The Power Of My Love

I'm not built like others nor each one of us is alike,  we all have our own unique characteristics as well as special gifts.  I really do not know where to start or begin.  Life has always got its funny way of telling you a story in learning lessons.  Often hearing there is a lesson for all that comes in to your life as well of all the hardships that come your way.  It often leaves a feeling of either utter shock or surprise, when other times it is as though that came totally out of left field.  Either way good or bad it is a piece of your puzzle of life leading to the one big picture you often found yourself imagining how it would look like and turn out to be like.  The heartache to tears to the moments you never thought you'd get through,  one day you find yourself looking back to those many moments with great surprise full of more strength along with wisdom filling your whole being every second.  

I've loved so fearlessly myself along with another so fiercely that to this day it holds the strongest grip of pain wrapped with butterflies in my stomach kind of feeling, while in complete shock of feeling that I thought would never be again in life after my husband had passed.  It's something that has been around for a long time, yet we have never to this day truly been together, got together, spent time together, however in my heart along with thoughts we have always been, in the longest of nights you were my meditation, you were my manifesting.  

Trapped in the middle of becoming reality for so long now I genuinely know that it is meant to be of my future, just knowing when is unknown.  Meeting you for the first time and being in your presence,  remembering that vivid strong soul connecting spark that still burns from I to you this day is what keeps me to in the knowing this is a real life making in progress.  Sounds totally out there as I sit to wonder some days, yet imagining how all the trees change colors every year after coming to life being bare in the cold winter, wondering how or if they will bloom back again next spring and turn in total beauty in fall it just happens.  

Its like that,  the love is there,  its sparked and its beautiful,  its season to blossom as well as grow has just not happened yet.  Constant stressing or trying to figure out when only fades that connection, that growth.  As painful it is to bare a love that has yet come reality, the happiness of the power of that love brings great comfort to my whole being.  The love of a life time has yet to begin, yet not one day doubts will ever take over the real I truly know it will be and is.  

Your quiet, your distant, yet your not as far as you may seem to think you are.  As my thoughts come of you, the closer you are that you thought you'd ever be.  I turn that dial of frequency to where it needs to be, to the place where we both make our reality.  You have been the man that I've always known would be the one.   My husband passed is the constant guidance in my life, guided by his love as he told me every day of our life when here in the flesh "I Just want you to be happy".  No matter how long is not nothing compared to the know of what is, time is not nothing but a number, when in the heart nothing has never changed.  

Your face, laugh and time together we had never fades nor it never will.  To be with another would be nothing but an illusion, it be nothing that would ever be because that is not who will be my future.  Your singing like no one is around still echoes loudly like the day of, the laughter and connection is still as the day of, days turned into weeks yet the connection has never dulled.  My heart holds you, it holds us, creating the one day it turns to our reality.  

Sounds odd, maybe, yet like anything good that blooms this is how it to is.  You can't make something beautiful in seconds on command, it feels like at times I'm in the dark yet knowing in the dark is where the beautifulness of things in life bloom one day,  like a cocoon to a butterfly, a seed to a rose, all classic of darkness to beauty, the most beautiful of all comes from darkness to light.  

There will never be a time I regret how or why, or will ever look for answers because they shall never be found or known.  You came into my life and never left my heart, never will.  Trying some days to understand I turn to the strong feeling that is powerful beyond along with just knowing the comfort kicks in and takes over in just knowing you are my reason.  For many unknown spoken things that cannot be denied the love of you as well is confirmed in silence yet knowing not today, tomorrow or the day after it shall be but knowing no matter what with no time on anything it one day will be you and I as I have felt knowing you felt that very first day our world felt shaken to the core.  

As I have said I am far from being like other people, I know what I feel to be true, I know that dreams come true, I know that love when felt is never nothing to ignore, never something to doubt.  As hard as it may be there will never be anything stronger than a soul connection to be severed.  

I loved you from the day I seen your smile, heard your laugh and love you to this day and know the battle is bigger but it is never bigger than a love that is in the making to become reality.  The songs that occur the vibration of the highest touches the energy that we create in the universe, the universe creates what energy that is put out and the energies of two that tie together in the spark of each others energy that intertwines together.  

There are so many ways to explain, yet the only way for me to know is the pure gut wrenching feeling that never leaves my being and never fades in knowing from the moment of our beginning that nothing is too hard or unreachable when you are the kind of person that has been in the darkest of place cracked open to see the greatest of light in life, that your the powerful magnet attracting the love on the highest level you know you are worthy of.  

The love of my life has gone but he to is the forever guiding light that proves that love can come back around if you truly know that it can be.  All to hard to say but not so hard to know along with feel, no matter what the darkest days hold I have loved you for so long yet know that love one day will blossom even if now it is denied for unforeseen circumstances that will fade as reality become to life, dreams of the biggest come true, miracles happen,  fate never misses.  

Again I say I've loved you for quite some time, since the day our life's have come together and never with regret I will doubt why.  Like an open book you know of this love, as hard as it may seem the fight of how life you feel should stay will fade one day.  

Dedicated to the man that made me laugh from the start of a shift we worked to the end and even after the shift was done, the man that woke up my heart in just seconds of being in his presence, you know who you are.

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My Lesson, My Next Chapter, The man

It was the beginning of a new chapter, a life of a life time opportunity, there was no containing the excitement felt from the toes to the top of your head kind of moment.  It was that moment that I found out that I could be that person that provided for her family, to be strong and independent.  A thought that haunted me every day, that I felt could not be possible.  It was a career that excited me to the core, soon to be a place that showed me so much more to life than I could of ever imagined. 

 This was my next chapter, I walked with confidence into the knowing that there was not anything I could not do.  It was the moment I realized to the core that I on my own could be the bread winner, the mother, the all to my daughter as well to myself and our lives.  My husband passed taught me the strength I carried was the strength to do all you need to do and dream of.  

Yet here I was venturing out into a job, a place where I knew no one.  I thought so many thoughts "what if I can't do it?, what if the workers do not like me?, what if I just don't belong there?, to just plain old, maybe I just can't do the job to the fullest"?.  Most of all it was the nervousness of not knowing the lives of those that I would be working with for what I thought be for an eternity.  "Will I be able to let them all see the loving person that I was?, will they see that I am a genuine person"?. 

Most the night went by within a blink of an eye of no sleep as these questions kept running through me, finding that gut wrenching anxiety that ties a knot so tight in the gut as you give it all your strength to get up, get out and take that jump, burying the fears and showing the world just how capable you are to do anything you set your all you got to it.  

It was getting close to going to the new place that I have never been to, new faces, new job, I remember it was a bright sunny, blue sky kind of day, I remember looking to the sky smiling "I got this", no matter how big the mountain I had to climb, that I'd conquer it all.  The sun made me feel unstoppable, the memory of my husband passed belief he had in me, it was that great belly tingle of the greatest feeling you have ever had.  Little did I know that this place would be so much more than just a job, there would be lessons of a life time, there would be people who would touch my heart for a lifetime.  

It was just a half hour before I will walk into that building of all that was unknown.  I looked around to the cars going by, the people passing by, the noise of the birds on a bright warm day, I smiled looking to the sky thinking "thank you, please be by my side as I take these steps forward".  I walked baby steps, calm, collective with nothing but positive thoughts and strength before I met those doors to what would be a life time of lessons in my life and memories that would last an eternity beyond.  Those doors to inside never looked so big to me as I took a deep breath to open the doors to my new beginning and independence.

I opened that door with strength, confidence, the thought of "there is nothing I could not do".  Then there it was my first day of my new life, new career, new faces that soon become people that all taught me deep lessons in my life.  I was not prepared for what would happen to me, I believed that it only happened once in a life time, to my surprise it was more than just once in a life time, it was real and it was powerful, it shook my life to the core as well as I deeply know it did for the other individual as well.  I started my rookie hour, sat down took my breath and looked to all the new faces around me trying to remember the names of everyone.  I smiled knowing right away that feeling I felt, as if though I belonged there, that in a split second that was exactly where I was meant to be.

The people around me were quiet, unsure of just how long I'd take this position, would I stay?, would I get along?, yet as I sat at the desk looking around it is as though it all just clicked, it was as though I knew these people already, shocked to my inner being I smiled, took a breath and again thought " I will do this", "I got this no matter what comes my way".  As the phones started to ring I panicked thinking oh my goodness what do I say?, I can't do this, looking down to a paper that was beyond a mouthful, I started to panic even more.  Looking around there was a special person who to this day I could talk to forever, she smiled and laughed and confirmed "no you are not crazy that is a lot to say for a greeting to those that called".  

Then it started, nerves kicked in as I greeted those on the phone I felt my heart beat out of my chest as I kept choking on a word pronouncing it wrong every time, laughing thank goodness laughing as each time I screwed up on that word I felt not laughed at but with as everyone just knew it was quite the greet and my nerves choking me up as that one word would just not come out as though it should.  For heaven sakes even the customers agreed "wow what a mouthful", to some not even waiting until you were done that greet before interrupting you and just stating what it was they were calling for.  Looking around I could feel everyone just observing my presence already laughing with me on the word that just would not pronounce properly, still to this day does not.  

A man walked by, he broke the ice for me that day, he was the one that showed me that this place was not any ordinary place, that this would be a place of great memories and layed back individuals, that work does not have to be so serious, that you need that laughter to get you through those hard days.  As I sat watching this man, seeing the look on his face as that one word choked me up every time stated to me "why don't you just answer to those calling "what the F@#k do you want", as I watched him in disbelief that I just heard that,  it was then I knew this was a place where you were able to be your crazy self, laughing so hard to recognize that this was not at all a place to feel uncomfortable in, this was a place of true, genuine funny to the core people.   People that knew how to create an atmosphere that you felt you belonged and that not all had to be so serious, that as long as you got your work done you did not have to be so blue collared.  It was the place that built me up so high that I'd achieve so much in my next phase of life.

Now lets get back to this man, the man that made my jaw drop to the floor as he told me how to answer the phone.  As he sat down in the chair behind the desk next to me, I looked to him scoping out his all, trying to vibe off of how he was, who he was, feeling my gut instinct on,  if I felt good about his being or not.  Right away it felt as though I had an outer body experience as I looked to him laughing, it was a feeling of total disbelief that I thought would never happen the rest of my life, knowing that feeling was the feeling I had when I looked to my husband passed the first time, than feeling complete panic, gut wrenching feelings of "no way this is happening, it can't, this is only suppose to be a once in a life time feeling".  Yes it was the tingles, the butterflies, yet why?, I do not know this man, it shook me to my core in fear.  It was the feeling I felt and knew with my husband passed and we spent 13 years together, before he had passed, it was that feeling of love at first sight.  Very scared that I was feeling this feeling I had to step back in awe, almost falling out of my chair, which is a true story that happened one time during a shift but that is a story for later.  

This man was a stranger and I knew nothing of him, why am I feeling this feeling?, the question unanswered, to this day still is, I bare that feeling still to this day, yet not knowing it be a roller coaster and the biggest lesson to my life not knowing than but knowing now.  As days went by I felt myself happier and happier, happy to go to work, happy to spend time with this man and all I work with, it was a job yet felt not at all like work no matter how stressed of a day it was.  He was not no ordinary man, he sang like no one was around, he laughed at his own jokes, he made you laugh the whole time in your presence and simply sometimes just by looking at him.  I felt a connection right away to him, I felt the spark, the connection that connected you to the core of your soul.  

Days went on, weeks and months as memories were made that would last me my life time.  This man knew too soon how to push my buttons, as he sat next to me I remember that in the schedule that patients had cancelled that he could leave but forgot to tell him as I was busy and looked at him to let him know after being there way over the time he should of it appeared he had gotten quite mad as I told him, I looked to him in disbelief as "really your going to get mad about this", yet he was not mad he wanted to get a rise out of me, as he continued to talk, I felt myself getting real mad, to my shock I have thrown an object at him hitting him, in disbelief I could not believe I had did that thinking "I could get fired for this", not much was said, yet not once did that story make it to head office.

The lady I worked with had watched this day in and day out, the laughter, the good times, the way we just meshed together, the playful flirting, the falling out of my chair and still kept that conversation going with a patient on the phone as I layed on my back feet up in the air, laughing to the core the whole time.  She was my other great lesson that you could trust another girl, the feeling as we knew each other for a life time and to this day are the best of friends and could talk beyond 5 hours on a daily basis.  People come into your life for a reason this I know to the deepest of my heart now and forever.  The countless moments that are now one of my most funniest of memories will never fade from my soul, I smile to this day as I remember the moments of that work place that brought out the biggest of confidence in me, that gave me the strength of ten fold.   

How was it I got so close to this man, how did it happen so fast?, how did I feel as I did when I first met my husband was the hardest to digest of it all.  We got close but he pulled back, to this day I still believe that he as well was shook to the core and felt it to.  Too many good memories and moments between us.  One night coming home, it was a Friday I heard to myself "no matter the circumstances this is the man you will be with, P.S love Jean Guy".  Than later that night a conversation struck up between him and I, it was everything I wanted to hear that it was just not me, however all along I knew in my heart it was not just one sided and to this day I know it still is not.  I was in the clouds and not coming down.  The smile on my face could not be erased.  

Its been quite some time since we have seen each other, since I been at that job but I know the connection is there and for uncontrollable reasons for now we are not together liked I have thought we would be, however I know in my heart one day so it shall be.  I sometime think the worse as though as you hear all around you "if hes not reaching out than maybe you should take the hint he is just not into you".  Well there are unforeseen things that have happened that prove other wise.  I remember the day of getting together with him after a long period of time and feeling the same ole feeling knowing that it never did go away or the spark never fazed out at all, his hug told me a million things, the feeling was intense and it was felt by us both.  

It's hard to feel the way I have, the way I do because that feeling I felt was only what I felt with my husband passed yet I know in good reason in a different way it did happen again, for all good reasons.  Now this man is a constant lesson to my life, the biggest part is patience, one thing I have to work on daily due to not having any, this man is a lesson in patience, that you do not control the future, that all things happen as they should when they do.  That's not to say that you can't help all you want in life to come true yet in the time it is suppose to is key to know,  not in the time you want it to be.  The biggest part that makes me smile is THE UNIVERSE works with you to bring in all of what you feel and want in life, that the strongest part in life is being that magnet of all and continuing to bring in the best that you know true to your heart that will be.  My husband passed is my angel of life, to know he wants me to be happy is the greatest gift of all.

This man was never just a man, he was a lesson, a gift and a love that still remains to bloom yet like all great things in life it never happens over night, it grows more and more everyday until it is fully bloomed to enjoy it all.  Every day I fight the inner of my negativity, I also fight the strength of my inner belief that happy endings are yours to have if you see it, believe it and verify it.

So I noticed while at this job and after the feelings I felt for this man that I heard this song out of no where and all the time every where and most of all every time I woke up in the morning.  Coincidence? I really don't believe in coincidences.  

P.S some days I want to scream in frustration just to how much this song follows me ha ha ha.

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The Cofee Shop Corner

I am bringing you all to church with me in this blog, hope you don't mind.  Have you ever just sat to wonder why we are taken to certain places in our lives?, why we get taken to a specific job, place where ever it may be?, I use to get so frustrated thinking oh my goodness how am I here and why am I struggling, why am I put in these circumstances, why do I feel so frustrated with every job that I do?.  However as I sat to think of my life and the direction I thought I have been going was possibly what I deserved, that I was not good enough, that I was doomed for a life of frustration, stress and difficulties.  

Once I really started to think of it all the light came on inside of all of me.  It was then I noticed through once stopping all that negative thoughts on all I been through and where my life brought me,  that I started to see that it was not so harsh as I felt it to be.  Not sure if anyone out there is feeling this right now in their life, however if you are you need to be able to reach and look past that negative that tries to bring you down, you need to look into the deep of it all.  The people brought in your life, the smiles you put on others faces, the ear you lent to someone you did not even know to see them smile and be forever grateful you just listened.  

That you by the tiny little gesture of listening have made their day so much brighter knowing someone does care.  My life has brought me through so many places that to me at the time felt as bad, dark and just places I was so frustrated for not seeming to be that dream job I always visioned for myself.  However once I started going through all I have done through all those jobs that it was the people that I have encountered that smiled, that appreciated knowing that they were heard, the help I gave, the advice I lent, just my time I gave to them, that is when I started to smile, you see it was not the jobs,  it was the people I do believe that at that moment of time needed me to be there.  

Still to this day that has not stopped, is the universe speaking loud to me?, deeply felt I do believe it has spoken many times.  That no matter how frustrated, stressed and low you may think your job makes you feel that you are in is not where you wanted or visioned yourself to be that all of  it to me is the people I am in contact with every single day, that it is the people that I help, that I get to smile, that I let vent with an ear and shoulder to lean on, that, that right there is my love.  That is my passion, to truly help those no matter who it may be, that I'm all in when they come to me to talk, to vent to even just stand with.  

This job where I am right now in my life gives me great satisfaction in knowing just how many encounters I have had to so many souls wandering,  coming to me even if they did not know me, that they felt it in their heart that they could approach me to bare their soul.  Each morning I take the time to get my coffee of course at a place near by my work, never in my life have I ever encountered so much from perfect strangers, from someone that actually perhaps felt it was ok to just have a conversation with me, to bare the hard truth and to be that person to listen truly and let them know they are being heard, to show compassion to how they are feeling, to give words of encouragement and compassion, then to see them smile is so enlightening to my very soul.  

You see I been looking way too far into the hardships of my day at work, the frustration and stress that the bigger factor of it all is being unseen.  That everywhere you go is not going to be all rainbows and butterflies, that life itself is not all about a streak of forever good days.  That you take all of your love, passion and purpose and use that towards life and every person that crosses your path, the lost souls that just want to be heard and feel validated. 

The one day going again to that one place as I am starting to feel is the corner where I truly am suppose to be.  It was a cold day, snow was everywhere, snow banks were almost as tall as I was, as I walked to my spot to grab my coffee as I do every single day, in the distance there seemed to be someone, a lady laying in a snow bank not moving, as I walked I seen cars driving by her not even stopping to see if she was OK, people rushing by as well not even giving a care that this lady lay with no movement in this snow bank.  

Running to the lady I see her hand clenched to her purse and coffee mug, immediately I start to ask her questions getting her to answer me,  to see if she knew what was going on and remember what had happened to her.  She answered me her name was Sarah, then also that she had diabetes, that she did not remember what happened, as I looked up there was a man standing outside his store and yelled to me he would call the ambulance for her, standing there not wanting her hand to be under her in the snow I moved it out onto her jacket,  taking her mug and purse out of hand, I crouched down to stay with her to keep her talking and to keep her coherent, she was in and out of it while I stayed and talked with her.  

Within seconds the sirens get loud, the ambulance come, the driver looked to me and said "thank you for taking action and staying,  that if not for me he was not sure what would of happened to her".  That was then I stood in total shock and just cried, thinking to myself what if that was me?, what if that was someone I loved?, my family, my friends.  

You see looking past all my bad days and hard times in this job it's not about that, life is not perfect it is about all the amazing people at work that have been brought into my life, the endless encounters I get on that coffee shop corner of so many people who just feel that their life is ending, that no one cares, that no one hears, yet here I am, I'm hearing, I'm there, I'm listening, I'm showing that their life is not at the end that hard times are the strength of what the best of what we deserve will come through it all.  

That all these people know they are heard that even just a smile from another that I have put on their face is my validation that God has truly brought me to where I am for a reason, to spread my love, to spread my compassion and the true desire to help so many that I can.  So it's not about my hardship where I work and all bad days it's the redemption in knowing no matter how hard times may seem that in the bright light it is about encounters of so many lonely souls wandering this world knowing that they are heard and cared for no matter what, that I am the reminder to them that their life is given to them for a reason.  

It's the happiness through those hard days that suck your soul you reach for that strength in knowing that you are doing good in this world for others, that your surrounded by so many that support you, that enjoy your presence and respect you.  That your hard work is all working in the best interest to the path that you tread.  To see that all of what you do no matter how hard or stressed you may feel through each day that life has been given to you with a purpose.  To see that you get that purpose to use it every day is your bright light shinning through validating the strength that you have to endure all that you do.

The coffee shop corner is my portal to the other part of my job in life, to smile to all the wandering lost souls knowing that they see you are there seeing them, smiling to them knowing they are important and here on this earth for a reason and to be that reminder to them always for every day that I stand at that corner sipping on my coffee, taking in all that is around me.  Just the other day a man sitting on a bench that others would look to as someone who may of been too scary to get close to, I listened to his story, his remorse and his tears he had shed for how sorry he was for what he had done in his past life, looking to him I smiled and told him " that your past does not beat your present, that he is walking and alive for a reason to change, that we all get our second chance", as scared as I was listening to the bad he had done in his life did not matter as I seen the tears roll down his face.

That corner truly to me is a God sent to me as afraid and sometimes so tired I feel, that not anyone will ever just past by me and be ignored if they reach out to me to want to talk, to know they are heard and alive.  My job has brought me to this all and truly in my heart know this is Gods way of speaking to me of the great purpose he put in my heart and that I am exactly where I am suppose to be.

It's also about that showing me it's ok to be 40 and have a crush, now that's a whole story of it's own for another day.  I am truly blessed and most definitely know now that it's not about what you may seem is not a dream job you feel you are not in,  that it is your dream that you make of it and use your gifts no matter where you may be, that no matter where you go stress, frustrations and bad days will always happen you just have to reach beyond that, breathe and gain your strength to see the bright through it all.  Funny how all my life I have always been the person everyone felt to come to with their hardships, not ever seeing it that so many felt so comfortable to just speak their hearts and truth.  That to this day now I truly understand the true meaning as to why that is.

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Change, Signs, Help, Love

Video I did on change and signs of life and loved ones passed, things and experiences a few shared that I have noticed on my journey throw grief and change.   This was hard for me to do as not use to being on camera but want to be able to push myself out of my comfort zone and talk and start doing as many live shows as I can.  Please stay tuned for more to come 

Subscribe please YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfU_aQI-eCwIlyrjEugYPOw

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Thanks all go easy on me (haha) first time startin out, please join me in this journey to spread love, awareness and all the help to others that is needed in hard times.

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Five Year Marker Bliss

It was a usual everyday kind of day, routine alarm piercing your ear with the refusal of not wanting to wake, the tiredness that takes over your whole being of wanting to just stay and be warm under your comfort zone of blankets, the sound of a child not happy as well as having to wake to start a new day at school.  Chaos creeks in taking your breath away as you fly around to do all that is needed to get out the door to be on time.  Have you ever felt as though mornings need to be slowed down?, that perhaps one day it be nice to be in slow motion and enjoy being grateful for given another day? 

Today was a marking point for me but through out this day it never once occurred to me or was realized, even after all the chaos still in my silence this marking point in my life was not recalled as I sat and enjoyed the morning in silence listening to all noises around me and the sunlight beaming warmly off my cheeks.  Perhaps that was it, really I do not know what fogged me this day to not remembering, the beauty of peace, the chaos all questions I recall and cannot be answered.  I sat there though, I sat there knowing surrounded by all natures beauty your love was with me in every part I looked yet still I sat unaware of this day, the day every month that I use to know was here, the day of the time that ripped all of me open over and over again, however today was not that way. 

So the day unrecognized was the five year marker since you left this world to become our angel forever with us in silence.  I gasped as I could not believe that on this day not once did it occur to me that it has been five years, feeling guilty I shed tears yet I believe that you come fully into a person that for so long suffered in remembering the bad you take that part away to remember the greatest memories, that in your whole being in time day by day you come to a part of you that remembering the special days, the special memories that you understand for the person  you start to fully live for them and yourself to let go of the pain, you remember them as you always wanted to full of love and smiles, that on the year to year marks you start to come into a person who fully understands it is not about losing its about seeing that love in you and around you. 

For me I truly believe you start to evolve in living for not only yourself but for the ones you lost, that in some point in your grieving you evolve into this magical person who stands strong and understands to not dwell on the bad to celebrate the love and even though on that day of another year passed you may forgot for a little of what it was that happened that day you look around to feel love, so don't feel guilty, don't cry in sadness know that it is all of you evolving to the person your loved one wants to see you as "Happy", living life for them as they reside in you and love resides all around you. 

I actual sigh in relief that I understand on the yearly markers that the pain don't lead me our love and greatest memories do shinning bright down on me and in my heart.  So as the chaos of morning started unknowingly I slowed myself down without realizing it was the day you left us.   I sat in peace and love and beautiful sunlight as though that was your gift shinning down to me not realizing or thinking of any pain of that dreadful day just sitting and taking in the world and all its love. 

After an amount of time we as a person become evolved in our emotions and knowledge of just what it was and what we need to do that these times become bitter sweet to us, that we may not dwell on it but instead we bask ourselves in life for the ones we lost. 

That day I remember the bluest of sky, the warmth of the sun, the butterflies flying above my front lawn, the robins bathing in the grass, all beauty that touched my all with nothing but pure love, the love that has been blessed upon me by my husband passed, all of what I felt that day is how I felt everyday in our love, to me that was a special gift that day, a day that I may have forgotten but a gift of beauty that put a smile on my face as though it was meant to be that way. 

As I walked home from getting our little girl off to school after the chaos of morning routine, still unknown of the five year marker I looked up and remember seeing the fluffiest white cloud I have ever seen and smiled, walking more all natures life that morning felt more vibrant more outstanding than ever before, so as I sat later remembering what day it was as I felt guilty I remembered the day and just how different it was in a beautiful way.  To me that was a sign that it was definitely meant to be that way, a celebration of love, a love so strong that nature even recognized it.

Yes the missing of the person is there but the love around you is stronger leading you to know that even though not seen that person you love so much will always remind you they are all around you.  That in a moment of time of need you are gifted to so much love all around you as a gift to you saying today may of been forgotten to tell you to just stop counting and live, live for you, live for me and see me all around you in everything you see, and know that love is always with you no matter what you forget, that the best memories are the good memories and that all that matters most.

So I say look up, breath and close your eyes to know all around you everything in nature dances full of your love, that in all that is your love.

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Dance/Sing like No One is Watching

Well today I had to stop to laugh about my choices of songs always stuck in my head, "Feel Like Making Love", as well as "Lets Get It On".  That got me to thinking well is there something wrong with the songs stuck in my head?, to start thinking of that taboo "sex" word that should always be kept in silence, thinking of have we really as a society grew away from those olden days where "sex" was taboo?, and too even sing about it in public is a greater taboo to you as well as something bad as a person for always having those special tunes singing bliss in my head that makes me smile and laugh every time. 

 

 

 

I think to myself if it makes you laugh and reach beyond the stresses of life than who and what is it hurting.  As I look around to the rush of the world I say to myself "these people need to stop and break out a tune and dance" after all it is easing the level of stress in you as well as around you as someone watches to smile, as well as laugh and has others thinking "hey maybe life is to serious all the time", to get them to break a move and sing something out loud always stuck in their head as well. 

After all we almost always hear and see "LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE" so take that and make another laugh by your outrageous brake outs of songs stuck in your head.  I am thinking if your showing others that sometimes just sometimes serious needs to be kicked to the curb for just a little while, a whole lot of us would be much happier, deep breathing people, even if it is of the taboo "sex" kind of tunes.

 

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Be the Leader not the eyes of Blindness

This is the picture that lighted a spark of fire in me to open my eyes to start thinking of all things I have seen and so strongly tried to take on alone to change, to understand that so foolishly believed we have come so far to now know we have not come as far as some believe we have.  

Are you the person that looks past the evil that lurks in the world that with blind eyes knows the past has never really gone anywhere?, just to be covered and coated to look pretty and invisible to the eyes of today.  Are you truly the person that quietly walks passed a man/woman that lays on the concrete,  outside,  homeless and hungry?, to look past a child who is being mistreated, a bully bullying another, racism that lurks in places never thought of?,  to think,  it cannot be,  those days are over and is suppose to be of the days of the past.   

How about as being a female thinking of the days we had no say that we have come so far?, do you find yourself strongly in you wanting to think these are all things that truly are not still happening in this world to believe out of ignorance that it is still no longer.  We as individuals are always told the past is the past, that the past is in the past, however that past of such hatred lurks around us yet with eyes masked by society and the sugar coated of making these things look invisible to our eyes are there and to over look that thinking it has been left in the past is the ways of others who over look it all makes you to believe it cannot be so.  

Do you feel that only one you as one person cannot change the world alone?,  to be afraid to face those demons face on to only fall and fail.  It is you and only you that little by little, with little acts of kindness, with being the purest of love you were created to be here on this earth with the love of the creation of our love holds on to more power in you than ever known,  if only you tune into that and know that one person can build a bridge for those stuck in a life of hopelessness.  

It is you that is here to be the leader in your side of the world, to help, to change, to be strong, to be vocal and do not let these things that are masked that so many turn cheek to denying there selves to believe that it cannot be so.  When I see a person outside alone, cold and hungry I may not be able to give him or her a home but I can feed them, give them something warm and give that unconditional love.  I can see the ugly in the world to do my little acts of kindness to change and be the change to start the change of the evil that still lurks of the ghosts of the passed.  

As it is to you that can be as well, it's in the little that snowballs to become bigger and bigger in this life, good acts always outcast the bad, the more good the less and less that bad shrinks to no longer hold the power it once did.  As far as being afraid to fail because what you are faced against is bigger than you is only the negative trying to keep you from doing what your suppose to be doing.   Don't be fooled but the pretty is the ugly  masked  and not visible to the eye of those who want to believe the ugliness of the past is gone.  

You may be of one person but if you truly think you have the power of the creation of unconditional love, that with God on your side he always will bring you passed your greatest of challenges in love, faith and belief.  We were put here to help, to love, to create a world of the purest love, so why waste time to ignore the acts of evil that cross your path, turning in disbelief that this life is all rainbows and peace.  I read a post today that brought out the fire in me to start seeing that things of the past are still everywhere we are, that they will never go away if we as a whole,  as a person forever turn away and believe it can`t be.  

If you fall, if you fail, that is all just even more reason for you to see the evil is there and does not want you to see it and change it, it wishes to keep you down and bounded to the blind eyes of so many.  You are one person, I am one person, but if one person after another stands strong to face these evils of the past soon enough in all parts of this world there will be leaders forcing out the hatred and bringing in love, the love we are all put here to be, forming a world of helping, loving, becoming stronger and wiser.  

There is never a situation that my heart will allow me to walk past, a woman crying alone, I approached her in fear yet walking past that fear I approached her, to later find out what she shed tears for had mended and worked out, a man just here from Africa was being taunted by ladies to see you could clearly see they wanted him to do the worse to get him in trouble, to approach the situation no matter how scary,  to distract the man of the evil that was trying to bring him down and ignore that and see that love and good people still do exist.  It is little acts that you are so terrified of but face that fear coming out to see the brightness of what this whole world can be and will be.  

In all of us is a leader of unconditional love, it is not to look out for just yourself and leave others behind, it is to be fully there for those who need the hand of your love to be helped through things that so many turn their back to.   I know that if each and every day I do all that I can to change the bad of this world that it will reflect to the ends of the world showing so many they can to.  Nature is part of us, the beauty of the growth in nature, a mother bird feeding her babies, squirrels running and playing, looking around to see the beauty that grows as the same we are the creation, created as the same as the beauty of nature that takes our breath away and brings peace to our hearts.  

As being the creation of that beauty it is us as well is a part of that great love.  So why turn cheek to the greatest gifts in you to be that brightest purest of love, to be peace, to be like the mother feeding her babies helping them to grow, the squirrels that play but do not know each other.  As of the love of nature so are we one with that all.  The acts of love outshines the darkness that always tries to put barriers on of all that is good, but to keep fighting is what diminishes that darkness, yet will always lurk it's ugliness again and again to those that let it.  

For those who think they are better or hold a power blinding others, little do they know through brightness of good they are unveiled and will also fall to their knees in knowing they are no better or powerful to anyone, that all here on earth are equal.  Yet it takes the huge strength of one to start that blindness of many to open eyes of the real life happening around them.  It's not about lifting your life up and stepping on people around you to get where you want to be faster than the rest, or believing that your better than those you step on.  

I am one person with a heart full of love that believes in changing the ugliness that should not be no longer, I feel the hard falls, so will others but getting back up each and every time holds the almighty power of change, the change of love, the change to vanquish the evil that lingers all over the world disguised in pretty and peace.  Heart fully open will allow your heart and eyes to see things of the passed have never really changed, maybe it has gotten better but to be all better it will take many leaders to change that little to be completely better and rule out that darkness.  It's been too long to keep letting the past lurk in our future, to walk passed it, to ignore it, to deny that it is even there.  

You, me, all of us that live with open heart can see the truth behind the masks.  In our own little ways we can each and every day make that evil less and less and show others they to can as well.  "I AM THAT, I AM",believe strongly that you are an equal, be humble, be gentle, be a giver, be love because the past of evil can only become stronger if we let it.  I refuse to let the passed of women being nothing take part in this world today by those so stuck in darkness believing and being afraid that change is for the worse, that darkness is their light, that thinking if women were just as equal in their believes they would be nothing.  

The sick twisted thoughts of evil always has a way to making the bad sound good.   This one person ain't letting evil break the love that has come so far in this world, I may be one but in the one lays that Godly love to always walk each step that I walk in fear but changing the world little by little.   It is in us all to know we can walk through the darkness to make through to our light, that light always lightens darkness no matter what we battle.  Women, man, we are all of equal no matter what the evil makes you believe.  Are you afraid of a women to do what you do better?, that is evil talking no one is better than another we all work equally here in this world, your gifts may be different than mine, mine different than yours but never one better than the other.  

It is truly time to unmask the pretty of ugliness that fools so many into believing it is no longer, to let others see it for what it is, what are we if we talk but do no action?, it may be scary, it may be tough, but nothing as evil as what lurks in today will be easy, life is not easy because in the tough you find your powerful lessons and strength.  I no longer accept that this ugliness deserves to walk around in this future we are building to so hardly, honestly, lovingly, I most definitely refuse to ever believe as a woman I am less of a man, man, women, it does not matter you to me,  me to you equal will always be.  Walk your life tall, strong, brave, change the evil that you can, start a following of leaders that do the same and soon say good bye truly to the past.

Does not matter where you are, fear is your conquer in the end to realizing that fear was just a hollow image trying to keep you down.  Each and every one of us holds a piece of us in everyone stranger or not, different race, religion, man. woman, look to another knowing in them is piece of you making you no different than what you see before you, as though a reflection in the mirror, cast away the fear, the darkness, the ugliness, to the future of a bright light so bright your eyes hurt but smile in knowing that in the brightest of bright you helped to vanquish the dark of the now and our future.

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