Scars Are Beauty Marks

There once was a woman who hid of all who she thought would alienate her, talk bad of her, that cared who did not like her, that hid what she thought was her dark side in fear of being taunted, looked to as weak, different, not worth the time, then a light glowed so bright as she looked to her dark side to see it was a purpose, it was a light to cast onto others in their times of need in hopes others to would start to see the light, to see their dark side their beauty mark to advocate that it is not to be ashamed of, it is not to forever put yourself in silence.  Your work blessed upon you is to cast that light to as many people and lift them out of their silence to see themselves worthy and whole.

Lets not walk so lightly around things that people would never want a single person to know, why be in the quiet when you can be in the light shedding off a light to others to see they to should let their scars of beauty glow onto all others around the world to see it is not so embarrassing, it is not so hard, that the tongues of harsh words of others is worth so much more to help people who need to see that hiding and keeping quiet is no way to live your life.  Are you ashamed to be you?   are you ashamed to smile?, laugh?, live life to your best?   Than why be ashamed of scars that are nothing but your own personal beauty marks to help others see that theirs to are exactly the same nothing but beauty marks that glow with the love of a love beyond this world. 

  What is your story?  everyone has one, everyone has that one thing they keep on hidden inside, they hide behind their smiles in front of others to keep that one thing locked up like it is something to be ashamed of, in the mean time that one person your smiling at carries to a hidden pain so ashamed to let out that it just becomes a vicious circle of everyone putting on happy faces to blind side the one thing they never feel anyone should ever know.  I never thought I'd come to a point in my life I actually felt as though i'd be embarrassed of anything about me, because when I look to myself I see love, I see flaws, but no matter what,  I see someone living a life to the strongest of honesty and fullest that can be. 

 I think of the darkest moments where I should of been out of my mind but shockingly I had to go to a place of laughter, because laughter is the best medicine for any pain, struggles, frustration, negativity that tries to pull us in.  Now that I think back of the moment it actually is a treasure of a memory I will always carry with me, no matter how dark of a funny moment it was.  Will you look at me differently if told you I suffer from anxiety?  that I am in treatment for anxiety?  will you look at me differently if I just come to realization that I may be fighting Post Traumatic Stress?  that something that came through three years late losing my husband, something that has always been there, yet I felt the need again to keep it in and fight the battle on my own, to again come to reality to understand it is NOT a weakness in my character, who I am or life that I live. 

 It's not about seeing it as a flaw, it is about getting what you deserve to make it through the scars of your life to become through it, not around it, it's about owing it to yourself to open your heart and take that embarrassment out to replace it with light to help anyone you can that see's and knows "well if she can do it, than so can I", to that person showing others they to as well, until it becomes contagious and no one hides in suffering no longer, to the point where to the people that think without knowing that it truly is a debilitating state, that because of your smug ideas and antics many have been lost over something that could of well just been an enlightenment of weight off of so many shoulders. 

 However it does not matter what others may say or feel, it is you and only you is all that matters, cast away the voices of others and build to the life you dream you want, just because you go through what you go through it does not ever cripple you to holding onto and making your life, your dreams,  your reality to be.  In thirty-seven years never ever have I had this happen to me, you never think it could happen to you, that when it does you feel your weaker than others, that it is a hush hush deep secret you want no one to know about.  Many have been lost carrying that with them but to the people that are going through it are the light to make it come to an end and light up your lights with love for others to know they are not different, it is not a weakness and is not meant to be a secret.  

I think for me I look to someone so close to me to realize it was how open she was with her illness an got help with not a care in the world, with out a care of what others would do or say, seeing her do it with such class an being proud knowing it did not ever lesson the person she was an what she was going to be.  As surprised so many were she stood tall and never once felt any less of who she was or the person she was, your you, having to suffer from anything does not make you a marked outcast person, it does not change nothing of the person you have always been.  A whole new world entered my life the day I lost a part of me, at first I fought to play myself off as nothing was wrong, hiding from what would be, what others would say, feel, than understanding I am changing, but this does not rip ever who I am to a lower level of anyone else.

Has it changed my life since?  not in the least, I smile in knowing that I am still me, that I continue my life no different surrounded with love an great support, taking the time to take care of what I need yet living life as it has never changed, embarrassed?  no, hiding from?  no, feeling free, breathing in the beauty of all that is around, taking charge to all I want to be?  YES.  Proud Mother of a beautiful little girl I ever could have ever seen.  Crippled in the dark?  no, shining bright casting the light to anyone that can see, to see its all about shining not hiding. 

I remember a moment in time where I truly believe is a place everyone needs to find, where you come to a point while fighting hiding your problem so much to keep your sanity, to find the funny in the darkness no matter how in disbelief you feel you can't believe your laughing at such a thing.  As I sat outside trying to fight the battle going on inside of me, feeling at the end of my sanity, I thought it is either time to break or find my funny in this and find my light because of the embarrassment of others knowing was not going to bring me down, so to my funny I went.   I remembered the time shortly after losing my husband hiding the deep dark secret I was to afraid to admit, going to open the fridge, Mother watching and with a blink of an eye I broke down.

 Crying harder than I ever could, then turning a complete 360 started to laugh like I had just heard the funniest joke I ever heard, then seeing the expression on my mothers face of whether she should be horrified or laugh, looking at her just made me laugh more.  That was when I truly understood that sometimes the pain is so bad that you have to laugh, because as we all know "laughter is the best medicine", I still do not understand why that moment had happened but realize today just how vile it can be if you do not let out what you are so afraid to ask for "help".  That was the beginning of freeing what I so strongly was keeping a secret to myself and everyone else I thought would judge me for the problem that lingered for far too long in me.

Don't look to any problem you may have that becomes so hurtful to you that you need to ask for help as it is a weakness, or the opinions of others may be, do you, be proud, your still you it's just an obstacle to go through to find all your silver linings and blessings because in that ask "I need help" is the dance of dancing out beyond your fears and out beyond your fears is your rainbows of blessings an answers in shock of how something so painful becomes your bright light and empowerment to the world.