too many good memories and moments between us. One night coming home, it was a Friday I heard to myself "no matter the circumstances this is the man you will be with, P.S love Jean Guy". Than later that night a conversation struck up between him and I, it was everything I wanted to hear that it was just not me, however all along I knew in my heart it was not just one sided and to this day I know it still is not. I was in the clouds and not coming down. The smile on my face could not be erased.
Its been quite some time since we have seen each other, since I been at that job but I know the connection is there and for uncontrollable reasons for now we are not together liked I have thought we would be, however I know in my heart one day so it shall be. I sometime think the worse as though as you hear all around you "if hes not reaching out than maybe you should take the hint he is just not into you". Well there are unforeseen things that have happened that prove other wise. I remember the day of getting together with him after a long period of time and feeling the same ole feeling knowing that it never did go away or the spark never fazed out at all, his hug told me a million things, the feeling was intense and it was felt by us both.
It's hard to feel the way I have, the way I do because that feeling I felt was only what I felt with my husband passed yet I know in good reason in a different way it did happen again, for all good reasons. Now this man is a constant lesson to my life, the biggest part is patience, one thing I have to work on daily due to not having any, this man is a lesson in patience, that you do not control the future, that all things happen as they should when they do. That's not to say that you can't help all you want in life to come true yet in the time it is suppose to is key to know, not in the time you want it to be. The biggest part that makes me smile is THE UNIVERSE works with you to bring in all of what you feel and want in life, that the strongest part in life is being that magnet of all and continuing to bring in the best that you know true to your heart that will be. My husband passed is my angel of life, to know he wants me to be happy is the greatest gift of all.
This man was never just a man, he was a lesson, a gift and a love that still remains to bloom yet like all great things in life it never happens over night, it grows more and more everyday until it is fully bloomed to enjoy it all. Every day I fight the inner of my negativity, I also fight the strength of my inner belief that happy endings are yours to have if you see it, believe it and verify it.
So I noticed while at this job and after the feelings I felt for this man that I heard this song out of no where and all the time every where and most of all every time I woke up in the morning. Coincidence? I really don't believe in coincidences.
P.S some days I want to scream in frustration just to how much this song follows me ha ha ha.
