This is a place for all broken grieving hearts to come, its my safe haven and I share this with all of you to be your safe haven. I am hoping through my journey of grieving as well as my real life experiences through grieving I can help all through their darkest hours, to ease the pain a little less, to maybe just give an ear to listen because sometimes that's all we need.


I am willing to bare all to each and everyone who comes to this blog. I want no one to be shy of anything. I want anyone to ask question's, tell their stories with pride. No one will judge you, or think you are different. We are all here going through the same thing GRIEVING. This is my safe haven, your safe haven. The place to heal, to find your smile again. Through this all I am on a journey to writing a book as well "The Grieving Path To Joy".

Oct 9, 2013

The unfamiliar face looking back at you

 
 
 
When I look at your face I can’t help to wonder the face I looked to for so long is not the one I look to now.  When I look into your eyes I stop to wonder of the life that I have lost, that everything has changed, all our dreams and future is not what lays in the person I look to now.  When I look to your lips while you speak, it is not of the voice I am familiar with hearing.  Maybe when I am around you it reminds me of the different, the new, and the loss of the man that I thought would always be around, that in me I have to have the strength to allow the new.  When you make me smile it quickly erases in knowing another can make me smile in fear of knowing that it is not you on the other end of that smile making me smile.  Spending time with you yet feeling the urge to be spending time alone in regret that you were the only one I thought I’d ever have to spend my time with.  This man is not who in my heart I thought I’d be with, this man is not you, it is of the notion of moving on but feeling if I do part of me will let what special love we had would be let go.  Too many of ideas and memories surround my all that it is very hard to stop, put on the breaks and understand to be here in the now not to the past of once was us.
When I feel all of my heart caring for another it takes the breath out of me knowing that it always should have been you, to ever have to be with another was not part of the deal.  Two steps forward, two steps back, it’s like a never ending dance with a stranger wondering where that man that was taken away from this life is?  Why I now that I am standing with anew?   This could be a battle of the greatest all on its own to looking to another but not seeing the man you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with not looking back at you.  Caring for someone you thought would never be of a different person can make you want to lock yourself up forever in the pain that invades the old of that life you still want so very bad, wanting the man you lost so very badly but knowing it will never be.  Trying to be happy with a new face, a new heart, a new life, all of that is as though all of you shatter into the life you miss so very deeply in your heart mind and soul.
Even when your heart is ready it will always look to the new face that looks back to you making you wonder why is it not the face you thought be there forever?.  It is one of the greatest challenges to our heart to conquer the feelings of why?  How?  Wondering how do I move forward making a new life with someone who is a stranger to the life I thought would never change?  Many times being with another has totally made all of me feel sick, sick in knowing this is not the man I am supposed to be with, this is not the future I’m supposed to be building to with a man that is not the one I lost.  There is many moments of struggles that go on in all of me that it is a shock that I do not even know how this new man in front of me cannot see it, or feel it, or even that I simply just run away.  Some may never feel the need to even try to be with someone new, to know of the struggles that go on all around it is not of a shock to me that so many feel the need to just be free and build to a new life with simply loving who they are alone.
 
 
However in it all it is making it through the struggles that invade your every thought is where you will find the moments of being comfortable, knowing it is a new face yet moments of surprise surround in feeling nothing but comfort, I mean if we truly don’t try and truly gather our power of love how will we ever understand in our hearts that it is not letting go of the greatest love of all that it is actually building to a new love, a love of a different way.  If we continue to let the struggles invade our smiles, our happiness how we will ever know our heart is letting us know when we are ready.  Our love ones passed would never want our heart to shut down; to shut down to love is to shut down to life.
 
When I look to the face of this new man looking to me I see a new, I understand it is not of the same as before to know in it is all of the new, like the new life that I build to after losing the old life, to know that nothing will ever replace that life and the greatest of love it was showered with.  I look to the new face to see in his eyes to see that my heart knows it’s on a path to building something new, that my smile never got lost nor went away, my heart understands in comfort that this is a man that carries his own, not of the same as once was, that in his own way he will be the one I share my new with, that in his own way possibly one day my heart will love, that the piece of the love I lost is still there but loving in a different way of the new life we create, to understand this man is his own person not looking for what it was I lost.  The dark, the struggles, the pain, the all to being close to another after losing that love of your life is unbearable yet in that keeping pushing through the unbearable you will find your comfort if this is the man that is truly meant to carry you through to the new life you are building. 
Many times I feel my all just wanting to fight kicking and screaming to the old life that is no longer yet through it the silence comes and I see clearly to this man near me deep into his eyes and know in that second that yes, yes it is possible to care for another again, that it does not mean you let go or forget the life of great significance you lost, that you are building up to a new life to be happy again with another, all of it is new, you love for the person they are, you smile because it is them that made you smile again, no person in this life was ever meant to never love at all, if you’re not loving you’re not living.  Sometimes as we move on it may not be the right one for us but that is no reason to ever feel in your heart that it is over, that because you lost that greatest love of your life you’re doomed to ever find love of someone again.  It just means that you have not found your fit with another yet, that in time you will see your heart will care for the stranger that looks back at you.  So many times I wished I could see that sweet face looking back at me but know in my heart that he will always be with me in my heart, in the empty space in between and everywhere that I go. 
 
 

How can you say that the stranger you look to so close to you making you smile again is not the man sent to you especially for you from your loved one passed?  They know you deserve to be happy and they know you like a book to know what exactly fits to your life and the new you build.  Sometimes I want to scream in knowing just how much unconditional love we shared is of the past, that the all of what I lost will never be again but I smile in knowing that the man that is in my path makes me smile, that in a split of a second I feel comfort, I feel peace, so how is in that have any bad in it?  How is it in that all that this could be something not of worth to embrace instead of run away? 
As I look to the eyes of the man before me I recognise that yes this is new, this is change, that in its own way it can build to a new love, a different love, but to know it’s not letting go of the greatest love that once was but lost.  I look into his eyes to smile knowing in this moment my heart is letting me know it is ready without the fighting you have to let that go to hear your heart telling you when it is ready.  Even if that love you feel is not both sided it is of the greatest feeling in the world to know your heart is letting you know it is time, that you are ready, that you can see another without wanting to see what once was.  The man that I found truly that I was ready to embrace being with another does not even know how I feel yet I do not even stress in wondering how it is he feels for the simple fact that this man woke my heart up, this man a man not who I wanted to be with in this life has made me smile, he’s given more than I could ever of known if not open to the idea that loving again is possible, to give up is to give up on the greatest of life of all LOVE.  It’s funny knowing of all the times that have been tried but falling down that each and every time I knew the day to love again would happen when my heart was ready and through this different face I’ve found my answer. 
There were so many of times that I always would wish once I open my eyes it be the man I was meant to be with would be there looking back at me that in it all without knowing that was what my problem was, not being ready, not wanting to share the heart space, to now knowing in all of my falling downs it is time, that it is possible, that not in your own time things happen but in your hearts time.  Yes of course there will be moments I want to see my husband passed sweet face looking back at me, wanting to feel that unconditional love we share, feeling the safe, peace, comfort feeling I always felt with him, yet know in my heart it will be all again but in its different way, in our new different way.  The new will always be never of the same but will be of smiles, comfort, safe, and love but in our own new way.  You can love that person in their own way of who they are and for the fact that your heart has let you understand yes you are ready, yes it is about time.
 

 

Being with a new after losing your world takes time and understanding it will never be the same but to accept the difference an acknowledge you are smiling again, your laughing again, you are not feeling all of you wants to run from the person you stand with, that in all of you it feels right, it is different but it feels right.  There are no arguments going on in you, the silence is just is. 
 
My husband passed has definitely blessed the path of finding a new because he has raised the bar of letting my heart know what it is I deserve and the best is what it is and nothing less.  So if of anything but the less crosses my path than in my whole being I will know this is not who it is I am meant to be with.  My husband passed has love onto me with such unconditional love to never expect less than that is a blessing.  It is because of him I smile in knowing the importance I am to this life, to this world and to whoever comes to be part of my life.  However to the man that does not know I will face my fear to tell but if it is not the best for me and not meant to be it is ok because deep in my heart has been taught a lesson that I AM ready, I can love, I AM ready to move to that part of my next chapter, either way it is a blessing to my all to know my heart in silence and of surprise is ready to accept another.
NOTE TO ALL:  Do not get frustrated in the fact of trying to find another and it is not the right one, smile in knowing your heart has blessed you with the freeness of being able to love another again, knowing that person you will love in their own way, that in the new it will be your very own life you both build together that has nothing to do with the past that you lost.  Know that in time the fit will be just right around the corner to complete your puzzle with the exact fit your heart has been looking for.  This person will have to bare big shoulders in knowing that the life you lost on occasions will bring you tough days to know he is not in competition but blessed that your heart has opened to even accept another.  If it’s the fit than it will just be and it will just flow and the new of your life will begin together.  In the meantime take time in noticing your smile, your laugh, the feeling of peace and breathe in knowing it can be again.  Mr. Blue eyes of my life don’t know it but I’m coming for him, and oh how freeing it feels to know love can happen again to the hopeless that wanders in you all for far too long, it too shall pass in time that it is meant to pass.
 
 





 

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