I can get my own thank you

So it has been over a year now since my husband has passed away, to me it feels just like it was yesterday, some days are terrible, some days I can handle and smile.  That to me is just how my life will be from now on, I have learned to live with grief, I have learned to understand that from time to time my heart will always be feeling the wrath of the special life that I had to let go.  If you are just starting your journey to grieving then others will see that now is not the time to try to pry you to feel the urge to drop the bombs of dating on to your lap.  However I do know that it comes from the heart, it comes from wanting nothing but the best for us.  I understand that the close people around me in my life do what they do from love, so at the same time I am biting my tongue, I smile as well as say thank you.  To those just in the beginning of your grieving keep in mind that there will always be people to suggest things to you out of the kindness of their hearts yet know it is not to be taken to heart, let it in one ear as well as out the other.  Our loved ones feel due to the fact of loving us as well as caring about so much that they feel as though they feel there is something they can do to help us, to make us smile, to try mend our pain.  In this life we always must know opinions is what everyone has, yet leave it at just that and be thankful :).

That is the thing about life sometimes, people who are close to us may do not so likely things from time to time yet we have to understand it is only because they care for us along with have our best interest at heart.  Yes we may feel the urge to scream at the top of our lungs but we smile say thank you and scream later on when they have left.  To those in our life that have not suffered a loss like us will never understand what it is we go through on a daily basis, to them time is what they feel should mend our hearts, when in all actuality time has not one thing to do with grief as well as our hearts.  You can get frustrated as much as you want but it will never be understood by those who have not lost a loved one close to them.  Out of all of my life I have never come upon the things that I have been recently, things that make me just think hmmmmm lol.  I honestly don't think people actually think out things enough before truly approaching you.  I believe their so eager to just want to help they lash out in a rush. 

So to all that are in the new part of grieving this may not apply to you just yet,  yet keep in mind the opinions, suggestions, all of it will be heading to you in your future.  I am thinking that since it becomes longer in grieving people want to be able to just help, they see you having your bad days and feel that now they can attempt to suggest their thoughts to you all coming from the heart yet not something we grieving want to hear.  I noticed this a lot since I have reached my year mark of grieving.  It has been popping up lots lately and it is quite humorous.  I take it all with love as well as with a grain of salt, to you all I say do not let it get to you just know in your heart it comes from love.  I have heard a lot of well they would say to me "I know someone single he is really nice, let me know if you want I can set something up", or "maybe just start getting out there see how it feels", to "don't you think you should get yourself out there more?".  I smile say thank you and try to change the subject yet that one subject always has a way to make it back around.  If I got a dollar for it every time said I would be a millionaire.  As much as I get frustrated I know in my heart it is all in good intentions, that they do not know what it is I am going through. 

I am no where against the dating life, yet I know myself, I know right now is not my time, I do not want to look for it, if it is meant to happen it will happen, forcing anything is not how life works, forcing anything only ends up to become a disaster.  In this life everything will unfold when it was meant to be.  In my life I finally feel that I am gaining myself back, that in this moment in time I feel that all of me is just starting to feel like I am living my life, not watching someone live my life.  I always think to myself that I was with my husband passed for 12 years, we were married so why is it people feel the need I need help to find someone, I found someone to love me with nothing but true, unconditional love on my own before so why would I not be able to find that again on my own?.  Yet I always stop myself to understand that people that love you just want to make what ever they can right for you, they want to just help.  It is normal, we see others in pain, right away we want to rush to that persons side to help them. 



I Felt the need to write about this since I have been noticing it so much lately, it does make me laugh, it does make me grateful to know I'm loved that my family wants the best for me yet to some it can really hit a nerve as well as upset.  So to those who take offence just let it roll off of you, understand it is all about love, your loved ones have your best interest at heart, do not let it cause stress to you or between you and others.  Time is so precious that none of it deserves any kind of bad thoughts, or any more drama added.  It is all of our natural instincts in us to want to help, some just do not think before reacting.  I have never actually allowed it to get as far as to being on a blind date but if I did I would of had 100 of them by now.  I look to it all to feel nothing but love, I see it as a huge compliment. 

Grieving is something that will always be a part of our life, to others that may of not been through it do not know that, they do not see how that could be possible, they see it as something that should just not be after a certain amount of time.  Just because that they do not know this though is no reason to feel harsh or bad to those who try to help us.  In this life we live opinions will always be a part of our life, just let it slide, hear it yet let it just evaporate in to the air, do not let it get to you, do not let it doubt how it is you feel.  Know that in your heart you are important as well as loved to so many out there.  Dating will soon enough be a part of our life yet only when it is in our time, when we know in our hearts that we are ready.  Do know that when the time is right you will not need no help, it will just be.

It is all quite funny to me, even people that I do not know that well feel the urge to approach me with help of wanting to set me up.  I do not feel any kind of bad thoughts to anyone it makes me feel happy to know that so many care.  I know sometimes to others this may feel as though people are thinking as though you can not do things on your own, you may feel insulted, yet it is the total opposite, they do it from their heart, they do it with love.  So to you all I say easy come easy go, in one ear out the other, c'est la vie.  Do not try to explain grief to those who do not understand, to those that who have not experienced it because no matter how hard you try there will never be the words to make them understand.  When I tell people grief never leaves they look to me with absolutely no idea what I mean, they look to me as though I mean I want it to not leave, they do not know that in grief we learn to let it be a part of our life, we learn that it does not leave but we learn to live with it in our hearts.  We take the good days with the bad. 

NOTE TO ALL:  To any kind of advise from others, we must learn how to take it with stride, to not take it to heart, to see it as nothing but love.  In the advise we receive we must know that it is coming from the other persons heart in respect to help not make us feel bad.  If you ever should feel that way just simply say it, simply let the person know and I am very sure that person will have no intention of making you feel the way you feel.  This past couple months have been such trying times, yet in it all I have never smiled along with laughed as much as I have.  In it all I have noticed just how many love me, how many care for my well being, that is what matters the most, to understand you are loved, people want to help you, they want to be part of your life.  So to all you new widows remember to always have your humorous caps on, sometimes in grief you will laugh, sometimes you just have to laugh.  Laughing is as well as what relieves some of your pain.  "Laughter is the best medicine" that is the truth, I see that now.