Unbounded Lips

 

It’s not so often I speak of God but lately it has been something that I have been feeling a pull to, for so many reasons.  Sitting outside seeing all around me, love that over flows in my life, feeling peace of heart in the deepest painful of my times, looking all around to see that every beautiful thing you see is part of life, life that is growing, trees, grass, birds singing, the wind that softly touches your face, flowers bright in color.  So many of things have made me feel that all of this is what God is a part of that if not where would it be from?  I feel the spiritual/God presence tugging at my heart more and more these days.  Yes I believe in God but to of know me it is not often I touch upon this subject and what it is that I feel about it.  I do know looking back I remember the feeling of strength and great peace I have felt while being in church through the most difficult times of my life.  I remember having to take a course to turn Catholic and remember through that while going through some toughest of times of just having my daughter that through that course all the pain that I have felt was lifted more and more through this course that we would go to in the church to learn, soon after the course ended it was as though my heart was lifted, that the pain I had felt was as though at peace by the end of the course.

Thinking back to so many of things there are just so many memories that make my heart feeling the embrace of peace, love, warmth.  As I sit outside looking around to so many of things, the sky, the clouds, the stars, in those moments where I went to sit in my trying of times is where it is as though I felt lifted, I felt lighter, my thoughts turned into totally different of direction of how I was feeling in the beginning of first sitting there.  Thinking to myself that the toughest things that I am going through could really be God’s way to prove to me a lesson, a lesson to be in touch with my spiritual side, my believes in his love.  Is it a sign to my heart that for far too long I have been out of touch,  that right now through losing my Father and Husband its God’s way of letting me know to seek within to find his love, to know my soul is speaking to my heart?  That what I go through he is showing me it is not anything more than I cannot handle, that right now is the time to understand that tapping into that light is where I need to be to see that it is not just something talked about by others that it is something we all are to understand is in us all, the love of God.

Could it be that finally I love myself that now I can feel his love?  That he is letting me know “yes this is where you finally should have been all along”.  Is it a sign that for far too long I’ve been too silent in knowing that life is a miracle, which if we accept it our hearts could be lifted to the sky to finally feel the peace we have always wished to feel?  It’s all so hard to explain but I feel the shift, the shifts been there since losing my father.  Now this is not saying that I have not believed in God I am just quite in shock that I feel the tug happening, I feel my heart full of appreciation for all and everything I see around me that wasn’t put there on its own.  I truly felt it all the night I sat outside to Pray for my father and right as I prayed a shooting star so bright and so beautiful appeared in the sky leaving the pain that was left to be lifted, that peace filled all of me instead of hurt.  In all the empty space in between I see it as though the love of those we lost, I feel in that space is the love we all should fill it with God’s love that fills our very own hearts. 

 

So many of wondrous of things have touched my heart that perhaps it’s a nudge letting me know that things just don’t happen with no explanation, that God is finally hearing me when I ask him to “let me be in service to him, that to let me use my purpose to the highest of level of Unconditional Love that he blessed us with.  That maybe just maybe now I am tapping into more of myself to realise his love resides within me, he resides in us all, some just have not realised that yet.  This post is going to be tough for me to fully explain but it’s a feeling, it’s a shift that I know is there that I’m feeling.  It actually has me in a state of jaw dropping to floor because although I have always believed in God I have never been the church going person nor speak of it out loud.  Than started thinking that if every night I speak to God than why not speak of it out loud, why be embarrassed of what others may think?  God is God and he is in us all so why feel that words of him cannot be spoken out loud.  Losing my father was in so many ways so debilitating to my all that in the hospital was when I realised just how powerful God can be if you accept him in the moments of life.  It was the night that finally for so long that something that was always so hard for me to utter the words came out so freely, leaving a feeling between me and my father full of peace, “I LOVE YOU DAD, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I FORGIVE YOU, I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME”, those words spoken were words I thought my mouth could never be able to say.  In those moments I seen the look on my father’s face, I felt the squeeze of his hand on mine.  In my heart it was that night God gave us both peace of heart and back to one another.

The fact alone that I truly forgave was more confirmation to me that something in me was changing, forgiving others was easy for me but to actually forgive my father was huge for me, to forgive and finally set free was a big part of a miracle formed, to feel it all just leave me was even more of a feeling that no words could ever explain.  All the nights that I pray that God give my father strength to find his way, to find his happiness, to whisper to his soul I love him, to feel comforted each and every time is something you cannot ignore.  I remember how while in the church for my father’s memorial at first the paralyzing feeling of pain to feel it slowly lift was a sign to my heart that through our hardest of times it is just not us alone that gets through it, that from higher above unseen we are carried when we truly feel we cannot walk anymore.  Yes it may be our loved ones passed with us in our times of needs but it is just not them alone that stand by us when we feel we can’t make it.  It’s the little signs of beautiful nature that visits you that are of significance of times with our loved ones passed that pass us by, butterflies visiting us, a rabbit so close with no fear in it at all, the falling stars, the many skunks that came my way, it’s all of these little reminders that let you know God is truly working with us to give us peace of mind, letting us know God is God, not just a word.

I’m truly shocked to feel this shift in me, yet at the same time I’ve always known God was there, that it was not just some myth to be told.  I am noticing the more I allow it in the more things of greatness is occurring.  The other day a quote came to my attention out of the blue that had all of me just get confirmation to all of what I have been feeling was a sign to my heart that yes I am on the right path, the gift of my purpose is exactly what path I am on.

 

“Helping Others Through Grief The Bible says, “Blessed be the God ... of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). A silver lining in sorrow’s dark cloud is that God can use our experiences to reach out to others with compassion and comfort”.  As soon as I stumbled upon this I thought could there be any other sign to my heart that could be clearer?  That the road I’m taking is the wrong path?  No way, this was a sign to my heart that what I am doing is 110% my purpose, that all of us have that in us, to use your pain to reach out to others dealing with the same is the way you are leaded to.  To feel unable to speak freely of God, to be embarrassed or scared, to feel what others may say is holding your life back from growing to who you need to become.  To finally free myself of it all is a world of new beginnings for me, the happiness within me glows, my heart radiates, peace of mind, heart, soul, is truly a gift to give of yourself, LOOK UP and give thanks to the wondrous of the gift you have just been blessed with. 

 

The more you open to it all, the more you will see just flows into your life, it’s as though a river of energy goes right through you opening up the gates to oh so many beautiful things.  To truly make it through your days of horrific pain is to lift it up to God and believe it is in his hands that he will not let you down.  Being in his home to be closer to him is truly where peace will enter your sorrow to lift it to the sky far away from your heart.  To those that want to mock you are those I believe are working for the greater evil trying to stop you to reach the beauty of you and the growth of your life, to not ever wanting you to reach the potential you are in fear that light forces out all dark that lurks around you.  It enlightens every aspect of all of me that I am now free to speak of God, not afraid to let others know that I know his love is all around that in us all is his love, to acknowledge that it’s there is a biggest part of it all, like it was so freely to finally let out that I loved my father it is of the same feeling to finally be able to open the doors of God’s love for me, that without him the strength to go through what I’ve been through would never be.  That our loved ones passed wouldn’t be able to truly be full of love and great happiness if God was not ever acknowledged, nothing for them would be possible in the life they build in all of God’s love and home.  “We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.  God is the friend of silence.  See how nature, trees, flowers, grass grows in silence; see the stars, the moon, the sun, how they move in silence, we need silence to be able to touch souls.  ~ Mother Teresa~

 

The worse of pain breaks open your heart so widely that all that is good comes within to take the place where it should have been a long time ago.  I do believe those that hearts that have been broken so deeply that it opens your heart allowing all beauty to take its place in you in the most trying times of your life and in all that beauty God is the one that starts to whisper to your soul, that he has been there all along you just been bounded to what others may think of what you believe, to be bound of perceptions of others that don’t want to unleash another with light that has been in dark for far too long.  Not all prayers are played out as expected, I remember pleading to God for my husband for a miracle yet realising his blessing was to let him pass peacefully, that soon noticing the miracle of him getting better it was in the chapel I prayed so often to please let him go in peace, that on his last day here on earth he passed so peacefully, that as he passed he gifted my heart with the acknowledgement of my purpose.  It was the feeling that came in all of me as soon as my hand touched those chapels’ doors releasing all pain and suffering I felt just before entering the chapel I see now why. 

 

I’ll never forget the greatest of love I felt as my words came so freely out to my dad in the hospital, something so tough for me to say so freely came from my heart out of my mouth, the squeeze of his hand and his eyes that opened just for a second was all I needed to know in my heart that God blessed us in that moment.  That what I go through now I trust in God that he knows just how much that I can take, that through it all I will always seek for the blessings he sends in it all.  Now keeping a part of my father alive here on earth I volunteer to his church to help any way that I can knowing that God had brought so much of peoples love to him in his time of need is my way of giving back to appreciate and be thankful my dad was touched by so many while we had so much time between us of not seeing one another or being the way a father and daughter should be.  God granted my father all the love to fill his heart while his only daughter was nowhere to be found.

NOTE TO ALL:  To be freed of words unsaid is as though now you can fly higher than before, to have the strength more of what you thought was not there, to feel free to be you and just shine with pride out to the world no matter what darkness is around, now is truly the moments you will open your heart to every blessing your life has to offer.  To know of God is good but to speak of God to believe is appreciation of the great love he gave to us all.  Some days may still be tough yet knowing in your heart you’re not alone is comfort enough to ease the bad you feel.  I truly see now when on the right path why we get knocked down many times, it is to those that are bounded to speak of God that hold the darkness within trying to hold us from where we need be. 

To keep getting back up means so much more importance to my heart now, to let sadness take over is to stay lost in time, praying for strength will rise you above all the sadness that lays inside you. “Isaiah 41:10 do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, and surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”.  I say let THE SHIFT keep on keeping on because this is truly where unconditional love radiates from, where peace lasts, most of all where happiness from within comes out leaving you radiate all of what you should of from the day you started here on earth.  How liberating to feel the bounds upon my lips are cast into my past to be left forever.

Growing into yourself is growing into God ~ WidowintheCity~