Fairytales Are Real

The littlest of things bring the biggest in life together. My husband when we first met holding licorice the one littlest of things that brought us together.

A little story of my husband passed and I. How the real life fairytale love story started.

The trees were blooming, all of the children in the houses around were out playing enjoying the warm weather after a long cold winter that kept us all captive in the house where it was warm. Walking to work along the way my usual routine of ranting and raving were being thought of in my head, work was a must yet not something I was ever happy to be going to. It was in all of my days on my way to work I had the fight in my mind going on, wanting to be at home enjoying doing absolutely nothing. I think being in your twenties that is normal for most to want. It's as though your twenties bring out the "rebellion side of life" which sometimes never leaves us. It was on the beautiful days when the fight was even more stronger.

However on the way walking to work I managed to enjoy the warmth, birds, children playing, animals, commotion happening all around me, this was something that always made me smile while the struggle was going on inside me to not want to be at work. It was through the beauty around me that made that fight disappear. On this day I remember the warmth of the sun, the bright blue sky, the peace I felt from everything I was seeing around me. A house i'd walk by every day made me smile, imagining one day i'd be living there. A cute little white house that I felt so drawn to in every walk by I took on my way to work. Looking to the house made me smile every time. The little white house that I was so drawn to will have more reasoning once this story progresses more. It was a real life doll house that had all i've could of dreamed of for my dream home.



I was actually excited to be at work when I thought of the regular customer that visited every day, however I could not ever figure out why it was always for just a single piece of licorice was why he showed up every single day, I mean it wasn't as though our store had licorice that was different from the rest. My job was not a dream job however a job perfect for a twenty-two year old to start. Yet in that job brought me a bigger dream i've never could of imagined.

Getting ready to start my shift I knew there was no turning back now. I thought to myself "the man who buys licorice every day will be here today" that made me smile each and every time.

Stalking shelves, cleaning, counting, being in the cooler was all of my normal routine. Meeting new people is what made all the bad better.



While I was in the back sitting having a break I looked up on the monitor in front of me to see a customer, it was the licorice man, yet in that moment it was all too different than the times before. I felt something in me that never felt before as I looked at this man on the monitor. Getting up quickly I went out in to the store,as I got closer to him he smiled, smiling back trying to figure out this feeling I was feeling no words could come from me to speak, just staring, smiling looking like an idiot is what I did. As he talked there was nothing I could say, just the feeling in me I was trying to understand. Eventually through it I was able to at least say "hope you have a good night", horrified in thinking he probably thought how weird I was. The girl working with me laughed saying "something is up with you, it can't be you like him he's too old" I glanced at her laughed, walked away in thought of what it was that just happened.

Through out my shifts at work there was not one day that this man had missed, wondering still why it was he would come for a single licorice, sometimes two. Yes sometimes in life we could be so blinded in situations that are so obvious to everyone around. I went through each day wondering what it was I was feeling that I could not just put my finger on. Through each shift I got to know him more, laugh with him more, smile with him more, yet never thinking what was to come. Near where I worked was a cozy little coffee shop I liked to go to sometimes after work, to just sit and relax after a horrifying day at work as well as sometimes hard to deal with customers. One night as I walked there coming to the big glass window in a glance I could no longer feel my legs, in front of me sitting at a table was the man from work. In the gut of my stomach I felt a rush of warmth, it seemed i've been seeing this man more and more every where I went. Smiling as I got close to his table I sat down, not with him but across from him. Like he knew me forever he started to just talk to me. While sitting there I could feel that feeling, I noticed it never did go any where. Our conversation lasted for hours, all of me felt that in that moment is the only place I wanted to be. I could feel myself feel absolute comfort in being in his company, for me that was not a normal thing, being with others was sometimes a fight for me all on its own. Yet with him no struggle was desired.

After that night I took notice in our frequent running into one another, every where I looked he was there, not in the stalkerish kind of way, more in a natural, normal every day hustle bustle way. My regular places to go were where he was just never noticing before. Our talks were becoming something signifigent to me, seeing him was a routine in my life, something I actually enjoyed having to do.



One day at work was when it all changed for the man who we all knew as licorice man as well as I. Licorice man became Jean-Guy, I became Tonya to him. It was in a moment at work where both of us knew. It was as though in between that space of him and I there was a voice that spoke to both of our hearts at the exact same time. Looking to him I heard "this person in front of you is where the truest of love lays, the kind of love that never breaks". Call it what you will in that moment by the looks on both of our faces you just knew both of us felt the same thing.

Following that moment led to our first date, many phone calls, hours of non stop happiness. On our first date we stayed up all night until early morning, in that moment I recognized the feeling i've been feeling for so long, this time I knew what it was. It was in the dawn of morning looking at him I knew my heart was telling me something all along. "love at first sight" was not just a quote to me no longer. Although on our first date I knew this man I loved with all my heart there was still no way I could tell him nor understand how fast it happened.

Not really stressing about wondering if he felt the same was when I got my confirmation through a phone call speaking to him before hanging up I heard the words that in shock I was so ecstatic to hear, he said, "love you", now like taking a second glance I had to take a second hear, I laughed asking as if it was funny to hear "did you just say love you?", he laughed to tell me "yes I did, I love you". The smile on my face from that day on was never removed. It's hard to explain but in this relationship there was not one thing I had to fight with, nothing was out of my reach, everything just was, everything happened as natural as it should. Where we struggled with the thoughts of others due to the age difference not even broke us away. Everything was as though exactly how it was meant to be. Our first kiss, our first everything was more than I ever could of pictured. On the day of his birthday I remember meeting his family for the first time, not one person questioned our age difference, that's when I truly knew that true love is not a force to be ever recogned with. Three short months went by, not wanting to spend time apart we moved in together. Not once thinking it was too fast, just jumping both feet in is what we did. Soon after walking passed that cute little white house I walked by on my way to work, I seen what it felt like winning the lotto to me a "for sale" sign up. It was immediately after we found ourselves viewing the home, after all the ifs, ands, maybes, we soon moved in to that little white house that I had always felt so drawn to. I remember many moments of feeling as high as the clouds, feeling content, feeling right there in that moment is all i've ever dreamed of since a little girl. Being with him was as natural as it was to breathe, being so all in love no words could ever describe. Feeling on top of the world every day was how we felt together. Yes it was not all perfect, yet even in the bad our love quickly erased all the negative.



One afternoon after working I was excited to get home, to our home, it was my birthday I just wanted to be home. Walking home a little distance away I could see he was on the roof thinking to myself "what is he doing up there?", I quickly walked faster. Coming up to the house I could see he was laughing while watching me approach the house. As I looked up I could see in letters made out of shingles saying "Tonyas Castle", now for some this may be little yet to me meant more to me than ever, my heart felt complete love, in those words I felt is what explained all of how I felt in the life I was living. That home was my castle and he was my prince that rescued me from all horrific things.

NOTE TO ALL: To be continued.....through out my blog posts i'll be continuing in stories of our life. Moments that my heart will always feel along with keep in a safe place. It was in all of our moments of life together that now today is a treasure to my soul. It is in our story that proves to all that true real love fairytales are true.

Through the remembering lays pieces of our "happy thoughts" that remind us that the life we lived made us happy, blissful, joyful, not pain,sadness, tears. As I move forward it is in these moments I smile knowing the love we shared never gets put to rest. Having my husband passed in my life has made me realise I am the person he has always seen me as. His unconditional love awakened my heart to my life, to who I really was as well as what I could do. It was in our love I gained all I needed to love who I am completely.

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Confession: Not Good Enough For My Dreams

Let your love be your guide, it brings you to where your most needed

Often times when I look around to see the fast pace of lives living, I think to myself in frustration "when will it be for me", to discover in the whisper telling me "that is their own time not yours, let go to let it be when the time is yours". Even though this reminder is always there, there are still many moments of great frustration knowing that now is the time I am ready, yet in those bursts of disappointment it is only deflecting what waits for us in its own time. The further we struggle with comparing ourselves with others, the further our purpose gets away from our reach.

Of course there are many moments I think to myself "why can't it be me?", why can't it be now?", yet for us all I think it's pretty natural to look to others wondering when our time will be?. It is in the questioning the frustration we don't realise just where we are now, that each of us carry a purpose that will be used in its own time, that within that purpose is where we will live our goals, dreams, love. Comparing in frustration is not helping the purpose you were born with, it is only prolonging the use of it to live it out in the world to help others.

Seeing others living their dreams while your nourishing yours to be born surely can take a toll on your mind. I do believe it is normal to feel you may be doing something wrong, that maybe it will never be. Through it all we need to realise that we all are different, we carry our own specialized purpose in life, that not all find the way to it right away. To stress, put yourself down, feel horrible of what you do as well as think any of the negative is what shuts you down from getting closer to what ever you seek.



Confession: Sometimes when I see so many in the bliss of their dreams I feel as though I am less than a person than they are due to them getting there so much, so quickly. As fastly as I feel bad I understand that just as blissful as they are that even now I to can be. To take pride in this very moment of all that I have right now in this life I live. Understanding that the dreams I hold don't just happen over night, to smile in knowing soon enough all the hard work will pay off. That something of great signifigence doesn't just happen over night. My heart will always embrace the happiness of others, it is in that moment of truly being happy for others is where your own purposes are being nourished to grow, to blossom one day.

Just now I sat here looking around feeling a little sad of how things are going so slow for me I had an AHA WHISPER, it said, "do not feel any less of where you are, what you are doing, the time of others is not your own, let it go, to let it be in your own time", that, "patience is the food to the purposes you bare". Then as soon as my light had turned back on I grabbed for my journal as well as pencil to write this. It's amazing that if you truly listen you will hear the story your life is trying to tell you. That was proven just now as I sat thinking of how hard it has been. To truly hear those pieces of advice to you it is a must to want to hear it. Don't feel bad for having feelings of negativity, feel better that you did not give in to it, that as soon as you felt it you shifted to the positive, you felt the happiness in you for the others reaching their purpose.

To be grateful for where you are now brings you in to the where you need to be, to be grateful on a higher level. See the ALL of what you have now to notice so many things are around of accomplishments. Take notice in what you have this very moment to know someone else out there may be feeling the way you are due to where you are right now. Your achievements may be bigger to others that are trying to make it through their own life. See others with compassion, help others build their own life up, through it you as well will rise higher along side of it all. Seek positive, to let go the negative that lurks over your shoulder. Be full of love with those around you that are living their dreams. To yearn for others accomplishments is to hold yourself captive of your own.



Truly love out in to the world to smile, to just be all there is what your own purposes are wanting to have, to build on to that to your own. All of us are here to be the lights of our own show, to shine that light no matter where you are in your life will show others in their darkness that their light to is just as bright as what they see from you. Feeling down, feeling bad, feeling sorry for you will only keep you in a prison away from all that you can be. So look to the people around you to understand we are all here to shine, not no one person brighter than another, we are all here with a different purpose, in those purposes is the time to be nourished that in its time it is stronger than ever to conquer all that it's needed to. The purpose we carry unfolds in the time it is strongest enough to be used to its fullest. All of our purposes are a great impact to this world, to make this world a better place.

Look around to smile in knowing each of us is here to make the love in us all stronger. Look to strangers to see they to are here for a purpose that means something to the life we live. Seeing the spark in someone elses eyes is the spark that could turn on so many other sparks in others.

Jealousy is dressed up in disquise to take a hold of all you want in life. To notice it right away is to unchain the chains around you. Being true to who you are unlocks the chains that try to lock up all of your purposes. Feeling sorry for you only leaves you in the behind of what you dream of. Find a true place in your heart to look outwards with all the love you hold from with in. Hold tight to all of what you dreamed of. Let others around you see that you are truly there for them, to help them in times of despair, take pride to be with those living their dreams, through it all the dreams in you will grow becoming stronger waiting for the day to flourish in to all of what you need to live your purpose.



That's where we all lose our focus, we believe that not all of us are here to live out our life the way we always dreamed of. That all the happiness of life may not be what we deserve. It's in those thoughts you need to listen to what your life is trying to tell you. In all of the negative that voice for us gets softer and softer. Breaking the negative whispers makes that voice louder to be heard. To open our hearts is where we let in all of how our life should be seen. It's not about what she/he did, what she/he has, it's about being there through it all being happy for what they are going through. To be love in the purest form is what it is about. Finding room in your heart for others, even if a stranger. Helping others build their foundation, seeing the beauty in all you see is all what feeds your purpose of all the strength it needs.

As a parent we give our all to help our children grow, we be who we want to see them grow to be, is all the same to our purposes needs from us as well. Our purpose is in a way our child, we need to be all of how we want our purpose to be. So as raising a child, our purpose to just don't grow over night. In us all is a love that can reach the ends of the world, use that love to help others grow their purpose , it is in us all to make this world the place it is destined to be. All of our purposes magnifyes off of us on to the world to help the world grow to its fullest of purpose, just as we are doing to grow our own. It's not about me, me, me, it's about us, us, us, in this world. It is not alone we make this world, it is in us all that the world becomes a better place, reaches its purpose in our lives. Once all the competition of higher need is left behind is truly when we will shine the brightest we were meant to. In us all lays a piece of the world becoming the way we all ever dreamed it would be. Our purpose leads us to that puzzle that will come together in the time it needs to be. Find it in your heart to see the love you were born with, in that purest of form is miracles waiting to happen. Sit down to take time to listen to the whisper your life needs you to hear.

Don't look to others in negative ways, negaitive thoughts, those negative ways reflects off them back to your own life leaving you a prisoner from where you need to be. Look to your life to the blessings you have already received, knowing that where you are could very well be a place others are feeling bad because they are not. Running around in the vicious cycle of stress will never break until you break it for yourself. It's not about being good enough, all of us here will always be good enough for what lays ahead of us past the doors to all of our dreams. Just because some make it there faster means nothing to your own. Seeing them there only proves to you that one day you to shall be there. Know in your heart that in your own time it all will be, yet in the mean time help others stand taller, wrap others in love to lift higher when they can't on their own. See the beauty in others dreams coming true knowing that one day it will be for your dreams as well.



NOTE TO ALL: Being in all the negative thoughts is holding yourself prisoner to getting through the doors that are open, feeling your not worthy drounds out the purpose you carry. In this prison you hold the keys to set yourself free, if only you listen to what is all around you, to be in the quiet is where you find the answers you need. Free the negative to let in all the positive you hold inside. See others with nothing but love, once you let the love in everything else falls into your arms. Don't let a closed door keep you from where you want to be sometimes we have to be strong enough to open the doors ourselves. Use the love you hold to lighten others around you. Take the love you hold out into the world to show others that love is what conquers all. Bless others with your smile, let them know they to are of signifigence to the world around us. Be the truest of person you are meant to be. Listen to the advice all around you, take in all of what you hear. Build your life but don't forget about those that are building around you.

Just most of all be happy for where you are now, not where you think your suppose to be. Our purpose is in us all to bloom in its own time. Be the parent to your purpose so in time it will be all of what you have visioned for so long. Seeing others succeed around you is their own time, not yours. Do not let what others may think of you defeat who you really are, hope in your heart that one day they to can let go of the negative that holds them hostage from all they ever could of wanted. It's not in others validations where you need to wait, it is your time, your purpose, it's not in others your purpose grows. To feel sorry for your life you have been given is to throw away a precious gem never to be found.

A short story that made me see the strength in us all, to feel the purpose we carry grow. A very close family member has been in great pain for almost three months, a broken heart. The man she knew I was very close to, I could see in her eyes she loved him as much as she told me. After many, many, many nights of tears as well as wanting to leave this world and almost losing her my heart ached for a solution to mend her heart. So just this past weekend I dragged her out in to the night looking at all familiar places he would be, to find him standing there in one was as though I had won the jack pot. To pull these two together to truly find their love I felt my heart beam, I felt my purpose grow, I felt my light shine a little brighter that is when you are truly at your fullest showing the world that yes you are there, that yes you can be love, that yes you are willing to be all you need to be. You show all of you that yes you are ready to conquer what ever it is that lays ahead. Seeing her pain turn into bliss awakened my life, my heart, my all even more than before. It shined so bright that there is no doubt I will be where I need to get to soon enough.

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