Robot Vs Human?

 Is it easy for you to trust? To just let go and let be?   Giving all of your trust in someone?  So many things happening in life has bound our trust stuck to only trusting in ourselves, yet how will anything in life unfold if you do not unbound that trust?  Do you ever feel the awkward pain when thinking of ever being with someone else that quite possibly you could lose again?  Perhaps to some none of this may ever be hard for them to do, yet to those that have been deeply scared to the core their eyes of life look differently.  Often times enough so much hurt, loss, pain has been endured in one’s life that to even love themselves is a challenge.  Looking around to the faces of so many around me not one person carried a smile; their whole being was stiff, fast paced, no eye contact, head to the ground, not even glancing to what is around them, in a hurry, late, everything around is just a whole race to get where?  Now I do know that you never ever know what a person is going through but to see so many living lives as though they’re in robot motion is a question I never find the answer to.  The more I look around the more I see so many so wrapped in some where away from this world.  Often times I think to myself I wish I could stop the person shake them and try to understand what it is they are so in a hurry for that they truly don’t see anything that surrounds them. 

 

Is it possible that so many strive to live that they truly let go of living truly to live without the enjoyment of what is around them?   Or is it something deeper than that?  Could it be that a life time of pain carried in them for so long has kept them disconnected to what is around them as if they have up their own barrier no one can get into?  My heart I swear feels pain as soon as it is detected and lately when I walk around this world my heart feels the pain in others far too much.  Even in pain we cannot lock our life up to the pain that holds us hostage forever if we let it.  So many scars go in hiding when in reality they should be shown proud to the world so others to can see they are not alone.  The perceptions of people scared to life blacken the light of what should be.  Remembering through my hard times that is exactly how I was getting from where I was to where I needed be, doing, doing, doing, not ever noticing what was around me because I chose that all that mattered was doing as much as I could as fast as I could that the more I went, went, went, the less I’d feel anything I needed to, that if done long enough eventually the pain in me would be tired and not able to catch up to me.  A whole year went by for me and yes I do have to say it worked for a while but that pain it don’t ever get tired and when you get tired it gains more strength to knock you down like a ton of bricks.

 

I want to walk by people and see them smiling in noticing all that is around them, that life is not about being in a hurry, that keeping so busy erases the past, that being so serious keeps away the pain, not feeling nothing at all as if a robot.  We are not robots, this is true and eventually our hearts hear the knock to let in all that pain that was ignored for so long.  Losing people of great significance allows you to understand just how short life is, that not working through the toughness of life is a short cut that eventually prolongs the right way it is to be living, equaling to taking time away from the life that we live that is not as long as we liked to believe. 

 



 

 What about not telling so many that you love “I love you” for whatever reason may be, grudges, too busy, thinking oh I’ll be sure to do it tomorrow, what if for that person you saved to say I love you to tragically left this world the night before you planned to tell them?  NOTHING is worth leaving the words I love you unsaid for whatever reasons that mingle in your head.  I love you should be something part of your day as it is to drink your first cup of coffee.  I don’t care what grudge you hold, what misfortune has happened with another, be angry at them, forgive them but be angry at them it’s ok yet still let them know you love them.  There is not anything in this world bigger than loving someone and letting them know or to keep you from letting them know.  I cried the other night as I spoke of my Dad, I held on to anger, resentment, I acted as though I didn’t even have a dad that life eventually caught up to me, although he heard “I love you” eventually it was short lived and my heart aches for the more “I love you’d I should of said way before the end of his life.  My heart again will take a long time to mend of that pain, yes we had our moment in the hospital by the grace of God yet the ache is there as I look around to so many things I wanted to know of my dad, things I never took time to know, I cry knowing in many ways he is a stranger to me in many ways of not knowing so many things of him, what his favorite food was?  What his favorite place to go was?  To countless other question that go over and over in my mind.
 

Tonight I’m sad because I am one person who so dearly wants to change the pain of so many back into how life should be, to be lived with love, laugh, smiles, and the countless times of saying I love you to so many you love.  It was different with my husband passed there was not anything that kept us both from saying I love you as many and as much as we could.  My heart aches that I am one person that wants to love so many to help them find life in them, life around them, to lift their pain, to open their eyes, heart, soul to the wondrous of what life they are living and the important people that surround them, to the broken who feel they will always be broken, to the lonely who feel they have no one, to the bullied who feel it will never stop leaving them feel they are not of importance in this world, I am one person but my love for this all I do believe could be big enough to touch the hearts of all that feel this in this world.

Just the other day I walked passed a man as I walked passed him you could see the expression in his face that pain was there, I smiled but he did not even see me there.  Are there so many out there that are so full of pain, anxiousness, anger, frustrations that it is as though everything around them does not exist to them?   Some say “people want to be heard” yet looking to so many that I see around me that really don’t pertain to them.  Something in all of me changed losing my husband I mean it broke me but in the breaking it truly opened my all to life, to love, to seeing life to the greatest, fullest, beautifulness, that in the mix of the pain my whole being was transforming to something of the opposite, that although I tried to run from that pain I knew I had to walk through it and never stop.  People need to step up to their hearts, they need to step up, stand tall and live life, truly live it, they need to understand they don’t have to like someone if they don’t want to but they should love them, they should say it, no one ever knows who that person in our life is that may not be one day, so don’t let the anger mask you into a person that sees nothing.  In the love soon enough it is as though everything you held against that person is forgotten.

 

 

Don’t tell me I can’t, no, or anything of negative because none of that is a belief my heart takes in, if it’s a no to a dream than I will find the different way to see the yes, if it’s negativity than my heart will turn that into a positive blowing away the negativity trying to reach in.  For the most important thing to all that lead a life of running by the seat of their pants believing they’re in their own world, BE IN YOUR MOMENT, stop rushing, take in all of beauty that surrounds you and how it is it got to be there, breathe the air, feel the air, be grateful for the now and let go of where you are rushing to be, that you will get there in time you need to, nothing is more important to live your life truly, not on another planet where you see no one else.  What if it’s your day?  Ask yourself “what if today something happened to me?  Would I leave happy, or would you recognise all the fast paced life has caught up to you leaving you full of regret for all the things you never took time to see.   People you never got to say I love you to unsaid.

Sometimes life is of but a rush but you can be in that rush in a different way, by being present in every fast paced step you make.  Seeing all that surrounds you, the” I love you” spoken as you drink your cup of coffee in your regular routine to starting the day.  It’s easy to break the routine if you stop to understand, or perhaps a lesson learned, or perhaps through a whisper to you from your life, either way it is to break that cycle of your life.  It took me the love of a friend, in seconds of hearing it was as though life got so much brighter, once realising your whole being gleams in the now, truly being present, understanding in it all for far too long you been living a rush, you been running for far too long. 

I use to be the shy person but times have changed I’ll be that person that says hello so loud you have no choice but to stop and hear me, I’ll be that person to stop you in your tracks to ask if you’re ok, if I feel it I am on it, what you have learned you teach it to others, to so many that you can out there in the life you live. 

 

 

I had a dream the other night it felt so real, it was a phone call from my dad, all I kept hearing him say to me over the phone as I watched the curtain around me blowing in the wind was “I love you”, I love you daughter”, “I will always love you”.  As I woke I smiled because it was as though on that night I got a phone call from heaven.  I cried though, I cried in knowing that he is not here that it was so easy for me to pick up my phone to say I love you to him while here on earth but in the tears I will always remember the most wondrous of time in the hospital alone as I spoke to him of all my heart felt.  I still can’t believe so many go on with their lives holding grudges and for such little reasons, let love in and be love, don’t lose that person than understand just how much you loved them.  It’s not easy I know, but once your heart opens to all the love of you, the love of God everything drops so easy as quick as the drop of a penny.

Walking through this life with heart of love is a blessing to you, to your life and everyone around you.  It’s what life is, LOVE.  To be able to take that love and touch the lives of as many as you can, to help them through the hard work they need to walk through, to teach what you have learned to allow them to reach onto others as you have to them.  My husband passed tugs at my heart to remind me what it was he did so much while he was here, to help unconditionally, no matter what has happened between you to let it go to love unconditionally, it is truly because of him through him God sent me a lesson to my life, his unconditional love was a gift through him from the grace of God.

Every step I take I know the moment I am in, I see all in every walk I walk, looking to others to see too many walk a life in darkness.  Most of all to be grateful for the moment you are in, to understand it’s not the future where you walk, it is in the now.  Too many losses to the heart can either be quicksand to you or a hard lesson you walk through every day, even in tears you still will never lose your shine.  Tears don’t fade shine, your own self does.  Don’t be the person who has a heart full of so much regret that it suffocates what where your love needs to be.  It’s hard yes, but not anything is too hard that we cannot conquer what our scars try to keep us from.  Scars are beauty marks like a map to the destination of love it can lead you to if you realise scars are not to be embarrassed of but to love and be proud of to reflect onto others so they too can see to bare it all and be proud.  As for trust as I spoke of earlier in love comes trust, to not trust is keeping your love locked away unable to feel, use and be.  Untrusted in same way as fear, to go hand in hand because of the one, it is lifting up to the skies to have trust in all that you are trusting in, if you find that it was a huge mistake to trust than it is a lesson for you to see all you need to learn into the next trust you give, it is not to move forward with the belief that not anyone else can be trusted, it is having faith, combined with the lessons of the last you gain the knowledge of the signs that will help you in your trusting.  If we take one class to fail do we just let it go and not do it again to do it right?  Some may feel it’s hopeless, it is not about feeling the negative to letting in the positive and to look to it not as a fail but a lesson the more you fall down to get back up the more knowledge you gain to conquer that hurdle you felt you could never do.  It truly breaks all of me to keep believing in the negative they strongly believe is what should be, to not understand it is up to them to turn that negative into positive and the work baby steps at a time to recreate their thinking in their life.

 

 

A song that plays so much says it right to the point “these bruises make for good conversations, we all got bruises”, so in the bruises take the conversations to others that carry bruises to help them to see it’s not a loss a bad thing it’s a lesson to use out to the world to others of the same bruises.  Bruises, scars, bumps, sore butts its all of positive if you use to the lessons learned in it all through it all and to use to assistance to those that need to understand their own bruises, scares, pain.  Here I am thirty six years later truly becoming fully of who I always should have been from the start but I don’t see that as being too long I see it as finally I am here and learned the hardest things of life to know fully what it is I need to do, that even though at times I fall I know it’s not what I am doing wrong but doing something greater that in the great that is sometimes that evil in life don’t want to see you keep getting back up, it wants to see you sad, frustrated, hurt and in pain in hopes to keep you from the greater in loss to yet another bright light shining in the darkness that tries to prevail.

Lift it up to the sky and have faith that what you are doing will bloom to something even bigger than what you vision in your own mind.  Take the path of the chosen and build the climb to your own mountain, you don’t get it over night, it is not easy, some days are unbearable, painful, but know it is not there to stay with you, that the building the mountain you climb will eventually have smooth ridges to walk on, yet through the ridges rough parts is the time we need to bare all and just let love be love and not turn that into darkness.  Build your mountain, climb your mountain, put on your hiking shoes and never look back.  It may hurt like hell sometimes but the hurting builds beautiful if you keep moving past it, climbing, walking through, and seeing the bigger picture in mind.  Can you find your gift?  Your purpose?  Your passion?  It’s there and to so many that wander around aimlessly in a rush have so much blocking them from their special talents, gifts, purpose and passions that if we all stopped a little for ourselves we’d find the true us in it, through it and take the leap of faith to do what makes us happy and gleam of joy rather than wondering aimlessly in circles full of negativity, pain, sorrow.  

Each piece of my brokenness revealed every little secret of myself to me as I put it all back together, it may not be the same but for the greater that I am who I am now, things broken can be put back together but finding the new pieces as you put back together the broken is the key, to fully pay attention in a way you never have before is what shapes you to become the change in your life for the better, not looking to the broken and vastly trying to get the exact way it was before back together because in that broken the pieces tell you a story unnoticed, unseen if not for being broken.  You feel in it you loss, when really if heart broke open you will see you gained more love than ever before.  That the love that goes unseen is a love of a force to never be reckoned with in the path that it wants to see you walking.

 

 

 

I remember when taking care of my husband when he was sick I never ever felt the pain to see him so sick, that through it I felt the strongest of love to take care of him and make him the happiest he could feel each and every day he was here, it’s not in the hurt we find love, it is in the loving we find more and more love that we never thought possible that in that love we forget the pain to just be love, all around the pain lifts to the power of love, the glory of love, the joy of the love you carry within out into the people all around you.  I remember the endless nights of no sleep, being a mother, wanting to just fall and give into the horrible that was but remembered the love in us all in me, my husband, my daughter that in that love laid miracles of wondrous of life we are seeing through love not pain.  Tears of course were shed often, yet in the helping, loving and giving those tears shed were to lift me higher to take each and every day with my husband higher, to know in my heart in his end days were where he felt that magic of our love, the power of our love to know it never ends just because hear on earth is no longer.  I could of fell apart but I chose love, I chose God’s love, I chose prayers and God granted us the strength and lessons deep of our hearts in the last moments of our life together.

NOTE TO ALL:  When you feel at a dead end find it as a maze to enter to another path to keep going until you find the right path for you to lead you to what it is you seek, don’t think because you hit a dead end that it is the end, it just means you have to take a new direction, someone tells you no, so what that is not the one person to the answers of what you seek, negativity slaps you in the face slap it back with all the positive that you carry to let it now you’re not here to give in to anything less than what you are looking for or deserve. 

 Never ever will I feel helpless, or that things I seek for are too big for me to find, to have, in my bad days I will take those days to rest but never ever feel again that I do not deserve what it is my heart wants to be.  In my heart is the greatest love of all in what all I want to do, so never again will I feel defeated.  If your leading with love, with the love of God it is in faith you will make that climb in the mountain you are building to see the fluffy clouds in reach of your hands.

 

 

 

AMEN TO ALICIA KEYS
PS.  After writing this blog and listening to this song I seen not 1 but 2 rainbows, coincidence?  I think not