Ashes To Beauty

 ~Paul Luftenegger ~ is an International Award Winning Singer/Songwriter Inspiring and Promoting LOVE & KINDNESS through Music.

Another most inspiring story of a man that rose from the pain of grief to become the beauty and love taught to him through his pain to shine bright out into the world to touch the hearts of so many.  He sings from the heart of such inspirational words that heal as soon as you hear his beautiful voice.  This man came into my life at most perfect of time through the internet and when God sends you someone into your life you just know with all your heart it was by no accident.

If you are in struggles or in pain and having a hard day this is for you all out there to listen to, to close your eyes breathe and simply open your heart an hear the words.

Mending ~ Paul Luftenegger

https://soundcloud.com/paul-luftenegger/03-mending-mp3

Now his story:

I am writing this to publicly thank Oprah Winfrey and her beautiful Teams at OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) for creating amazing television. The incredible shows broadcast on OWN truly changed my life which I am grateful for beyond measure.

As you may or may not know, the world lost my Father (in physical form) by suicide on March 6th, 2011. Nothing can prepare one's heart for something as devastating and tragic as the death of a parent by suicide. The trauma associated with this experience has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure and heal in my life. Picking up the pieces of one's life after disaster strikes with loss fused with trauma is the most brutal raw human suffering the soul can feel on the physical plane. The ray of light and sparkle of hope I always held very close inside of my heart was Oprah's message of holding on to your faith in the universal possibilities of the unknown parts of tomorrow; the eternal promise of the gifts to come. Becoming one's authentic self is paramount to live the life we have always imagined by listening to the inner voice within that wants what's best for us. The quiet whispers of loving guiding grace deep within waiting for each and every one of us to acknowledge it's presence. I started communicating with my multidimensional omnipresent highest self through quiet reflection, meditation, and prayer.

In the early days soon after my dad's departure, it was torture to find something my heart and mind could handle on regular network television. The doom and gloom of story-lines of conflict were impossible for my soul to watch and participate with. I had never noticed how incredibly negative television was until such time. My heart was unwilling to make the sacrifice of being exposed to anything but love and kindness and I remember consciously telling myself I was not willing to expose myself to anything negative. My inner voice was telling me not to allow this if I wanted to truly heal my grief. Magically it was at the time when Oprah's 25th Season of The Legondary Oprah Winfrey Show was coming to an end and where the OWN Network was beginning. I was instantly hooked on MasterClass and LifeClass. Both shows are rooted in teaching knowledge through experienced mastery of what incredible people have learned from living the life they have always imagined. Real people with real stories of love. The shows ultimate messages are that we are all teachers and students of life here on Earth as we journey together.

The first MasterClass I watched was Oprah's two-part self-interview on her challenging adversities growing up as a child and how she became the Oprah Winfrey we all love and cherish which truly changed my life far beyond my wildest dreams. Essentially, where Oprah came from and how she got where she is today. Soon after, I saw Dr. Maya Angelou's Show on MasterClass which was all about how she became a mute as a child and why she decided not to speak for many, many, years which began to germinate the seed of going back to who I have always known I am which is a Singer and Songwriter to help the World. These two beautiful noble women seeded my heart to know I could heal myself and become my authentic being by bathing in my God+Given gifts and talents free of fear of who I have always known I am within my deepest inner parts. The voice within started guiding me towards this loving part that I have always known I would become. I realized my life, and the sum of all of it's parts, were teaching moments to become the me I have always known I would be, as my best self.

Soon after, The Universe aligned the legondary Dr. Angelou coming to speak at the University of Western Ontario in London Canada to a sold out crowd of thousands. I witnessed this truly remarkable and phenominal hero speak on the same stage that I performed on as a child in a production of Peter Pan. Somehow as I began to explore the inside world of myself, much like both of these women, the Universe, and Multiverse started communicating with me. This all began because of my desire to heal the inside as a result of these two remarkable souls willing to share their hearts with an openness I had never known or understood prior to my Father's death. Oprah and Dr. Angelou Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul for teaching me how to live with loving intention from within my soul with freedom to be me through love and kindness.

I had the honour and absolute pleasure of being part of an OWN audience at a live taping with Oprah on LifeClass in Toronto Canada with the most incredible guest contributors; Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins, T.D. Jakes, and Iyanla Vanzant. The theme of this remarkable show was all about being pregnant with positive ideas from within and going out into the world creating them by bringing them to life in service to others. I have learned one thing with absolute certainty - When we serve others with love and kindness we serve ourselves with infinite love and kindness; what we create we live. We are in fact all creators and somehow along the way we forgot this very thing! I truly believe the time has come to remember the power we hold within.

I am here today sharing this moment with you directly from my open heart with the hope our world starts supporting the love we are all so capable of expanding from within. Essentially, our collective stories remembering we are in fact one conscious love. Personally I became inspired to be the conscious creator creating again because of all of the wonderful teachers I've had throughout my life and as Oprah says best, "no one can do this (life) alone..... no one.... not you, not me, no one. I am not big enough, you are not big enough, no one is big enough... we need every single one of us."

I know unequivocally that if we wish to succeed and thrive with love and kindness we need to do so collectively! We need to help and support one another. What you give you receive. For me, my whole self-discovery process allowed me to understand my ego was no longer required if I wanted to live with an open heart. In order for me to thrive spiritually with love & light, my heart had to become fully in charge of my path which I am truly thankful I finally understand. I had to press the metaphorical reset-button and end my negative programming loop which use to be flooded with fear and unworthiness. My meagre self/mind/ego had no place in the beautiful Omnipresent Love we collectively Co+Create. Living with a compassionate soul with my heart fully open with love guiding the way with gratitude was the only way out of unending pain, fear, and suffering and into a new raised vibration of replenishing infinite healing love within. Ultimately, the Universe inside of myself expanding and creating the Universe outside of myself and being consciously responsible for the energy I was bringing to life.

We are all capable of forgiveness. We heal by understanding that conflict is unnecessary. Conflict stands in the way of LOVE.
Win+Win outcomes are possible for all and they replace right-wrong conflict-duality-programs. When we unite in LOVE and KINDNESS we become ONE LOVE through the gifts of compassion making conflict obsolete and unnecessary.

Loving healing energies become part of our internal world powered by our intention through free will choice. For Love to Thrive We must power the root of LOVE instead of FEAR in every moment. A new World is on the horizon and it is created by our free will to choose LOVE instead of FEAR. LOVE is the Light of LOVE itself and it will always guide us towards ETERNAL LOVING PEACE for ALL.

FEAR is the absence of LOVE and Centering the heart's worth with prayer and meditation is truly helpful in this regard. We are all worthy of infinite love and kindness made possible by claiming it with free will. We are in fact free to choose whatever we want. No one has the power to take away our individual free will which is spiritual and completely sovereign. We really do choose LOVE or FEAR everyday and One day soon Fear will be a distant memory, and LOVE will be all there is.

Oprah, I truly love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul for standing in the light of such beautiful infinite abundant love. Thank you for always being exactly who you are. You are an amazing teacher of Beautiful Love literally expanding Beautiful Love itself. I would not be who I am without your Love. You are my absolute hero. Thank you for creating AWESOME Inspired Inspirational Conscious Television! My heart is better because of you and the teams at OWN!

I Wish all Life Abundant Love, Infinite Peace, Endless Joy, Inspired Happiness, and Eternal Prosperity! With Great Love & Light, Namaste...
Sincerely, Paul Luftenegger
For More Information and to Join In Creating and Sharing Music To Inspire Global Kindness Please Visit Paul's Website:
http://www.beekindness.com/

Now yet another song that touches your soul ~ Universal Love ~ By: Paul Luftenegger

https://soundcloud.com/paul-luftenegger/universal-love

These two songs have become my inspiration and anthem to go to in any hard days, times and struggles, these are the songs I listen to as I wake and before I lay myself to sleep.

Thank you Paul Luftenegger for bringing your gits to all in this world that truly needs to hear the beauty that opens from pain, that in pain your heart can be so broken wide open fully to  love that no words can describe.

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Young Lady Making a Difference

Victoria Hecnar

I love seeing the younger generation finding themselves, showing others how they have learned so quickly to become into their own, finding who they are and not looking back to the opinions of others.  This young lady is very inspirational and the world needs more of the younger generation to have that self-esteem and rise to the occasion and find out who they are instead of getting caught up in what others tell them to be.  I'm proud to post of this young lady because she is inspiring, helping others and knows who she is at such a young age, we need the younger generation to find themselves step up and take a stand and lead. 

It's a challenge being so young these days and truly being who you are, we need the next generation to be leaders, to understand how important it is in them to be a leader and change this world for the better.  It's in us all to be that leader, to shine our lights onto others to show others they to are of worth and can do what ever it is in them they feel and see they can do and be.  Victoria is a prime example for the next generation shinning her light bright to shine onto others to prove they to can be a leader, step up and make a difference in peoples lives and the world, one baby step at a time.  So I present to you some words from Victoria and all her sites you can join and follow, learn from the teachers and be a teacher to others.

"I'm still in the process of getting everything started, but I have my own website now, Facebook page, and Twitter. It would mean a lot to me if you checked them out and liked/followed me!". ~Victoria Hecnar ~

Proud to represent you and all amazing things you do and most of all shinning bright for others.

Victoria's Sites of shinning bright

Blog - http://victoriahecnar.com/
 

FaceBook -  https://www.facebook.com/thevictoriahecnar

Twitter -  https://twitter.com/victoriahecnar

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Lessons Of A Child

Just as beautiful as a butterfly spread your wings of love and fly far beyond the fears that try to keep those wings tied down ~ WidowintheCity ~

As I sat with my little girl uneasy by her at her pediatrician listening to her speak to me, I went back into time as I sat by my husband passed listening as the Doctor spoke, it's as if you hear but the words are nothing but a sound, I mean you really try to concentrate on what you're hearing but the heart and mind feel nothing but a sound, noise, vibration, everything around you is blank.  Sitting holding papers that I clearly was not understanding what they were for as light as a feather they seemed heavier, my heart in total panic, I looked to my little girl strongly thinking to myself this is not the passed, this is my little girl but the past was with me in that room paralyzing me of the fear of bad news from before with my husband passed.  

Although my little girl was far from being in scare of a terminal illness, it is moments like this I most believe that those who lost a loved one fear of the most moving into their future that what has happened before will happen again, that the pain of losing someone you love so much will happen, that at every single Doctor's appointment that dreadful day back then lingers over your heart, mind and soul into the future where you stand.  It is never thought of purposely but the great loss you encountered so closely makes you understand just how easy it can happen, that in the back of your mind you are always dreading a simple appointment, tests that needs to be done, it's as though we forever carry that burden of bad news that changed our life forever, that in others we love we look to them in fear of losing again.  

As hard as we try to disconnect that this situation is much different we fear of what has been taken from us once before.  I couldn't catch my breath, yet for my little girl I stood strong, I looked to her to explain what it was her Doctor wanted us to do and why, "I told her just to be sure her Doctor needs her to do tests to make sure she is growing properly", tears flooded her eyes as this was her first time ever to have blood tests and X-Rays, I told her "she was with me that I'd never let anything hurt her, that with me she would be OK", I laughed and remembered her father what he always had told us and repeated it to her "your daddy always called us tough cookies, that tough cookies we are and we made it through so much already that we will make it through whatever else comes our way". She smiled in comfort in that moment but me on the inside in that moment wanted to scream, cry and run far from that place wishing we had never been there. 

It is so hard when you have watched the one you love with all your heart leave you, to not feel it can happen again, yet at the same time you have to place all of the positive in your heart and mind that you can, you have to tell your mind that this is not the same of circumstances, that what happened before does not mean it will be again, that yes as scared as you may be of losing another, you can not live your life in fear of living, of doing what it is you need to do, tests, job, school, whatever it may be you can not allow yourself to become prisoner to the bad that has happened before.  You have to smile, keep telling yourself, "this is not my past, and does not mean the past always will repeat itself, the person of the now is their own person, although no guarantees in your heart you find your peace to ease your mind.  This for me has been one of most challenging of things in my life I struggle with daily, always in the back of my mind there is that shadow whispering to me "what if you lose another"?.  

This is the hardest to erase from your mind, yet through it you have to find the strength to know that worrying about something out of your hands is your own shackles to a life forever tied down to the fears that you create on your own, you have to smile,  know deep in your heart that it is going to be ok, that the Lord, your loved one passed and all of the love in this world resides all around you to be able to change those thoughts into thoughts of reality, that it is going to be ok, that we will make it through this, that no matter what has happened before does not mean will be again, that this is a different situation, you have to walk through it strongly knowing in your heart it is not the past, that here and now is the future of difference, that bad things happen sometimes, yet that does not mean it will be the same.

If the future is unknown than why be trapped into the fear of what is not known?.  Blessed it to be to call upon your guardian angels, the Lord, an prayers in your times of need, that is what is most important in the times you find yourself in the fears of the unknown, to program your mind as you do when the pain comes on strongly of the loved one you lost of the memories of treasures to shower your heart with love, to know in all of you that you are not alone, that in this moment of need you are loved, that through it you will find your peace of mind, heart, and soul.  That this struggle you face will be hard that you face but never of the past that tries to sneak back into your thoughts.  Breathe and feel in your heart the glory of the life you have been blessed with, that the life of those you care for will be wrapped in the love of all that is needed.  Don't let the past scare you of the future you walk to.

Positive thoughts are positive actions, as scared as you may be the positive you bring in will push through the fears that you fear.  It's hard being a mother the roller-coaster ride is full of many ups and down yet through the ups and downs there will never be anything you will trade it in for.  As I look to every person that I love so dearly I have to understand they are not my husband passed and their future is not of the same as it was for him.  Yes it is not going to be easy, there will be scares, there will be hard times, yet in it you have to stop, breathe, grab a hold of all of you to take the time to understand your loved one passed is there always to hug your heart and let you know you can do this.  It's a gentle reminder that because of our greatest of loss we fear of the now but have to understand it does not mean the past will forever repeat itself.

Looking to my daughter I smiled, I understood in that moment in the eight years she grew that this was the first time we ever had this kind of a situation, that with all our love together the future will be joy, laughter and so much love, that together there will never be anything we can not do.  I however in the days forward stressed more than I have ever before, so much that I had to pull myself back, I had to remind myself that it is a part of life every parent goes through, that life is not perfect and to stress is to let the fear of the unknown take over that in the now we have, that in the unknown you have to let go, that deep in my heart I know we will get through it, that it will be ok, that my daughter may have to deal with things she never had to before but this will only give her the growth that she needs, through the blood test, through the X-Ray this is all going to be scary yes but at the same time it will be something she now knows not to fear, that fear is our friend in disguise to our greatest accomplishments. 

What a proud mama I was to see just how brave she was, watching her go through something that was a fear to sit and be strong through it all I felt my heart sigh in bliss seeing her face her fear with such strength.  Just as that moment happened I knew in all of me the fears that have been with me for so long are just that alone fear, but seeing beyond that fear and making it past that fear is where I will find my greatest accomplishments, letting go of the fear of the past happening now.  It was in that moment I felt all of what I carried for far too long lift to feel nothing but peace and great love.   I looked to my little girl smiling in knowing it was her that just taught me the greatest of lessons to the burden I have been carrying with me in every situation I have ever been in, in every life of those that I love and to every person I feared to be with, on this day it was my little girl that taught me just how to let it go.  Just as she did in the moment of her greatest fear, she faced it and found through it to the other side that she made it, she was ok, that through it she feared no more.

  

Fear will always be lurking but to know to face that fear is to accomplish a big part of your life in the blessings all around that lay past that fear is where you truly step by step know that the next fear you face will be just another part of your life leading you to the love, joy, bliss that brings you closer and closer to being that fearless person you always knew you were.  That yes challenges in life can sometimes feel as though we are broken but to see in reality that even in the broken you can build to the person you are, to the more of who you can be.  There is going to be scares, pain, challenges, struggles but you can not live life fearing the out come, if you vision the positive of that outcome and hold on tight that is when you know you are walking the strength of a power that surrounds you strongly always, the power of love, the power of prayer, the power of God, the power of the love of your loved ones passed that forever walk closer to you in your times of need.  That never leave you, through it all their love lifts you in the times you feel you are falling.

Those of us who lost a loved one need to understand that the past is the past and the fear of the future is not to be feared because it is unknown, it is to smile and understand there is no time but the time you are in the now, that every second of every minute of the now is where you are and the future is in front of  you unknown, that what you lost before does not mean you will keep losing, that no matter what you can not focus on losing, you have to focus on being in the now, loving more than ever and living your life to the fullest and being happy.  Lets leave it at that the future is unknown so why worry of something that is of the unknown?, be here now and live your life to the strongest, happiest, loving, blissful and all blessings that bless us now.  Don't let fear trick you, I know far too well that fear is disguised in victory once you unveil it.

In the moment I held my little girl as she faced her fear I seen in her eyes a sparkle of fire, in that exact moment I felt her father with us, the peace that embraced us was a true blessing and a lesson to myself, and a fear of success for my little girl.  As she stood up,  she stood up so strongly marched out to the room to find her papa in surprise as she gleamed she got the whole waiting room hurrahing and clapping for her, what a moment, those are the moments that truly shine bright, as there sat other little boys and girls my little girl showed them to not be afraid and that she made it through so bravely, tear-less that so will they.  I never felt so at peace an full of joy as I did in that moment and that is the lesson to me,  feel that bliss in the now moments not losing track of the unknown and letting fear rule your world.  That to love another is not to let fear build barricades so high that no one can get through, that on this day I found out how blinded I was to be with anyone because of the fear of losing that now I embrace the now to be happy, to live life to the fullest an let the unknown lay where it needs to be in the unknown.

The results of the tests are unknown but in the now we got this.

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To be challenged or not to be?

It is often enough that through out our days we never know just what exactly to expect, that appointment set up you never really know what your walking in to, the walk to a store, each and all steps we make we never truly know what it is we walk towards in the life we live.  It is with the bad you have to smile in knowing that the good of your life balances out.  Yet in the bad moments we face we seem to go blank not enabling us to remember what it was that brought a smile to our face.  It's in the sunlight I feel the warmth in the freezing cold that makes me smile just how life is, you can have too much, the smiles come little by little, the moments of tears come little by little, yet in those tears draws a blank to what is so precious in our life that just brought a smile to our whole being not too long before the tears have fallen.

It is tough to understand to have just all the good moments in life would be a life with no growth with out those bad days, those struggles, it is in it all we bloom to be who we are destine to be, to cast aside the good forgetting in our moments of pain is to cast away part of our life, unseen, unknown left to just linger with no knowledge of what it could of been to us.  I find myself often enough being harder on myself in moments of feeling not accomplishing what it is I know I can do, that in failure I beat myself up to the point that I forget all good in life that is, that will be, that in this moment it is and never will be permanent.  That no matter how hard the task in front of me may be in time that task with determination will be defeated, if only you do not get caught up in the thoughts of the in the moment of "I can't do this".  

So many challenges come into life that we feel that we get weighed down to the point of no return, that we are not worthy of what we do, that easy to quit comes to mind, in that split of the moment we have to let our mind, body and heart understand nothing comes easily in things we are not familiar with, things that are new, things we never thought we see our self doing,  that doesn't mean that you can't, that just means all the more strength to what it is you do is needed and will surface if you rid of the negative thoughts that bind you to the I can't.  If we are to face every moment of our life with the knowledge of always be amazing, how will we conquer things of the unknown to challenge our lives to let us see that in the unknown with all your determination not anything is out of your touch, not any challenge is unchangeable.

If we don't accept those moments of the unknown and believe that we can we will never face the fears that in surprise hold a talent of dreams we never thought we find in the funniest of places, the most surprising of detours we thought we would never see our self.  Being uncomfortable is good, it is good to keep at that uncomfortable because soon enough that becomes the comfortable you thought you could never reach.  Challenging moments in life are ours for the taking to find through it that in that challenge you become someone you thought you could never be, sometimes your talents, purpose, passion is in a place that is of the most challenging of places that if too easy to give up you will never find it, your soul will never expand to all that it can be.

There to this day is a detour that I thought my life would never take but through the most hardest of my challenges each and every time I fought I found through it was all of me growing to understand that things take a different look in the ways you thought they should be, that in the challenge and different look it really is where you are finding just what more you can do in life, the more you can see you have so much more to offer in all that you do, that in disguise sometimes lays your little piece of a gem to fight for, to see it through and to understand as you look through what you do "hey I am making a difference this is a passion to me dressed up in a different way that you thought it look like".  Too many are too quick to give into the challenges that there purpose, passion, dreams slip right through their fingers in disguise of something they thought they were suppose to see was something different.

"Never judge a book by its cover", never judge your dreams by the looks, through it, in it, in the challenges through the other side you find it, being quick to give up is letting go to seeing it through to the other side.  You are not placed where you are for no reason, no matter how hard, how uncomfortable, those things lead to what is on the other side of the rainbow you seek at the end of it, what lays at the end of your rainbow is your pot of gold, challenges in life are ours to take on and endure all the heart wrenching most powerful of challenges to seek our pot of gold through the fight we fight beating it.  Right now, I am in a place I thought would never be, I am feeling the challenge, the frustration yet in it all I know each step I keep walking will unmask just exactly what I dreamed I could be, to see beyond the rough, tough, challenges and heart wrenching of moments I see in it the light of my future, that not in the form of what I visioned, yet in disguise it lays.

Giving up is easy, fighting to make your life to what you always wanted to be is your way of climbing to the top of the mountain in gratefulness you never let it go, that you chose not to stop and walk back down that climb.  You don't have to be in your dream job to bring with you your purpose, that through it you will carry that purpose and evolve into the dream you wanted to be.  So to challenges I say the same to pain, walk the hard walk, don't look back fight the great fight because there is not anything you can not do if you know in all of you that you can, to let the negative berry you is to be in the dark looking for the light that you carry so bright but let go of in the giving up.  Life is not meant to be easy, it is meant to be full of challenge, growth, and surprises of what you thought should be is in form of something you thought would never be what you thought it be.

Just imagine if life was so easy and at our finger tips of just how weak we would be as a whole, its the challenges, struggles and tears that shape us to be more and more of the hard fighters of dream seekers, to knowing that we can do anything if we only allow our self to believe we can and never giving up.  I fought the greatest of battles and still do and more to come I know but I smile in knowing that "I CAN, I AM and I WILL walk tall through it all, no matter how much I fail, fall down, my smile will always remain because I know as a person I am growing, I am finding more and more of the strength I thought never be there, I look up take a deep breath and smile knowing this is hard yet through it it's my blessings to life, it is defining who I want to grow to be as a whole, I hold my heart in knowing that love will never break and with that love nothing will break me.

When you find yourself being challenged so heavily yet surrounded by so much support, love and laughter in that alone is a gift, in that alone is a sign to you that no matter the challenge that love, laughter and support are your signs letting you know that yes this is the place I want to be no matter what more challenges come my way because through it you find your smile your love your laughter no matter how hard it may be your still finding the love, that if not meant to be in that moment you would never endure so much positive that over powers those hard challenges making you realize that through it your finding yourself, your finding your dream, passion, purpose that was there all along in disguise masked to seeming "no way this is not the path I am suppose to be on".

Don't be so quick to try and find and seek what you think your dream should be like because it will never be obvious to the eye only by the challenges you go through.  Don't look for fame and fortune, find your strength through your challenges and find it through it all at the end of your rainbow, the life we live will bring us to what we believe in ourselves of seeing and visioning we can be, do.  

Be the carrier of love, compassion, and strength to follow your path you walk on is the path created for you to be on, that detours may happen but detours are you growing to blossom even bigger than you thought you could be, don't let others distract you, discourage you, your day, your end of your rainbow will be when it is meant to, giving up is not going to lead you to your end of rainbow, fight the great fight be the challenge to yourself and the world, to show others they to can take on the greatest of challenges to make it to where they believed they could be, always remember "good things come to those who wait, patience is a virtue, the good always finishes last, love first, baby steps after.  I AM ready, I AM open, I AM ready to receive, I AM WORTHY, keep that posted to your heart and never forget it, look up and know he's got you, he's got your back, but you have to accept his love.

So I smile in the challenges that have made me tear up, made me feel the most uncomfortable but smile through it all knowing I am walking through the tough work to get to where I know and believe I am forever destined to be, that through the hard I unwrap my purpose, my dreams my growth, my wholeness, my all.  I never will give in to bonded to the gates of negativity, because in me is a fight to find my end of the rainbow, that it may not be fast enough but through it is a lesson of patience, strength and walking the toughest walk of a walk I've never thought I could do.  Each day is a day of new blessings, being able to get that day is a blessing alone, put on your armor and push through the tough and unleash the beauty of a dream that you are.  Show yourself proudly that in the tears, pain, challenges and uncomfortable there will always be joy, accomplishments, dreams, and love.

If your not uncomfortable your not fully reaching the dream of your dream.

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Creeper of Change

I remember it was dark, quiet, cold and I felt on the brink of a scare attack, there were so many excuses rolling around in my mind of how to get away from what I was about to face.  It was as I laid in my bedroom, in the dark, feeling scared out of my mind, cold and tears rolling down my face as I had many ideas popping in and out of my head of how can I do this?, I can't do this. 

As I was laying there in tears remembering the beat I took to my whole life, which was called change and how it affected my whole being, how it actually brought on certain issues to my body, yet again I was faced with bigger changes, bigger challenges, not just one but three were on the horizon.  Never in the most of my life have I've ever been to bed before 3am yet here I was lying in bed 9:35pm with thoughts invading all of my space, new job, new schedule and more to add, a show to do on TV that mind you was a dream of mine to do for the longest time on the topic of grief, yet in tears I laid. 

Then just as I felt the tears would not stop, I remember in that silence the whispers to my silence, "how is it that you lay here crying and so scared of these big changes?, when just over two years ago you went through the biggest crashing changes that anyone could never believe?, Your life turned totally upside down as you lay on rock bottom, losing your husband, your life, yet here you"re standing strong, so why now are you even flinching to the greatest of changes happening now?"

As I looked to the little light coming through the window of my room I smiled and wiped the tears from my face to understand that change was not my enemy, that this change could never be bigger than the one that turned my world upside down, that change was a constant happening in my life every step I took after losing my husband, that change is not something to want to run from yet something to embrace into your world to explore, grow and smile in knowing in that is your blessings of your little life creations of success you've dreamed and worked so hard to get to for so long. 

Then I remembered with all that I have grown to, that with God all is possible if you walk that walk of love with him, for him, that in that itself was something I have just finally discovered.  As fast as I was letting the negative in it quickly disappeared as I remembered that change has always been something I have been accepting and pushing through for so long now, that in it all is the creation of your growth to expand to the tips of the dreams you hold near to your heart.

In that cold, dark, silent, room the light beaming in from the outside was the light that turned on as I come to realize just what my heart was whispering to me, that in that whisper of love it wiped the negative right out of my whole being.  In grief change is a constant thing to our lives, in grief there is a constant challenge to our whole being, looking back to see that big change to your entire world, to looking to where you are now is enough to confirm that change is not the enemy, our own mind of negative thinking is, how we take in the feelings we feel to try and fight change. 

 If you really truly understand that what you have been through was so far beyond the darkest of worlds to see that now here you are you soon turn on the lights to understand, there should not be any kind of change that scares you to tears no longer after all you been through.  I remember in that room smiling in knowing that change is my best friend, that change is our best friend, to grow, to explore, to reach beyond your comfort zones to make things of the impossible to you so very possible and reality.

Yes in all actuality lots of pain was consumed when we first went face to face with the change turning our life upside down, but don't forget the beauty in it all, that through it, it has shaped you to the more whole of a person you grow to this day.  Through all these changes I faced, being so far away from my comfort zone terrifying my whole being, here I am standing tall, smiling in a dream accomplished, in a challenge accomplished that thought could never be done. 

Becoming a morning person, getting into a new job to be the support system I need to be for our beautiful little girl that never had to face before, to being on TV never ever done before.  Yet here I am, I DID IT, tears to smiles in acknowledgement that life is definitely not over being a widow, losing your heart, that if you could rise to the level you were meant to be at you will look around to pick the blessings that surround your world, walk proud through that pain of grief, fall down, fail, because in it all it may seem never ending and as though you got nowhere yet when you look back you see just how far you have walked.

I remember being in the studio with the bright lights shining down on me to realize that nothing but peace came over me, in that light I felt in my heart the spirit of my love for grief, the spirit of my husband passed and most definitely the dream I've dreamed of now becoming reality, yet just not long ago I was thinking of excuses to back out of it all, that's just it we will always find excuses to walk away from the changes that scare us but when we walk away we leave part of our growth to life in that walk away. 

In the bright light of the studio I smiled knowing that this is the place I've been waiting for, for far too long now, that inside me I was shouting, "YES I AM HERE, THIS IS MY DREAM, MY REALITY, this is the start of the change I want to be to so many that grieve, the voice of those that feel they can't speak up".  So many moments I felt as though it was so natural to be sitting there, that in that space our love my husband and I were as one right there in that moment as I spoke from my heart, I just knew the start to what I've always felt in my heart and soul was just beginning.

"When you go through a disappointment, remember, God promises beauty for ashes and joy for mourning.  New beginnings are in your future" ~ Joel Osteen~

The mind, heart and soul sometimes can work out for you for the good, if only we tell our mind the remembrance of just what exactly we been through to stand still today, to extract that negative that lurks always when your amongst the raptures of dreams and goals of your life, when your shining bright as you should, that in it all that negative tries to suck that from your being.  It is always out of our comfort zone we feel vulnerable, but I do believe all that grieve hold a very special trait in them.  

That through grief we see the biggest change in our life take place, that we so often have to program our minds to think positive the negative that tries to push us down never really has a chance to get very far when we know what exactly we have accomplished and yet stand tall, strong, full of more wisdom and blessings of love on our side.  If we rise from the pain in time slowly and slowly, day by day we soon remember our dreams, goals that even though changed they still follow us and we gather our strength to conquer in the biggest change that turned our life upside down but did not defeat us.

So here I was going through changes bang, bang, bang, one after another, scared out of my mind yet here I am, through it all I have walked tall, may have fell a couple times but here I still am, proud in my accomplishments, proud in knowing just how I thought the day my husband passed "how will I ever do this?", seeing just as the same from that day on that I have, that the beauty for ashes has been given.

  

That through it all there will never be a time in life change will knock at your door too scared to answer soon enough you will open that door to know there is no bigger change than the one you already been through that will knock you down for good, that change is your friend of dreams in disguise for a split second, until the light bulb clicks on and you realize just what you been through, that in that alone is the biggest of changes that never defeated you.

I look up and around me to smile in tears of joy to say thank you, knowing all around me is the love of my husband smiling in knowing just what I had in me all along, smiling in knowing that not on my own the strength of our love was present through it all, that the blessings that came in form of pure frightened form were really my many blessings to many doors opened, that now as I pushed myself through the scared I am in a job, I have spoke out on TV for the grieving,

 I've become a morning person after always thinking it be impossible to get on track that with the love of God and my husband and the whispers of my heart that all was my own fear trying to make me believe I couldn't, yet to open my heart and accept that change is my friend, that change has always been there it is just to know in the core of my heart I accept the love to know that I can take on change, that I can make it through change, that change is your blessing to the gateways of all the love in your heart to the life you thought could never be. 

As I speak of being a morning person this means more to me than I can say, for so long night has been my enemy, the sleepless nights I spent as a caregiver for my husband passed carried through for long after his passing that I always believed that it never change, yet that never change was challenged instead of running from and here I am a 5am gal ha ha.

Grievers out there have been through the biggest of change that if you give yourself time to reflect before you let negative suffocate your thoughts your eyes, heart and soul will open to understand that is the biggest change anyone can go through to understand in your heart that there is nothing bigger than that change to ever come your way to be afraid of. 

To take those changes and unmask them to see the light of your future that lays in all changes in your way.  That in all reality that change is God sent to you to your life in the little disguise of little miracles of love.  Really is there anything that you ever doubt you can't do?  because what you been through has shaped you to be full force out of your comfort zone that you never want to be back in that comfort zone, you become the love, purpose and dreams you have always were meant to be.

In pain find the things in the now to be thankful for no matter how far away it may seem, in that little of thankful you build yourself up not looking as to see yourself down but to opening to the bigger brighter things in surprise entering your life.



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Sorry



So sorry to all that come here often I am going through a long process of training for my next chapter in my life of work, this place is my heart and soul and once training is over things will be back to normal and will be posting regularly like I was this is my purpose and love and miss being able to put posts out.  Hope everyone sticks around and knows I am still always here to anyone who needs an ear to listen.

Not to long ago a dream of mine came true and want to share was on TV to do show for grieving and talk about my blog, it was a debut show and airs in 2 weeks, more shows to come in spring, will be sure to send out all info when that comes my way, what an honor huge pleasure and so grateful to do.  Again I want to say I am truly sorry for not being here as often but never will forget about this place and will always be here no matter what, training is hard and weird hours but will be done in four weeks and back to regular working hours and this will be the first place I come to.

Hope everyone is well and if your having hard times remember do not let that pain over power you and who you are, remember your loved ones passed and all the love they have for you, remember your one great memory and smile in knowing that love is unbeatable towards anything that comes your way.  

There may be some time for me to shoot out a post this weekend and will try my best to,  if not please be patient and stick around my safe haven and be on the watch for posts and updates, thank you all who are here often and read my blogs so grateful for all of you.

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Expected comes Unexpected

 

 

When you have to fight, try to control, and feel as though you are fighting for the attention of someone you may feel you have feelings for know in your heart, it is not because of you, it's not because you are not worthy, not good enough, that person is better than you, it simply means that is the person not suited to fit in your heart.  Love is easy flowing, real and easy to just be with, once it captures your heart and everything just falls into place is when you know that it truly is love.  Love is often enough heartbreaking in many of situations but Love is to be in the life we live with out it we are not living.  First and foremost the love for yourself must be present 100%, the love of God in the heart in you that beats. 

 

With out loving yourself first how is it to know what really what love is from another?.  Too many times I see so many pushing for that love of another finding themselves going in circles than finding that person blaming themselves for not getting that person they so whole heartedly thought would be.  I use to be this person in many situations and found each and every time it slowly deteriorated self confidence, with feelings always as though I was less worthy of that persons attention an love. 

 

I type tonight of this for every person out there that may feel this feeling going through life trying to find the one, the one that fits their heart, the one that is the true love to their life.  Simply find it in you to know that like failing this to is a lesson to you, not a break down in your confidence nor to feel less of a beautiful person that you are but simply a lesson teaching you growth in the life you are walking.  It's not about looks, it's not about self-worth, it is simply about lessons to your heart and in finding that out there is someone greater than what you were seeking.  Don't frown because beside you right now you see no one, smile in knowing that patience is the key to your most amazing of moments to come, the saying "all good things come to those who wait" is of the truth, do not let yourself be belittled simply because of a certain someone looks differently to you as you do towards them.

 

 

 

 

The beauty of you is there, the person in front of you that you so desperately thought was the one could very well be on a path of more growth of knowledge needed, for many reasons that person is just simply not of what you thought would be.  Too many cut their hearts short shutting off to the world that the person of their heart could be right around the corner but if closed heart, closed eyes and never seen.  If your in a relationship and you feel that it is not feeling right or has many difficulties that is a true sign for you to stop and examine what it is that is happening, that maybe this person once felt as, as a fit to your heart may have been someone put into your life for a short period to not stay for long but to help you grow and give lessons strongly needed in the life you live, short endings to a relationship is not a negative to you, failure to you is a lesson and lessons that you need to understand and find.  Again in many break ups too many feel their the problem, their not worthy, that it was their fault and their self confidence gets cut down, this should not in any way affect the person in such a way, instead be a lesson to your life, a lesson to your heart, soul, a smile in knowing instead that it is not about not being less worthy of that persons love yet a lesson of moving on to a more worthy person for you, a higher place of true love of another. 

 

Your standards should never be anywhere but high, and in that higher level is where you will find where that true love exists and walks every day.  Your worthy of true love, true love is for all and your standards should never be lower than that level.  Here in this world we live in each of us hold on to the greatest of love, we just have to open our hearts and understand YES we are good enough for our higher standards we hold in our hearts, that we won't give in to what feels less than what we want or expect.  The person that you so often fought to see you, to like you, to love you will soon enough see the loss that they let go by.  It is not you, it is not anything to do with not being worthy because we all are worthy of the greatest love that extends beyond the stars to have for our own in our life, so don't fret, don't let yourself be captured in that jail of low self esteem, know the love in you and for you is strong, powerful and looking for that true love in this big world we live yet sometimes can be so small when the greatest of love gets together. 

 

Once there was a girl who so whole heartedly blamed and blamed all of rejections on herself to suddenly find out one day just exactly how high her standards were that she was not yet seeing on that level of love,  it is as though that level is invisible until the love of ourselves shows up, than that is when our hearts and eyes open to see that level by the grace of God. 

 

 

 

 

 

Too many lives taken, too many lives wasted in low self worth, too many wandering around settling under that standard that it is so much of a heartache to see, know deep in you is a person who is worthy of all their heart desires.  Don't let one foolish person fog you of that light in you, smile in knowing beyond that person is someone of the highest level of love that is truly of the worth you been waiting for, for so long. 

 

To all girls looking at themselves feeling down, look again past what you see to see in your heart the love that you hold, than look again and again and you soon will start to see that beauty shine outwards and love everything you are looking to.  Don't let yourself be a prisoner to the negative that wants you to think you are not loving, beautiful and worthy because that negative preys on those that are not looking deep enough into themselves finding their fire of love waiting to ignite for themselves and others. 

 

Sparkle may be dimmed but never gone.  You have it all in you to sparkle so bright that you attract exactly what you shine, nothing but the best.  Love you first, look in that mirror fifty times a day if you have to until you see the light flicker, than smile in knowing how vividly you see the beauty shooting outward in all of you.  Don't let the little bring you down, smile to know the best of the best is on it's way, that the person that denied you will never learn the lesson of life, loving their own self.  My heart I thought could not, should not, would not ever love again has been awakened to the key of so many failures and known exactly why through the failures it has been broken in the search for the bar my husband passed set for another, that for far too many times my heart was looking under that bar, wanting too fast, moving too fast, that my heart was whispering to me the whole time "I am not ready just yet, I will let you know when it is time, not in your time it will be but in my heart's time it will be". 

 

 

 

 

Love is a hard deal, because in all love even in the truest is loss, yet Love is who we are first and foremost, the journey of our lives is so greatly large, so much for us to learn, gain, understand, explore and to just grow that sometimes the greatest of love to our lives never come before we learn those lessons, before we explore all we need to see, and yet sometimes the greatest of love in special matters comes before to be that lesson to someone in darkness having hard times to get out sent from God to push that person to the light they need to see that never could on their own, miracle of love is often blessed to many, and that kind of love is truly a blessing to the person blessed upon to help grow into the beauty that they have been all along but never seen. 

 

 Letting yourself be led by failure of those that don't love back should not bring you down but lift you higher to understand your heart is full of unlimited love, that when seen you will just know exactly in that split second just how beautiful you have always been, like all in life it is through the toughest of battles that always lead you to your light, so walk strong and take the breaks to breathe and understand you are of so much worth that as your dreams you dream to be true one day so is that love that you seek for.

 

We all have that gift in us all we just have to love for ourselves first than out into the world, hiding behind the shadows of low self esteem is no where for anyone to be, let your heart open and beam out the beauty of all of you unto the world, to find yourself walking on the truest of platforms where all the greatest of love walks and have been walking you just didn't find that out until you have opened yourself to see it, and through it is because of all the rejection your heart took in as lessons instead of negativity that you have gotten to see that love, so don't waste your precious time falling into the trap of low self esteem, self worth to waste time to where your heart really needs to be.  Kindly say thank you, say thank God for all those people you so desperately thought were the ones that turned out to not be because it is because of them you finally understand it was not you, it was not the love of the standard your heart was waiting for.

 

 

 

 

Confidence, sparkle, bright light is your path, so stand tall and walk the walk and you will see that not ever you are unworthy of anything.  Look in the mirror to see that bright light so bright starring back at you and smile in knowing you are a creation of the purest of love, that through it all you were walking through the life of toughest of things to be who you are where you are now, and still have much more to walk, so love, be the biggest of love you are put here to be and in it all you will find nothing but unconditional love flowing into your life, no matter how long, no matter how many doubts, it will be, it is there, you will find it.  Just when you are least expecting it like as fast as the flick of a switch it will be.  Isn't life pretty full of unexpected precious gifts?  It amazes me just how unexpected things unfold when never thought of nor crossed your mind there it is, there is what you thought of in your heart for so long but in that moment it was not on your mind to surprise you and say "hey there here is what you been waiting for, but since you have stepped back and let go of wanting so bad this is your gift to you, here I am".

 

Life's pretty blissful in moments of the unexpected, that the more you see it, the more it flows into your life, like the saying, "set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be", so is the same for anything you feel so whole heartedly for, you have to not force it, hold it tight, you have to soon let go of, not give up but let it free to hands higher and leave it from your worries of thoughts and mind to see one day your unexpected that expected so hardly before appears to you with a surprise and a gratefulness of anything greater in this world.  A thank you to above, as you stand in shock to what you have wanted so badly but let go has come back your way in the letting go,  it may not be in the form of how you expected but greater than what you thought of or seen in your mind.  The miracle of letting go.

 

So this is a special one for so many out there feeling down and out because in your down and out if you hold on for longer with all your love you will find your miracle of unexpected coming your way, don't let go, don't give in, don't fall prisoner just hold on tight your miracle of letting go is on it's way to you and your heart.  Know deep in you that you are worthy of all you see, all you feel, all you dream, to you it may seem to be that but it is in disguise to the actual realness that is coming in it's own time your way.  Love you, Love others, stand tall, carry your bright confidence and wear that smile of sparkle out in the world to be thankful for what is of now knowing that soon what will be.  Even if you feel it's been so long you will see all of you awakened and looking around to life in its purest of form.  Don't give in to the unworthiness, low self esteem keep watching you and see that greatest love of all you hold within and hold on tight, your miracle is on its way, even if it feels so long don't fret it is still there on its way to you.  Until then love, love, love, laugh to the ones that paid no attention to you knowing just how much they need to learn.

 

 

 

 

YOU ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE WORTHY OF ALL YOU FEEL AND BELIEVE.

 

 

 

In dedication to a very special man in my life that proved to my heart I could love again and open my heart knowing in it's different way that unconditional love is always around you.

 

 

 



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