This is a place for all broken grieving hearts to come, its my safe haven and I share this with all of you to be your safe haven. I am hoping through my journey of grieving as well as my real life experiences through grieving I can help all through their darkest hours, to ease the pain a little less, to maybe just give an ear to listen because sometimes that's all we need.

I am willing to bare all to each and everyone who comes to this blog. I want no one to be shy of anything. I want anyone to ask question's, tell their stories with pride. No one will judge you, or think you are different. We are all here going through the same thing GRIEVING. This is my safe haven, your safe haven. The place to heal, to find your smile again. Through this all I am on a journey to writing a book as well "The Grieving Path To Joy".

Aug 25, 2013

Empowerment In The City

My Reality of my dream ~ WidowintheCity to Empowerment In The City
We all go through life, all of us in this world walk many paths of a journey from a child growing into an adult and through there are some of us that hold onto things that may have scared us deeply, we leave it behind but not fully knowing it really is left behind.  The more and more we go through life the more and more lessons are brought to our life, most choose to go around thinking if you do it will be done with.  Than one day you feel in your heart all things that made you think of who you are today due to those scars we thought would be left behind if ignored.  The little girl being teased because she didn’t fit in, the little boy who never grew up with the right kind of clothes acceptable to what others thought was cool, the little girls who grew with no fathers, the teased, neglected, abused, all of us grew with something that we in hopes would just stay in our past.  Not ever knowing one day we would have to be face to face with those things that have given us the wrong impression of who we really are, feeling unworthy, unloved, not worthy of happiness, stuck in the dark yet not ever knowing anything different.  As I walked through my life I can honestly say that I to have done the same, always believing not dealing was letting it go, not true, we one day have to face that scar, those scars to ever break free of the perception those scars made us feel who we really were yet realising it was not at all who we are. 
You cannot say there is so many that walk through life feeling empty inside, feeling that way because they truly believe that is the way they are supposed be due to the believes of their own thoughts of leaving the scars of their life undone.  Whatever it may be that has so deeply scared you through life left undone is exactly why you become to believe that the life of low self-esteem, unworthiness, no confidence, unhappy and so much more is how we are meant to be, how we are meant to feel.  As I looked around to every painful person grieving I understood that even through that we allow ourselves to believe well this is it, this is how I am supposed to be and feel for the rest of my life.  Too many of us have left the real us behind in lack of dealing with the beauty of our scars, we left back the true us through all the hurt we carried too scared to face those feelings and truly deal with what has made us become the person we are not.
There are so many people that walk this earth that really do not know where it is they need to truly be in their life.  Walking, walking, walking, searching, grasping, trying to hold on to any happiness that they can find not knowing it is not something you find it is something you feel, it is something in you not outside of you, not in anything materialistic, not in other people it is you, in you, and that happiness you believe that comes from the outside will never last, it is as though a band aid for perhaps a little while, until one day you seek so much to see that it is no more to be found anywhere.  That is truly when you know in your heart that some where some way you left the true you behind in trade for not dealing with the pain you’ve endured through many of things.  This is when you know “oh boy do I have some hard work ahead of me”, that to get to understand who you truly are you have to come face to face with what scared you for so long, the scars of the past that have kept you in the past. 
For me it has been a whole 36 years to finally come clean and deal with my hurt, to turn my scar into beauty and know through it I will be ok, I will bring into all of myself who I truly am, I will see I’m worthy of love, to love myself, to find happiness is in me, to open my heart, to see life purely, freed of the chains of the scars of all the hurt that was left to never been dealt with.  To find the real you is to be born again seeing truly for the first time just how beautiful you are, to seeing just how miraculous life is, to loving you, to loving life, to loving outwards.  Too many of us I believe are out there walking life in a daze, no feeling, walking in circles searching for answers unable to grasp because of the work we need to face of our past.  It’s funny but now when I look to someone I can truly see if they are the way I once was, I can feel the pain coming from them to my heart.  Only after going through it, dealing with the scars of the past I can notice it to see it in others, too many others.  WidowintheCity was born out of the grace of my husband passed but now I expand my heart to so much more than helping those that grieve, my heart opens to wanting to help those who know and even may not know that lost who they are, that feel the pain of the past but scared to go through it, to everyone who needs to find their wholeness, their purpose, their joy, it is hard work but hard work in the end is a feeling of the chains that bounded you for far too long walking in the past, yes you moved forward but your heart was always walking aimlessly in the past not ever to see the truth of the beauty of you and the world around you.
When my husband passed I left that hurt for too long behind me thinking if I ran fast enough it would be gone, I’d never feel that pain again to again finding out you can never run from the scars of your life you need to walk through not around.  That’s just it so many don’t want to feel the pain they neglect to understand that it is their life they instantly put on hold to forever walking in circles, in search of answers never to be found.  If we live half alive how we can ever be able to live our life fully?  Life is to be lived fully, life is to be seen fully, not one thing unseen, not one blessing unseen, how can it be if we walk with eyes half shut, heart half open?  We can but it is not living the live you are truly supposed to live, it’s neither living life on purpose nor realising the miracle that is of you put here in this world.  I have done this for far too long that now I have accustomed to pick up on others that I see walking through their everyday lives to see they truly are not seeing the true life they need to be seeing.  It’s as though I have an alarm in my heart that sets off as I pass someone who once walked empty as I have before. 
This is where I truly know deep in my heart has been a gift in my life for a long time, thinking back to how so many would always come to me for advice, an ear to listen, strangers to this day always approach me most times where ever I go, I think to myself “do others feel as though or see something in me that I cannot see, I always wondered why I was always the one people came to, now facing my pain and walking through the hard work understand that they see something in me that I could not see fully then during those times because of the scars I’ve left undone, yet now understand truly why it was and still is why people may feel so comfortable to seek out my opinions, or help.  I use to always question this and laugh but today I know in my heart that it’s my gift, my purpose, not ever to find if not for the hard work I had to face.  There was always a force beyond the skies in me to always wanting to help people, so now today I can finally know in my heart I am truly ready to help people that need a hand to walk through their hard times.

I’m not saying I’m totally through it because in life things come up that is always unexpected but I am saying I know now I’m willing to walk through it than walk around it, to walk through it is to see life fully clearly,  more and more eyes wide open each and every time that hardship comes into your life.  To be able to help others through what they’ve denied for so long is a gift to my heart, a joy that runs from my head to my toes because I know the emotions of living that life searching aimlessly and finding nothing but emptiness because of scars of the past that keep us behind.  To understand the fear of feeling each and every pain of the situations you left undone.  It’s the alarm in my heart that makes me fight for those that once walk the walk I’ve walked, the neglected pain, the feelings of unworthiness, love, self-esteem, the loss of which you are, the loss of happiness, in one word emptiness.  To not want to let others never see the beauty and love of who they are or the love and blessings that are constantly there in front of them not knowing due to the emptiness you feel is to ignore the fact of the gift of life, love, joy, happiness, blessings and the real wholeness of me that finally I found, the words can never explain the feeling in every aspect of your life you feel when you are freed of the emptiness you thought was you.
This is where I’ve decided to reach for the stars and claim Empowerment in the City, the sister to widowintheCity, a non-profit organization for everyone who feels as I have once to find that it is not who they really are, to find deep in their hearts their empowerment, their gifts of life, their purpose, their love, their everything God given to them the day they were born, A MIRACLE, a miracle in life here for a reason, not to be here empty, but to be full of the beauty of life that is, to work towards the wholeness of who they truly are.  Can’t say I found this out on my own a lady brought into my life I do believe from God and my Dad, Kim.  It was because of her I opened up so much more than I was ever imagining.  Sometimes we get so involved in the gift we are given we forget that it can expand to so much more if open to see the bigger picture in life.
As I was talking about before this is hard work, yet I know what happens when you walk through that hard work miracles embrace your heart, doors you thought could never open suddenly open, the dream you thought was big gets so much bigger than ever imagined.  Finding the whole you is truly where all of us can find our empowerment in life and is truly where we can show others to do the same as they watch ours unfold right in front of their very own eyes.  Like watching the miracle of the birth of a baby it is as of the same to finally shed what you thought it was you were by the scars of our life we neglected to deal with for far too long.  My dad passing in so many ways hit me hard but now as I walk through the pain I feel his love and the gift he left to me in my heart of finding so much more in this life I live, he touches my heart daily making me see that our hearts can always continually keep opening, that there are no limits on just how open our hearts can open.  God came through to me in my life through my dad, that too is another journey that I led myself to believe I walked through finding now I truly walked around making myself believe I walked through it.

The miracle that was taught to me right in front of my own eyes between my dad and I was not something to go unseen.  As I closed those curtains in the ICU to speak the words to my dad I have always felt were so unnatural, to touch his feet, hold his hand, kiss his forehead, to know me you would know this is not ever anything I could of done ever, this all because of pain I left undone.  Yet here I was touching my dad’s feet, holding his hand, kissing him than right there right than the scar I’ve ran from for so long was released, I said the words “I love you dad”, words never ever spoken, words I could never allow myself to speak, just all of sudden out and out so easily and freely, the forgiveness in me that I never thought would be, the forgiveness I asked from him all granted while I finally faced my fear and walked through my pain, God granted us peace and seen the real love we held inside as we all do.  Some may say too late, I say not too late that no matter where no matter what freeing you of scars from the past never dealt with is never ever too late.  Some may feel it has been too long to be freed of it all but it is never too late, our life is to be lived and does not say at such and such a time life gives up on you.
I smile in knowing just how many blessings that come into our life if we free ourselves from the chains of the past, if we deal with the pain we put on hold for so long, if your being dealt with hard times one after another it’s not because you deserve it it’s because you are being served with tough life lessons to your heart that you have to find not hide from.  Some may say “yup that’s my luck bad luck” or feel it’s a life of suffering that was meant to be how they live, so not the truth.  It is how we deal with it that opens our hearts to the realness of what is life.  I remember myself thinking “yup this is how my life is supposed to be”, that I deserved to feel worthless, that others seen me as worthless to finally seeing that it is our own perceptions that make us feel this way it is hidden unresolved pain from our past we ran from for far too long.   Always walk through your pain, always recognize it, feel it and know through it that you’re not alone and at the end of it the life you seemed was so closed in will be of endless beauty everywhere you look, you will start to see your own dreams are real, that you are worthy of anything that you feel in your heart to be.
So what if a guy tells you no, so what if someone says you can’t, your weird, relationship fails, job you want turns you down, all of this is hard to bare yes but what we seem to forget that it is not because of you or something you may have done wrong it is because that right there in that moment is not the way for you right now, that something out there is bigger, brighter, and so much more waiting for you to find.  That’s the other part of it all rejection, failure, falling down, this to so many can keep them down, keep them bounded to perceptions they make themselves believe who they are, that is something that is also we need to walk through not around, not allowing it to invade our space with negativity but to learn and seek for the bigger picture that is out there for us.

There are truly so many things in our life that go unseen because we feel it to be the truth we allow ourselves to believe the worse over the good in order to neglect the work we need to do.  Love is in us all and love is what we are first and foremost to let go of that is to break our hearts, break our life, break our being, holding on to it and knowing I AM someone, I am love, I am here for a reason is what will pick you up every time you fall.  However so many don’t feel they can get back up or that they want to get back up and that is why I choose to build to my dream of Empowerment in the City.  To build towards building back someone’s love, someone’s life, to let them see the hard work holds blessings to their hearts but to also know they don’t have to do it alone.  If you find the love of life that is of what you feel is a gift, a purpose you truly will find the ways to make it be, to make it come to life, not alone though, through that love God will see you and be with you to help you through what you are building to if it is what it is that you are doing with his love working through you to help others.  Hard work yes, but in the hard work comes miracles, magic, joy.  It may not be today I see this come to life but I do know it won’t be long because it is all built from love and to help others and love others, so soon I look forward to my dream coming to life, right as I type this it already has.
NOTE TO ALL: Empowerment ~ the process which enables individuals/groups to fully access personal/collective power, authority and influence, and to employ that strength when engaging with other people, institutions or society. In other words, “Empowerment is not giving people power; people already have plenty of power, in the wealth of their knowledge and motivation, to do their jobs magnificently. We define empowerment as letting this power out It encourages people to gain the skills and knowledge that will allow them to overcome obstacles in life or work environment and ultimately, help them develop within themselves or in the society.
To empower a female "...sounds as though we are dismissing or ignoring males, but the truth is, both genders desperately need to be equally empowered." Empowerment occurs through improvement of conditions, standards, events, and a global perspective of life.


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