Fairytales Are Real Part 2

After finding out that in my life story I was a princess that found her prince, that same day we decided to go browse some stores. While we were out browsing stores there was a store I had to just check out, as a girl jewelry was never something to pass by. Looking at all the sparkle in the store in the corner of one of the show cases I spotted that special diamond that stood out amongst the rest. As I was starring with huge eyes trying it on for fun, it was in that moment we got engaged. Next thing I knew the ring was back on my finger, it was mine, we were engaged. With in the year of being together we had moved into our own apartment, owned our own home, now to being engaged. True love never waits a single moment.

I remember thinking "is this for real?, is it all happening too fast?, my heart was more than willing to put those thoughts to rest.

Five years passed, on the normal every day I noticed a huge change in me. I was smelling food out feeling nauseated, that right there sounded the alarms. That was not normal for me, getting a pregnency test could not of been bought fast enough. In great eagerness it was that same night we found out we were expecting. All of me was full of joy yet totally scared out of my mind. Looking in his eyes I told him "we're having a baby", not even a flinch from him, I could see in all of him the over flowing of love already for this baby, far from even being here yet. The glow from him was my confirmation that his love for this child is larger than life.



In the hospital after being awake for 48 hours was a moment I carry with me to this day, he took our little girl to rock while I could rest, not just for seconds, he rocked her for four hours straight. As I awoke the sun was just rising as I looked outside to see the pink sky, as I glanced from outside to inside watching our new addition to our family along with her daddy, I thought to myself "that this is all a dream come true, that all that is in this tiny room is all I ever wanted. Our little girl grew so fast never having to worry if she was loved. In her fathers eyes she knew the love he held was greater than life it self. The bond between these two always took my breath away. No words can ever explain how it was when he looked to his little girl.

As time went on through the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth birthday, it was our daughters sixth Christmas, that morning was full of excitement, this year Santa was bringing her a doll house of her dreams. As we watched her unwrap, we glowed in how bright eyed she was. It was this year that our lives would change. During this winter he had gotten pneumonia, after recovering from that we celebrated New Years together, happy for being a family still, for the love that we share. On a morning following the holidays he told me he wanted to get an X -ray, that his back was hurting him. We both thought it was a bruised or cracked rib from all the coughing from the pneumonia, not ever thinking of anything else. That day he went to get checked, never ever thinking of what we were about to find out. It was the next day he come to me, in his eyes I could see something was wrong, I could see the pain as he walked closer to me, right than and there I wanted to run away. As he got closer in disbelief he spoke of the words he had heard earlier "I got lumps on my lungs, one on one side, two on the other side" as these words came out of his mouth I felt as though I was stuck in a bad dream, I felt my heart shatter right than and there.

Trying to keep myself calm, I listened to him say "tomorrow I go for a CAT scan" in all of these words all I could keep thinking is "it's ok, we will be ok, this can not be happening, miracles happen, it can happen for us". I never hugged someone so tight as I did in that moment. No words, no tears, just our love. Through the next few days I could see our life crashing quickly. As if the lungs was not enough to hear, the CAT scanned showed kidney cancer. This is where all the life was sucked out of me, this is where I started to pray for a miracle.



Never ever speaking to each other of what ifs we went on loving, we went on being a family. Loving our daughter, loving one another the best as well as most that we could. Through this all it was our daughter we wanted to be ok, we did not want her life to feel upside down like how we did on the inside. In all of these moments no words will ever describe how broken I was nor the endless tears I shed. We both knew he was terminal, it was within all my heart I wanted to take care of him in our home. These moments would be precious to us all, not wanting to waste any of it out of our home. Right away I became his caregiver, both our decisions were made, that was how he wanted it to be. To take care of him came as natural as it was to be a mother.

Being together for twelve years always wanting to get married yet never having enough money, we finally chose to do it now. Even though our future would not be long our true love would be forever. April sixteenth we were married in our home with close friends along with family. I remember that day as sick as he was he refused to let me put my own rings on my finger, he grabbed my hand to do it for himself.

Having to have the talk I did with our little girl no parent should ever have to do. Saying " I know you know daddy is sick, we are trying to make him feel better but if he don't he may have to go to be with baby Jesus one day". That conversation broke me all over again into a billion pieces. Knowing the truest of love of all would no longer be. Through this all it was our love that rose us above the pain, it was through the truest of love we made it to where we are today.



Towards the end I remember two very signifigent moments, eight days before passing we spent in the hospital. Our daughter was taken care of by my mom. It was a bright sunny day I stood in front of him, I looked to him to see a smile on his face, a smile I could remember just the same as the first day we met. In that moment he grabbed my hand pulled it to his lips and kissed it. I knew with out words what he felt. Our love was a love of the truest in this world. On the eighth day I knew waking up that today would be the day we would say good bye to our life, to my one true love, to my heart. The hardest yet breath taking moment on this day was having to call our little girl, so daddy could hear her voice one last time. As she spoke it was a miracle to see him smile as soon as he heard her little voice brighter than the sun. It was her voice he waited for, less than 3 hours later he left our lives.

Through this love of my life along with the great pain i've suffered it was due to him I found myself, how I became whole. Through his unconditional love I knew there was not anything I could not do. Through his love I learned to open my heart to embrace life in the beautiful, glorified way it needed to be. After feeling such horrific pain was what allowed me to open up to see the blessings through it all. Through this journey of all is where I found my purpose. As I walked through the pain turning on my light so many doors opened to me as well as my heart.

NOTE TO ALL: No matter what on the hardest of days I always go back to a question I was asked "if you could go back, would you change anything?, would you change being with him?, my answer in seconds came to say "no, i'd do it all again". Remembering this helps me to understand that true love is not something to give up, that once faced in the eyes of unconditional love there are no options but to take it all in, that unconditional love is a gift, it is that love that sheds so many of blessings to your life. Even after the person carrying that love is not to be seen, it still will always remain. Pain in the loss yes, pain in that love never wins, understanding the love will always be the wings to rise you above the pain that you feel.



The hardest thing we should always do through the pain is remind ourselves that it is not the pain our loved ones passed brought to our lives, it was love, so pain has no room in our hearts that is consumed full of their love. Yes we can no longer see our loved ones passed yet the love we share is always still there.

In the midst of the nights I find myself restless, restless in knowing his spot is empty, restless in knowing he is no longer there in reach, through the restless I close my eyes in knowing his love still resides, that in that empty space our love will always be. I go back to remembering how it was I felt, that at night when we were together it was in the silence of one another that love felt the strongest. I remember looking into his eyes knowing tomorrow our love will be there, that our love would always be there.