The Diversity Of Grief

As the time goes on in my life that I live I am starting to notice grief is not just a matter of the loss, the death of a loved one in the life that I am living.   I am noticing the diversity of grief although the actual loss of a loved one is the ultimate heartache anyone could ever go through, I do now see that grief to me is so many things.  

The loss of a loved one, a pet, a job, losing your home, loss of friendship, change that occurs in your life,  shedding of the old grieving for the old as you grow to a new.  The loss of a relationship as I face now knowingly that the grieve of the loss of everything so important to you can cause pain and heartache and much surprise and shock.  However this does not dismiss that either or is more painful than the other.  

Looking back there is so much to see that have touched my life so deeply that I cannot say that grief is just not in the form of a death.  Losing something that causes heartache in your life is in a way a grief to you a mourning to pick up as hard as it is and move on because life around does not stop for the fact that you feel you want it to.  

If we could look to our life to see all the pain and loss that we have been through and see that here we still are the more we will know that day by day we found our way that through it all we still stand, even if through the darkest moments we use that as a leverage to lift us up in knowing that yes it hurts so much now, that the dark feels it will never fade as our heart aches we can understand that all the loss of the past we have had and got through that this as well will be a journey in a different way we will go through, that the hope is there to open our eyes that we have the strength to make it through the day.  

As I looked back to all that I grieved in my life I realised it was not just about the actual death of losing someone it was about the loss of the old no longer there in your present to having to let go and face the new that is no longer a routine of once you have had before.  That the pain brings so much heartache and tears as you grieve not wanting to let go nor say goodbye in the fear of not knowing what lays in the new.  Losing my home I remember, losing my animals, losing my husband it was not just the loss of my husband that I had to encounter it was the loss of everything I was so in love with in my life,  fading all around me that I had to let go to say goodbye to let it become just of a memory.  

As a loss of a loved one as you take on the loss of a non death yet the pain debilitates you I say just as before take your little steps, be easy on you, ask for the strength you need because that strength is always around you, don't be angered for not doing simple things as you so easily did before, take your breath to only have the goal to make it through this day.  We put so much stress on ourselves for things we did not do we do not see all of what we have done and been through, take the time to grieve for the loss but gain your strength in knowing that yet once again you have all you need to get through this yet again.  

It's the little things for me that I take to in my hurt, the butterfly that lurks around above me, the beauty of the red cardinal that sits in my tree, the robins that hop around looking for something to eat, the dragon flies that fly high above, in it all lays more healing to you than you could ever know and realise.  Today as i woke I noticed right away as my feet touched the ground yes my heart still hurts but OH GOD am I thankful for this new day, the blue skies and the little of hurt that has evaporated from my being as I started this new day.  

Last night as I spoke about in the end it is making room for the new and the over flowing of what I have forgotten came flooding back to me exciting my whole being, I lost what was important to me, in that moment I realised not one thing, one person is more important than being your true self nor losing the person who you are due to wanting to make it work.  Words cannot describe in this heartache that has been awakened in awe of the greatest of all I had let go of, all this brought tears to my eyes in a blessed joyful way.  

So I say to the grief that carries with us that a surprise to it all if we face that pain oh boy is there so much around wanting to come in if we let it, it is more beautiful than I could ever describe.  I smiled today in seeing all those little things that I have gone blind to by shutting it out due to hurt, pain and being someone I was not.  The things that happened all around me last night and today made me gasp for the biggest look up to the sky to give a thanks I have never been so overly full of excitement then before, it was like I opened and all that new came washing through to erase the old, to mourn is OK, yet to be blind to the good and love coming into you so fast is the proof that "yes this to shall pass"  there ain't nothing more than finding that smile again that thought would never be for a very long time.  

So yes I say without knowing in that moment we all take on so much loss that we never realise just as that loss after loss it becomes such a natural reaction to us we do not see how we take it on and through it our new comes to brighten our way, that we do not take the time to know in us is strength, dreams, hopes and miracles for us to take the steps to get through to the light again.  To actually use those loses that we got through to see in the now to use that as strength in knowing in time we will stand tall, with scars we will have but beauty of those scars to bare we will shine again.   

So I say to all losses we go through yes the heartache will lay deep, yet in the surprise we face as we go through the pain and feel it is something special to us personally, it is as though your life is speaking to you, blessing you telling you "your life matters, you are special this all your gifts for the hardship you bared but stood strong to see the light of day.  I say remember loss not only as the death of losing someone, but to see that loss is everywhere and constant and if open allowing the new you see just how higher you rise each and every time.

So today I do give so much thanks to my broken relationship, thank you God for blessing me to feel this pain but able to see the reason in it was more beautiful than the pain that lay in me, thank you for seeing the strength that I bare, that looking back to all of the endings I faced to see the over flowing powerful love, beauty and blessings that came through it all.  Feel it, bare it, understand it and take time to breath and know this is not a forever feeling, your break is shedding to open to your new, miracles, growth, dreams, beauty, love and more strength.