The Boom Of Gloom

 

 

During the last few weeks I’ve been noticing some rough patches, although I do know we have our bad times not every day can be good ones I do know that it’s been more so than before.  Not sure to blame it on grief, grief of my dad, grief of my husband but I do know it is there and it has been there for quite some time now.  I ask myself what is happening that is so different than before and the only thing I can think of is the change I’ve been learning to allow the love of God in my life, opening my eyes so much wider to the bigger picture, however feeling this way does not come from that, I do believe the boom of the gloom that lurks is perhaps a force tugging me with all it’s might away from where it is I am headed.  Darkness can work in sneaky mysterious ways, in ways that can be unrecognizable if you don’t allow yourself to learn and understand what it is you are feeling, to embrace it not ignore it.  Harder days than normal, it’s as though some days I just don’t see things the way I have before, that things are more shaded than they have been before now.  I do know in my heart that whatever it may be it will not keep me from my happiness, love and all within.  Whatever it may be I do know will not leave my time wasted in my life because the power of love is so much stronger than any darkness that surrounds you.

It’s been 3 weeks now since I’ve been going to my dad’s church to keep a piece of him alive, and it is within these 3 weeks I’ve noticed the most negative of feelings that I have been having more often than I’d like to feel.  So many of amazing things are in my future yet with the feelings that have been lurking I don’t feel the happiness I should.  That’s when I have literally stopped in my tracks to sit and try to understand what it is all about, why all of a sudden now.  Even though things are rough right now that has never made me feel as badly as I have been lately.  So I try to understand where it is all coming from, the only thing I could think could be something that see's the path I’m headed for is so bright that this force of nature surrounding me is trying with all its being to change that, that for me to accept the love of God is not what the darkness around wants to see, not wanting another find the love rather than choose darkness.  When things in your life are of the brightest it’s the darkness that tries with all its might to take that away, to keep you from where you are so proudly going. 

When you notice a difference in you it is so important to come to terms with what it is and why, to find possibilities to the why it is happening.  Being stuck is no where we want to see ourselves; not facing the difference you feel in you is standing in time.  Not really understanding what it is ok but to at least address the feelings you feel will bring comfort and little steps ahead instead of wandering in circles avoiding the different feelings you are feeling in you.  Life’s not perfect, we are not perfect, yes there will be shaded areas coming your way from time to time but it is of utmost importance you realise that it is there and take time to figure what it is that is there, why maybe not come to you, yet acknowledging allows it to know that you know it’s there and you’re not going to allow it to stay.  Impatience perhaps, things not going as fast as you would like, feeling stuck, all good reasons to feel the boom of gloom, yet more now than ever is the time to take time to strengthen your beliefs, your hopes, your dreams, now more than ever would be the time to understand that if your down that nothing can keep you there unless that is where you want to stay.

 

 

We are all human beings, and not every day we live will be a happy, perfect day, yet don’t let the bad days keep you’re from forgetting the love, happiness, joy along with all that you have to look forward to erase all that.  Use your love within to know it is not you, it may be happening more than often but it does not mean that what you hold in you has weakened nor left.  Find your quiet and find the way back to all of your love, God is there he will listen to your heart, acknowledge what is within and find ways to let you find your way back on track again.  I prayed tonight to keep the strength in me stronger than the darkness that I have been feeling more than before.  I know in us all is a strength stronger than we could ever realise and not anything can keep us in a stand still motion if we don’t let it, if we acknowledge work through it and be easy on ourselves we will find our light through it again, that this time it will be brighter, lighter and more full of our courage and strength than before.  Then I understood that if I kept feeling this way than there is no possible way to move towards all things that I dream to be one day.  That to have the pity poor me days are not at all any of help to the things that we know in our hearts will be one day.  That the pity is not any part of love, any part of God any part of you. 

Then I felt that if I am choosing to be a leader than I know it could be lonely as you walk your path of the gifts you bare that you are choosing to use, that to so many it is unknown just exactly what it is you are doing and why.  It’s not about wanting to be noticed, to be heard, it is about wanting to love out in the world with what you hold in you and helping not caring if you are being seen, acknowledged or praised.  If it’s quiet that is only because where you are going scares those who do not understand why it is you are doing what you do, that it doesn’t matter that the praise is not there, that you’re not in the spotlight it is just all about loving the gifts you bare and choosing to use them no matter how strange or unknown it may seem to others.  Soon enough in the helping the people you help around you understand what it is you are doing and it is those faces you will see you were never alone.  Soon enough you will start hearing people around, little by little you will start to see those you have helped looking to you smiling finally understanding that being a leader alone was a rough road yet forgotten as soon as you see the people around you embracing your love, embracing you for all you have done, acknowledging the toughness of the path you took just to be able to set out and love. 

What you give is what you get, so in due time it comes full circle back around, those are the moments that lift your heart higher, where you find the boom of gloom disappear.  Is it about being in the lime light?  Gaining popularity?  Wanting so hard to be praised?  Some may believe so but to me it’s to be successful in a silent way because in the silence is truly when you know you’re on track to building a dream, in the silence is where you know your path is your on is chosen to be of a leader not a follower, yet through it you will see that the path you walk is not for nothing, that in time you will find the place you always wanted to be.  I always thought to build my purpose successful was having that praise, being noticed, being praised but now know it is not at all about that as long as you keep moving forward and being true to you.  That the biggest of things finish last.  It’s in the understanding the in that big you have to have patience to see it through.  That in due time it will be your time, I get frustrated for not getting responses that I really feel deeply I should get but then understand it’s not in the responses that make your dream a reality, it is you, it is your hard work. It is your love, it is your faith, it is believing that God see’s what you do and in his eyes your love is already being praised, acknowledged, through him is your biggest fan, it is God that is all you need to see what it is that you are going for not ever giving up nor giving in.  He is your lime light, he is your cheerleader, every other silence you hear around you is not what matters, and it is love, purpose, God.

 

Never ever look around to others and get down because you see a huge following of others, or compare yourself to them, it is you as an individual out in the world for things of difference than what you see in others around you.  Yes I confess sometimes my heart feels the hurt that things that are so close to my heart go unseen yet they really don’t, God is watching he sees what it is you are building to and in the love of all of you has your back.  If your building to matters that come from your heart than in time it will be shined upon and recognised for the love not for power.  Anything you do from and with your heart has nowhere to go but up, don’t let the doubt, frustration, gloom and disappointment of others take that away from you.  The fast way towards it for all the wrong reasons has no foundation underneath to keep working your way up,  rock bottom building solid through all your hard work is a solid foundation to never ever be broken.  Doing what you do out of attention and quick attention is not at all where your heart is at, it is hard work, faith, belief, love and accepting God in your life where the truest of purpose are stronger and are made of realness and unconditional love. 

The tallest of buildings were never built in a day, a month; the solid ones that still stand were truly built with love sweat, hard work and made without the wanting of praise.  The BOOM of gloom I do believe happens to the most passionate, loving, and caring of people.  People that feel with their hearts first, lead their own path, people that have struggled the most truly are known of all the blessings they have in their life now, it’s not to say it makes anything easy it is to say that if it is not hard than it is not truly what you are meant to be doing.  The saying “if it looks too good to be true” is saying of a lot of meaning behind it.  If it happens so easy, so fast, than it is not fully being addressed with all the love it is needed, it’s a quick fix that will never last forever.  So the next time you feel down for not feeling you are seen smile in knowing that the hearts you have touched don’t see you they will always feel you, that your impression on to them has been a lesson in their life for them to see that giving is where it all is at with never ever accepting in return. 

My dad led a simple life yet as I look around to the memory of love he left behind is truly what life is meant to be.  The impression you have imprinted on all hearts that you gave around you.  That all that matters is the love in your heart you bare is what you use to build towards anything you are creating in life, it is where your impression is left to hearts of those that you touched.  It’s not 5 seconds of fame, happiness found on the outside, it’s all within you, in your heart, and in your love in the solid structure you build with all your love is where it’s at and where it is full of meaningfulness.  Yet again another lesson to my heart from my dad, I smile in knowing that he knew exactly what life was all about, that he didn’t care about being in the spotlight, he didn’t seek praise from anyone, he didn’t feel he had to be noticed by someone of great significance, that all that matter was his love he gave out and that God was all he needed to see what it was he was doing trying to fulfill his purpose in his life. 
 

To me I smile in knowing the hearts I have touched, the people I have helped, the comments of love to those that have felt my love, to me that is all the praise, fame, spotlight that I need.  Next time I feel myself feeling I’m going nowhere I will remember the people I have touched and the people that I have helped, that building to a dream full of love has no choice to bloom someday soon enough, that it does not matter of the progress and commotion around me, what matters is I keep going through the work and always getting back up.  Being a leader of the purpose within you can be scary, but it’s the fear that is where you know that where you’re going is where you need to be.  To keep focus on the things you don’t have keeps those fears a fear, it keeps you chained to standing still, to not truly living your life with love.  Quick fixes are just band aids that fall off leading you back to the exact same place you were before.

 

The greatest of things of great essence are always the ones that take time to build, create, and get moving.  To keep feeling impatient is the fear once again trying to keep you in fear.  For a long time now I always thought to get noticed is what I needed, now I know to be felt in the heart is truly where it is meaningful.  Always waiting for my big break when in all actuality my big break is in the building and never giving up.  That to get to where my dream is does not happen because someone makes it happen, it happens by you and only you.  That you do not need to be lifted by anyone except for the God you believe in and have faith in.  Your heart, your love, your all is where it begins.  Darkness never wants to see the light getting brighter, don’t be fooled by darkness it can be tricky. 

I’d rather sulk in a life time of my dreams a reality than give into seconds of happiness captured out of you, rather than finding it within you.  “To live for some future goal is shallow.  It’s the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top.” ~ Robert M Pirsig ~.  “Never question the power of one!  Throughout history it has been the actionsof only one person who has inspired the movement of change.” ~ Steve Maraboli ~. 

NOTE TO ALL:  Don’t get stuck on focusing on the one purpose when in you lays so much more than just that one thing, the more you lean in to your purpose the more you see the picture getting bigger expanding into many different purposes that you thought was only just one.  Like a tree with many leaves, our purpose soon branches off to so many other aspects felt deeply in our heart.  Our purpose is the trunk of a tree our love is the branches that reach out to so many if we allow our self to believe in the purpose we carry with love that branches out to so much more than just that one thing we focused on for far too long.  When you start noticing the shift of love, of God’s love do not pay attention to the people of darkness around you that try to trip you up to where you need to get to. 





Thank you dad, thank you Jean-Guy my beloved husband passed for bringing in the light, for giving me my wholeness, for showing me the way, for the pain and struggles that opened me up to a life full of glorious beauty and blessings.  Your dreams are made from your love, hard work, not just given to you placed in your lap, if it comes easy than it is not made of your love.