Blessings of Love

IN DEDICATIONS TO: 

There is like no other the love of your child- My daughter is the one truest of all that gets me to strive for the best possible life that we deserve.  All my immediate family for never leaving my side, for walking with me through my hardest of hours of grieving.  My cousin Ashley Bazala because she has always been there for me.  It’s through each other that we have been conquering the world.  My BESTIE Krys Hampton Lovitt for seeing me through all my toughest of moments.  Mike Tremblay for being my best fan and manager: P. OWNCANADA-OWNTV for their hard work and joy they bring me every day.  OPRAH for all her truly inspirational shows as well as the beautiful, glorious people I met because of her.  OWNViewers, Nada0971, PRanganathan, Mistygirl77, Mybestlifecoach, GrowingOWN, CDNOWNViewers, OnMyOWNworld, SpontaneSmiley.  Tiffanie Davis Henry, for all her words of wisdom and retweets.  These people could not have come into my life at a better time than now.  ALL my online friends from around the world, you know who you are.  Most of all each and every one of you grieving it’s because of you I am here.  The love of all these people have gave me my hope, strength, smile, everything back to me.  Love can truly conquer all, it’s not just a saying it is a part of life.  To give love is to get love.  When you’re surrounded by light it is then you start to see the light.  I have been blessed through my darkness and pain by people who continue to show me unconditional love.

On this road of grieving we travel through we need to accept the blessings that are all around us for us, it’s as though it’s a kiss to our hearts, to our souls.  If we rise above the pain to notice everything around us, the journey becomes less dark around us.  Discovering the blessings of others who are there to really truly help us in our time of grieving helps us tremendously in our grieving process.  It’s as though our lives were touched by true genuine people for a reason, true gift to us, to lighten our days, to lighten our souls.  I can not specify enough to you all how true of a meaning it is to allow yourself to see all the love of people who want to be around you.  No matter how hard, how bad you feel, let yourself be like a sponge, suck in all the love others offer to you.  Family, friends, friends online, they are there for a reason, they are there to lift you up above the darkness that surrounds you.  It is the love, the true love of others that put the light in the darkness for you to see.  So on your worst of days reach out to the ones that show they are truly there for you.  Even on days you feel to just be alone, push that thought away to embrace them, even if it is for them to listen, or just sit with you.  The truest of people will stay with you; they will walk the journey of grieving with you by your side. 

Family, friends, even people online are heaven sent, a true gift in disguise to our grieving souls.  As I take baby steps through my grieving, I truly started realizing things, seeing the blessings that are given to us if we walk with our eyes open.  Don’t let the pain take you over, your loved ones passed want you to live your life, live it as if you’re doing it for their love, that you’re going to make them proud so they to where ever they may be can smile, so they too can be at ease knowing you will get by, that you will in time gather you’re strength.  When you’re so over whelmed by pain it shuts you off to so many things, you miss the blessings sent to you, and you miss the love that your loved ones passed are trying to send your way.  You miss their messages, signs, their love that they try to get through to you, to your hearts.  There are really wonderful God sent people around you to reach out to.  True genuine love is what captures your heart while grieving; it opens you up to see you do have the strength to get by.  On days you feel that strength is missing, loved ones will give it back to you, and they will carry you through the days you feel you have nothing left. 

I am truly amazed to of been touched by all the beautiful people that have showed up through this road of grieving I’m travelling.  In all of this what I say to you all is let the light in, allow yourself to be reached, allow yourselves to be touched by the love that is waiting there for you.  You are not in this grieving process to be alone; you just have to be open to embrace the love.  I honestly can say that these people are put in our lives for a reason, as if it’s a gift of a miracle to us from up above knowing just how painful it is to us.  So to you all reading this open your hearts open your eyes, fight for it no matter how hard.  Once you do you will see how glorious it is, how you will start to feel your heart healing.  Little by little, one love by one love you will get your strength back, your darkness will lighten up more and more each day so that the light shines through.  The darkness that once was will start looking as though it’s a shade lighter.  Your hopes will to touch you, it will invade your thoughts, the next thing you know the hope you once lost has come back.  .  I want to give you all my love so that you as well can get all your hopes as well as dreams back.  To reach out to every grieving heart is my calling, I will continue to do this each and every day that I can.

Note to you all:  To not feel the pain does not mean you love your loved ones passed any less.  To rise above the pain shows them you loved them with all that you had, that even now you love them with everything you have.  Like the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, capture that feeling again, hold on to it, and let that feeling conquer the bad feeling, the scared, empty feeling.

 

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Taking a stand: father's and daughters

To be able to be whole, to be able to be strong, now is the time to be able to really believe in me.  I want to be here for any grieving soul who reaches out to me.  Through my ten months of grieving I realized that I want to be the person to stand up, stand out, to reach out my hand to all you grieving hearts.  I am the voice, the ear, the passion; I’m here for every grieving heart out there.  I want all grieving hearts to embrace me, to let me be the ear to listen, the mouth to speak, to be the hands that will reach out to all in pain.

Last night I received a phone call, stating my dad was in ICU on life support, within those seconds I felt a overpowering flow of emotions go through me.  Emotions that I thought were settled, however I realized they always remained unsettled.  I guess that little girl in me never forgave her father for not being there, for not showing his fatherly love, realizing I never had that special father, daughter relationship.  I came to realize I hold so much anger, sadness, grudges, even after all this time, 34 years.

Is this the reason to all my undeveloped goals? Have I been trapped for so long due to this?  Have I been carrying this around with me for 34 years?  Have I kept this blocked from my thoughts so I wouldn’t feel the pain I felt when I was 6 years old the day he left?  So many things have resurfaced that I have never confronted.  It’s been ten months into my grieving, I’ve never felt so uplifted, I finally stopped struggling to find myself, now I’m faced with this. 

I shall not let this take over me, today as well as everyday forward I will face this pain, I will put that little girl to rest.  No longer will I feel it was my fault my father did not love me the way he should of.  He is the one that let me down, he is the one that couldn’t show me love, it’s not the other way around.  I wanted his love he just didn’t give it.  Never again will I feel unworthy, I am always WORTHY.  So now from this day forward I build to fill that hole with love and forgive.
 
Why I choose to move forward?  Very simple, I’ve found my passion.  My passion to be here in this little safe haven I built for all of you facing grief.  I build myself to be stronger, to be whole, so I can stand my ground to be whole for myself, as well as for all of you, for my passion.  What I want?  I want to be the one person that speaks out to the world, to all grieving hearts, to heal, to mend, to lend a hand out to you all, for you to know you are not alone, you will never be alone.  Every person I can reach out to is a blessing, one person leads to many little by little.  Everyone deserves love, to be loved.  You are all here for a reason; do not let the grieving pain take over.  To be here for all of you is what I will strive to do each and every day.  Somehow, some way you will all see the light in your darkness, I promise that to you all.

Note to all:  Celebrate every second you make it through your grief, because every second leads to a day you passed through your grieving journey.

 

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From My Heart to Yours

A LITTLE OF OUR LIFE:

Twelve years ago I met a man that opened my eyes to everything. He was the man that would change my life forever. Jean-Guy was a man that always seen the best in everything as well as everyone he knew. I didn’t know that one day something so important, so signifigent to me would no longer be there.

The first day our eyes met, I knew he was a very important value to my life. He radiated such love, a brightness that no one could not see. Through our trials also tribulations we created the most beautiful of life, our little girl. True love exists, when it creates life it creates the most purest of love. No one could have been more proud of his little girl as he was, I know he still is.

He believed that I could conquer the world. I’m grateful he has opened my eyes to the beauty as well as importance of my life, he made me a mother, he helped me grow into the lady I am today. I thank him for believing in me, now I see that dreams are ours for the taking, that there is nothing I can’t conquer.

To our little girl of true love, I see her father through her in every step she makes. Through her he shines bright like the sun. She is and always will be OUR BLESSING.

To add to all of this to everyone who reads our loved ones may not be able to be seen but they will always be with us. The legacy they left in us as well as in our hearts will be with us forever. True Love never dies. Something of great momentous and life never dies. They are our treasures, their spirit will forever remain.

He was my best friend, my true love, my husband, my lover, OUR LIFE, we may not see you Jean-Guy but we know you walk with us every day in our life. As well as all your loved ones you lost. BELIEVE.

Note to all: Sometimes we have to put the good memories we made with our loved ones on the back burner for only a little while. When we remember the memories we sometimes remember just how happy we once were and yearn to get them back, that lead to us getting stuck in time. Our loved ones will understand why we put them on hold for just a little while, only until we can remember but remember without wanting that life back. To only remember them as good memories.

 

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Having the passion to be bigger than life

OUR LOVED ONES GIFT

WE ALL HAVE A PASSION BIGGER THAN LIFE:

Through my journey of grieving, I’ve noticed through the pain, you truly are in the dark, that you miss the most glorious blessings around you.  To force your eyes open is the one great blessing you could do for yourself as well as the loved one you lost.  Take the time to shed your tears as well as miss them but do not let it consume you. 

Through this blog I want to share my own personal experiences, to reach out to every broken grieving heart to give all some comfort, as well as knowledge, know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, not now, not ever.  Be gentle to yourself along with your heart.  Find yourself again.  Find the one thing bigger than you; believe in your passion, when you find it.  You will find a passion bigger than life; you will see the smile on your face that has been missing for so long.  When you feel the pain is strong, get up, go out help someone even if it’s the smallest of tasks, because through that you release the pain. 

There is never anything that we can’t do if we put our hearts and minds to.  Take away the fear, the pain, the grief, turn it into you moving forward living your best life possible.  I know it’s easier said than done but each baby steps along with one good thought will bring you to a tiny little light through the dark. 

I can honestly tell you through the darkest of my days I’ve seen the light, I’ve seen the good.  Through him I’ve found my passion, I’ve found who I am, I’ve found the true me.  This is their gift to us, you just have to let yourself feel it and see it.  I’ve been where you are, I know the words I type speak of nothing but the truth.  I’m also here to say it is never easy, that life is never easy.  Through the hardest things we battle is a lesson to us, our hearts, our souls.  Find the passion your loved one has shown to you through being with them that you thought you never had and use it.  There is nothing we cannot do.

When you find the one true passion in your life it’s through that we start to let go of the pain because we are so consumed of the joy it brings to us, as well as others.  Through your passion you release your pain, you begin to feel the good in it all, you begin to feel hope and excitement in the success you are accomplishing

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